My Paper Heart Will Bleed

The rest of Ashley's summer vacation went by antagonizingly slow. Grounded for six months with nothing to do but dwell on that night. That night he lost everything... His parents trust, his best friend and his boyfriend. Every night he would lay in his bed, singing quietly to himself as tears streamed down his cheeks, wanting nothing more than to take everything back. He wanted to be held by Andy; he wanted to be told it would all be okay. Then again, Andy had said it would be okay the night it all happened. Ashley laughed bitterly any time the memory would come up, which was actually quite often. What exactly did Andy classify as 'okay'? Because this sure as hell wasn't anywhere near okay. That was how Ashley saw it, though. While he was spending time drowning in misery, Andy was probably enjoying his life now that he got rid of such a clingy, whiny, needy boyfriend. Andy probably never even loved him... and that was the thought that cut the deepest.
Ashley clutched the backpack slung over his shoulder as he nervously made his way to his locker. First day of school and no sign of Andy... Good. He couldn't bare to see him again. Yet a small part of him was dying to see his gorgeous baby blues. He was just beginning to shut his locker when he saw a familiar mess of black hair in the crowded hallway. They made eye contact for a brief second. Andy's eyes lit up happily, while Ashley's filled with tears. He slammed his locker and ran to his class, sitting in the back and hiding his face in his arms. Luckily, they only shared two classes. English and the small, short advisory class after lunch. They didn't ever do anything in that class but socialize, or sit and do nothing.
"Mind if I sit down?" the voice that had been haunting his dreams, nightmares and every last thought for the past two months sounded next to him after the bell for Advisory rang. Andy didn't wait for Ashley to answer; he sat down anyways. "So... how was your summer?" Ashley looked away, remaining his silent. He did not just ask that... Ashley thought to himself bitterly. The tears began to sting his eyes all over again, but the butterflies in his stomach were raging inside like they used to when Andy would hold him... Andy cleared his throat. "Right, okay, sorry. Bad question. Um.. how have you been?" he asked, hoping for an answer. Ashley stared at him with dead eyes, shaking his head. He wouldn't answer that either. "Please talk to me, ba- Ash..." he quickly corrected himself. Ashley couldn't believe it. Two months. Two god damn months of pure Hell and he still found it a habit to call him babe? Ashley shoved his notebook into his bag and stood up.
"Fine. Hi. I'm Ashley. I'm 16, I like music and I like to be alone. My parents think I'm a shitty son, my best friend thinks I hate her, I trust people to easily and I made the biggest mistake of my life because I felt the need to feel loved." he said, voice trembling and cracking. The whole room was silent now as they listened curiously. Andys eyes saddened immensly as he stared up at him.
"Ash... I-"
"Save it! Just... don't talk to me. Please." He whimpered and left the room. He found himself resting against the cold, tiled wall of the boys restroom, sobbing into his knees a few minutes later. Why did Andy insist on killing him more inside? Hadn't he done enough damage?
"Ashley, please.. I'm sorry. I never meant for this to happen."
Obviously not.
"Go away." he whispered weakly. "I don't want to talk to you."
"then don't." Andy knelt down. "Just listen... I broke up with you because I knew I would get you in more trouble. I couldn't bare to see you the way I did that day. It killed me to know it was all my fault. This is all my fault and I don't know how to fix it." he trailed off to think of what to say next. Ashley refused to let him finish. He turned and buried his face in his chest, sobbing and taking in his sweet, soothing scent. Cigarettes and cologne... His whole body racked with broken sobs. "I'm sorry- I- I'm sorry I wasn't good enough." He cried.
"Sh.. sh, no, Ash.. you were the best boyfriend I've ever had. You were more than enough, more than I could ever deserve. You.. You're an angel." Andy murmured. "I'm a demon. Don't you see? We're complete opposites. I'm not good for you, I'm toxic and you're... God, you're everything that's pure and perfect."
Ashley looked up, calmed down just a little. "If I'm an angel, then I want to fall." He whispered.
Andy smiled faintly and wiped a tear with his thumb. "You always were poetic.." he sighed. "But this angel can't fall. He's forbidden to fall."
Ashley began to sob again with his head on his shoulder. He didn't know how he felt anymore. He didn't know if he wanted to hate Andy or if he wanted to love Andy. How could he hate him, though? He had tried so hard to and he couldn't find a single thing about him to hate.
Why did this have to hurt so much? Better yet, why did this have to be the way it is in the first place?
"I wish I could go back and change it all." Andy whispered extremely quiet.
Ashley nodded. He wished he could forget everything.