Disconnected
5
I let out a frustrated sigh and pulled my legs up underneath me as my phone rang and I hit ignore, running a hand through my hair. It was my first informal writing session with the band, meaning it was in our living room, and we’d go into the studio to write with other people in a week. So far, it wasn’t how I wanted it to go.
“What do you mean, you can’t relate?” Michael asked, running a hand through his own hair. “You have a boyfriend.”
I gritted my teeth and stared at him, contemplating how to say this without being rude to a person I was going to be working with.
I closed my eyes.
“That doesn’t mean I can relate to such a sappy love song, Michael.” I said in my calmest voice possible. I’m pretty sure the boys could tell that I was getting frustrated because Luke spoke up.
“How about we take a break?” He asked, gazing over at me quickly.
I nodded my head in appreciation, and when everyone else agreed, I got up and walked toward the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water, hoisting myself up to sit on the counter.
I wanted so badly to be able to click with the boys and be able to write easily, but nothing was coming, and I was getting annoyed with myself.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and noticed three missed calls from Alex and a text message. I opened the message.
Call me back.
I groaned and put the phone down next to me, not wanting to answer it until I had done something productive to tell him about. Just then, Luke walked into the kitchen and grabbed himself a water out of the fridge.
He looked at me and frowned.
“Are you okay?” He asked softly. “I know we can come across strong, but I think we just assumed you’d be down to write love songs.”
He arched an eyebrow and I sighed, putting my head in my hands.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I admitted softly, not being able to look up from my hands. “Normally I would be able to write love songs easily it’s just that… I don’t know, I have like writer’s block or something. Nothing’s coming to me, and I feel so much pressure to write a good song on our first day and I just-“
“Hey” Luke said, putting a hand on my shoulder. “It’s just the first day. There is absolutely no pressure on you right now, Abby. We don’t want to force you into something that you can’t do. Do you want to talk about whatever problems you’re having with your boyfriend?”
I sighed.
“We’re just… not connecting since I got here. He keeps getting, like, jealous, and I can’t convince him that I’m being faithful to him. And on top of that, he thinks I should be home with him instead of here, and I can’t even write one stupid song to show him that he’s wrong and that I can make it here.”
Luke scoffed and I looked up at him.
“Abby, if he can’t trust you, then that’s no relationship at all, okay? Don’t beat yourself up, you’ve done nothing wrong and it’s not your fault. I’m sure if he doesn’t want to lose you, you’ll work it out. As for being here, you definitely belong here. Forget songwriting for a second. You’ve already clicked with us as friends, and I’d already hate to lose you, okay?”
I smiled up and Luke just as Ashton burst into the room.
“Come on, you two, break’s over, let’s at least try to write something today.” He announced.
I sighed and hopped off the table, Luke leaving the room ahead of us. Ashton stopped me before we walked out.
“Are you okay?” He asked me.
“I’m… I’m working on it.” I answered, looping my arm through my cousin’s and walking back out to write, a new confidence suddenly instilled in me.
“What do you mean, you can’t relate?” Michael asked, running a hand through his own hair. “You have a boyfriend.”
I gritted my teeth and stared at him, contemplating how to say this without being rude to a person I was going to be working with.
I closed my eyes.
“That doesn’t mean I can relate to such a sappy love song, Michael.” I said in my calmest voice possible. I’m pretty sure the boys could tell that I was getting frustrated because Luke spoke up.
“How about we take a break?” He asked, gazing over at me quickly.
I nodded my head in appreciation, and when everyone else agreed, I got up and walked toward the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water, hoisting myself up to sit on the counter.
I wanted so badly to be able to click with the boys and be able to write easily, but nothing was coming, and I was getting annoyed with myself.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and noticed three missed calls from Alex and a text message. I opened the message.
Call me back.
I groaned and put the phone down next to me, not wanting to answer it until I had done something productive to tell him about. Just then, Luke walked into the kitchen and grabbed himself a water out of the fridge.
He looked at me and frowned.
“Are you okay?” He asked softly. “I know we can come across strong, but I think we just assumed you’d be down to write love songs.”
He arched an eyebrow and I sighed, putting my head in my hands.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I admitted softly, not being able to look up from my hands. “Normally I would be able to write love songs easily it’s just that… I don’t know, I have like writer’s block or something. Nothing’s coming to me, and I feel so much pressure to write a good song on our first day and I just-“
“Hey” Luke said, putting a hand on my shoulder. “It’s just the first day. There is absolutely no pressure on you right now, Abby. We don’t want to force you into something that you can’t do. Do you want to talk about whatever problems you’re having with your boyfriend?”
I sighed.
“We’re just… not connecting since I got here. He keeps getting, like, jealous, and I can’t convince him that I’m being faithful to him. And on top of that, he thinks I should be home with him instead of here, and I can’t even write one stupid song to show him that he’s wrong and that I can make it here.”
Luke scoffed and I looked up at him.
“Abby, if he can’t trust you, then that’s no relationship at all, okay? Don’t beat yourself up, you’ve done nothing wrong and it’s not your fault. I’m sure if he doesn’t want to lose you, you’ll work it out. As for being here, you definitely belong here. Forget songwriting for a second. You’ve already clicked with us as friends, and I’d already hate to lose you, okay?”
I smiled up and Luke just as Ashton burst into the room.
“Come on, you two, break’s over, let’s at least try to write something today.” He announced.
I sighed and hopped off the table, Luke leaving the room ahead of us. Ashton stopped me before we walked out.
“Are you okay?” He asked me.
“I’m… I’m working on it.” I answered, looping my arm through my cousin’s and walking back out to write, a new confidence suddenly instilled in me.