You Never Know

34. Drowning Sorrows

(Nicole’s POV)

Nicole bounded toward the locker room. She rounded the corner and ran right into a solid body; flying back and ultimately landing on her butt.

“I’m so sorry, Nic! I didn’t see you there. Are you okay?” Max reached out to help Nicole up.
“Yeah,” she said letting out a soft giggle while she brushed herself off, “We really need to stop meeting like this,” she says giving the Frenchman a sideways smile.

He returns the smile with one of his own, “Where were you off to on such a hurry?”
“The locker room. Doc gave me the go-ahead on the game Friday but coach still has to clear it.”

This news surprised Max; surely Nicole needed more time to heal; hell, he had been needing some time; the last couple of days had the worst he had ever experienced.

“Are you sure that you’re ready to come back so soon?” he questioned.
“Yeah, why?” she asked in a slightly pissed off tone.

“Nic, you just went through something traumatic. Surely you can’t be ready yet; if not in body then in mind,” Max was giving his honest opinion, Nicole knew this but it angered her non-the-less.

“That’s not up to you Maxime. Doc says I’m good then I’m good. I’ll be fine,” she defended.

Max held up both hands; he knew that he had angered her, that was not his purpose, he cared for her and thought she would be more torn up then she was saying; he was.

“I do not mean to offend you, Nicole. I am simply trying to look out for your well being.”
“Well don’t! That’s not your job,” Nicole spouted at her ex. He could see the anger in her eyes but he could see pain also. Nicole quickly shoved past the man; leaving him in the hall, alone.

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(Max’s POV from leaving the hospital)

In truth, Max had been torn up about the whole thing more than he was letting anyone see. Sure he had broken down in the hospital but other than that slip no one knew just how much the man was hurting. He had left the hospital with everyone. Several guys had offered to keep him company or for him to come back to their place, but what Max really wanted was solitude to grieve.

He had stopped by the liquor store and picked up three bottles of Jack; he needed something strong. When he made it home he barely kicked out of his shoes when he opened and downed half the first bottle. He went to the kitchen and pulled out a glass, filling it with ice.

He sank onto his couch and flipped on the TV. He had it on ESPN but they were running a story on Nicole and her being rushed to hospital; he quickly changed the station. Nothing on was appealing to him so he turned the TV off and sat in the dark, nursing the chilled glass.

Half way through the second glass, Max decided to pull out the pictures he had of the two of them. The photo’s ranged from their first outing, pictures with friends and teammates, to game days, practices, and silly pictures taken in private.

He flipped one over; it was of the two of them on one of their last days as a couple.

They were in Tampa and had decided to go exploring with a group of guys from both teams. He and Nicole were standing on the beach as the sun was going down. He was gazing down into her eyes, she had her hands on his chest and was staring back into his own. It was right before he admitted that he loved her, followed by a kiss and several cat calls.

Geno had been the one to snap the photo and had given it to him a week later. He had called it their ‘pre-wedding google-eyes’ photo; G said Max would thank Geno one day. Max would never understand that Russian’s mind.

Max threw the half empty glass against the wall; it shattered. How could he have been so stupid! He had the perfect girl, could have had the perfect life with their perfect child! And he threw it all away with both hand! Why?!

It wasn’t fair! He should be the one….the one who…..who…… MERDE! (Explicative) Who was he kidding? Life wasn’t fair. The good guys always got screwed. The problem was he wasn’t the good guy but he wasn’t a bad guy either. He fit nowhere. He had no home; no team. No love.

The alcohol was really hitting Max hard. He walked out onto the balcony. He leaned over, looking at the ground. If he fell, would anyone miss him? Certainly not Nicole. She had Sidney warming her bed now. What about the guys? They were all pissed at him before; now they pitied him; that was even worse in his opinion. Max leaned over further.

“Max?” He heard his named being called; damn he really had drank too much, now he was hearing voices.

“Talbo? What you do?”

What did he do? What had he done? Screwed up his life, that’s what.

“Max, come,” the voice demanded gently as he started to lean further over the railing.

He lost his balance.

“Max! нет! (NO!)” A hand flashed out; grabbing the drunken man and stopping him from toppling five stories to his death.

“О чем вы думали! (What were you thinking!)?” Max stared into two sets of dark eyes; well it was one but he was seeing double now.

“W..what are youu doing!” Max slurred.

Geno looked at the inebriated man, his friend who nearly threw himself off the ledge.

