Being Wrong

As soon as Charlie woke up memories of everything that had happened with his dad flooded through his mind and he audibly groaned as he stretched out. He didn’t want to think about that anymore. That was over, or at least as over as he could expect it to be in the near future. Thinking about it incessantly wouldn’t help him. Besides, he had better things to worry over right now.

Charlie tossed his dirty clothes into the hamper and got into the shower. The warm water felt good as it washed over him, rinsing away a little bit more of what remained of yesterday’s traumatic events. He still felt exhausted, but that would probably linger for a while yet.

Yesterday on the long drive home, he’d had a lot of time to think and had come to one resounding conclusion: he had a crush on Travis.

This probably should have been obvious to him all along, but he didn’t really have much frame of reference for the things he was feeling. He hadn’t exactly spent a lot of time around other people his own age over the last several years.

Up until now, Charlie had just assumed he had a fixation on Travis. It wouldn’t have been the first time he’d emotionally latched onto someone because they were nice or interesting.

This was different, though. For one thing, Travis was his actual friend. This wasn’t like the guy who’d remembered his name and given him half a packet of jelly beans, or the woman who’d dug up one of her daughter’s old Backstreet Boys tapes for him. Travis was someone he knew and spent time with, not just someone he imagined was amazing based on a few limited interactions.

What had really clarified things for him, though, was the way hugging Travis and then half falling asleep on his chest had made him feel. That… that had been something else. That had been intimate in an entirely new way.

Charlie wasn’t sure if he was gay. He liked the firm strength of Travis’ arms, the flatness of his chest, his deep voice when he spoke or sang, but maybe if he’d had feminine qualities instead Charlie would have appreciated those just as much. It didn’t really matter, anyway. Travis wasn’t a girl. He was a guy, and Charlie had a crush on him.

Charlie rubbed shower gel up into a lather on his arm, then drew swirls in the foam with the tip of his finger. He still hadn’t figured out what to do about having a crush on Travis.

He couldn’t imagine Travis would actually want to date him. Charlie was okay looking, he supposed, but he was pale and scrawny and the way he dressed, the way he moved, the way he spoke… none of it helped.

Travis was cool. Travis was talented. Travis was good looking. He could do way better than Charlie.

He hadn’t, though. He was single. So… maybe there was a chance.

Charlie got out of the shower, dried himself off, and dressed in his school uniform. He didn't like the stiff, white button up shirt at all, and he could give or take the black pants. The blue blazer, though, he liked that. It was loose enough on him that it wasn't too uncomfortable, and it had a weight to it that made him feel more secure.

The blue and white striped tie was optional, and Charlie had never once chosen to wear it. Even if he'd felt like having something tight and uncomfortable around his neck he wouldn't have known how to tie it. Travis sometimes wore his, and combined with a blazer that fit him a little better than Charlie's fit him, it looked... fashionable? Was that the word? It had a visual appeal, anyway.

As soon as Charlie stepped into the living room, his grandma gave him a tight smile that didn't reach her eyes. It looked more pained than anything. "You don't have school today, Charlie."

"Oh." Charlie wriggled his toes against the carpet. He liked how it felt, soft and plush and textured. "Does Travis?"

"He didn't mention if he was planning to go or not."

"Oh." Charlie stayed where he was and fidgeted his feet. He felt agitated and he couldn't really explain why. School was stressful, so having a day off should have brought him relief. Instead, he was just left feeling lost. He'd planned and prepared to go to school, and now... now he didn't know what to do. He was already in his uniform.

"You could call him on the phone and see if he's home," Charlie's grandma suggested, her voice more gentle, more patient than usual. "It's ten, so if he's going to school today he'll be gone by now."

Charlie poked his big toe against the carpet as he thought about that, his mind rushing to put together a new plan. "Okay."

Travis' number was written down next to the phone, though in a nice notepad with roses on the corners of the pages rather than on the scrap of paper Travis had given Charlie's grandma. Charlie had the number memorised, but he looked at the piece of paper as he punched it in anyway. Once he'd dialled the number, he held the phone to his ear and waited.

"Hello?" Travis answered after three rings. Charlie could hear music playing quietly in the background.

For a moment, Charlie had no idea what to say. He hadn't called many people in his lifetime, and he’d forgotten to plan the conversation in his head before he dialled. "You're home."

"Yeah, I am," Travis said. "How are you feeling today?"

"Um... fine."

