Puma

|*|

Fear. That’s what I was feeling. Along with amazement.

I gawked as a zillion year old man inched his way into the room with his feeble old hand clutching around an I.V. pole.

There was no doubt in my mind this gremlin was going to take his last breath while I was his roommate. Chances are, it was going to be around two a.m. and I was gonna be scowled at for blocking him out so I could sleep instead.

A nurse came sprinting in seconds later to gently place her hands on his shoulders. The old man’s mouth quivered into a big smile as he greeted me.

“Who's this foxy young lady?” he asked smoothly (I think referring to me) as he looked back at the nurse. Young lady? What? I had almost hoped the nurse came in here to redirect him, like, ‘Gramps, you’re in the wrong room,’ then seconds later bring in a hottie, but she laughed at the old timer, leading him over to the other bed.

“Skip, this is your new roommate. This is Tyler.”

“That’s a manly name,” he remarked in a mumble, setting his butt on the bed. The nurse gently pushed him back until he laid flush against the pillows, causing his legs to fling up straight into the air. She grabbed his head like a claw machine then shoved his legs back down, throwing the Christmas blanket over them.

She instantly left the room after fluffing one of his pillows. She left me alone with the man who changed my thoughts on the ten days I was going to be here. I wanted those days to go as fast as they could.

He thought I was a woman.

It’s the hair, isn’t it?

I need a haircut, I know. Get off my back.

Sighing, I laid back with my head in my hands again just as the old man grunted, leaning over to grab one of the pairs of sunnies off his bedside table.

He began to laugh, pushing them on.

“You know why I put these on, lassie?” he asked me, giggling. “Because you shine brighter than the sun.”

Dem pick-up lines, doe.

I cackled, beginning to change my thoughts on him one more time.

He’s alright. I just better not find him standing over my bed in the middle of the night.

We chilled for a bit, trading pick-up lines back and forth until…

“Does your dad own a dairy company, 'cause you've got a nice set of -…”

The sentence ended abruptly. I laughed, staring straight up at the ceiling, waiting for him to continue. All I heard was a loud snore. My neck snapped to give him an incredulous look.

He fell asleep. What do I have a nice set of? Now I’ll never know. Besides being partially blind, he also had dementia.

But it’s alright, another nurse came barging in minutes later to see Skip over there sleeping with his mouth wide open and me drooling on the upholstery.

“It’s lunch time,” she informed smiling, going over to Skip. I heaved myself up from my sitting position.

“Ah, ace – WHAT THE FU -?”

I was stunned when she suddenly slapped her hands together loudly in front of Skip’s sleeping face. Unlike I, Skip did not stumble back down onto the bed in shock; his reaction was delayed, blinking his eyes open five seconds later. He yawned loudly, smacking his lips together before smiling at the nurse.

“Debra!” he exclaimed with that old person laugh. “Good to see you, dear. What’s that in your eye?”

“My eye - ?”

“It must be a twinkle!”

She placed her hand over her heart, chuckling, “Oh, Skip.” I sat there feeling a tad jealous. What the hell? I’m the only lady worthy of those pick-up lines. I huffed a betrayed breath out of my nose, making my way to the open door.

Fuck that guy, amiright?

I’ll find someone else.

Seconds before I was marching out the door, the nurse stopped me with, “Oh, Tyler, honey. Please wait outside with the others. I’ll take you guys down to the cafeteria.”

Others? I jumped back, startled to see a two other patients standing outside the room. Both I’ve seen before. One being that sixteen-ish year old girl that was snooping earlier and the second was the ratchet blonde chick I saw this morning.

The teen had bright red hair, dressed in a teal hoodie, and black pyjama pants with frogs scattered about them.

Well, aren’t you quirky.

“Oh,” I mumbled, scampering out into the hallway, turning around to face the room. “Right.” I gave the youngster a chill adult nod. “Sup,” I said all cool and mature-like. She giggled a response. Like a child.

We waited for the nurse to drag Skip from his bed then us into the lift. Skip blabbed more pick-up lines to the nurse.

Pfft. Can you believe him? Whatta pig. Right in front of me, too.

Well – I have no room to talk considering all the shit I did to Ally, amiright? *self-deprecating buh-dum-tis*

The nurse pushed us out of the lift and into the lobby hallway. We came into the caf seconds later.

As Red and Blondie broke away from the group to join their friends, Skip and I stayed at the entrance.

Oh, great. I know no one yet.

“Cassie,” the nurse snapped, causing Red to glance back, inches away from sitting down at the table filled with other teens, two were the girls from earlier.

“What?”

“Hoodie,” the nurse said simply, holding her hand out for it. “You can’t have those in here, you know that.” I know the nurse has a name, but I can’t remember it. It was like Lonnie or something, right? Or was that the one from before? Eh, either way, the one called ‘Cassie’ rolled her eyes obnoxiously, muttering something that made her friends snicker before diva-strutting back over to us.

“Jesus, have it,” she sneered, peeling the jacket off, tossing it into the nurse’s hands –

DEBRA. That’s her name. Got it.

Cassie now stood in a short-sleeved black shirt that read ‘Nice story, babe. Now go make me a sandwich.’ I stared at the large cut scars that filled her upper arms. Around each scar were lines of small dots. She had gotten stitches at some point.

Damn.

Debra narrowed her eyes at Cassie’s tone of voice. “Don’t give me any of that attitude, Cassie. One more remark like that and you’re eating with me.”

Cassie so obviously bit her bottom lip to hold back the snide comment, and sighed out, “Fine. Sorry.” She speed-walked straightaway to re-join her friends, popping another snooty comment out, causing them to giggle once more.

