It All Starts with Tragedy

After yesterdays...events Ashley asked me to stay the night at his apartment. It's getting late and i am craving a cigarette, so i decided to come out side to smoke one and take in the night view. I walk out of the building and lean agents the side of the building, only around the corner from the door. Ashley got kind of worried when i said i wanted to go outside alone but he didn't stop me. I understand why, I would be worried to if i were him.
"OMG Andy!" I hear a girl scream.
I turn and see a girl, about my age with short brown hair in a black veil brides hoodie coming to me.
"Hey yeah that's my name, you a fan?"
"OMG yes! Do you think I could take a picture with you?"
"Yeah sure." I laugh
"Yay!" She squeals
With that we pose for a picture, after it's taken she still doesn't leave my side. Uh okay?
"Look I gotta go."
"Wait!"
"Wha-'
I'm cut off by her leaning in to kiss me, I stop her.
"What are you doing?" I ask, maybe I'm wrong....
"Kissing you."
"Sorry, I'm taken."
"Aw, come on Andy, be mine."
"I said no, now please go home."
She storms off in anger. Well, that was odd. Next thing i know i hear loud footsteps.
"Hey Andy!" A male voice yells.
I turn around to see a very built guy coming to me. He looks pissed.
"Yes?"
"Why'd you make my sister cry?!" He yells
I see the girl who tried to kiss me come behind him with tears in her eyes.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to. She tried kissing me not knowing I'm in a relationship. It was just a misunderstanding." I explain
"That's not what she told me, my little sister wouldn't lie!" He fires.
"Look I don't know what she told you but i have to go, I'm truly sorry, but my boyfriend is probably getting worried."
I've been gone long enough to smoke a whole pack, Ash is probably getting a bit worried. I would be.
"Boyfriend?Oh so you ARE a faggot? Haha!"
"Being called that is nothing new for me, if you're going to insult me be a little more original. Please just let me be."
With that he grabs the collar of my waist coat and pins me agents the wall.
"Listen here faggot, no one makes my sister cry!"
"I didn't mean to dude let me go."
I then here the clicking of cowboy boots coming closer. Ashley!
"Ands, where are you?You here?!" Ashley yells.
"Ashley!" I scream.
"Aw sounds like someones looking for you faggot." The guy says
"Hey! You put him down, right now!" I hear Ash yell
I turn my head to see him running over.
"No! He made my sister cry. People don't get away with that, certainly not faggots!"
"Babe, watch it." I warn
"Oh so this is your boyfriend. He's why you wont date my sister?"
"Leave him out of this!" I spat.
No one fucks with my love, no one will even drag his name in the dirt a little bit if i have a fucking say in it. Then the guy lets go of my collar only to grab my neck with all his strength and slides me up the wall violently so that my feet are no longer on the ground. I am already getting a bit light headed, I blame the years of smoking. I start to pull at his hand to get it off my neck but i can't.
"Hey mother fucker! He can't fucking breathe!" Ash yells trying to pull the guy off me.
"Good, he's a worthless piece of shit anyway!"
That was Ashley's last straw. I'm becoming really dizzy.
"Listen here mother fucking, you get your hands off my boyfriend!" Ash yells
The guy shakes his head no and Ash gets even madder and punches the guy with all his strength down where the sun don't shine. He drops to the ground but keeps his hand around my throat so I'm pulled to the ground too hitting my tail bone hard off the sidewalk. I'm starting to see stars. Then Ashley gives the guy a good kick in the ribs and finally he lets me go. Ash runs over to me, picks me up bridal style and runs. He stops by the door and sets me down, sits down himself and I lay my head in his lap. My vision is starting to go in and out and i feel like I'm going to vomit.
"Baby, are you okay?" Ash asks worried.
"Ashy, it's hard to breathe, my throat and tail bone hurts, my vision has black spots in it and i feel like I'm going to vomit."
Without saying a word he helps me up, picks me up bridal style and we start our way back to his apartment. When we get inside he puts me on the couch and walks to the kitchen coming back with a ice pack and a small trash can, setting the trash can by my feet. He sits done beside me and he lightly pushes my shoulder telling me to lay down with my head in his lap.
"How's your vision?" He asks
"It's okay now, I think it was just from lack of oxygen and my lungs freaking out to get some."
"How about breathing?"
"Fine now."
"Throat?"
"Only sore where his hand was."
"Tail bone?"
"Still really painful, that cement fucking hurt."
Next thing i know there is something extremely cold under my shirt right on my tail bone and i jump a little.
"Chill babe, it's just me. It's an ice pack I thought it'd help." Ash says
"Oh, thank you Ashy, it does help."
