This Is a Wasteland

“Kellin,” I whispered, still a little in shock. I hadn’t seen him since the day I got put on trial because of his dumb ass. He still looked the same. His hair was a little longer, but his eyes were that same pretty blue-green color. He was rubbing the side of his head, probably because I just smacked him with the door. I couldn’t help but notice that he had his backpack with him, along with the same large duffle bag I remembered from when he would spend the night at my house.
Before I could make any intelligent conversation, I felt all of my emotions building up inside of me at once. All of this anger, all of this pain, just sitting dormant inside of me for so long- and it was all because of him.
“You little fucking bitch,” I muttered, lunging myself at him and tackling him to the ground.
“Vic, stop!” He shouted, trying to hold me off as I swung my fists. I mostly missed him though, hitting the dirt instead. I was in such an emotionally-charge rage that I didn’t even care what I hit. I just wanted to hit something.
“Hey!” I heard a man’s voice call out from nearby. “You two better knock it off- I’ll call the cops.”
I jumped at the mention of the cops and sprung away from him. I looked up to see who was yelling at me, and I was almost horrified to see that it was my boss.
“Shit, Alex, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me,” I said, walking towards him and ignoring Kellin for the time being.
“You were supposed to be in at 2:30,” he said, checking his watch. “I fully expected to come back from my lunch break and find you behind a register.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I apologized.
“This is the third time you’ve been late in a week,” he scolded. Usually Alex was a pretty chill guy and he was pretty close in age to me, but I guess I had pissed him off one too many times. “And now I find you out here beating up some poor kid?”
“I’m not a kid,” I heard Kellin’s voice say. We both ignored him, though.
“Either way, this is not okay, Fuentes,” he said, sternly. “I hate to do this but – just don’t come back okay?”
“What? No, I need this job!” I exclaimed, following him as he started walking towards the entrance.
“No, you need to get your head on straight,” he snapped. “Let me guess, things ran over again with your little boyfriend? Tough shit.”
I totally regretting telling him about Jaime in that moment. I should have known it would come back to bit me, but hey. I thought Alex was cool.
“You have a boyfriend?” Kellin asked, as soon as Alex had left. I sighed.
“Like you care,” I spat, turning away from him to walk back to my car. As much as I wanted to talk to him, I also really wanted to just get in my car and run him the fuck over with it.
“I do care,” he said, catching up with me. “I just- we haven’t talked in so long, and I know we left off on bad terms, but please?”
“What do you even want?” I asked, exasperated. I was at my car by this point, turning back to him as I unlocked it.
“I just want to talk to you,” he said. I shook my head and got into the driver’s seat, slamming the door behind me. I started the key in the ignition, and out of the corner of my eye noticed him running around to the passenger side. I went to lock it, but I wasn’t quick enough. Before I knew it, he was getting into the car and shutting the door behind him.
“Get the fuck out, or I’ll press charges,” I spat, venom lacing my voice.
“Vic, I’m sorry,” he finally said, looking me dead in the eye. I frowned and turned away from him.
“Sorry doesn’t cut it,” I grumbled. He leaned back in the seat, still looking at me with his infuriatingly blue eyes. I pulled out my phone and called Jaime. Maybe I did it because I was telling him I was coming back early, and maybe I did it because I wanted to hurt Kellin, but whatever.
“Please talk to me,” he said , sounding sad. I waited to speak until Jaime answered the phone.
“Hey,” he said, through the phone. “Aren’t you at work?”
“Nope, guess who got fired,” I muttered, bitterly.
“Fuck, really?” he asked, sounding surprised. “That sucks, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, I’m about to be on my way back soon,” I told him. “If Zack leaves again, maybe we can just start back where we left off?”
I asked this with an unnecessarily flirtatious edge to my voice. I glanced over at Kellin to see him awkwardly into his lap. This was making him uncomfortable. Good.
“If that’s what you want,” Jaime chuckled. “I’ll see if I can convince him to leave again.”
“You do that,” I chuckled. “See you a in a bit, Jaime.”