I looked back at Deb as she said, “Same with you, honey.” Realising she was directing it at me, I almost snapped at her that I wasn’t going to give her any sass, but quickly comprehended what she meant. I gripped my fingers around the collar of my jacket defensively.

I stammered out, “But I -…”

“You have nothing to worry about,” she said softly. “Everyone else here has scars, too. You’re not the only one, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

I looked at her, fighting the urge to scream and sprint back to my room. My arms tingled as I slowly pulled my jacket off. The cold air of the hospital bit at my bare skin instantly and I wished I had put a real shirt on over my tank top.

I locked my hands together behind my back, still trying to hide the gauze that wrapped around my forearms.

She took my grey jacket from me with a “Thank you – would you mind taking Skip through the line? I have to go hang these in the coat closet.”

Skip answered for me.

“Escorted by an angel? Well, I’ll be damned! It must be my lucky day.”

The nurse giggled lightly while I held back my glare. So he wants me back?

I don’t know why I’m getting so jealous over an old man spouting cheesy pick-up lines to other people. I should be upset because he thought (thinks?) I was (am) a woman.

Pushing out a forced smile, I ‘happily’ said, “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind,” back to Debra’s question. Skip held his feeble hand out for me. I stared at it before hooking my hand around his toothpick of an arm.

Debra thanked me quickly, shoving about five bucks into my hands. She walked off. Skip and I travelled at a snail’s pace to the open buffet. There were lunch ladies standing on the other side of the sneeze guard, shovelling food onto trays.

I had to grab two trays from the beginning of the line, throwing a couple eating utensils and napkins on both.

Waiting for the person in front of us to choose between turkey gravy or chicken, Skip wheezed to me, “My Angel, can you buy me a peanut butter cookie?”

“Cookie?” I followed his thin finger as it pointed to the the end of the buffet. Near the cash register was a basket of biscuits wrapped in Saran wrap. “Why can’t you get it?” I wound up asking rudely.

“I have a nut allergy,” he explained. “They know that. Can you get it for me?”

Blanking out on the first part of that sentence, I shrugged, holding my tray up for the lady to plunk a spoonful of mashed potatoes onto it. “Yeah, I guess – chicken gravy, please.” She sent a dumpster full over top.

What is with you Americans and gravy? God damn.

That’s your guys’ stereotype - one of them. Dumb, isn’t it? Or factual? *condescendingly raised brow*

It took yonks before we were finally up at the cash register with our copycat lunches: mashed potatoes with chicken gravy, ham sandwiches, dinner roll and carrot sticks. The peanut butter biscuit I flung down on my tray and the pickles and onions he asked for on his sandwich (which made it even worse) were our only differences.

The lunch lady rung up our food and took the five bucks from us. I grabbed two Sprites from the cooler filled with ice for both Skip and I. Skip held onto my elbow, dragging me over to a round table, brimming with fellow geezers.

I let him sit first, plopping down next to him when I realised he was my only friend.

Skip was delighted to see me actually join them. He introduced me as “The wind beneath my wings! This little lass is my new roommate – mine! I’ve been blessed with the presence of an angel!”

His friends seemed to be as oblivious to my gender as he was as they exclaimed with laughs and comments of approval. Lunch dragged on with me picking at my food and Skip slipping his hand every so often over my shoulder when he came up with another grand pick-up line.

I sighed with my chin on my palm. I really need a haircut.

I was dumping my carrots into my mashed potatoes when I got the prickling sensation to look up. I ignored it until it became annoying.

I flicked up my eyes, expecting to see the three musketeers gawking at me but my gaze was met with the body lounging a few tables over. Sitting in a rather blasé position, hands inaudibly cracking their knuckles, was a boy.

His eyes were right on me.

He looked around my age, maybe younger. (That doesn't actually say much since I look seventeen and not my real age - twenty-one. He could either be sixteen or twenty. Who knows.) He had a very grunge-like appearance: striped red and black long sleeved jumper, blond unkempt wavy hair that came down to his earlobes, and fringes that curled just above his dark, intense eyes.

I turned my gaze away right as a smirk etched itself onto his face.

What is that motherfucker looking at?

I couldn’t tell if he was checking me out or planning my funeral. Maybe his eyesight is as bad as Skip and his pals’. Does he think I’m a woman too?

Skip stole my attention by lightly tapping on my forearm.

“Angel,” he said to me, using that same tone he had before asking me to buy him a biscuit.

“Hmm?”

“Would you don the manners you learned in Heaven and pick me up a Jell-O from the lunch line?” His mouth formed a persuading smile.

Then I smacked him to the ground and beat him with a shovel. (jk)

Homie – I am not your sugar daddy.

I glanced up quickly to see that the Tate Langdon-wannabe still had his eyes on me. Da fuck? I sluggishly stood, muttering an, “I guess…” to Skip, walking quickly over to the lunch line.

“Thank you, dear!”

“Yeah, yeah. No worries, mate.”

I scanned the food lining the foil pans until I came across the cups of gelatine. I asked for a strawberry and scooted down to the cash register. As soon as I walked up, the lady said, “Could you hold on a second? I need to go grab a few more drinks from the back.” I eyed the ice-filled cooler and noted the drinks it lacked, and nodded.

“Yeah, no. I don't mind. Go ahead.”

I leaned up against the metal bars there to hold your tray as she shimmied away. I was tapping my foot when several bodies filed in beside me. I didn’t care enough to see if I recognised any of them – didn’t get the chance to before a hand gripped onto one of the metal bars. My eyes caught the faint colours of red and black and slanted away immediately.

That guy was in the line. Of course.

Wait. Was he…my new Ally? No, no. Coincidence, duh. He was just looking in my general direction and is up here to buy a drink, I presume, on the count of he knocked out a groan, and when I looked where his eyes were pointing at, I saw he was scowling at the drink-less cooler.

