Suffocated

Chapter 6
Coming Home
We left the bar after I explained to Trent that I was quitting & moving back home to California. He said he understood, but he had some back up plans that wanted hired. He also said he'd always save me a spot if I ever came back. Needless to say, I was great at my job & I was very well favored. The guys piled into their tour bus & followed me to my apartment.
"Damn. This is nice." Brian chuckled, looking around when we were inside.
"I have no idea where you're all going to sleep. This is a one bedroom apartment after all." All of their eyes darted straight for Zacky.
"What?" he asked them, just as confused as I was.
"Wait. No. Oh hell nah! Not happening. ALL of you are sleeping in here." I told them, annoyed & shocked.
"We didn't say anything. But if you guys were to happen to sleep in the same bed, we wouldn't think any different." Matt grinned, nudging me. I rolled my eyes & walked to my bedroom closet, grabbing some extra blankets & pillows.
"I don't have enough for all of you, but try to make due with these. Maybe it's a better idea for you guys to sleep on your bus."
"We'll be fine. We've suffered worse. Believe me." Jimmy laughed.
"Well, make yourselves at home. I'm going out on the patio for a smoke." I said, grabbing my cigarettes from off the table in the dining room. I walked out onto the patio & Zack was already out there, smoking.
"Oh, hey." I said, quietly as I sat down across from him at the glass table under the awning.
"Hey." he whispered, taking another drag. We sat there in silence, listening to the rain pattering the awning above us.
"Why'd you push past me earlier?" he asked me, finally as I lit my cigarette & took a drag.
"I'm really sorry." I sighed.
"I'm just assuming that there's no feelings left there, right?" he asked, looking over at me.
"I don't know. I hadn't really thought about it."
"Apparently you did when you pushed me earlier. You didn't hurt me or anything, but that hurt me inside."
"I just didn't want to be found. By you. By Johnny. By anyone. I'm fine out here. By myself. I started over. I'm not the same person you used to know, Zacky."
"I guess not." he said, shaking his head.
"I'm sorry I ran away, but I was really hoping you & the guys would understand."
"Eight years you were gone. Do you know how much that killed me inside? I really liked you, Taylor." I just took another drag off of my cigarette & stared into the night.
"I know."
"Then why'd you do it?" he asked me.
"Johnny. I was going to move away after graduation, anyway, but Johnny pushed me over the edge that night. I couldn't handle it anymore."
"I dropped out of high school. I didn't finish." he said, putting out his cigarette.
"What? Why?"
"The band. I couldn't handle school & music at the same time. But we're doing awesome now, so it worked out for the best. We're touring all over the world now. We have a bunch of fans everywhere. We make loads of money."
"I'm happy for you."
"Yeah. It's still not enough, though."
"How? You have everything a guy could want."
"Yeah, except for the girl of his dreams." he scoffed, standing up to walk inside.
"I'm sorry, Zack."
"Yeah. So am I." he said, walking inside & shutting the door behind him. I just wanted to scream. I knew this was a bad idea. What the fuck was I doing? This was going to be a long, dark road ahead of me. I had a long way to go before everything was fixed. Even then, it would never be totally okay again. After finishing my cigarette, I walked back inside. Matt, Jimmy, & Johnny had made themselves comfortable on the floor while Brian & Zacky had taken over the couch.
"Well, get some sleep guys. Tomorrow, I guess we'll figure out how to pack up my shit & get out of this apartment."
"Good night, Taylor." they all said in unison.
"Night." I chuckled, walking to my room & shutting the door. Almost immediately, I burst into tears.
"What the fuck am I doing?" I cried, silently. I threw myself on my bed & curled into a ball. I cried & cried until I fell asleep. The next morning, I woke up to the smell of food cooking.
"What are you guys doing now?" I asked myself, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes & walking out to the kitchen.
"Well, good morning, sunshine." Brian smiled, putting some eggs, bacon, & sausage on my plate.
"Thanks for making breakfast."
"Hey! I helped him, too." Johnny called out from the kitchen.