I smile and cuddle closer to his stomach, put one arm under his leg putting my other arm on top of his leg and join my fingers together by my face. Ashley starts to twirl the end of my hair.
"What happened down there?" He asks
"That girl asked for a photo with me so i did, but when i tried leaving she tried to kiss me. When i stopped her, not even letting he that close to me she got all sad. I told her I'm in a relationship, she asked me to be with her, i obviously said no, she got pissy and left. Only to return in tears with her brother, I explained what happened, he didn't believe me so I simply apologized and said that my boyfriend was probably starting to worry why I'm not back, so he became homophobic. Called me a faggot, I told him that wasn't new for me to be called and you saw the rest."
"Fucking asshole." Ash mumbles
I laugh a little and say,
"Aw, it's okay baby."
"No it's not Andy, that cunt tried taking you from me and the dude almost choked the life out of you."
"But it's fine now, I'm still alive, am okay and here with you."
He leans down and kisses me sweetly.
"True, but still as your boyfriend i have the right to be pissed." He states then turns on the television still holding the ice pack to my tail bone.

~Time Laps~ 3 a.m.
I wake up from a nightmare, it's just that guy saying that I'm just a piece of shit and then all the things like that everyone's ever told me in my entire life. I itch at my waist. No Andy, you promised Ashy. With that i begin to cry silently, I need it. I really need it but Ash would be so upset. It's three in the morning, should i really wake him? He's be upset if I didn't and I really really want to cut. I can't tell him. He'd then be worried i don't wanna worry him, and damn he looks so adorable and peaceful, I can't ruin that. With that thought i just pull Ashley closer and silently cry myself back to sleep, returning to my nightmares.

~Two Weeks Later~
I'm standing in my bathroom finishing my hair and any last touches. I came home a little over a week ago. I couldn't see Ashley so much, I needed a break. I love Ash to death but every time he spoke i wanted to tell him about my nightmares and my sudden want to cut, obviously he doesn't know. He's coming over soon and we're going to make dinner and have a movie night. After this long of not seeing him i just want to hug and kiss the hell out of him. I'm trying not to let my nightmares ruin tonight. It's gotten to the point where the voices aren't only when I'm sleeping but anytime. When i look into the mirror they come at me the most. They're coming at me now, and it's getting hard to ignore. I want it. I want to cut. No Andy, for your love. But just then something inside of my snaps. I'm acting without thinking I'm running around my house for something sharp. Kitchen. Knives! Just as I open the cabinet my phone rings. I want to ignore it but they're, no matter who, would know something up because I always answer. So i answer my phone not checking the caller ID.
"Babe, what kind of dressing do you like on your salad?" Ash's voice rings happily through the phone.
Hearing his voice brings me back to reality and I realize what i was about to do before he called. I failed Ashy. With that in my mind i begin to cry.
"Andy?"
"A-Ashy." I whimper
"Baby, are you okay?"
"Ashy! Oh god...." I begin to sob
"OH fuck, I hear you crying baby. I'm on my way right now."
I hear him drop whatever is in his hands and run out of the store.
"Hey hey I'm not going to hand up this phone until i am in your driveway." He says panicked
"I'm so sorry Ashy."
I hear his worry. I'm just taking up space. He shouldn't have to worry about my. I think about this and decide.
"Ashley?"
"Yeah Ands?"
I calm my voice and say,
"I'm sorry and I love you so so much and you mean more to me than life itself. But baby, you deserve better than me, I'm a wreck, you deserve someone stable."
"I love you too, wait why are you talking like this?"
"I'm so sorry love...."
I didn't wait for a reply before i ended the call and went back to the knives. Am i even thinking straight? Yes, this is the right thing to do. Isn't it? I grab the smallest but sharpest knife i have with a smirk on my fave. Looking down at my waist I pull up my shirt, fuck it, I throw my shirt off my torso completely. I lightly carve 'forget' into my hip. That's my message to everyone, forget me, pretend i never entered their lives. Forget. But that's not enough to kill so i slide the knife up my left arm, right over the vein simply tracing and enjoying the feeling. Just before i can dig it into my flesh Ashley bursts though my front door, fuck! He's gonna try and stop me.
"Andrew Dennis Biersack don't you fucking dare!" He yells running to me with tears in his eyes.
I back away from him and scream,
"Ashley, just walk out that door now and pretend you never saw this. Forget me!"
He runs at me, traps me in the corner and fights to get the knife off of me. I kick and scream for him to stop. He doesn't and eventually gets the bloody knife from me. I look up at him from my spot on my kitchen floor, him hovering over me, and i begin to cry.