"Do you want to come over?"

"Yes."

"All right, I'll come get you."

"Wait!" Charlie said before Travis could hang up. "I have to change."

"All right, I'll come to get you in a few minutes, after you've changed. Bye, Charlie."

"Bye."

Charlie hung up and hurried back to his room. He stripped out of his uniform, and then hesitated over what to wear. He should probably wear his weekend clothes, but he didn't really want to. Jeans and T-shirts were almost as uncomfortable as his uniform. After a moment of deliberation, he decided it would be okay to wear pyjamas and a hoodie even though it was daytime since he was only going over to Travis' house.

When Charlie walked back into the living room his grandma gave him a critical look, but she didn't comment. It occurred to Charlie that she was trying to be nice to him because something bad had happened. Though he appreciated that and really needed it just then, he didn’t understand why she was only gentle with him when he had a good reason for being fragile. She barely gave him any consideration no matter how upset he got any other time.

By the time Travis knocked on the door a couple of minutes later, Charlie was waiting just inside it. Charlie opened the door, but before he could step outside his grandma put a hand on Charlie's shoulder to stop him.

"I want you to walk him back when he leaves," Charlie's grandma told Travis. "His father's in custody now, but this whole thing has made me nervous about letting him out of my sight."

Travis nodded easily. "No problem. Did you get him a mobile phone? If he's upset and he wants to come over to my place at night, I doubt he'd use the home phone. Texting me from his room would be easier for him."

"No, I—" Charlie's grandma hesitated, then sighed. "I suppose those are things teenagers have these days, aren't they? I’ll get him one."

"Great."

Charlie was surprised, when he left the house, to find himself suddenly alert in his surroundings, his eyes scanning the street for anything out of place. It wasn't logical, he knew that. His dad was in jail. But… his dad had friends, people who knew Charlie, people who Charlie knew too much about. He stayed close to Travis and was glad when they were inside his flat, the door shut behind them.

"So... what do you want to do?" Travis asked as he headed for the sofa and flopped down on it. There was a hole in the knee of his jeans. Charlie wanted to poke the skin that showed through it.

"Um." Charlie clenched and unclenched his hands. What did they do together when they weren't studying? "Is there a movie on?"

"It's a weekday morning, so... probably not, and if there is, it's crap." When Charlie just stood awkwardly next to the door, Travis added, "I have some DVDs, though."

Charlie sorted through Travis’ DVD collection, but he couldn’t really focus. He was too tired and had too much else on his mind. He picked one at random, handed it to Travis, then went and curled up on one end on the sofa.

Just a few minutes into the movie Charlie was already falling asleep, but he didn’t mind. As long as he was here with Travis, it didn’t matter. Artemis briefly attempted to curl up on Charlie’s hip, then settled along the back of the sofa behind him when that didn’t work.

When Charlie stirred again a while later, Travis got him to have a couple of slices of toast for breakfast. As soon as Charlie had licked his sticky fingers clean, he went back to dosing. When the first movie ended, Travis quietly got up and put another one on. A while later, Charlie woke up again to a cheese sandwich waiting for him for lunch.

It wasn’t until it had started to get dark that Charlie felt like he was no longer in danger of falling asleep again. He went to the kitchen with Travis to help with making two minute noodles.

As Charlie kept a careful eye on the water to make sure it wouldn’t boil over, he finally broached the topic that had been on his mind. “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“Uhh… I don’t know. Who would I date?”

Charlie shrugged. “I bet you could date anyone you wanted to.”

Travis laughed, but when Charlie glanced at him his face was a little red. “Well, I don’t really know a whole ton of guys who like guys, so… that’s a bit of a, uh… limitation?” Travis made a face and ran a hand over his hair. “Sorry, this is weird to talk about with a straight guy.”

“Oh, I’m not straight.”

“Oh.” There was a long stretch of silence. “You didn’t say anything. Uh. Before.”

Charlie stirred the noodles with a fork. They were almost done. “I only recently realised.”

“Oh!” Travis said again. “Wow, that’s a big thing. Uh, thanks for telling me. That’s… huh.”

Charlie made a quiet sound in the back of his throat. Maybe this hadn’t been the right approach. Travis seemed uncomfortable. “I think the noodles are ready.”

“Oh, yup, um. I’ll get some bowls.”