“She’s going to get more,” I told him. “She’ll be right back.”

He began to smile, but I couldn’t decide whether it was at my reassurance or just because I talked to him first.

My reassurance, for sure.

“I was wondering where she went.”

I didn’t reply back with anything other than a small smile and a chuckle, so he didn’t say anything else. Not even a full second passed before a scream startled us all. Every head in here snapped to stare bewildered in the direction of the cry. It came from a girl standing over by the soda machine.

She had dropped her newly bought drink at the sight of another girl standing with her sleeve pulled up, a blanket of blood covering her inner wrist. ‘Oh, my God’s and ‘Holy shit’s were murmured out and I noticed the plastic knife in her other hand.

“Someone help her!” a voice screamed out. “She’s hurt; she’s bleeding!”

The nurses’ reactions were late, but seconds later, they ran to the girl with several guards coming with them. The girl let out an ear-piercing scream, but didn’t fight back when the guards grabbed her roughly. One of them pulled her sleeve down and squeezed to stop the bleeding.

They carried her out quickly as she wailed and cried for them to kill her. The room began to bustle with murmurs of what the hell just happened.

I frowned.

“It’s only a matter of time,” someone mumbled from beside me. I glimpsed at ‘Tate.’

“What is?” I asked. His eyes stayed locked on the spot where the girl used to be.

“Before it gets to us all and we can’t take it anymore.” His tone changed as he chuckled. “I called that one since day one. I knew she would crack eventually.”

“What, do you make bets on when people will finally break down?”

“I guess you could say that.” He looked to me and I wanted to shrink away. He had such intimidating eyes. He said matter-of-factly, “You’ve got about a week. Maybe two, but that's pushing it.”

My brows creased and I turned away.

“Way to flirt,” I mumbled sarcastically. He laughed.

“What makes you think I’m flirting with you?”

“I saw you plotting my death from across the room. That only means true love.”

“Maybe I was.”

“Well, stop it.”

“Why?”

“Because – what makes you think I’m interested?” I said sharply. “Or into guys, for that matter?”

A simple shrug.

“I have to guess or I’d never get a boyfriend.”

He actually winked at me and I accidentally snorted.

“Well, you’re not exactly my type.”

“No? What is your type?”

“Female.”

The lunch lady returned just as his expression fell. I was about to throw her my money to pay for the Jell-O when I remembered I had spent it all earlier.

“Sixty cents,” she said, cracking open the cash register. I froze, hands feeling around my pockets. Nope, nothing.

“Heh,” I laughed apologetically. She raised a brow. “I – I spent all my money on lunch earlier. I…Sorry.” I began to hand the Jell-O back to her when a voice stopped me.

“I’ve gotcha covered,” the guy said, fishing a dollar from his pocket.

“No, you don’t,” I said, pushing his hand away. “I don’t need your money. It’s just Jell-O. I’ll live without it.”

“And this is just a dollar. Take it. Pay me back later.”

I looked from him to the crisp dollar he had locked between his middle and index fingers…and snatched it coolly.

“I won’t pay you back. Here you go,” I said sweetly to the cashier. She smiled at me, taking it.

“You know,” she said, withdrawing forty cents. “If you’re tight on money, you can get a job around the hospital. It goes for good behaviour and can shorten the amount of time you have to stay here.”

I perked up at this new information. I can get out of here faster just by proving I have people-skills.

“Great,” I grinned, taking the change back from her. “I think I will.” I turned to walk away when that guy spoke arrogantly.

“Do and I’ll see you around.”

“What do you do exactly?” I asked, feigning curiosity.

A smile came to his face. “I clean out rooms after people leave them. Why?”

“So I know which job tittle to avoid like the plague.” I thanked the cashier again, smirking when his eyes narrowed. I started my smug-ass walk back to my lunch table when he yet again stopped me to talk.

“The name’s Carter.”

“Oh,” I said impassively. “I don’t care. See, that’s why I made no effort to ask.”

He chuckled. “You care.”

“Really don’t.” With that, I strode back and sat down next to Skip, sliding the Jell-O in front of him. He does not say thank you. Verbally. Instead, he tried to press a small kiss onto my temple - with that rank ass breath.

He didn’t even thank me for scoring him food and now he’s trying to score with me? Hell naw.

I breathed out a sigh and brushed over my first real day here. Only halfway through and so much has already happened.

What’s his name? - Carter tried to hold my stare as he strolled over to his seat several tables away.

I stuck my tongue out and crossed my eyes, raising one brow higher than the other. Earning a big smile from him, I dropped the expression and winked, blowing him an overly dramatic kiss.

He 'caught' it and shoved his hand down his pants before finally sitting down. I rolled my eyes, looking away.

He’s so arrogant. One conversation with him and I already wanted to pelt him with a couch. Then make out with him on it. But gahh – okay, you guys, look. It’s not like I was afraid of having a relationship with a guy; I’ve dated quite a few during my teen years. My first relationship was with a dude and that was in sixth grade. And I still thought I was straight in sixth grade.

How? Idk. I didn't know having a certain sexuality was a thing. I just thought you liked who you liked and that was that. Plus, my sister liked girls from a very young age as did my brother with boys. I thought it was normal that both genders made me go 'heck yeah.'

eh.

Yeah.

The issue was I refused to date him. I didn’t like the tone he used with me. I didn’t like that he just assumed I was gay. (I admire that he had guts to come up and flirt with a possibly straight guy, though....and not that someone thinking I'm gay is offensive. It's whatever.)

It's just he – ugh. So arrogant.

The kind of arrogance that told me he was going to be the ‘man in the relationship.’ I didn’t want to be the submissive one. Fuck that.

