Dizzy Hurricane

I stood by the mirror of the hospital room; my hands were wrapped around Liz’s waist. She is glowing, probably relieved that it was her last day in chemo. Then again, when I hold her, she always seems to have a glow about her. I look over at Jack in time to see his pained expression, he looks away to stare at his feet. I feel for the guy, I know that he has very strong feelings for Tania but I know that at times like these his mind is on Ally. It took him three months to get rid of the ring he got her; he placed it on the top of a trash bin before I went to dump my food in the trash one day. I grabbed it and brought it back to my on campus apartment, just in case. See secretly, I hope that Jack and Ally make their way back to each other. I have a soft spot for those two crazy kids. I look back at my wife, who draws my attention with a small weary sigh. I know what that means; she is feeling bone-deep tiredness and is just a bit nauseous from the treatment. I kiss his forehead and look deeply into her loving jade eyes. I feel every part of me yearns to make her happy as long as there is life in my body.

I can remember the first day I saw my Liz so clearly. She was wearing an over-sized blue and black plaid boyfriend shirt with a black beanie on her head. Her hair was wild and her eyes were shy. She kept looking back down at her black converses when she walked, not aware that even beneath the baggy blue jeans her figure was screaming for attention. When her eyes first met mine I felt the inside of myself freeze before flashes of white hot emotions washed over me. I heard her say that I am cute and I felt a bit dizzy. She just always had something that made me want to hold her in my arms. I winked at her and when her cheeks flushed, I felt a rush of success. It wasn't like with the other girls who swoon at my feet, I actually wanted her attention.

Of course, I was painfully aware that I was not the only one who felt that way. Vic and Zac had eyes for her too. They were throwing themselves all over her. So I told myself to cool it, I had Tally, we were the ‘it’ couple, and I thought I loved her. But when I heard Liz sing, I knew I wouldn't be able to get her out of my head. Now its not the voice, even though my baby is a powerhouse, but so is my bratty but extremely lovable sister-in-law. No, it was the way she was so shy about it, like she had to keep it a secret. The way she made us turn around just to start, like if us looking on was too much for her. I have to admit I was jealous of her stare down with Vic earlier that day, but the smooth tone of her voice made me feel like it was only us in the room. My heart picked up the pace and I peaked at her, her eyes were on the floor, she was speeding through the words. Yet even with the careless way she was singing, it was flawless. She closed her eyes and I looked away. I could tell that it wasn’t her best, and I wanted to know what her best was.

I knew that I had to get out of there after she sang and clear my head. When she asked what was next, I saw my way out. I really didn’t want to let her cloud up my thoughts; one of my best friends was so clearly into her. I told myself that I just can’t think about her as if it would be that simple to do. Usually, it was, but with her, she carried herself into my dreams where she sang to me as I held her in my arms. A dream that I would have every time I saw her. The moments Vic would kiss her I would imagine it was me. The guilt would eat away at me, the desire would burn nevertheless.

Those dreams are something that is now my reality. Elizabeth is my dream come true. Now I never have to hide my feelings for my beautiful wife. A task that I had just barely managed to pull off while we were dating other people; in the days before I knew how she felt about me. I lift my flower's frail body into my arms and carry her home. She falls asleep in my arms and a sense of pride fills my chest. I make her feel safe enough for her to trust me to get her home safely. Jack opens our door when we get there and I place Lizzy on the bed pulling her favorite quilt over her. I go over to the ac to lower the temperature; with all the chemo and the weight loss the cold really gets to her now. I hate to see her shiver. I sit next to her on the bed and lift off my top shirt, already feeling hot in the room.

I brush my fingertips over her short hair as she sleeps. My heart starts to ache just like it did when she first got diagnosed with stomach cancer. Lizzy fell asleep that night crying in my arms as I held her and cried silently along with her. I stayed up that entire night researching the cancer, speaking to other men whose wives have it too, for support and ideas on how to help her cope. I know that once we get this bad boy into remission, we will always be looking over our shoulders hoping that it doesn’t rear its ugly head again. I remember how scared I was at first, the thought of life without my baby is utterly unbearable. I am sure the pain itself would have killed me too, and I would have died happily knowing that I wouldn’t have to know the world without Lizzy. As far as I am concerned she is the sunshine, the moonlight, the spring breeze, the autumn rains, the wonder of winter. She is all the perfection in the world and I guess her body just couldn’t handle the weight of that. I kiss her cheek and Jack clears his throat, I forgot that he was still here.

“Can I talk to you?” Jack sits on the love seat close to the door.

I find it odd that my best friend is asking me if he can talk to me. He should know that by now.

“Yeah dude, always. What’s up?” I sit up. It's so that Lizzy’s peaceful sleeping, and my urge to watch her in that peace, doesn’t distract me from what Jack is about to say.

“Tania and I, well, we are great and all. I am the happiest I have ever been with anyone when I am with her man. She is gorgeous, funny, loyal, smart, talented, independent, loving, sweet, caring. . .”

I clear my throat, “get to the point man.”

“I miss Ally.” He bites the inside of his bottom lip and sighs. “She is hot headed, dramatic, irrational, unreasonable, stubborn, ridiculous and crazy. Not to mention that she ripped out my heart and stomped on it but I miss her. I feel like an idiot! Tania is an amazing girl and I swear Kellin I love her but I don’t know what it is. UHHHH!” He huffs and throws his head back. “I don’t want to do to her what Ally did to me. I mean last week we went dress shopping and I started looking for my tux. What is wrong with me? Why is this bugging me now?”

I feel a small victory dance happening in my head, I knew it! I knew that he still loves her. I make sure I stay cool outwardly not to freak Jack out or be a jerk.

“Well maybe it just because you planned this life for you and Ally; now that is it happening with someone else it’s just hitting you that you may not be over her yet.” I shrug nonchalantly.

“You are probably right.” He gets up to leave, “Either way, I don’t plan on letting this mess up things with me and Tania. We are getting married in December and that’s it. Well, I will see you later. By the way, you are my best man.”

I give him a smile, “of course man.”

As soon as they door closes my smile falters, this is not good.