Why to Be Afraid of Tomorrow
Part 7
I sat down next to a strange man in worn-out faded black jacket. I sighed. The unknown chap noticed me and all the time he was staring at me. I cleared my throat. “You look unhappy. What’s your name?” He inferred probably because of my tearful eyes. I looked into his face for the first time. His scarred and dirty face frightened me. I swallowed thickly. “I’m Pierre. Yes, I’m un-hap-ppy…” I stuttered. But after a while I managed to talk on. “My daddy hates me because of my sexual orientation and today I couldn’t stand his insults so I ran away from home.” I spoke out even if I was afraid. “Maybe I know what can take you to a better place just away from the reality.” He said at a slow pace and I hesitated. “You know, I think that nothing will help me.” He looked at me weirdly and smiled weakly. “Heroin. It’s the only solution.” I was horrified to what he said. “Wha-a-t?” I couldn’t believe my own ears what he said. “I will tell you something. We are all in the same game just different levels. We’re dealing with the same hell just different devils. Heroin or other drugs can make you feel better.” I was considering his sentence. I swallowed again. “Are you sure it will help me?” I asked just to be sure. “You know, 2 years ago I got fired from work. And because of it my long-time wife left me with both of my kids.” His slow speech was dreadful. Not mention his hoarse and low voice. “Then I ended up right here. Only drugs helped me to get away.” I hesitated all the time. “I'm not forcing you to do anything I’m just making an offer.” “I will try it.” I decided.
Now we’re coming to the men's toilets. The room is pretty dirty. I took a look around. There are some old used injections on the floor. I swallowed. “Come on.” The hoarse voice said and pulled me to the cabin. I sat on the toilet seat and the man knelt in front of. He pulled out of his pocket big injection, a spoon and a lighter. After a while he pulled out even a small sachet of white powder. I knew what was going on. “Roll up your sleeve.” His low disagreeable voice said and I did. In the first instance he put the lighter under the spoon with heroin. After a while of disbanding he put the limpid fluid into the injection and put it to my swollen vein on my left arm. “Get some life in you.” He said and stuck the injection into my vein. “Bye bye problems.” These words were my last. In a couple of seconds I had a feeling of warmness in my abdomen. The troubles and pain were disappearing and the thoughts with them. It was a kick……..
I'm sitting at the station. I’m smiling. It’s so beautiful feeling like everything is OK. Nothing is that bad. I feel high. Some guys are here with me. I don’t know their faces but they feel the same as me, I think.
It's noon. A few hours after the other symptoms attacked me. I’m lying in my bed. Luckily, my dad’s not here right now. I’m looking into space. De facto I don’t even know how I got home. Shit, I'm feeling a tickle in my throat. I’m running to the bathroom briskly. I threw up. I feel sick.
After a while I washed out my mouth and wiped my dirty chin. I’m looking to the mirror. My head is spinning. I smacked myself onto my cheeks and rinsed my face with water. I sipped some water from my palm and looked back at the silhouette in the mirror. “What the fuck is it?!” I spoke in a hoarse voice silently. I cleared my throat and went back to my room. On the way I tottered. I didn't feel nerves. I looked at the calendar. “Thursday, school, fuck.” I said a bit louder. I took a jacket and my school backpack and went out to school.
On the crossroad I hesitated. Will I go to the right or to the left? I took a look around. Right way leads to school and the left leads to the station. I sighed and swallowed. Almost in half a minute I was fully decided. I went to the left. And what reason for? Because in that moment I needed anything to stop my headache and I wanted something to chase away the bad feelings and pain. Just, I got a withdrawal syndrome and my body calls for re-use.
I came closer to the man I already knew - he sat in the same place as before. “Hey, man?” I said and expected his turn. “Pierre?” I was surprised by his response. How could he remember my name? And how did he guess that it was me when he was still back turned? Strange. He turned at me finally. “What do you need?” Again I heard his hoarse voice. “I need more.” I said simply and a bit quietly. “It won't be free of charge.” He said and I hesitated. “How much?” I asked and looked around to nobody saw me talking with a dealer. Luckily there was nobody I knew. “About 150 dollars.” I was frightened. It’s too much, I thought. “Hey, it’s too expensive.” I said. “Do you have cold turkey? Because if you do I think it’s the only possibility.” His low voice said before he cleared his throat. “I have only this. How much heroin I can get for this money?” I sat next to him and showed him the contents of my pocket. “Oh, maybe about 15 milligrams. It is sufficient for the single dose.” I was pleased. “Okay, take it.” He gave me a small sachet of heroin. And in return I gave him my money. “Hey, how can I make more money?” I asked and put the bag in my pocket. “The only possibility is to be a slut.” I swallowed thickly. I didn’t expect an answer like this. “What? Is there another solution?” “Truly, no. Or maybe do you have an idea how to get a lot of money for a short period of time?” I looked down. “No.” I said disappointed. “The next time, come up with more money, okay?” He said and smiled weakly. Truly, his smile wasn’t any charming. “Yes, okay.” I said and set off of the station.