All this means is that if something were to happen with us, I had to stand my ground and prove I would be the top while he was the bottom.

I stabbed my spork into the dinner roll and lifted it to take a bite.

Yeaaahh. I’m the man.

-

Debra ushered Skip, Cassie, ratchet blonde chick, and I back upstairs once the thirty minutes of lunch were over.

I was the last to step out of the lift and watched the four people walk off in different directions once more. Once Debra handed me back my hoodie, Skip and her made a beeline for the nurse’s office while Cassie skipped over to the community lounge thing place and Blondie headed off for her room.

My eyes followed Cassie and I observed the lounge. I wouldn’t mind chilling in there for a bit. I raised my foot to move but froze at the insanely predictable sight of Carter.

He leaned like James Dean against one of the barred windows, eyes already landing on me, thumb rubbing against his bottom lip.

The corners of his mouth rose into a smirk and I almost melted at the sight of that smile.

God damn. He had such nice teeth.

Such a pretty mouth.

I wanted to stick my dic -

I instantly slapped my hands on the sides of my face and did the ‘Home-Alone-AHH-after-shave!!!!’ face. I spun to march off to my room without waiting to see his reaction and promptly collided with a nurse. We both stumbled back, apologising profusely.

She walked off laughing and I snapped my head to glare at Carter as he smiled teasingly. Flipped him off and sprinted to my room.

By the way, you guys, Skip resaid his dairy company joke from before that he fell asleep during. You know the one that’s like, “Does your dad own a dairy company, 'cause you've got a nice set of -…” and he stopped there?

It’s jugs. You got a nice set of jugs. You’re welcome. I know y’all are curious. At least one of you is, for sure. (Shout-out, homie. You know who you are. You're Hidden...Hidden under that Veil, but I see you. I see you.)

:D

I literally spent about thirty seconds sleeping on the chair before I was forced awake by yet another goddamn motherfucking nurse.

No idea who she was.

“Tyler?” she ended up asking. “You’re new here, right? It’s about one right now and we’ve got you scheduled for a group session in five minutes, so chop-chop.”

She backed out and I cried a little.

Do I seriously get no down time here? Is there always something I have to be doing? Morning vitals, breakfast, lunch, therapy sessions. What else is today going to be filled up with?

I wanted to sleep. I was so bloody tired and bloody sore from no drugs.

Monstrously. (wink)

I rose from my hunched over position and stretched, dancing towards the door to lift my spirits, dropping that thun thun thun before straightening up and walking professionally out into the halfway.

I made my way to the lift and joined the group of five standing outside its closed door. Behind us, huddled together, was another group of five. I didn’t bother looking at their faces and stared at the doors as they slid open. A nurse popped out of nowhere and pushed us in. I was smashed against the back wall of the lift and groaned, having to fight to turn around.

On the way down, I ogled at the back of everyone’s head.

Bright red bun – Cassie? Military cut brunette hair, dunno you. Shoulder length black hair. Nope. Curly brown afro, nerp. Short blond wavy hair, nah – oh, you, bleeper. Really?

Carter’s here too?

I looked incredulously at the back of his head. He towered irritatingly over the people on either side of him, only about an inch or so taller than me.

My eyes slipped down to his bum and I wanted to rhino him. (Urban Dictionary that if you don't know what I mean. Basically jab him in the butt with my knee.)

The lift’s door opened about ten seconds after they had closed and we were led out onto the fifth floor. We followed the nurse straight out down the hall, stopping at the entrance of a large room, much like the community lounge on the fourth floor, only non-furnished besides the circle of chairs in the centre of the room.

I huffed out a sigh and looked around the room. A man suddenly swaggered out of wherever, dressed in a suit with a clipboard in his hands.

“Take a seat,” he encouraged, smiling at each and every one of us. Too happily. I hid behind Cassie, following her over to a random chair, causally plunking down beside her. I looked for Carter and watched him take a seat in a chair four down from me.

I unintentionally stared at him until his head turned to me, then I almost gave myself whiplash, quickly angling my head towards Cassie as she babbled to dread-lock guy sitting on the other side of her.

My hand instantly cupped my jaw and my fingers brushed up against the gauze around the front of my throat.

Oh, right. I forgot that was there.

Aggghh. Carter saw gauze on my arms and neck. He must think I’m psycho.

Uh, the guy in the suit who I will call Lorenzo Von Matterhorn walked into the centre of the circle as the second flight of patients came waltzing in from the lift. Lorenzo started looking from his clipboard to the faces walking passed him.

Probably doing a head-coun –

I was startled when someone decided to sit right next to me. I looked, expecting to see Carter and that smug, sexy smile but found a girl with obviously dyed black hair - the roots were blonde – and enough make-up to keep herself warm during the winter.

She looked like a Barbie doll – so pretty – but then…she opened her mouth, and talked, talked, talked, talked, talked. Oh my.

She seemed be talking to anyone who would listen.

I was not allowing myself to be a part of that ‘anyone.’ I tipped my head back over the chair and clawed at my face.

I wanted to go home. When were visiting hours? Could I call Ally and ask her to bring a suitcase that I could fit into?

Pffft. She probably won’t come by today. She hasn’t since the last chapter of Cougar.

I was missing her greatly. I just needed to talk to her again. I missed talking to her.

You know who else I missed? Gill. She was so cool. mehhh..

A thought dawned on me. Oh, God. I was gonna have to share my life story during this group session.

Oh, fuck. My heart began to pound in my chest anxiously. I really wanted to leave. Public speaking, noooooo. Even though I used to be a teacher before all this, so I literally got paid to do public speaking.

That's not the point. I hated talking in front of people unless I willingly volunteered.