"Thank you, Johnny." I chuckled. Zacky & Matt were still asleep in the living room.
"So what's the plan?" Brian asked me, sipping his coffee.
"I was hoping you guys could figure something out. I know I have to try to get out of my lease & then I need a way to get all of my shit out of here & on its way to Cali."
"Well, whatever it costs to break your lease, we'll take care of it." Jimmy offered, sitting down beside me.
"Seriously? That's pretty expensive." I asked them.
"Psh. No biggie. We're rock stars now. We got this!" Brian laughed.
"Well, thanks, guys." I said, eating my eggs.
"After you're done, let's go outside on the patio for a smoke." Brian yawned.
"Sure." I replied, taking a sip of my hot coffee. When I was all done, Jimmy took my plate & my cup & washed the dishes. Brian & I walked outside & sat under the awning, taking out our cigarettes.
"So what's wrong?" he asked me.
"Don't lie to Uncle Brian. Come on now. You know better. Your eyes are a little puffy like you've been crying all night & you're still in the clothes you were wearing from last night. Spill it." Damn it, Brian.
"You can't tell anyone else. This stays between you & me. That's it. Got it?" I said, looking him dead in the eyes.
"You can trust me, Taylor. Now, what is it? What happened?"
"I talked to Zacky last night. It didn't go very well. I feel so guilty for leaving him behind after prom. I crushed him."
"Yeah, he was pretty depressed for weeks after you left. Everyone understood why, but he was so devastated." Brian said, taking a drag off of his now lit cigarette.
"I know. He told me. The last thing I said to him was that I was sorry. Then he said, so am I. It crushed me. I guess I deserved it for what I did."
"Hey, don't say that. Zacky got over it. I mean, he's still crazy about you, though."
"When Zack chased after me the first time last night, he tried convincing me to come back inside. I eventually agreed & pushed past him. That pissed him off pretty bad."
"Well, that explains it. He was pretty bitchy last night. He was not in a very good mood last night. It's weird for him because he's never like that."
"I'm sorry. This is a really bad idea."
"No, no. You're coming to Cali with us. Hell or high water. No fucks do I give on this day." Brian laughed, slapping the table.
"This had better be worth it, Brian." I giggled, putting out my finished cigarette.
"It will be. Just give it a chance & give it some time. Zacky will come around. Just try to talk to him. I mean, maybe not today, but maybe later after we've taken care of all this other shit." he said, putting out his cigarette as well. We walked back inside & Matt & Zacky were awake.
"Let's get this shit going." Brian shouted, clapping his hands together. Matt & Zacky drank a couple cups of coffee while Brian called my landlord & explained the situation to him. Meanwhile, Johnny was helping me in my bedroom, getting stuff together in a couple of boxes that I had laying around. After Brian was done talking to my landlord & squaring that whole situation away, he called up a nearby moving company & set me up with a moving truck for my stuff & I even got some moving boxes too. It took us the majority of the day, but Matt went with Jimmy to get the moving truck & brought it back to my apartment. After the guys had helped me move my things onto the truck, we stopped at my landlord's and Brian wrote him a check for the amount of money the landlord needed from me breaking my lease.
"Let's get this bitch on the road!" Brian announced, walking back out to us. Zacky, Brian, & I were in the moving truck & Matt, Johnny, & Jimmy were on the tour bus. We were officially on the road, but Brian was driving. The truck was quite huge in the back with plenty of room for all of my things. It even had a small set of seats behind the driver & passenger seats. Zacky sat behind the passenger seat & I sat behind Brian. While Brian was driving, I looked over at Zacky. He was fiddling with his phone, playing a game or something.
"Hey, Zack." I said, trying to get his attention. He ignored me.
"Hey! She's talking to you fucker!" Brian looked at him in the rearview in the mirror.
"What?" he asked me, not looking up from his phone.
"Whatcha doing?"
"Playing a game."
"Whatcha playing?"
"If this is your idea of small talk, it's not working." he sighed.
"Zack, what is your deal, dude?" Brian asked him.