And then I hung up, setting my phone in the cup holder next to me as I glanced back at Kellin. He was looking up at me, confused.
“Problem?”
“You-you’re dating Jaime?” he asked, quietly. He looked sadder than I expected him to be. I bit my lip and looked away as this guilty feeling seeped through me. No. He deserved this pain.
“Yeah,” I shrugged.
“Does this mean you’ve kept liking him all along?” he asked, surprising me with that question. I guess he did know that I had that crush on Jaime before my senior year of high school. But no- that was irrelevant, wasn’t it?
“Why?”
“You . . . you didn’t actually ever love me, then,” he said, his voice wavering in such a way that really pulled at my heart strings.
“I did,” I said, quietly. “I did- like, so much . . . and then you hurt me, okay? I don’t think you understand. You fucked me over, Kellin!”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I really didn’t,” he said. I turned away from him so that I could more discretely dry any tears that were escaping my eyelids.
“But you did. You couldn’t keep your fucking mouth shut and your psycho mom just- where is she, anyway? You’re not supposed to be getting into cars with people other than her, right?” I tried making that last part as mean as possible, but it just sounded pathetic. I felt pathetic. I wasn’t trying to turn into a blubbering mess in front of him.
“Vic . . . this is going to sound ridiculous, but . . .I ran away,” he said, as I studied him curiously. I guess that would explain the luggage.
“What? Why?”
“It’s just . . . I mean I guess I technically didn’t run away. I told her I was leaving, and she told me not to come back,” he said, staring off in the direction of the dashboard.
“When did this happen?” I asked. He looked down at his watch and shrugged.
“Maybe half an hour ago?”
“Damn, what the hell,” I said. “I’m sorry about that, but, it doesn’t change-“
“I know it doesn’t,” he said before I could finish. “But I’m glad I ran into you . . . even though you took me out with a door and then attacked me.”
“Shouldn’t you be in school?” I asked, changing the subject.
“I graduated early,” he explained. Right. He was a nerd. “I was planning on going to the same school you’re at in the fall, but I don’t think I have a way to pay for it now, so . . . basically I don’t have any clue what I’m doing with my life right now.”
“Sounds like fun,” I muttered.
“Loads,” he sighed. “Anyway, I’m sorry I bothered you at all. But . . . would it be possible to get a ride somewhere? I’ll consider it a birthday present?”
“Birthday?” I said, confused as he nodded. I checked the date on my phone, and sure enough, it was April 24th. His birthday.
“Yep,” he said. “Happy 18th birthday to me.”
“You’re eighteen now?” I asked.
“Wow, I guess you really have moved on,” he said, chuckling anxiously.
“No it’s- I just wasn’t thinking,” I said, stumbling over my words. “Where do you need to go, I’ll drop you off.”
“It’s – just go like you’re going to your neighborhood, I’ll tell you more specifically when we get closer. I don’t know if you remember my friend, Justin, but he said I could stay with him,” he explained. I remembered Justin was the kind of air-headed bassist that played with us. That whole endeavor seemed like it was ages ago.
The car ride was mostly silent, and incredibly awkward. Once we arrived at the address he’d given me, I let him out.
“I guess I’ll see you around,” he said, opening the door.
“I guess, yeah,” I shrugged, still gripping the steering wheel, even though I was parked.
“Well . . . bye,” he almost whispered as he stepped out of the car. I had a million thoughts racing through my head all at once. I had all of my memories of our short time together, all leading up until the moment I had confessed that I loved him. I mean, I threw around the L word with Jaime, but it never registered the same way as it had with Kellin. Maybe things were a mess right now, and maybe I was still pissed at him . . . but maybe things would change. Either way, I knew I didn’t want this to be the last time I ever saw him.
“Wait,” I said, suddenly. He stopped and turned back to me, holding the car door open. I reached into my backpack that was behind the seat and pulled out a random scrap of paper and a pen. I rested it against the steering wheel and scribbled down my phone number. I set the pen down and handed it to him. “I have a new number. Um, just let me know if you need anything.”
He looked down at the paper and I could have sworn I saw a hint of a smile. “Thanks.”