Fake Smiles and Shaking Hands

'Hey.' I smile, opening the front door for Alex,
'Hey baby.' he smiles and wraps his arms around my neck, 'how are you?' he asks,
'Im fine lexy. How are you?' I whisper, shutting the door,
'Good now I've got you.' he says softly and I smile,
'Babe, you're shaking.' I say quietly, squeezing him tightly,
'I had a panic attack this morning. Im fine.' he chuckles,
'Are you sure darling? Is there anything I can do?' I ask,
'No baby. Everything's fine. It wasn't major at all. Mum calmed me down.' he shrugs,
'Okay, good. Come upstairs, I have something cool to show you.' I chuckle, grabbing his hand and pulling him upstairs,
'What is it babe?' Alex laughs,
'I was clearing some stuff out and I found an old Polaroid camera and it works and everything!' I say happily, dragging Alex into my room and making him sit on my bed, I grab the camera off the bedside table and show him,
'Do you like photography?' he asks,
'Love it.' I grin, 'smile for me beautiful.' I add and he smiles up at me, I take a picture and the camera dispenses it, I shake it a bit before smiling happily and showing him,
'Thats really cool. I look awful.' he chuckles,
'You look beautiful.' I smile, walking over to my cork board and pinning it near Alex's poem,
'Come take a picture with me.' Alex says an I walk back over to him and he pulls me into his lap,
'Am I not too heavy?' I ask nervously,
'Baby, you're not heavy at all.' he sighs, resting his chin on my shoulder, I lift the camera up, facing it at us and taking a picture, I pull it out the camera and shake it before turning it over, me and Alex are both smiling but I'm looking at the camera but he is glancing to the side, his eyes on me,
'Youre so pretty.' I whisper,
'You're beautiful.' he breathes, kissing my neck softly, I stand up and go pin it on my board,
'You're really cute, you know?' Alex chuckles,
'Why?' I ask,
'The whole memories thing. The need to capture memories. It's just cute.' he shrugs,
'I had my childhood ripped away from me. I want to remember good moments in my life.' I explain,
'God Jack, you are so amazing.' he sighs, holding his arms out, I walk over and curl into his chest, 'Jack, I-I love y-you.' he whispers shakily and I smile, it's the first time he's said it in person,
'I love you too.' I whisper back, I lean up and kiss his cheek softly.

--

'Jacky, please.' Alex begs, trying to press the fork of pasta to my lips,
'No Alex. I've had enough. I'm not eating anymore, end of story.' I snap, pushing his arm away,
'Please baby.' he sighs,
'No. You can't make me.' I mutter and he looks at me sadly before dropping the fork on the plate and looking down, tugging his sleeves over his hands, 'Alex...' I sigh and he doesn't look up,
'Baby?' I whisper and he sniffs,
'Im only trying to help you.' he whimpers,
'I know Alex. But it's just difficult for me.' I sigh,
'I know Jack. Of course I know that Jack. But no matter what you think, I know that you are beautiful and you're not worth what you go through.' he says shakily, he sounds like he's crying, I take a shaky breath and pick up the fork and start eating slowly, Alex looks up and smiles, 'thank you.' he whispers,
'Lex, you need to realise that there are gonna be days where I just can't being myself to eat. It won't be your fault. I just won't be able.' I say softly,
'I know jack. But I just don't want to lose you.' he breathes.

--

'Lex?' I whisper, touching Alex's back softly,
'Panic attack.' he mutters,
'Fuck. Lex what do I do?' I ask quickly,
'C-Can you get me a d-drink?' he stutters and I rush to the kitchen and get him a glass of water,
'What caused it baby?' I ask, kneeling in front of him and giving him the glass, he takes a few sips shakily,
'I was over thinking things.' he mumbles,
'Okay honey. It's okay. I'm here.' I whisper, rubbing his thigh gently, he smiles softly and puts his hand on mine,
'Jacky, calm down darling, I'm fine.' he chuckles,
'I just worry.' I sigh,
'Yeah, I get that honey. But I'm okay.' he smiles reassuringly, pulling me up into his lap,
'You're so perfect.' I whisper, stroking his cheek,
'You're beautiful. Please don't think differently.' he breathes, kissing me softly.

(a few days later)

'Please.' Alex whimpers, trying to give me half of his sandwich, I shake my head and push it away,
'Oh for god sake Jack, just eat the damn thing! Can you not see how much you're stressing Alex out? Get over this anorexia shit and stop causing Alex so much pain.' Rian snaps and me, Alex and Zack all stare at him, shocked by his outburst,
'Rian Dawson you can't fucking say that! Do you even realise what you just did?!' Zack exclaims,
'Fuck you Rian. Fuck you.' I mutter and stand up, running off.

-Alexs POV-

'I cant fucking believe you.' I sneer, quickly putting my stuff back in my bag,
'Oh come on Alex. We were all thinking it.' Rian complains,
'No, no we weren't.' I yell at him,
'Zack? Help me babe?' Rian whispers,
'No Rian. You've crossed a line this time. I know you're trying to protect Alex but I can't believe you fucking said that to him. Jacks supposed to be your friend, he has a serious disorder Rian.' Zack snaps,
'Im going to go find him. I whisper and start standing up,
'No, you talk to Rian. I'll find him.' zack says quickly and runs off,
'Alex-' I cut Rian off,
'No. I dont wanna hear it. You've really fucked up this time Rian.' I say calmly,
'Alex please, I'm sorry, I shouldn't of said it, I'm just so fucking worried he's going to hurt you.' Rian whispers,
'Rian, why can't you trust me? Why can't you trust Jack? I love him so damn much Ri. Please, I know that I've got to be careful, and I am, but I really think he's the one Rian. I don't mind that I have to look after him a little bit. He has to look after me too so it works well, please, don't fuck this up for me.' I say softly,
'Im so sorry.' he whimpers,

'Could you not find him?' I gasp when Zack comes back,
'Hes gone home. Signed out saying he had a dentist appointment.' Zack sighs,
'For fuck sake.' I whisper and bring my knees up to my chest and hide my head,
'This is your fault.' Zack snaps at his boyfriend,
'Dont be angry Zacky, we've spoken about it.' I sigh and Zack sits down next to me and wraps his arms around me tightly,
'Thanks.' I whisper, turning my face into his chest and breathing deeply.

--

'Hi Joyce, is Jack home?' I ask softly when Jacks mum answers the door,
'Yes darling, has something happened between you two? He seemed very upset.' she sighs,
'Its a long story. Can I see him?' I ask and she nods,
'Of course sweetie. He's upstairs.' she whispers.
'Hey beautiful.' I say quietly, walking into Jacks room, his arms open automatically and I rush over to his bed, getting in with him and hugging him tightly,
'Why does he hate me so much? What have I ever done to him?' he whimpers,
'Hes just trying to protect me.' I sigh,
'Does he really think I'd hurt you? I love you so much Alex. You are my life right now.' he sobs and I kiss his forehead,
'Its okay sweetie. I know you wont hurt me.' I whisper,
'Does me not eating really cause you that much stress?' he asks,
'No honey. You having anorexia kills me, it really does, but I just want to help.' I say softy, combing my fingers through his hair.