"Why can't you let me do this? Don't you see it's what's right?" I whisper
"Suicide is never the right was to go. I love you Andy, I'm not letting you go."
"It is what's best for everyone..."
"And who the fuck would that be best for?! Cause it's not for you, or me, or the guys, you know Jake Jinxx and Chuppy, damn how about the BVB army, or did you forget about us!" Ashley yells
I shrink down as he raises his voice at me. He's never yelled at me before, and i begin to cry harder.
"Damn baby, I'm sorry I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm just upset and scared of loosing you."
"it's okay A-Ash. I deserve it. I'm sorry."
He kneels down and puts his hands out for me and says,
"Come on, let's go into the living room."
I nod my head and he helps me up. After we sit down he hugs me tightly and i hug back.
"Why?" Is all he said after we broke apart.
"Remember two weeks ago when that guys tried to kill me?"
"Yeah, what about it?"
"He said it didn't matter if i couldn't breathe because I'm a worthless piece of shit. I've been told stuff like that my whole life Ashy, I've been having this recurring nightmare, that guy's there and everyone else whose ever said something like that top me, repeating all their hateful words. I wanted to cut so so bad but i promised you i wouldn't, so i never did. After two weeks of hell, I couldn't help it. Damn Love, it's gotten to the point i can't even look in the mirror without being taunted. I didn't want to at first, i was acting before thinking."
Ashley processes this then begins to run his hand up and down my thigh.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"Because I didn't want to worry you. When you called earlier i was just about to cut but i picked up the phone instead. I just broke down knowing I was about to break my promise. After I heard how worried you were I decided that I shouldn't put you in these types of situations, you deserve so much better. So I decided to listen to what they always told me, to give in to what that part of my wanted and take my life, but as you see, you stopped me before i could. I was only seconds away from the end, so so close."
"Oh baby, I don't want anyone but you. Yeah, you have some issues but I know you're strong, i believe in you and that you'll make it through. No matter what's thrown at us, I'm not leaving you. Those people are full of shit, you deserve to live, to be happy, to be with me. I'll do whatever i can to protect you, Andy you mean more to me than the oxygen in my lungs, more than my bass, hell more than my career. I love you so so much." He rants waving his arms around at the end. I rest my head on his shoulder and say,
"I love you too Ashy and baby I'll try my hardest to fix this, for you. I promise next time something is bothering me, not matter what I'll tell you. I'm so sorry that our movie night is ruined."
"Good. I'll be here ever step of the way, I promise. It's okay, we can do that some other night. Hey you seem tired, wanna go to bed babe?"
"Yeah, but before that will you help me with something?"
"Sure baby, what is it?"
I stand up and let Ash see what i carved into my hip that's now bleeding with crying blood around it. He stands up right away, grabs my hand and drags me to the bathroom. After he cleans it up and covers it with gauze he kisses me and says,
"Baby? Why'd you carve 'forget' into yourself?"
"Because that was my message to everyone. That after my death to just forget that i ever existed." I explained then put my head down.
I don't want to see his disappointment. He lightly grabs my chin so I'm looking into his dark down eyes and says,
"Babe, you're to amazing to forget. I'd never be able to, no one would be."
Just then I get an idea, one that every part of my loves. It's crazy and I'm scared he'l say no but it's worth a shot.
"Ashy?"
"Yeah babe?"
"Would you wanna, uh, fuck never mind."
What if he says no and thinks i'm moving to fast?
"Say it, what is it? You can ask me whatever you were going to."
"I know this is odd timing and all but uh would you wanna, uh you can say no if you don't but, uh would you like to move in with me?"
I'm so nervous that the end of my sentence shook. Ashley looks shocked but slowly begins to smile at me then kisses me passionately and says,
" I'd love you Ands."
I smile like a child and peck the tip of his nose.
"Good, now let's get some sleep."
"Agreed."
With that he head to my..scratch that our bedroom. He lays down and pulls me down with him so i rest my head on his chest as he protectively wraps his arms around me. You know, maybe just maybe death isn't the way. What I did and was going to do tonight, maybe it was all rash thinking. Ashley obviously loves me and want me around for some reason, so I don't want to hurt him but committing suicide. That's when it hit me, that worry in his voice wasn't because I an a pain in his ass that he shouldn't have to deal with but because he does truly give a flying fuck about me, because he really does love me as much as i love him.
"Love?"
"Hmm?"
"I love you." I say and cuddle closer to Ash.
"I love you too baby." I hear his smile in his voice.
With that I fell asleep and for the first time in two weeks, I slept peacefully in my lover's arms.