Why to Be Afraid of Tomorrow
Part 11
First step to overcome my addiction is behind me. I decided that I DO really want to stop using drugs. The second step is to be patient with myself and be completely honest with myself and others.
I’m coming to the classroom, not hooded as I used to do. I’m sitting down at, this time, the empty desk – Daniel’s not here. I sighed. I didn’t want to be alone now. Luckily, David’s joining me. “Hello, Pie.” He greeted quietly and smiled heartily. I did the same. “Hi.” I tried to smile to cover my abdominal pain and nausea. “So, how do you feel? I hope you didn’t take another dose of drugs.” He asked abashed. I hesitated before saying: “I admit it, yesterday I had one but it was my last. I’m sure about that.” I said quietly but convincingly. “Okay, do you promise it was the last?” He asked and looked into my eyes. “Yes, I don’t want to take these shits anymore.” I decided. “Okay. Pierre I wanna help you, okay? So, I will try to be your best friend I can be. I’ll be here for you.” I nodded slowly before he continued: “I will text you, call you, see you, I will do fun activities, hang out and support you, do you get it?” I nodded again as I said: “Yes, surely.” I smiled. “And why? Because you need to know that there will be people to support you on the road to recovery.” He smiled again. “OK. Thank you.” I answered silently. The headache is heightening now. “Shit,” I told aloud before wiping my sweaty forehead with my hand. I’m breathing heavily. “What’s going on?” David asked discomposedly and rested his hand on my shoulder before I managed to speak: “Nothing, I have a pain in my head.” I barely answered before my stomach tightened. “I'm gonna throw up,” I said quickly and ran to the restroom. “Pierre!” I heard a weak voice calling me from the classroom. I don’t know what he said. In the washroom I vomited. “Damn it,” I said before looking into the looking-glass. “I can't master it,” I told to the reflection and wiped my dirty mouth with a towel.
I’m going down the street unaccompanied slowly. I’m holding the straps of my school backpack. I’ve got rapid breathing over again. I came to the crossroad. I’m hesitating. To the left or to the right? The thinking took me some time and then I went to the left slowly. I need a dose, I thought. I’m looking around to see if anyone’s beholding my direction. On the other side of the street I glimpsed David. Luckily, he’s not looking at me. I’m watching him quite long before saying: “No, go to the right, go home, Pierre,” I told to myself and went home. I knew the right way is to the right.
When I came home I was so much bushed. I threw my backpack away on the floor. I sat on the edge of my bed. Immediately I got up again. I’m screaming loudly and banging into the wall with my fist. “SHIT!” I exclaimed and slid down against the wall. I’m breathing quickly, shortly and heavily. My palms are sweating. The feeling I have is excruciating. I have a strong headache. My tears of pain are gushing and flowing down my cheeks. “HECK!” I screamed and banged the wall again so much that the wall was cracked. I sighed and tried to stand up but during my first attempt I fell down. The second time I did it. I'm propping up against the wall and looking at by bedside table. There are two photos - one of my mommy and one of my dream boy David. I’m coming nearer and taking them. My tears are falling at them. “You’re my only reasons why I’m alive now. I’m gonna overcome it for you,” I said and burst into tears. I’m sure I’m gonna get out of it.
I need something to chase away the bad feelings and pain but I don’t want to do it my usual way, by using drugs. I need to sleep it off but how? Although I’m sleepy and exhausted but I can’t fall asleep. The simplest way to overcome my insomnia and pain is to draw. I took a paper and drew all my feelings.
Now I’m lying in my bed. When I close my eyes I suppose I'm supposed to sleep, but these crazy thoughts just keep running through me.
I realized I endured without drugs for two days. I’m looking at the ceiling, thinking about the struggle of life. It will be really hard to get through, I admitted to myself.
I’m coming to the classroom, not hooded as I used to do. I’m sitting down at, this time, the empty desk – Daniel’s not here. I sighed. I didn’t want to be alone now. Luckily, David’s joining me. “Hello, Pie.” He greeted quietly and smiled heartily. I did the same. “Hi.” I tried to smile to cover my abdominal pain and nausea. “So, how do you feel? I hope you didn’t take another dose of drugs.” He asked abashed. I hesitated before saying: “I admit it, yesterday I had one but it was my last. I’m sure about that.” I said quietly but convincingly. “Okay, do you promise it was the last?” He asked and looked into my eyes. “Yes, I don’t want to take these shits anymore.” I decided. “Okay. Pierre I wanna help you, okay? So, I will try to be your best friend I can be. I’ll be here for you.” I nodded slowly before he continued: “I will text you, call you, see you, I will do fun activities, hang out and support you, do you get it?” I nodded again as I said: “Yes, surely.” I smiled. “And why? Because you need to know that there will be people to support you on the road to recovery.” He smiled again. “OK. Thank you.” I answered silently. The headache is heightening now. “Shit,” I told aloud before wiping my sweaty forehead with my hand. I’m breathing heavily. “What’s going on?” David asked discomposedly and rested his hand on my shoulder before I managed to speak: “Nothing, I have a pain in my head.” I barely answered before my stomach tightened. “I'm gonna throw up,” I said quickly and ran to the restroom. “Pierre!” I heard a weak voice calling me from the classroom. I don’t know what he said. In the washroom I vomited. “Damn it,” I said before looking into the looking-glass. “I can't master it,” I told to the reflection and wiped my dirty mouth with a towel.
I’m going down the street unaccompanied slowly. I’m holding the straps of my school backpack. I’ve got rapid breathing over again. I came to the crossroad. I’m hesitating. To the left or to the right? The thinking took me some time and then I went to the left slowly. I need a dose, I thought. I’m looking around to see if anyone’s beholding my direction. On the other side of the street I glimpsed David. Luckily, he’s not looking at me. I’m watching him quite long before saying: “No, go to the right, go home, Pierre,” I told to myself and went home. I knew the right way is to the right.
When I came home I was so much bushed. I threw my backpack away on the floor. I sat on the edge of my bed. Immediately I got up again. I’m screaming loudly and banging into the wall with my fist. “SHIT!” I exclaimed and slid down against the wall. I’m breathing quickly, shortly and heavily. My palms are sweating. The feeling I have is excruciating. I have a strong headache. My tears of pain are gushing and flowing down my cheeks. “HECK!” I screamed and banged the wall again so much that the wall was cracked. I sighed and tried to stand up but during my first attempt I fell down. The second time I did it. I'm propping up against the wall and looking at by bedside table. There are two photos - one of my mommy and one of my dream boy David. I’m coming nearer and taking them. My tears are falling at them. “You’re my only reasons why I’m alive now. I’m gonna overcome it for you,” I said and burst into tears. I’m sure I’m gonna get out of it.
I need something to chase away the bad feelings and pain but I don’t want to do it my usual way, by using drugs. I need to sleep it off but how? Although I’m sleepy and exhausted but I can’t fall asleep. The simplest way to overcome my insomnia and pain is to draw. I took a paper and drew all my feelings.
Now I’m lying in my bed. When I close my eyes I suppose I'm supposed to sleep, but these crazy thoughts just keep running through me.
I realized I endured without drugs for two days. I’m looking at the ceiling, thinking about the struggle of life. It will be really hard to get through, I admitted to myself.