“No. you go sleep now.”
“Whaaaat?!? No no no we need to drink!” Max loudly slurred as his teammate led him inside. Max jerked away from the larger man toward the kitchen. He didn’t make it far before he tumbled over the coffee table.

“Who put t..that therrre?” he exclaimed. Geno sighed and picked up the man; setting him down on the couch.

“What you do on ledge?” Geno questioned.

Max leaned toward the Russian, his vision blurring as the man split in two.

“G, since when did you have a twin?” this notion set the drunken man into hysterics.

“Answer question,” the man stated calmly.

“Oh you know…..thinkin ‘bout stuff…..did you know I ruined my life?” Max asked; Geno was confused.
“Yep,” he said exaggerating the ‘P’ to make it pop, “I l…lost my girl and now my kid…..I ruin everything I t…touch….. I…I wouldn’t get to close G….I might ruin yours too,” Max smiled halfheartedly before be broke down in tears again.

Geno looked at the broken man before him. Gone was he happy go lucky friend that everyone loved. In his place was a shell, full of sorrow and doubt; so unsure of who he was anymore that he resorted to drinking himself onto a literal ledge, and almost jumping.

Geno pulled the man in close, “It okay, Talbo. You have воины сердце. You fight back, be okay. Not end. Not now.”

“What does that mean?” Max knew Geno understood the question.

“воины сердце means you warriors heart,” Geno said pointing to Max’s chest; right where his heart was.

“It mean you fighter, you be better after hard time. Always.”
“I still love her, G,” Max was back on Nicole.
“I know. She love, but not same. She love Sidney now.”

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(Regular POV the day after)

Max had woken with a killer hang over. He and Geno had stayed up and talked for a while before heading to bed. G stayed in the guest room just in case Max decided to hit the bottle again. When Max left the confines of his room, he saw a note left by his teammate saying he went to optional. Max decided to go too.

That’s how he ended up running into Nicole. Truthfully he was surprised to see her so soon out of the hospital; he had figured they would have kept her longer. What he didn’t expect was arguing with her.

She was defensive. She only got like that when she knew she was in the wrong but didn’t want to back down. She had proven over and over again that she was a fighter; but Max thought she was wrong this time. She needed time to heal both physically and mentally. She wouldn’t listen to him. Max sought out coach.

He was in his office looking over plays and match-ups when Max found him. Max knocked on the door.

“Max. What can I do for you?” Dan asked taking in to red eyes and flushed face of his defenseman.
“I need to talk to you about Nicole,” Max started but Dan held up his hand, silencing the concerned man.
“I already know about Nicole, and you, and I’m going to play her Friday.”
“But…but Coach….”

“No arguments. Doc says she’s healthy and ready to play, so she will. Maybe it will help her.”

“Help her how?! She could get hurt worse!” Max exclaimed, he couldn’t understand how their coach could let her play…she had just gotten out of the hospital for Christ sakes.

“She needs something to keep her mind preoccupied. That’s how she works. And it could be an outlet for any anger she may have; let me ask you, has she lashed out at you since yesterday?”

Max knew he was in a corner on this, “Well, yeah but….”
“No buts. She’s playing and that’s final.”

Max stormed out of the room; he was furious at his coaches and medical staff. Was winning so important that they would risk her health? She could suffer if she was hit. Max was convinced of this and nothing would change his mind.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

(Friday game)

“Let’s go boys! We’ve got some Capital ass to kick today!” Nicole was pumped and ready to go; she was focused and nothing would bring her down from the high she was riding. She bounced on her skates as the rest of the guys filed out onto the runway.

“Easy Nic. You’re going to run out of steam before we even make it to the ice!” Duper chirped as he bumped her with his stick.

“Can’t help it. Mikey was talking some major trash yesterday and I’m ready to prove him wrong,” Nicole said as she playfully jabbed at Jordan.

He snorted, “as if you could take me!”
“Anytime, anywhere, Gronk! Just name your poison!” she chirped back.

Tanger and Sidney were watching the two play, “I have twenty on the giant,” Tanger said.
“I’ll take that bet,” Sidney said bumping fist with him.
“королева (the queen) can take him,” Geno said cutting into the two’s conversation. Max was the only player not cutting up which was unusual for him. Nicole noticed.

“What’s wrong, Maxi? You should be pumped too! We’re playing outside AND we’re going to kick some major Cap ass!” she said giving his a light shove. Max brushed her off.

“You’re not still mad about the other day are you?” Nicole questioned. Max didn’t answer her; he didn’t want to start anything with Nicole right before a game.

