It All Starts with Tragedy
Coming Out?
"Andy." I hear someone whisper.
"Hhmm?"
"Babe, wake up." I hear Ash say.
Oh well, that wasn't a dream. I was scared getting with Ashley was all a dream. I've had that dream before, and it sucks waking up realizing it's nothing more then a dream. But it's not this time. Yay! I smile and open my eyes to look at Ashley.
"Yes?"
"Your phone went off but I didn't want to wake you, cause you looked so adorable asleep. Anyway, it was Jake, they'll be here in like an hour." He says really fast.
"Oh, okay. Good and uh, thanks?" I laugh
"So, why are you all smiley?" He questions
"Oh, I woke up hearing you. And i thought for a moment that i had once again simply dreamed you becoming mine. Then you called me babe and it hit me. Haha."
He laughs lightly, kisses my temple and says,
"It wasn't a dream, I'm all yours."
I smile at that and rest my head on him looking at CC.
"When do you think he'll wake?" I question
"Well, this is CC, he likes to sleep. So probably not until Jake and Jinxx get here."
"Sounds like our Chuppy."
"Babe?"
"Yeah?"
"About the guys, you're okay with telling them about you know us, right?"
"Yeah, I'm okay with it. Come on they're our family. Hell, if you wanna tell the fans, then i say the same exact thing. But we don't gotta do anything like that if you don't want to."
Ash grabs my hand and intertwines our fingers then says,
"Okay."
~Times laps~ One hour later
"We're here!!!" Jake yells
"Hey guys." CC says
"So how are you CC?" Jinxx questions.
"I've been better but I'm okay. I feel fine now." C explains
"Good." Jinxx replies
"You guys have been here the whole time?" Jake asks me and Ashley.
"I told you we were not leaving, i wasn't joking." I say
CC kept looking over at Ash and I smiling. Why? Everyone's catching up, but every time i look CC raises his eye brow at me and nods to Ashley. Oh, i see what he's getting at.
"Chill" I mouth to him.
He shakes him head no. I stand up and walk over to him and whisper,
"Why do you care, dude we'll get there. You're in the fucking hospital, it can wait. Ash and i have already talked about this. When you're out, we'll say something."
He wasn't happy with that answer and yells out,
"Andy and Ashley have something to say!"
My mouth drops and so does Ashley's. Ash looks at me and i raise my hands in defense.
"I told him not to, i swear Ash. I heard you earlier telling me we should wait." I say to Ash.
"Well what is it? Did you guys kill someone or something?" Jake says.
"No! We were gonna wait to Chuppy was out of the hospital to tell you guys, but i guess that wasn't okay with C." Ash says.
"Well, now that we know you two are hiding something, you gotta tell us." Jinxx says
"I..we...uh.. Andy!" Ashley stumbles
I don't know really how to say it either, so i do something else instead.
"Okay, Ashy don't kill me." I say
Before Ashley can even reply i walk over to him, grab him face and kiss him passionately. I pull away and run my hands through his hair then back away. CC smiles, Ash bites him lip and looks at Jinxx and Jake so i follow his gaze to see both of them with their jaws on the floor.
"You're...you two...ah." Jake mumbles
"For heavens sake you guys speak english and saw that, they're together you idiots!" CC says
I put my head down and begin to cry a little. I open my eyes to see Ash looking at me with concern and run to the bathroom on the other side of the room. I then hear CC say,
"See what you guys do, you made Andy cry, i think?"
"We are just so, shocked. I didn't mean to hurt you guys." Jinxx says
"It's okay Jinxx. But you did make it seem kinda bad. I'm going to go check on my boyfriend." I hear Ashley and i smile.
I then hear Ash's cowboy boots clicking on the floor coming over to the bathroom door and sit down.
"Andy?"
"Y-yeah Ashy?"
"Hey babe, you heard them i bet. They didn't mean to make you cry baby."
He then stuck his fingers under the door and i run my finger over them then lean down and kiss them. After i rest my head back on the door i hear Jake yell,
"We're sorry Andy, we're glad you and Ash are together, right Jinxx."
"Yeah Andy."
Still playing with Ashley's fingers i say,
"I'm okay, I'll be out in a sec okay Ashy. You can go back to your seat, I'll be right there."