"Nothing. I'm just really tired & I want to go to sleep."
"Yeah, all of us, too, dude. The next time we stop, you can switch places with Jimmy or Matt & sleep on the bus." Brian told him, rolling his eyes.
"Yeah." Zack sighed, fiddling with his phone again. The ride was long, quiet, & boring. Brian talked to me every now & then. Zacky ended up falling asleep from time to time. It took us a few days to get there, but we made it finally. Memories came flooding back of us all going to the beach, splashing in the waves as they rolled up onto the shore, getting into trouble with Brian & Jimmy, & hanging out at the end of the pier. We'd decided that I'd stay with Johnny until I found a place to live down here. We pulled into his driveway & parked the truck & the bus.
"I say we go out & celebrate the right way tonight!" Brian smiled, leaning against the truck.
"I'm out. I'm going home. I'm dead tired." Zack said.
"Yeah, dude. I'm with Vengeance." Matt chimed in, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Okay, okay. We'll go out tomorrow night then." Brian sighed, shaking his head. Before walking inside to Johnny's house, I watched Zack walk away down the street towards his house. I walked around, just looking at all the rooms when Johnny finally walked in, shutting the front door behind him.
"You like it?" he asked me, grinning.
"Yeah. It's really nice."
"Follow me & I'll show you to your room." he said, motioning for me follow him down the hallway. He led me to a big guest bedroom with beige, white, & brown curtains & bedding. I looked at him surprised.
"Interior decorator." he chuckled.
"Ah, had me going there for a minute. I knew you were never good with color coordination."
"Gee thanks." he laughed.
"Let's go watch a movie or something." I nudged him, walking out to the living room.
"We'll move your stuff out tomorrow or whatever." Johnny sighed, following me out to the living room as well. For the rest of the day, we watched movies & ate junk food on the couch. I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes, there was sunshine peeking in through the curtains in my bedroom. I sat up, looking around, & rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. I assumed Johnny wasn't up yet so I got dressed into some old jeans that were ripped in the knees, an old Led Zepplin t shirt, & some black flip flops. I grabbed my iPod from my back pack from the truck & as I was going through it, I forgot about my picture of Zacky & I that I had taken with me the night I left. I quickly put it back in the backpack, zipping it up & shoving it in a nearby box. I put my earbuds in my ear & put on some Pink Floyd, deciding to walk down to the beach. Once I was there, I walked along the shore, slipping off my flip flops & rolling the bottoms of my jeans up a little bit. I walked down closer to the water, letting the waves roll in over my feet. The cool water felt so good after walking a few steps in the hot sand. I walked around the beach for a couple of hours & then decided to go back to Johnny's. When I got there, half of my stuff was already loaded inside.
"I could've helped." I said as I was walking over the guys as they were carrying boxes inside.
"It's okay. We're men. We got this." Brian laughed.
"Where's Zack?" I asked them. Everyone suddenly got really quiet.
"Uh, he's still at home." Matt said.
"Bullshit. What happened?" I asked him, knowing something was wrong. Then Brian walked over to me.
"His ex girlfriend Gina came back & I think they're back together now. I'm really sorry."
"Yeah, so am I." I chuckled, feeling so stupid.
"Hey, it's okay. None of us really like her. She never treated him the way you did. You made him happy. We all think that he's only with her to forget about you."
"I'm, uh, I'm gonna go take a walk."
"Hey," Brian called after me. I turned around to face him. "are you going to be okay?"
"Yeah. I'll be fine." I said, turning back around to walk away. Right as I was turning the corner, I saw Zacky & a blonde chick walking together. He had his arm around her & didn't even bother looking at me.
"Fuck you." I muttered as I kept walking. Whatever was there between us was officially gone now. He'd moved on. I could've saved it all, but I fucked it up. I walked around with my iPod in my hand, just thinking about everything. By the time I got back, the sun was setting.
"You're back. I was starting to get worried." Johnny grinned as he was sitting on the front porch steps, taking a drink from his beer bottle.