As luck would have it, Lorenzo Von Matterhorn flapped his hands up and down as he tried to quiet the room of twenty-ish people.

“Alright, alright, you guys. Simmer down now. As most of you know, I am Mr. Kelly. But for the new faces in the crowd today, there’s my introduction.” Oh, great. But he said ‘faces;’ I’m not the only newbie. Lorenzo - I mean Mr. Kelly shot smiles to this girl sitting directly across from me and then to me. I saw that she had a curly afro and knew that she was the girl in the elevator earlier. Mr. Kelly had to clear his throat before suggesting, “Why don’t you two introduce yourselves?”

I could feel my face heat up and saw the girl’s cheeks instantly catch fire.

Mr. Kelly saw our reluctance and decided to give us a few starting points.

“Your names, for instance. Where are you from? Your age? Basic information.”

I shouldn’t of but I stole a glance to my right at Carter. He sat there with a smirk and gestured for me to go on. So after a deep breath I spoke loud enough for the people to hear me.

“My name’s Tyler. I’m from Melbourne, Australia originally, so - the accent, yep - but, ah, moved to Troy a couple years ago. I’m, ah, I'm twenty-one years old.”

I'm so fucking stupid. 'Ah, yeah, yup. So, uh, yup.' - geeeezzz.

But Mr. Kelly thought it was enough.

“Good,” he said, looking to the girl. She straightaway sunk back into her chair, stammering when he said to her, “Now your turn, dear.”

Pitiful pause before she cleared her throat, saying, “I’m Hunter. Cincinnati, Ohio; I've lived here my whole life. And I’m nineteen years old.”

“Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Mr. Kelly chuckled, walking back to sit in the chair at the head of the circle. “Why don’t we go around and introduce ourselves to them? Starting with you, Jamie.”

The boy next to Cassie’s eyes widened marginally, but he shrugged. He was the guy who took my seat this morning. The one with the dreads. “Uh, obviously my name is Jamie. I’m from Akron, Ohio and I’m seventeen.” The guy next to Jamie went seconds after him.

“Luke. Fairmount, Indiana. I'm twenty-eight.”

It took us thirty seconds to go around the entire circle until we got up to Carter.

“I’m Carter. I was born in Brookings, Oregon. Obviously moved here at some point. Think I was, like, fifteen. I’m twenty now.”

Oregon? That’s where I lived before moving to Ohio. I wonder when he left and why. He couldn’t have just came all the way over here for this little gem of a psych hospital.

Chances are, I was going to forget to ask, so we may never know.

Mr. Kelly took back over once all the introductions were said.

He started by noting hospital rules and regulations for Hunter and I: only use the phone for 10 minutes at a time, mainly around vising hours, which were at four every afternoon; bath buckets are under no circumstances to be kept in your room, no food or drinks in your rooms, no physical contact with other patients.

He even mentioned that there was a pool outback of the hospital and, under the supervision of several guards, every Saturday it was open around two p.m. Same with the gym and library.

He also said we were allowed smoking breaks on the back patio, but had to inform a nurse so she could stalk us out there.

And with that, he began the group session by asking if anyone felt like sharing today.

Volunteers’ hands went up, one being the sixteen year old Barbie doll from Cleveland, Ohio who sat on the right of me.

“I ate breakfast and lunch today,” she announced quietly. Mr. Kelly initiated an applause for her. And I could tell by the tone of voice she used, it was really a big achievement.

“That’s great, Jess. Let’s keep the effort up for dinner tonight, alright? Okay, Kyle. Your turn.”

A teenage boy from Piqua shared this long reiteration of a nightmare he had last night because of his new sleeping meds. He was switched from Ambien to Xanax and his Abilify dosage was upped the day before. He mentioned it was to help his depression, but so far, he felt the same. The nightmares were making him want to switch back; Ambien dreams were less vivid and dealt better with his insomnia.

Mr. Kelly gave him some cliché words of encouragement – ‘it’s only been a day,’ yahdah yah – and called on the next patient.

I couldn’t help but notice the ratio of patients above the age twenty to those in their teen years was drastic. I only noted about three others who were twenty and older, not including the twenty-eight year old from before, or Carter and I.

Could it be that the older you get, the more at ease you become with yourself and the world, or do most suicidal and depressed people not make it out of their teen years?

Woah. That was deep. And I think a Tumblr post, err. Sounds familiar, whoops.

Mr. Kelly soon ran out of volunteers and divided a look between Hunter and I.

“Why don’t one of you go next and give a little bit more about yourselves? Hunter?” I was afraid her head was going to break off from how fast she shook her head. Mr. Kelly’s eyes went to me and I’m surprised my head didn’t break off from how fast I shook my head. He seemed to understand our hesitation and turned to look at Carter.

“How about you, Carter? Improving much?”

“I wouldn’t say that,” he said vaguely.

“Care to elaborate?” Mr. Kelly asked when it appeared that was all Carter was going to say. Carter glanced at me and then at Mr. Kelly. He shook his head.

“Not today.”

Again, Mr. Kelly nodded understandably and asked a few more times for volunteers. Not getting any, he waved us off for the day. I quickly followed Cassie up and towards the entrance of the room. Groups of people mixed together and then separated into two groups of five.

I stayed with Cassie, wondering what Carter was here for.

Obviously a suicide attempt or self-harm, but I had a feeling there was more to it. Barbie doll had an eating disorder, which would put her on the second floor, not the third. I really should be on the addiction floor, right? Carter could have a different classification, but got booked in the self-harm care because that was what his illness drove him to do.

I realise I probably shouldn’t call Jess a Barbie doll, considering she has an eating disorder. From now on, I’ll refer to her as Jess, alright. I don’t want to be a jerk.