"Okay, Ands." He says then i hear him walk back.
I turn and slide down the door. That scared the shit out of me, i thought they didn't except us. I wouldn't leave Ash because of it, but it'd surely hurt me a lot. I really crave a blade, but i can't i told myself i'd stop, for Ashley. I may not of promised him, but i made a promise to myself for him. I need it i need it, but i can't need it, that'd hurt Ash if he ever found out. Pull yourself together Biersack, come on, for your love. I take a deep breath and come out of the bathroom and straight to the chair beside Ashley. I lean into his side and feel him put his arm around me.
Everyone is talking and raving about the future and whatever, i am not really listening.
"Andy?" I hear Ash whisper so only i hear.
I didn't wanna talk so i just nod.
"You okay?"
I nod again. He lays a kiss on my head letting his lips sit there for a moment then goes back to the conversation with the others.
"Christian Mora?" The doctor says walking into the room.
"Yeah?" Replies CC
"Ah, you can go home today, right now actually."
"Really! Holly fucking shit, finally!!!!" CC cheers
"Well then, lets get you dressed and out of here Chuppy." Says Jake
With that the doctor waves good bye and leaves. Jake and Jinxx stand up to help CC. After he's dressed and ready, Ashley stands up.
"Well, you got him right guys?" He says
"Yeah. You can go home." Says Jinxx
Ashley nods, turns around to me and puts his hand out for me. I raise an eyebrow and say,
"What?"
"What, you planning on staying here all night?"
"Oh, no."
~Times Laps~ One week
I close my front door and start to just wonder around town, nothing could ruin my mood. I decide to go get lunch and just as i walk out i see Ashley, my Ashley, lips locked with a blond bimbo. He soon pushes her away from him and looks a bit angry. What the fuck?
"Ashley!" I yell
He snaps his head to me and smiles but as soon as he sees my facial expression the smile's gone.
"What did i do so wrong?!"
He goes to reply but i can't even think about his voice or I'd break down in tears, so before he can say a word i run.
"Andy! Andy, come on! It wasn't what you're thinking! Please stop!" I hear him yell as he chases me.
I get back to my house, unlock the door and run straight for the bathroom. Without even thinking i pull out my tiny wooden box i hid in here after I got home from Ohio. After I finally had Ashley as my own I told myself I wouldn't do this, but i have to. I can't take it. I pull out my shiny old friend, pulling down my pants just about an inch or two so i have room. Then place the blade against my hip, not pushing yet. Just then i hear the clicking of cowboy boots on my living room floor, fuck I didn't lock the door.
"Andy?" Ashley yells.
That is my breaking point, with that i dig the blade into my hip and repeat the action for more times before i hear a knock on the door. I weakly crawl to the door and lock it.
"Baby, I know you're in there, open up." He says.
I don't reply but put one more gash on my hip.
"It wasn't what you think. She was a drunk, I don't even know her and she just kissed me. I didn't like it, I didn't approve, babe you saw me push her off me." He explains
I think this through, he did look pissed. He did push he away, oh god i'm such an idiot!
"Promise?" I whisper
I hear him sigh on the other side of the door.
"On my life." Ashley replies.
"Now open the door baby, I wanna cuddle." He adds
"I can't."
"Why not? You act like you did something wrong. Are you okay?"
"I did, God baby you'd kill me if you knew."
"Ands, you're scaring me. Open this door, please."
I take a deep breath and unlock the door. I move to the other side of the bethroom and curl into a ball on the floor.
"It's open." I say
I slowly hear him stand up and creak the door open.
"Oh my god! Andy,baby, are you okay?!"
"I'm sorry Ashy, I'm so so sorry!"
He comes to my side and pulls me into his lap wrapping his arms around me, I lay my head on his chest. He hasn't caught on yet.
"Why are you sorry baby? What'd you do? Wait, why's my hand wet? Were you like in the shower?"
The whole time his eyes never leave mine. He hasn't looked down yet. I advert my eyes from his and say,
"Ashy, look down where your hand is."
His hand is right above the self inflicted wounds. He pauses and looks down. He lifts the bottom of my shirt a bit, probably seeing the blood I'm sure's seeping through.