"I just needed time to think about some stuff." I sighed, walking past him.
"What's going on?" he asked me, worriedly.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"I'm sorry about Zacky." Johnny said, before I walked away.
"Yeah, so am I." I whispered.
"He's been kind of a jerk lately. He came over earlier to help with moving & asked if you were here. Gina was with him. We all knew what he was planning on doing."
"Yeah, I saw him when I turned the corner. He didn't even acknowledge me."
"Dick." Johnny said, running his hand through his hair.
"Well, I could've fixed all this, but I pissed him off the first night."
"It wasn't your fault. It was a lot to take in at once. Don't blame yourself. He shouldn't be treating you like this." Johnny said, pulling me in for a tight hug. I immediately started crying.
"Shh, hey, it'll all be okay." he tried comforting me. We went inside & we sat on the couch. Soon after, Brian walked in.
"Hey, what's up?" Brian nodded.
"Not now, dude." Johnny sighed.
"Is she okay? What happened?" Johnny just looked at Brian.
"Seriously? We're going to have to do something about him, dude."
"Yeah, well, right now, I have more important things to worry about." Johnny sighed, running his fingers through my hair.
"I'm really sorry, Taylor." Brian said as he knelt down beside me. I hugged him & he kissed my forehead.
"Hey, it'll be okay. Just forget about Zack for now." Johnny whispered as I laid my head on his shoulder.
"Well, I came over here to ask if you wanted to go out for some drinks."
"You up to it, Taylor?" Johnny asked me.
"Yeah. That sounds good." I grinned, wiping away my tears.
"Good. Get ready. I'll be back in a couple of hours. I'm gonna head home, get changed, & come back here." Brian winked at Johnny as he walked out. Johnny just nodded.
"What was that about?" I asked Johnny.
"Nothing." Johnny said, standing up.
"Well, I suppose I'll go get ready." I sighed, walking to my bedroom.
"Yeah, me too." Johnny said, walking into his bedroom & shutting the door. I closed my door & sat on the edge of my bed.
"This fucking sucks." I sighed, hanging my head in my hands. I sat there for a minute or two until I finally decided to get up & change. I found an old Slipknot tank top, jean cut off shorts, & some black flip flops. I walked out of my bedroom to walk into the bathroom to fix my hair & Johnny walked out of his bedroom towards me.
"You look good. You ready for some serious drinking tonight?" he asked me, moving behind me to fix his hair.
"Yeah. It'll be good. Maybe it'll help me forget about Zack."
"He's being a real douche fuck." Johnny sighed.
"You're telling me." I chuckled, applying a little eyeliner. When I was done, I turned around & looked at Johnny. He was dressed in a black & white striped long sleeved shirt, some dark jeans, & black shoes.
"Johnny, come here." I sighed with a chuckle.
"What?" he asked me, confused, leaning forward. I ran a brush through his hair & then applied just a little dab of his hair product, spiking it up the way I knew he liked.
"There. Does that help?" I grinned, moving so he could look at himself in the mirror.
"Yeah. That looks great. Thanks." he laughed. We walked out of the bathroom & walked to the living room to sit on the couch, waiting for Brian. We started watching tv when there was a knock on the door.
"Door's unlocked!" Johnny shouted as Brian opened the door & walked in, Jimmy following him.
"Jimmy! Yay!" I screamed, hopping up & running over to him.
"Hey there, midget." he laughed, hugging me.
"No, that's Johnny." I chuckled, looking over at him.
"Hey, fuck you!" Johnny said, standing up.
"Matt's not coming tonight. Matt & Valary are going on a double date with Zack & Gina tonight. Valary didn't want to go, but Matt told her she had to. I guess he already told Zack him & Valary would join them. Needless to say, Valary is pissed the fuck off." Brian sighed, leaning against the wall.
"Oh shit. Well, look at it this way, there is zero chance of us seeing them tonight. Maybe Matt & Valary, though. Maybe after they're done, they can join us." Johnny said.
"Yeah. I just really don't want to be around Zack for a while." I sighed, looking at the floor.