“So you’re new here too, huh?”

I had to angle my head down to stare at Hunter and nodded.

“Yup, which makes today…”

She laughed, saying, “Nerve-racking?”

“Way too nerve-racking,” I confirmed. “The amount of people I caught staring at me was unreal.”

“Right? I don’t understand how they can tell I’m fresh meat without even knowing me in the first place.”

“Exactly. They can’t know everybody.”

“And I hated having to introduce myself,” she added, cringing. “I am the literal definition of socially awkward; I get anxiety and my face is as red as the sun when I have to talk to people, which may be the reason I’m in a psych ward. I felt uncomfortable sharing my life with other people, not to mention a burden, so I kept it all inside.”

I looked at her porcelain skin. Not seeing a speck of red, I pointed out, laughing at the irony, “You seem to be just fine talking to me.”

“It varies depending on how comfortable I am,” she said smiling. “Outgoing or reserved? I can never tell. So if you don’t mind, will be my new friend? I don’t know when or if I’ll ever have this much confidence to talk to anyone this comfortably.”

“Well…” I grabbed one of the tight curls from her ‘fro and ‘boinged’ it, smiling. “I like your hair, so yeah, I guess I’ll be your friend.”

Hunter grinned at me, shoving her hands into her hoodie’s pocket. She made a comment about liking my hair, as well, and we drifted into an entire conversation about my feminine-fringes.

I was in the middle of staring crossed-eyed at the locks of hair as I held them up, showing her what I felt was an acceptable length when one of my eyes straightened out and stared at the infamous smirking Carter.

I instantly regretted moving just one of my eyes when they both locked up, spazzing out, causing me to make the nastiest face in the world as I cringed loudly in pain.

I slapped my palm over my eyes and fake-cried. Hunter giggled, gripping a hand onto my wrist.

“You alright, dude?”

“Just peachy,” I ‘sobbed.’ I recognised Carter’s voice almost right away when he was suddenly behind me.

He taunted, placing his hands on my shoulders, “Nice face.”

“Nice existence,” I shot back oh-so-cleverly, watching him join Hunter and I. He slanted a dazzling smile at Hunter.

“You know,” he said charmingly, “I’m not really all that into girls, but you are gorgeous.”

Hunter’s cheeks puffed up, a hint of red touching them as a huge smile took up her face.

“Wow,” she grinned. “Thank you.”

Oh, hell no. I narrowed my eyes at Carter. This motherfucker was not about to steal my new friend away. If anyone was goin’ to be her new gay best friend, it was going to be me.

“Too bad you’re gay,” I said, clicking my tongue against the roof of my mouth. I turned to Hunter, copying Carter’s smile. “You are gorgeous, though.”

Hunter beamed humbly, thanking me this time. I shot Carter a sharp look. Damn right. She’s back with me. It’s not like I wanted Hunter romantically; she was going to be my friend and mine only.

Carter smirked at my stare and Hunter asked cautiously, “Do you guys have bad blood?”

“Why?” I asked, crinkling my nose. “You need a blood transfusion?”

“No, silly,” she laughed. “I meant like between you two. Do you guys have an issue with each other? Are you friends?”

I said “No,” to Hunter’s last question the exact moment Carter said, “Yes.”

“More than friends,” Carter said winking at me.

I rolled my eyes as Hunter said, “Oh. You know, I kind of thought so from the way you were looking at each other during the session.” What? “When did you guys meet?”

I answered quickly, thinking of Skip. “I landed on him when I fell from Heaven.”

“He is an angel,” Carter chuckled, going to latch his arm around mine. I yanked my arm away and put it over his shoulder. If people were thinking that we were dating, I wanted them to know I was the dominant one.

Yeaaaahh. I’m the man.

Hunter giggled excessively, pulling us into the elevator when it chimed open. We were accompanied by a nurse and two random patients whose names escape me, like always.

I’m soooo bad with names.

Filing out of the lift, I grabbed Hunter’s arm and began pulling her to the lounge. We plopped down on the couch, Carter joining seconds later. He sat leaning up against the arm of the sofa closest to me.

I let him into Hunter and I’s conversation about mac and cheese.

We were talking about our favourite cheeses when a very, very pretty nurse walked into the lounge, saying, “Tyler? Tyler Williams?” over and over until I flung my arm into the air for her to see.

She still seemed to miss it.

"Oi," I said aloud, getting her attention. "I'm over here."

Her head snapped to me.

"Oh."

The pretty nurse walked over to the couch, asking, “You’re Tyler Williams?” I don't know what it was, but upon seeing her face up close, I went brain-dead. Though it was apparent by her nursing uniform that she had been vomited on several times, I still thought she was hot as balls. She had the prettiest eyes.

Carter must have noticed me gawking at her because he snapped his fingers in front of my face, raising his brow.

“She’s talking to you, honey.”

There was this look on his face that I immediately recognised as jealousy and I accidentally smiled, turning my attention to the nurse.

I nodded to her.

“That would be me, yeah.”

“Your psychiatrist, Dr. Kasler, would like to meet with you. She’s waiting in her office. I’ll be taking you there.”

“Oh.” I stood up and told Hunter to ‘wish me luck.’ I thanked her as she did and followed the pretty nurse out of the lounging area and to the lift. We entered it in silence, but, pushing the third floor button, she spoke up.

“You’ll be meeting with Dr. Kasler every day that you are here, usually around two in the afternoon. I’ll take you to her office every day.”

What else happens at two in the afternoon? The time sounded so familiar. Oh, right. The pool opens on Saturdays around then. Cool, so as soon as the pool opens, I have to meet with my psychiatrist.

Granted, I only had nine more days of this. It was Thursday now.