"Oh my god, Andy."
Is all he can say before i begin to ball.
"Oh, Ashy I'm so so sorry! I was hoping you'd never have to know this! I couldn't help it, i thought, i thought you didn't want me anymore. I need you babe and i thought i lost you to that bimbo! Ashy please don't ha-hate me!" I sob with my head in my hands. I feel his fingers lightly run over the new and old cuts.
"Andy, you'll never loose me. I don't want nor need anyone but you. I could never ever hate you, that's impossible. I'll always be with you, to help you, to make you smile and laugh, to wipe your tears away an tell you everything will be okay, to love you in every which way possible with every fiber of me, to make sure you know that, until you don't want me anymore." He says then sweetly kisses the top of my head.
"Then I guess you're never going anywhere cause I'll always want you with me."
I feel him smile against my head and hear him sigh. He picks me up and places me on the toilet then wets a wash cloth and gets the first aid kit.
"What are you doing?" I question
"Cleaning you up. That'll get infected if i don't silly."
I nod and let him do so. After he's done he puts some bandages over them and just stares at them.
"Andy, baby." He mumbles.
"Hm?"
"You gotta stop this. If you continue, you're gonna cut to deep and I'm going to loose you. I don't want to come home to you like this, it breaks my heart. I couldn't live happily without you, if at all. Baby, please."
I lightly grab his chin so he looks at me and i kiss the single tear sliding down his tanned skin.
"I stopped for you before, and I'll do it again. I just relapsed out of fear, because of my fucked up mind. I won't do this again, i promise, for you."
I stand up, go to my mirror and get my wooden box, the blade from the ground and the one out of the back of my phone, put them all in the box with the others and set it on Ashlye's lap, he looks at it shocked.
"Here, now you know i can't no matter what because those are all of my blades. So even if i want to, I can't." I say
He stands up with the box in his hand and hugs me tightly and I hug him back with just as much force.
"Thank you. If you ever feel like you have to do this, come to me." He says
"Promise. I love you Ashy, forever."
He smiles at this and says,
"I love you too Andy, so so much." Then kisses me.
"Hhmm?"
"Babe, wake up." I hear Ash say.
Oh well, that wasn't a dream. I was scared getting with Ashley was all a dream. I've had that dream before, and it sucks waking up realizing it's nothing more then a dream. But it's not this time. Yay! I smile and open my eyes to look at Ashley.
"Yes?"
"Your phone went off but I didn't want to wake you, cause you looked so adorable asleep. Anyway, it was Jake, they'll be here in like an hour." He says really fast.
"Oh, okay. Good and uh, thanks?" I laugh
"So, why are you all smiley?" He questions
"Oh, I woke up hearing you. And i thought for a moment that i had once again simply dreamed you becoming mine. Then you called me babe and it hit me. Haha."
He laughs lightly, kisses my temple and says,
"It wasn't a dream, I'm all yours."
I smile at that and rest my head on him looking at CC.
"When do you think he'll wake?" I question
"Well, this is CC, he likes to sleep. So probably not until Jake and Jinxx get here."
"Sounds like our Chuppy."
"Babe?"
"Yeah?"
"About the guys, you're okay with telling them about you know us, right?"
"Yeah, I'm okay with it. Come on they're our family. Hell, if you wanna tell the fans, then i say the same exact thing. But we don't gotta do anything like that if you don't want to."
Ash grabs my hand and intertwines our fingers then says,
"Okay."
~Times laps~ One hour later
"We're here!!!" Jake yells
"Hey guys." CC says
"So how are you CC?" Jinxx questions.
"I've been better but I'm okay. I feel fine now." C explains
"Good." Jinxx replies
"You guys have been here the whole time?" Jake asks me and Ashley.
"I told you we were not leaving, i wasn't joking." I say
CC kept looking over at Ash and I smiling. Why? Everyone's catching up, but every time i look CC raises his eye brow at me and nods to Ashley. Oh, i see what he's getting at.
"Chill" I mouth to him.
He shakes him head no. I stand up and walk over to him and whisper,
"Why do you care, dude we'll get there. You're in the fucking hospital, it can wait. Ash and i have already talked about this. When you're out, we'll say something."
