Dizzy Hurricane

“Stop it! Just stop trying!” She shouted at me, trembling like crazy, “You’re not going to be the same Ally I knew and that’s it! You’re hurting us all by doing this,” she walks closer to me, “just accept who you are now.”

I step back and stare at her in awe; I can’t believe she just lashed out on me like that!

“I-” I choke up, feeling sobs trying to come out, “I was trying for you. I guess it wasn’t good enough. You don’t think this is hard for me too? This is so confusing. The girl you showed me in those school videos, the one you miss so dearly, she’s a complete jerk!” I push my hair out of my face and give way to tears. “Why do you want her back so desperately?”

“Because that’s the Ally we knew,” Kellin mumbles beside her.

“This is horrible. I’m trying as hard as I can, watching videos, looking at pictures, pushing myself to do these things and you’re being so ungrateful. I just want to be a nice sister to you. But I guess that’s not what you want. That’s not the type of person I want to be, why can’t you just accept that?”

“You don’t get it Ally. She may have been a jerk, but she was my jerk of sister. I just want her
back.”

I shake my head and tears stream down my face, blurring my vision.

“Have it your way,” I say before leaving the room. I storm out actually. I guess it’s something the old Ally would have done.

I rush out of the dorm and run aimlessly, stopping at some bleachers. I remember Lizzy mentioned before that I used to love running out on the track field whenever I need to think or be alone. I hesitantly step on to the track, feeling as if I’m stepping on old grounds. I shove my hands into my pockets and kick a pebble, hoping it would ease some frustration. It didn’t really work. If I’m going to be this old me that everyone keeps bombarding me with, I’m going to have to embrace the old habits as well, not just look at some old outfits and class pictures.

I start sprinting around the track. One lap, two laps, three laps, soon enough, I’ve done over fifteen laps, and I’m not feeling winded. I push myself to go on longer, go harder. One run on the track isn’t going to turn me back. Once I get tired enough, with a core of 34 laps, I decide I have the whole summer to improve. I have to unlock more aspects. I look up at the bleacher and try to picture myself in the few things that the group told me about. Suddenly there is a flash of myself and…Max? sitting up on the top row. We’re talking at least that’s what it looks like. Then we’re hugging, and he hands me something shiny. There’s a little fiddling with my neck, then we’re walking hand in hand down the bleachers. I seemed to always be in some sweat pants and a hoodie. I guess comfy wear was my thing.

I walk closer to the bleacher and slide my hand across it, another memory shooting through. It’s Jack, but he’s not married yet, because he doesn’t have a ring on. I’m crying, sitting at the same place on the row I’m stroking right now, and he joins me, wrapping his arms around me. We stay like this for a little while until finally I’m pull away and start spilling out to him about something that upset me. I follow imaginative versions of us walk speedily across the field and into the dorm. We must have been really good friends.

As I’m staring at the dorm, another memory pops up, it’s me and Lizzy, we’re in my room, folding up some clothes that I had taken out of a suit case. We exchange some word and then thing you know; we’re dancing around and throwing clothing at each other. I plant myself on the bleacher, smiling at the thoughts as they fill my head. They’re coming slowly, but they’re coming.

Now there’s one with Naomi, and we’re sitting in her room, watching TV and eating. I’m sure it’s something that she made, since she’s told me plenty of times that she’s a cooking major and I always used to eat what she made. Next she’s doing my make up, and we’re having a fake fashion show. Typical Ally, I guess.

Then there’s Vic. We’re sitting under a tree, and he has his backpack, with his notebook and a pen out. He calls me over to sit next to him and once I do I get a mischievous smile on and try to pull the notebook out of his hands. We laugh as I struggle to take it, then he finally gives in and hands it to me. I look pleased. I hand it back to him, and talk to him for a moment before we stand up and his mood change to a distressed one. I look defensive; we chat a little more before hugs me then run off. What a crazy duo we seemed to be.

Last but not least is my sister’s husband, Kellin. There are a few other people as well - two other guys. We’re back stage to what seems like a big show, maybe one of those show cases that Naomi mentioned she did my hair for because it’s exactly the way she described it – shoulder length with the ends tinted blue to match my outfit. I look great. Anyway, we’re chatting behind stage before we walk out and take our positions on stages. Tony and Jesse, they said their names were, started the song.

Then Kellin starts singing, and a few minutes later I join in. By the way the crowd is responding to us, it must have been a ballad, with their hands waving from side to side in a slow manner. There even those few dramatic teachers who pulled out their lighters. The song ends, the crowd gets riled up, and I stand up to march around the stage like I own the place. Kellin joins in and jams out with me, getting the crowd crazy. It seems like such perfect moment. Something I want back.

I can’t believe he told me I didn’t like him when I first met him, he seems like a cool guy. All of these people sound like great people, people who just want their old friend back. I sigh and tell myself to suck it up. The only way I’ll win them over is if things get back to normal. Now I know one of those things that I should start with.

I start running in the direction of the atrium, ducking at any branch that gets in my way. I finally reach my destination – the wooden stage that was in my memory. Naomi said that this is where the end of the year show cases takes place, and I can’t wait to see my fellow students perform. But for now, it’s just me and the empty wooded floor, ready to get back to me.

I cautiously walk up the five stairs leading up to the stage and walk to center stage, in front of the mic stand. I look out to the empty chairs and sigh.

“Okay,” I breathe in then out, “they said I’m supposed to sing, so I’ll just sing,” I tell myself.

I approach the mic and wrap my hand around it, a great sensation filling me at the touch of it. It feels so…right. I guess this was a good idea after all. I tap it to make sure it’s not on then decide on what song I should try out. I might as well go all out if I’m going to try at all, right? I sigh and comb my fingers through my hair. I’m really nervous. If this doesn’t work out, I won’t be the person everyone tells me I’m supposed to be.

“You’ve just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine-” my voice cracks. Okay, relax. You’re too nervous. I swallow hard and push my anxieties to the side; Aaliyah Leon is a sassy confident drama queen who can sing her butt off and I need to find her. I grab the mic and yank it off of the stand.

“Just own the night, like the fourth of July. ‘Cause baby you’re a firework, come on show ‘em what your worth, make ‘em go oh-oh-oh, as you shoot across the sky-y-y!”

I think I got it! That’s it! I have to share this with Lizzy. I can get my attitude back soon enough, right now; I have to show her that I’m capable of being the Ally that I used to be, the Ally that everyone wants back.