"Well, come on. Let's get this show on the road." Brian grinned, heading for the door. We all walked out the door & headed for Johnny's Bar. When we walked in, we found a table & ordered some drinks.
"I've missed so much while I was gone." I sighed, taking a drink from my glass of vodka & juice.
"Well, tonight will a part of making up that time. We're gonna have a blast! We'll chase them damn stallion ducks & go to the old spot!" Jimmy hugged me, excitedly.
"Stallion ducks? The old spot?" I asked him, confused.
"That was after you left." Brian shook his head.
"There's this spot at this park nearby & that's where we used to smoke cigarettes & get drunk. Sometimes, we'd even play James Bond." Johnny laughed.
"There was one time Jimmy & I were out there. It was first time that I got, like, really good & drunk. Jimmy probably had gotten drunk a time or two before me, but he was the first person I ever really got good & drunk with. Anyway, I could hear my mom's voice in the distance, shouting, 'BRIAN!" Brian explained, imitating his mom in a funny voice.
"Yeah, we'll definitely have to go check this place out." I laughed, clapping my hands together. After we had all had a few drinks, the guys, mainly Brian & Jimmy, were starting to really make us laugh.
"Wow. What a great audience. What a great audience." Jimmy said in a funny voice.
"Pink is the new black! Pink, pink. Hey! I said, pink is the new black." Brian yelled at random people in the bar.
"Why pink?" I asked him, laughing.
"Because red & gray? Red & gray, not the new black. Not the new black. Pink is like I told them. Silly French." Brian chuckled, taking another drink of his beer.
"Oh, Brian. How I've missed you. You & Jimmy always knew how to make me laugh." I chuckled, resting my head on Johnny's shoulder.
"I'm really glad you're back home. I missed hanging out with you." Johnny said, looking over at me.
"I missed you, too, Johnny." I grinned.
"Now, drink that shit, bitch!" Brian yelled at him.
"Do it!" Jimmy egged him on. Johnny threw the rest of the drink back & slammed the glass down on the table with a loud thud.
"What are you fucker doing here?" We all heard a familiar voice say.
"Rackam! What the hell is up, dude? It's been years since I've seen you." I smiled, hopping up & throwing my arms around his neck, giving him a huge hug.
"Well, hello to you, too." he laughed, pulling up a chair & scooting close to our table.
"So what have you been up to?" I asked him, downing the last of my drink.
"I actually do the artwork for Avenged Sevenfold now." he smiled.
"No way! Guys, you didn't tell me that!" I said, looking at Jimmy, Brian, & Johnny. They all just shrugged.
"So when did you get back in town?" Cam nodded towards me.
"Just the other day. I'm staying with Johnny for now. I was living in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, but then they were in that part of town & saw me. We all talked & I moved back here."
"Unwillingly at first, but then we convinced her." Johnny nudged me, grinning.
"Shut up, short shit." Brian laughed.
"Well, shit. That's awesome. We should all hang out." Cam said.
"We are actually going to the old spot if you would like to join us?" Brian grinned.
"Hell yeah. Let's go." Cam replied, smiling. He still seemed as crazy as ever. We were standing up to leave & then I received a text. It was Matt.
"Hey what are you guys doing? Val & I are ready to bail. Gina is getting on my nerves & I think Val's ready to kill her." I couldn't help but laugh when I read it.
"What is it?" Johnny asked me. I couldn't stop laughing, so I handed him the phone. Sure enough, Johnny burst into laughter. Brian, Jimmy, & Cam read it & then burst out laughing. After I finished laughing, Cam handed me my phone.
"We're going to the old spot, but don't tell Zack or Gina. We're headed there now. You in?" I texted back.
"Hell yeah. We'll be there in twenty." Matt texted back.
"They'll be there in twenty. Let's go grab some 40's before heading over." I said.
"Don't let Johnny go in this time. Brian & I will go in. Short shit here dropped like five of them bitches last time we did this." Jimmy laughed.
"Fuck you, dude. I didn't mean to." Johnny punched Jimmy's arm.