They ate their noodles on opposite ends of the sofa in silence, and then Travis put on another movie. Charlie actually watched this one, or at least he stayed awake and kept his eyes on the screen. He was only half paying attention to what was going on.

Charlie wasn’t sure what he’d been hoping for, but that conversation definitely hadn’t been a success. Maybe Travis had realised Charlie was interested in him, and that had made things weird. Charlie tried not to feel too disappointed because he hadn’t really expected anything, but still. Still.

When it was time for Charlie to go home, Travis walked him to his grandparents’ front door and gave him a wave goodbye when Charlie would have prefered a hug. Yeah, Charlie was definitely disappointed.

“Did you have fun at Travis’ house?” Charlie’s grandma asked him as he walked past her chair in the living room.

Charlie made a vague sound of affirmation. Maybe it hadn’t been all he had been hoping for, but… yes, still good.

“Have you had dinner?”

“Mmhm,” Charlie said, then he went to the bathroom to brush his teeth before bed.

He had just shut the door to his bedroom, teeth brushed and still in the same pyjamas he’d been wearing all day, when he heard a quiet tap on the glass door that led into the garden.

Charlie was on high alert as he peeked through the curtain, but he immediately recognised Travis’ shadowy form standing outside. He unlocked the glass door and slid it open.

“Uh, hey.” Travis gave Charlie a sheepish smile as he leant in the doorway. “So, I think I’m a dumbass and missed the huge hint you threw at me before.”

Charlie tilted his head to the side. He hadn’t really been intentionally giving hints.

“You said I could date anyone I wanted to-” Artemis ducked around Travis’ legs and jumped up onto Charlie’s bed. “Oh hey, shithead. Sure, make yourself at home.”

“She’s come over here before.”

“Oh, really?” Travis smiled, but his eyes jumped down to the ground as soon as they met Charlie’s. “So, yeah, anyway. I don’t know if that was supposed to be a hint that you’d be interested, or…?”

Charlie didn’t know what to say. It hadn’t been, it had just been what he believed, but he felt like that wasn’t really the point here. The real question Travis was asking was whether or not Charlie was interested in him.

Charlie shrugged. “Well, anyone would be.”

Travis smiled. “Huh. Including you?”

Charlie glanced behind himself. Artemis was enthusiastically kneading his pillow. “Yes.”

“Okay,” Travis said when Charlie’s eyes were back on him. “Will you be my boyfriend, then?”

If Travis wasn’t so nice and didn’t seem so nervous, Charlie might have thought this was a joke. But it clearly wasn’t. This was a real thing that was really happening.

“Yes,” Charlie said, though it came out sounding weirdly flat and a little confused.

“You don’t sound sure.”

“I’m just surprised.”

“Yeah, sorry, this probably could have waited until tomorrow.” Travis gripped the edge of the curtain and his thumb brushed over the fabric. “You really want to try dating, though?”

“Yes,” Charlie said. He’d never seen Travis look so nervous before. “I’ve never dated someone before so I don’t really know much about what to do, but… yes. I want to.”

“Cool.” Travis swung the curtain from side to side. “I’ve never really dated anyone before either. Well, I mean, I did, but… I was fourteen and he was… not. So that was just fucked up and not really a proper dating experience.”

“Oh.”

“Mm.” Travis’ eyes settled on Artemis where she lay on Charlie’s bed. “I didn’t even realise anything was bad about it. My brother kicked the guy’s ass when he found out. They were friends.”

Charlie didn’t like the thought of that, of someone hurting Travis, but he didn’t know what to do or say to make Travis feel any better. He reached a hand up and patted Travis’ shoulder. Yeah, that’ll do it. Good job, Charlie.

Travis’ smile was strained but real. “Anyway, so I think how we do things should just be however we want to do things. Tell me what you want and what you don’t want, and we’ll do that. No pressure, okay?”

“Okay.”

“All right.” Travis leant in close and gave Charlie a quick peck on the cheek. “I’ll get my cat and let you get some sleep now.”

Artemis didn’t look like she was about to leave willingly, so Travis stepped into the room, picked her up, and draped her over his shoulder.

Just before Travis was about to leave, Charlie tapped his arm to get his attention then leant up and pressed their lips together. He saw Travis’ eyes go wide for a second before both of their eyes drifted shut. It only lasted a couple of seconds, but they both came away grinning.

“Goodnight, Charlie.”

Charlie leant in the doorway and watched his new boyfriend disappear into the darkness. “Goodnight.”