I counted out my stay while I was in the infirmary.

Ten days. I get two Saturdays in that time. I get out on the nineteenth of this month.

I was reeeaally looking forward to the pool.

Da nurse had decided to introduce herself moments before the lift’s doors opened.

Guess what her name is.

Joy.

Nurse Joy.

Wow.

I thought of making a Pokémon Center joke, but refrained. She stepped out to watch me walk down the hall to Kas’s office. I knocked on the closed door and heard Nurse Joy walk back into the elevator. It chimed seconds later.

I heard the faint sound of the telly going in the lounge on this floor. I noted the nurses scrabbling patients into various locations, such as the lounge, their rooms or the nurse’s office and questioned how I managed to block it out after visiting here two times.

Kasler yelled, “Come in!” so I quickly pushed open the door and smiled at her. “Oh, hello, Tyler,” she greeted, also grinning. “How are you feeling? Why don’t you take a seat?”

I thanked her, sauntering over to lay back on the couch.

“I’m fine. How ya goin'?”

“I'm all right.” I waited for her to stand from her desk and make her way over to sit in the chair across from me. The session was quite mundane, actually. She asked an array of questions, all teetering around: do you feel like hurting yourself, how are you sleeping, how is your mood in general. (No - I didn't need to hurt myself with the amount of pain I was already effortlessly feeling, physically and emotionally - I was sleeping 'eh,' but my mood, I told her, wasn't horrible.)

It was a lot like the first session we had together.

I didn’t bring up anything about Carter in particular, but did mention that I made some new friends. I told her about Skip and how he thought I was a woman and how much he hits on me.

I told her about Hunter.

But overall, things were pretty good so far. I missed my friends, but all that meant was that I was going to try harder to behave and get better so I can leave and see everyone again.

I mentioned to her that I was planning on even getting a job around the hospital to make money for lunch. She said that was a great idea. I could maybe work for her as, like, an assistant.

I know I could have gone into detail about what our meeting was like, but, as you may have guessed, someone has writer’s block.

It really wasn’t anything special, anyway.

I did, however, get prescribed Abilify and Tylenol with codine in it.

Brill.

I had to wait for her to call the nurse’s station and, in a couple minutes, Nurse Joy was there to take me back upstairs.

I returned to see it was ‘recreational therapy’ time where they showed a film in the lounge. Today it was Flushed Away. I spotted Carter and Hunter sitting on the floor in front of the couch, sharing popcorn.

Eh. He said so himself that he’s straight-up gay, so whatever. I still felt a little ‘blaahhh’ that he was probably sitting there becoming great friends with her, but couldn’t be bothered to care that much. I let Nurse Joy walk off for the nurse’s station where she poured herself a cup of coffee before I immediately sprinted to my room.

I shut the door behind me and crawled onto my bed where I napped in between checking the clock. I’ve heard all day that four was when visiting hours were. I watched the digital clock go from two to four and when I wasn’t bombarded by a nurse coming in to tell me I had a visitor, I went right to sleep.

Ally didn’t come by at all. I didn’t blame her, but she promised she would visit soon and often.

I laid in bed until a nurse finally did march in. It was Debra.

“Dinner time.”

After shaking off my jacket, leaving it on the bed, I meet outside with the usual group – Skip, Cassie and ratchet chick. For dinner, it was beef stroganoff and steamed carrots. I had to take Skip through the line with me and sit at the table with him. I totes may have bought him another peanut butter biscuit/cookie/thing.

Thing is, it’s a waste of money. He doesn’t even remember to eat it. Which I guess is actually a good thing. He does have a peanut allergy, after all.

Skip mixed his carrots in with his beef stroganoff as he said to me, “Angel?”

“What, mate?”

“You owe me a Jell-O.”

“Uh, I do?”

“Because when I saw you I dropped mine. Get me another, my love. Strawberry.”

I was about to tell him to sod off when I caught Carter walking up to the line. “Yeah, alright.” I hopped up from my seat before he could thank me and slowed my roll several steps behind Carter.

There was a part of me that said moving on with Carter was wrong. At least it shouldn’t be happening so fast – three days after Ally and I officially broke it off. I never thought I’d have to move on from Ally. I honestly thought we would be together forever. I didn’t think I was going to get this bad this quickly.

But I knew we were over now and were never going to be anything again. I had to move on at some point. I can’t help when I find someone new. You can’t help having a crush. Then again, it’s all different when you have to get over the person you thought was ‘the one.’

But(t) fuck it. You gotta move on at some point.

Carter had asked for a blueberry Jell-O and thanked the lady when she handed it to him.

She asked me next, “And what can I get you?”

“Same.”

Carter seemed to recognise my voice right away though I only said one word. He glimpsed at me and smirked.

“Stalking me?”

“Well, you know.” I grabbed the Jell-O from the lady. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome, hun.”

Carter frowned at me. “Missed you earlier. What happened? You skipped out on a movie. We could've cuddled.” What did he need me for? He had Hunter to snuggle with.

“I found sleep more important than you.” He narrowed his eyes while I smiled sweetly.

“I know,” he said mockingly. We were now waiting for the patients in front of us to choose between peanut butter biscuits or Oreos. Carter elaborated, “I came by your room and you were dead asleep.”

I shrugged modestly. “What can I say? Ever since I’ve gotten here, I’ve just been so knackered. I don’t know why -…” I grasped what he said seconds later and backed away slightly, asking warily, “How do you know which room is mine? I’ve never showed you, have I?”

“I asked one of the nurses, duh.”

“Oh. Right.” Duh-doy, that was logical.

“You’re pretty cute when you sleep. I might stop by more often now.” He winked at me. There was no doubt in my mind that I highly resembled Skip when I was asleep. My natural reaction was to roll my eyes - and oh, did they roll.