“Look I’m sorry I jumped you okay. You have to understand, I need to play!” Nicole sounded exasperated; clearly she wasn’t getting through to the stubborn man. Max just ignored her.

Flower came running down the hall, “Let’s go you bastards!”
Game time!

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(After the Game)

The locker room was pumping. The Penguins had just defeated the Capitals’ 4-3. Sure it wasn’t a shut out, but it was a victory. The guys were all celebrating, including Max. He wasn’t as into it as the others but his mind was preoccupied. He glanced over at Nic, she was on her phone texting someone.

“Anything interesting?” Max inquired.
“Mikey. He owes me a hundo for losing,” Nicole offered with a smile. Max gave her a small one back.
“Hey, can we talk in a bit?” Nicole asked. Max thought about it.

“Sure. Come over when you get home. Or before you go to Sid’s. Whichever your doing tonight,” Max agreed as he put his suit jacket on.

“You’re not going out?”
“Not tonight, ma chère fille.”
“Okay. I’ll be by when I’m finished with the interviews,” She nodded at the camera’s coming in.
“See you then. The door will be open,” Max left the room.

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(Nicole and Max POV)

Nicole was thrown off by Max’s frostiness toward her. She was so use to him brushing off any mood swing she and the guys threw at him. It almost messed her game up; almost.

She made her way up the five flights of stairs, opting out of the quick lift to take her to her destination. She knocked lightly even though Max had said the door would be open. She heard a muffled ‘It’s open’ before she tried the knob.

“Max?” she called out.
“Bedroom! Be out in a minute!” he called back to her.

Nicole made herself at home; it was the first time she had been over since the breakup. She slowly made her way around the room, looking at pictures while being bombarded by memories of their nights together. She noticed a stack of pictures lying haphazardly across the coffee table. She bent slightly to get a better look.

“That was in Tampa,” Max said, startling Nicole, as he came back in the room. She had the photo of the two of them in her hands.

“Yeah, I remember that week well,” she said.
“Max took the picture from her hands, “That was the day I told you that I loved you for the first time.” His eyes cut back to her face.

“I remember,” She whispered, “What are you doing with them out?”

“Pulled them out the night you were in the hospital.” Nicole waited for more; she gave Max a ‘continue’ look.

“You always did know me better than the rest,” he paused, “I got drunk, pulled the pictures out of hiding, got drunk, threw a perfectly good glass at that wall,” he pointed behind her, “and nearly took a tumble off my balcony. Good thing Geno decided to check in on me or else I would be six feet under.”

Max sat on the couch. Nicole’s hands flew to her mouth as she let out a gasp. She sat beside him, more so she wouldn’t fall from shock.

“Max! What were you thinking?!” she exclaimed.

“That I couldn’t live without you. Without our child,” his eyes were heavy with regrets; ones that Nicole knew all too well.

“That’s no way to handle this sort of thing Maxime.”
“And playing injured is?” He questioned.

“I’m not….”

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Nicole! You miscarried! There is no way you should have played today! You should have been off for at least a week if not two!”

“The doctors and Dan cleared me,” she tried to defend.
“They were more worried about winning than your safety, Nicole! That is why you were cleared.”
“They wouldn’t…..”

“They would. That part of why I am leaving,” Max slipped. He hadn’t meant to tell her yet. He didn’t want anyone to know until after playoffs.

“You’re what?” Nicole was confused, surely the man beside her hadn’t said that; he loved being a Penguin.

“I’m leaving; when the season ends so does my contract. I’ve already talked to my agent, Ray and Mario. Geno know but no one else does and I would like to keep it that way,” He looked Nicole in the eyes to make sure she understood.

“But Max, you can’t! You’re part of the team! You’re one of the heart and soul players that every team needs!” She exclaimed.

“I have too, Nicole.”

“Why?” Nicole had tears in her eyes. Even with their differences, she didn’t want him to leave. The team wouldn’t be the same without him.

“I’m not a part of the team anymore, Nicole. Not really. They guys all took you side, not that I blame them. But I feel like they don’t have my back anymore, and that’s not okay. And now with our miscarriage all I get is pity; which is worse than anger. Anger I can take. Pity, not so much,” he gave a tired laugh.

“You can’t leave us Max. We still need you,” She tried to reason, choking up in the process.

Max chuckled, if Nicole had said that she needed him then he would have reconsidered leaving. But that wasn’t the case and he knew it. She knew it. He was being selfless; he was moving aside so that she and the team could prosper. It was how it had to be.

“No, you don’t, ma belle fille. You and the guys will be just fine without me.”