"Wow, Johnny. Nice one." I nudged him.
"Come on. Let's get outta here." Cam said, putting his arm around me & Johnny. We all walked down the street, walking past a burned down laundromat.
"I used to live there." Jimmy pointed.
"Jimmy that's a burned down laundromat." I said.
"I know. I used to work there & I used to live there, too." he sighed.
"Oh my god. I'm so sorry." I said, looking over at him with a small smile.
"It's okay now because things are so much better. I just can't believe it's been burned down." Jimmy grinned, looking at the blackened building. We arrived at the park almost at the same time that Matt & Valary did.
"Have fun on your double date?" I asked them as they walked over to us.
"Oh I was ready to kill her."
"See what I mean?" Matt laughed, pointing at Val.
"Gina IS really fucking annoying. She's just a pretty face. That's it." Brian sighed.
"Well, let's forget about that. We have 40's for everyone & Johnny has the best cigarettes known to man." I chuckled.
"Well, let's venture out to the old spot." Matt grinned, leading the way. We walked for a little bit & we finally found it. It was surrounded by some trees, a fallen log, & a few bushes.
"Let's pop open our bottles. I want to propose a toast." Matt said, popping his lid off.
"To Taylor. I'm so glad you're back. We're all glad you're back. It's been years & we have a lot of catching up to do. Don't be running off on us again, kiddo." he winked at me. Everyone cheered & we all took drinks from our bottles.
"Johnny, throw me a cigarette, would you, buddy?" Brian asked him as Johnny was just just finishing up packing them.
"Yeah, give me a second." he said. He passed the cigarettes around & I took one.
"So when did you start smoking?" Brian asked me.
"Shortly after I ran away. I started drinking around the same time." I sighed, taking a drag from my cigarette.
"You seemed to do pretty well for yourself, though." Cam grinned, taking a drink from his bottle.
"Yeah. All things considered." I grinned. We stayed there in our spot for a while longer, just drinking & smoking some cigarettes. Then it was starting to get pretty dark out & Johnny & I decided to go back home.
"Hey, I'll text you tomorrow. Maybe we can get together like old times." Valary smiled, hugging me.
"Yeah. Bring Michelle with you & we can make it a girl's day!" I smiled back.
"Sounds great. Bye." she waved as Johnny & I started to walk home.
"That was fun." I grinned, looking over at him.
"Everyone really missed you. I got a lot of shit for it, too. I felt so bad after you left." Johnny said, putting his hands in his pockets & looking at the ground.
"You should have. You pushed me away without meaning to. You were suffocating me, Johnny. I had no choice but to leave. Zacky kissed me that night. I wanted so bad to kiss him back & enjoy being with him, but you would've ruined that."
"I'm really sorry. I ruined everything. I just wanted you to be happy & not get hurt."
"Well, it's all in the past now. Just forget it." I grinned, looking over at him.
"Zack was heartbroken when he found out. He was a mess for a while." Oh no. What had I done to him?
"I really liked him, too. I even told him I couldn't be with him because you'd flip your shit or something like that."
"I'm so sorry." he whispered, obviously feeling guilty.
"It's no big deal now. Zack's happy with Gina. I'm not worried about it anymore." I lied.
"Yes you are. I can see it in your eyes. Gina is a lying, cheating whore. She is only with him for his money & the fame. She's a straight up bitch. No one in our group even likes her."
"Then why is Zack with her? He apparently has a fondness for her."
"You wanna know what I think? I think he'd rather be with you, but if he can't have you then Gina is gonna be all that's left for him. I bet he thinks of you when they fuck, too." he laughed at his last statement.
"Johnny, you asshole. Shut the fuck up. Sicko!" I pushed him over into the grass.
"Okay, I'm sorry for that one. But other than that, he wants you. He needs you. You need to get him back. He's yours. He's always been yours."
"Thanks, Johnny." I whispered as I was still walking & looking at the ground. When we finally arrived at home, we both went to bed. I don't know about Johnny, but I passed out almost immediately.