I took his reply as a joke, though in retrospect, I should have ran away screaming. Little did I know, he was not joking one bit.

We finally got to the front of the line. Carter paid for his Jell-O. Then came my time. I mentally smacked the fuck out of my forehead, remembering I had yet again spent all the money Debra gave us when we first walked through the line this evening.

I stared down at the blue blob of Jell-O. Carter instantly seemed to know why as he laughed.

“Are you serious? What, you don’t got any money?”

I glared at him, glancing between him and the cashier. “Maybe,” I mumbled. His laugh was nothing but condescending as he gripped onto the cup of Jell-O he had bought himself, his other hand digging around his back pocket. He pulled out a one dollah bill and handed it to the cashier lady.

“This is the last time I’m doing this,” he said to me.

“Oh, I wouldn’t bet on that. I’m quite forgetful.” I began to walk off to Skip. Carter kept up with me.

“Fine, but you’re gonna have to pay me back somehow.”

“How about my dazzling smile? Does that suffice?”

I reached the table of Skip and his friends and didn’t sit immediately. Carter’s smile turned into that wonderful smirk as he leaned forward to whisper to me, “I definitely would like that mouth of yours.” I jerked my head away to give him a slanted glare and set Skip’s Jell-O on the table to wave Carter off with both of my hands.

“Alright, you little pimp. Go back to your home in the wild. That is no way to talk to a lady of my stature.”

His smirk stayed, but he held his hands up in defence, backing away slowly.

“Fine, fine. I’ll see you tonight.”

To his wink I traded the face I pulled when my eyes freaked the fuck out. I sat down in my chair, pushing the Jell-O in front of Skip.

That was when I remembered he had asked for a strawberry, but I grabbed a blueberry.

Damn Carter. Distracting me and whatnot. Trying to be the flirty man when that is obviously my part. Only a true lady could own the role. Though I had gone up to the line when he was there to be the flirt and he ended up making an oral sex innuendo. I was supposed to make the joke.

I scowled at my tray. Damn him. Damn him to heck.

Thankfully, however, Skip didn’t seem to notice that the Jell-O had a completely different flavour to it. I took my spork and stabbed it through one of the carrots laying out on my tray. I lifted it to take bite. Then spat it out, because it was colder than tits.

I wiped my mouth and sighed.

Yeeeaahh. Dying tastebuds and a failing memory.

Rock on.

The rest of dinner zipped by quickly. I spent most of it missing Gill and my dog, but not forgetting to think up future pick-up lines to use on Carter. I’m the man, okay.

Skip, Cassie, ratchet blonde chick and I were taken back upstairs with the help of our lovely assistant Debra. Cassie skipped off to the lounge; Skip and Debra headed for the nurse’s office while ratchet blonde chick went straight for her room.

I followed her example and scampered off to mine. I dived onto the mattress, cried at the pain I felt go through my arms and neck, but fell asleep within minutes.

It’s probably unhealthy the amount of sleeping I have done today – not to mention the past three days, actually. I guess I was just getting used to sleeping non-stop.

Or it could be that I literally have not eaten at all today or the past few. Damn.

It’s all Carter’s fault, I swear. See, this is why I didn’t want to make friends. I’d get distracted.

I slept like a big ol’ depressed baby until nine o’clock came around and the very extra pretty Nurse Joy knocked on my door.

Night med time.

Whoo. I was gonna need it, too, though we all know that nothing was going to keep me from sleeping any more.

I still sprinted out into the hallway and gawked at the long line leading from the nurse’s station. A very popular time for obvious reasons. You would think they were giving out signed pictures of Hayley Williams and not psychiatric medication from how frantic everyone was.

I spotted Carter and Hunter at the front of the line, Carter waiting for her to gulp down her meds. Once she downed them, they went into the lounge.

Dem bitches.

I...am I jealous? Nah, man. Nah.

The queue grew shorter and shorter and soon I was next.

“Name?”

“Tyler Williams.” I watched her skim through a file, then list off a few names of pills to the nurse in control of the drugs. In no time, I was handed a little cup containing a little green rectangular pill (Abilify), two tiny white circular pills (Tylenol with codine), and another green (Zoloft) and yellow one (Xanax) that was very similar to the white pill.

It all looked very pretty and after getting a small cup of water, I gulped them down into my stomach. I had to open my mouth to prove to them that I took the pills before being able to trash the two cups and walk back to my room.

I was greeted by Skip chilling in his bed. He sat with a book in his hands. It didn’t have a cover, so I didn’t know what. We exchanged hellos as I mimicked him, flopping down onto my mattress.

I reached up to grab the plushie kangaroo, read the quote and took the little book from its pouch.

I read Ally’s note:

You’re a trash bag,
but I love you, I guess.
Stay strong, dumbass.
Loooooooove your pal Al(ly)

I read it a few times then flipped through the motivational quotes the book contained. I went through the book twice until it was suddenly ten at night.

“Lights out!” I heard a nurse yell. Debra wheeled in Skip’s ventilator/respirator thing. She told him to turn it on when he was about to fall asleep. She made me promise that if he forgot, I would do it.

I made no promises.

I continued to skim over Ally’s note until I finally began to feel heavy with sleep. I set the book on the bedside table and laid back under my covers.

My first solid day here and it wasn’t so bad, was it. Tomorrow probably won’t be any better.

Then, my stomach growled loudly. Luckily, the sound was muffled by Skip’s breathing apparatus roaring when he realised it was not on and leaned over to flick the power button.

It was so frickin' loud. I was just waiting for the fighter jet to take off.

I eventually blocked it out when I happily drifted off into a deep, medicated slumber.