Immediately as I got home I went to the bathroom. And insomuch as I didn’t have an injection so I had to take snuff. Luckily, the effect was immediate.
Now we’re coming to the men's toilets. The room is pretty dirty. I took a look around. There are some old used injections on the floor. I swallowed. “Come on.” The hoarse voice said and pulled me to the cabin. I sat on the toilet seat and the man knelt in front of. He pulled out of his pocket big injection, a spoon and a lighter. After a while he pulled out even a small sachet of white powder. I knew what was going on. “Roll up your sleeve.” His low disagreeable voice said and I did. In the first instance he put the lighter under the spoon with heroin. After a while of disbanding he put the limpid fluid into the injection and put it to my swollen vein on my left arm. “Get some life in you.” He said and stuck the injection into my vein. “Bye bye problems.” These words were my last. In a couple of seconds I had a feeling of warmness in my abdomen. The troubles and pain were disappearing and the thoughts with them. It was a kick……..
I'm sitting at the station. I’m smiling. It’s so beautiful feeling like everything is OK. Nothing is that bad. I feel high. Some guys are here with me. I don’t know their faces but they feel the same as me, I think.
It's noon. A few hours after the other symptoms attacked me. I’m lying in my bed. Luckily, my dad’s not here right now. I’m looking into space. De facto I don’t even know how I got home. Shit, I'm feeling a tickle in my throat. I’m running to the bathroom briskly. I threw up. I feel sick.
After a while I washed out my mouth and wiped my dirty chin. I’m looking to the mirror. My head is spinning. I smacked myself onto my cheeks and rinsed my face with water. I sipped some water from my palm and looked back at the silhouette in the mirror. “What the fuck is it?!” I spoke in a hoarse voice silently. I cleared my throat and went back to my room. On the way I tottered. I didn't feel nerves. I looked at the calendar. “Thursday, school, fuck.” I said a bit louder. I took a jacket and my school backpack and went out to school.
On the crossroad I hesitated. Will I go to the right or to the left? I took a look around. Right way leads to school and the left leads to the station. I sighed and swallowed. Almost in half a minute I was fully decided. I went to the left. And what reason for? Because in that moment I needed anything to stop my headache and I wanted something to chase away the bad feelings and pain. Just, I got a withdrawal syndrome and my body calls for re-use.
I came closer to the man I already knew - he sat in the same place as before. “Hey, man?” I said and expected his turn. “Pierre?” I was surprised by his response. How could he remember my name? And how did he guess that it was me when he was still back turned? Strange. He turned at me finally. “What do you need?” Again I heard his hoarse voice. “I need more.” I said simply and a bit quietly. “It won't be free of charge.” He said and I hesitated. “How much?” I asked and looked around to nobody saw me talking with a dealer. Luckily there was nobody I knew. “About 150 dollars.” I was frightened. It’s too much, I thought. “Hey, it’s too expensive.” I said. “Do you have cold turkey? Because if you do I think it’s the only possibility.” His low voice said before he cleared his throat. “I have only this. How much heroin I can get for this money?” I sat next to him and showed him the contents of my pocket. “Oh, maybe about 15 milligrams. It is sufficient for the single dose.” I was pleased. “Okay, take it.” He gave me a small sachet of heroin. And in return I gave him my money. “Hey, how can I make more money?” I asked and put the bag in my pocket. “The only possibility is to be a slut.” I swallowed thickly. I didn’t expect an answer like this. “What? Is there another solution?” “Truly, no. Or maybe do you have an idea how to get a lot of money for a short period of time?” I looked down. “No.” I said disappointed. “The next time, come up with more money, okay?” He said and smiled weakly. Truly, his smile wasn’t any charming. “Yes, okay.” I said and set off of the station.
Immediately as I got home I went to the bathroom. And insomuch as I didn’t have an injection so I had to take snuff. Luckily, the effect was immediate.