He wasn't happy with that answer and yells out,
"Andy and Ashley have something to say!"
My mouth drops and so does Ashley's. Ash looks at me and i raise my hands in defense.
"I told him not to, i swear Ash. I heard you earlier telling me we should wait." I say to Ash.
"Well what is it? Did you guys kill someone or something?" Jake says.
"No! We were gonna wait to Chuppy was out of the hospital to tell you guys, but i guess that wasn't okay with C." Ash says.
"Well, now that we know you two are hiding something, you gotta tell us." Jinxx says
"I..we...uh.. Andy!" Ashley stumbles
I don't know really how to say it either, so i do something else instead.
"Okay, Ashy don't kill me." I say
Before Ashley can even reply i walk over to him, grab him face and kiss him passionately. I pull away and run my hands through his hair then back away. CC smiles, Ash bites him lip and looks at Jinxx and Jake so i follow his gaze to see both of them with their jaws on the floor.
"You're...you two...ah." Jake mumbles
"For heavens sake you guys speak english and saw that, they're together you idiots!" CC says
I put my head down and begin to cry a little. I open my eyes to see Ash looking at me with concern and run to the bathroom on the other side of the room. I then hear CC say,
"See what you guys do, you made Andy cry, i think?"
"We are just so, shocked. I didn't mean to hurt you guys." Jinxx says
"It's okay Jinxx. But you did make it seem kinda bad. I'm going to go check on my boyfriend." I hear Ashley and i smile.
I then hear Ash's cowboy boots clicking on the floor coming over to the bathroom door and sit down.
"Andy?"
"Y-yeah Ashy?"
"Hey babe, you heard them i bet. They didn't mean to make you cry baby."
He then stuck his fingers under the door and i run my finger over them then lean down and kiss them. After i rest my head back on the door i hear Jake yell,
"We're sorry Andy, we're glad you and Ash are together, right Jinxx."
"Yeah Andy."
Still playing with Ashley's fingers i say,
"I'm okay, I'll be out in a sec okay Ashy. You can go back to your seat, I'll be right there."
"Okay, Ands." He says then i hear him walk back.
I turn and slide down the door. That scared the shit out of me, i thought they didn't except us. I wouldn't leave Ash because of it, but it'd surely hurt me a lot. I really crave a blade, but i can't i told myself i'd stop, for Ashley. I may not of promised him, but i made a promise to myself for him. I need it i need it, but i can't need it, that'd hurt Ash if he ever found out. Pull yourself together Biersack, come on, for your love. I take a deep breath and come out of the bathroom and straight to the chair beside Ashley. I lean into his side and feel him put his arm around me.
Everyone is talking and raving about the future and whatever, i am not really listening.
"Andy?" I hear Ash whisper so only i hear.
I didn't wanna talk so i just nod.
"You okay?"
I nod again. He lays a kiss on my head letting his lips sit there for a moment then goes back to the conversation with the others.
"Christian Mora?" The doctor says walking into the room.
"Yeah?" Replies CC
"Ah, you can go home today, right now actually."
"Really! Holly fucking shit, finally!!!!" CC cheers
"Well then, lets get you dressed and out of here Chuppy." Says Jake
With that the doctor waves good bye and leaves. Jake and Jinxx stand up to help CC. After he's dressed and ready, Ashley stands up.
"Well, you got him right guys?" He says
"Yeah. You can go home." Says Jinxx
Ashley nods, turns around to me and puts his hand out for me. I raise an eyebrow and say,
"What?"
"What, you planning on staying here all night?"
"Oh, no."
~Times Laps~ One week
I close my front door and start to just wonder around town, nothing could ruin my mood. I decide to go get lunch and just as i walk out i see Ashley, my Ashley, lips locked with a blond bimbo. He soon pushes her away from him and looks a bit angry. What the fuck?
"Ashley!" I yell
He snaps his head to me and smiles but as soon as he sees my facial expression the smile's gone.
"What did i do so wrong?!"
He goes to reply but i can't even think about his voice or I'd break down in tears, so before he can say a word i run.
"Andy! Andy, come on! It wasn't what you're thinking! Please stop!" I hear him yell as he chases me.
I get back to my house, unlock the door and run straight for the bathroom. Without even thinking i pull out my tiny wooden box i hid in here after I got home from Ohio. After I finally had Ashley as my own I told myself I wouldn't do this, but i have to. I can't take it. I pull out my shiny old friend, pulling down my pants just about an inch or two so i have room. Then place the blade against my hip, not pushing yet. Just then i hear the clicking of cowboy boots on my living room floor, fuck I didn't lock the door.
"Andy?" Ashley yells.
That is my breaking point, with that i dig the blade into my hip and repeat the action for more times before i hear a knock on the door. I weakly crawl to the door and lock it.
"Baby, I know you're in there, open up." He says.
I don't reply but put one more gash on my hip.
"It wasn't what you think. She was a drunk, I don't even know her and she just kissed me. I didn't like it, I didn't approve, babe you saw me push her off me." He explains
I think this through, he did look pissed. He did push he away, oh god i'm such an idiot!
"Promise?" I whisper
I hear him sigh on the other side of the door.
"On my life." Ashley replies.
"Now open the door baby, I wanna cuddle." He adds
"I can't."
"Why not? You act like you did something wrong. Are you okay?"
"I did, God baby you'd kill me if you knew."
"Ands, you're scaring me. Open this door, please."
I take a deep breath and unlock the door. I move to the other side of the bethroom and curl into a ball on the floor.
"It's open." I say
I slowly hear him stand up and creak the door open.
"Oh my god! Andy,baby, are you okay?!"
"I'm sorry Ashy, I'm so so sorry!"
He comes to my side and pulls me into his lap wrapping his arms around me, I lay my head on his chest. He hasn't caught on yet.
"Why are you sorry baby? What'd you do? Wait, why's my hand wet? Were you like in the shower?"
The whole time his eyes never leave mine. He hasn't looked down yet. I advert my eyes from his and say,
"Ashy, look down where your hand is."
His hand is right above the self inflicted wounds. He pauses and looks down. He lifts the bottom of my shirt a bit, probably seeing the blood I'm sure's seeping through.
"Oh my god, Andy."
Is all he can say before i begin to ball.
"Oh, Ashy I'm so so sorry! I was hoping you'd never have to know this! I couldn't help it, i thought, i thought you didn't want me anymore. I need you babe and i thought i lost you to that bimbo! Ashy please don't ha-hate me!" I sob with my head in my hands. I feel his fingers lightly run over the new and old cuts.
"Andy, you'll never loose me. I don't want nor need anyone but you. I could never ever hate you, that's impossible. I'll always be with you, to help you, to make you smile and laugh, to wipe your tears away an tell you everything will be okay, to love you in every which way possible with every fiber of me, to make sure you know that, until you don't want me anymore." He says then sweetly kisses the top of my head.
"Then I guess you're never going anywhere cause I'll always want you with me."
I feel him smile against my head and hear him sigh. He picks me up and places me on the toilet then wets a wash cloth and gets the first aid kit.
"What are you doing?" I question
"Cleaning you up. That'll get infected if i don't silly."
I nod and let him do so. After he's done he puts some bandages over them and just stares at them.
"Andy, baby." He mumbles.
"Hm?"
"You gotta stop this. If you continue, you're gonna cut to deep and I'm going to loose you. I don't want to come home to you like this, it breaks my heart. I couldn't live happily without you, if at all. Baby, please."
I lightly grab his chin so he looks at me and i kiss the single tear sliding down his tanned skin.
"I stopped for you before, and I'll do it again. I just relapsed out of fear, because of my fucked up mind. I won't do this again, i promise, for you."
I stand up, go to my mirror and get my wooden box, the blade from the ground and the one out of the back of my phone, put them all in the box with the others and set it on Ashlye's lap, he looks at it shocked.
"Here, now you know i can't no matter what because those are all of my blades. So even if i want to, I can't." I say
He stands up with the box in his hand and hugs me tightly and I hug him back with just as much force.
"Thank you. If you ever feel like you have to do this, come to me." He says
"Promise. I love you Ashy, forever."
He smiles at this and says,
"I love you too Andy, so so much." Then kisses me.