You Put the Spike in My Heart

The party wasn't fun anymore. The day had flown by faster than it should have and now everything was going agonizingly slow. From the moment she was pulled away from Gerard, Bailey's whole world seemed to come tumbling down. It must have been the smell of him. The rich mixture of leather and smoke put her in an entirely different world. It had stung at first, the memories forcing their way in. But after a few moments of pain there came an odd comfort, like a warm blanket. She had felt a strange urge to wrap her arms around him and breathe deep...

She grew colder with each step she took away from him. She couldn't hear the music anymore but felt it thunder in her chest. Her own staggered breathing was too loud, her heart beating too hard. The frozen confusion on Gerard's face sent a jolt of guilt into her system. She didn't know why but she suddenly felt so much shame that she feared she would drown in it. She had to break away from this feeling before it made her collapse. She closed her eyes and the room spun...

"Look at me."

Bam's command broke through the watery haze and she forced herself to open her eyes. Time had gone back to normal but she struggled to maintain eye-contact with the piercing blue orbs in front of her.

"You've got to be kidding."

Bam stalked away from her angrily only to pace on the other side of the room. Bailey's eyes found Frank at her side, only he wouldn't look at her. His arms were folded, eyes trained to the floor. Disappointed. Hurt. It made her insides burn.
She wanted to say she was sorry. She wanted to wrap her arms around the both of them and cry. But her limbs wouldn't move, her apologies stuck in her throat. She was too aware of the vibration at her feet and the heat of the room. She had no control.

"What are you on?"

Bam stopped pacing and she was glad. His footsteps were too loud, his movements making her nauseous.

"Ecstasy."

"And?"

He really knew her too well. She had forgotten.

"A line of coke."

"Mix that with alcohol and you have a suicide cocktail."

The change of his expression, from mocking to agony, was almost too surreal.

"You've already disappeared on me twice. What is this? The grand finale?"

Those words centered her, sobered her a bit. She gave him a furious look but didn't notice the tears escaping.

"I didn't ask to come back here!"

Bam took a deep breath and approached her. It took him a minute, but when his eyes found hers all traces of anger were gone.

"You promised."

"I lied."

It wasn't mocking or harsh. It was more like a confession...and it hurt her just as much as it did them. Before she knew it she was sinking to the ground. Her legs just couldn't hold her anymore, she was exhausted. A pair of arms wrapped around her and warm lips pressed against her forehead.

"I was so numb. But it's worn off and I just can't deal with it anymore."

"That's why we're here." Frank mumbled into her hair. She had thought it was Bam but squeezed him closer, needing a foundation -needing reassurance.

"I should have never gone on tour with you."

She had been so blind. She mistook numbness for being okay. Now everyone was suffering for her problems. She should have stayed cooped up in that damn house...

"I'm glad you came. I'm going to help you."

"Tell me where your stash is, Bailey."

She looked up at Bam who had leaned down next to them.

"You're not going to kick me out?"

He smiled and she reveled in it.

"Thinking about throwing you in the pool if you don't answer my question."

She couldn't help but give him a small smile in return. She looked at the both of them and could feel her heart breaking. She had put them both through so much and yet here they were. They still cared and they wanted to help her. She didn't deserve any of it and she wasn't sure if she could do what they were asking.

"Maybe I should just go home."

She tried to move but Frank held her and Bam grabbed her wrist. She didn't like his hand there, it felt empty and that made her confused.

"I don't think you understand. I'm going to make sure you stay clean even if it means I have to make you piss in a cup."

"Bam, we leave at the end of the week."

A mischievous grin found its way across his face.

"Well then that means I'm going to have to follow you."

"Bam, honestly -"

"I want you back, Bailey."

That shut her up. But Bam shook his head, it wasn't what he meant.

"I want the old Bailey back, I miss her. She's still in there, and I am going to find her."

The look in his eyes told her it wasn't up for discussion. Frank's face also held an oddly determined look. She sighed heavily and let herself fall against the wall behind her.

"It's under the driver's seat of my car."

Frank held up her keys which he still hadn't given back and made his way out of the room. She glared at Bam.

"What?"

"If even one person pulls a prank on me while I'm coming down, I have permission for murder."

"Deal."

He held out his hand. She went to take it but then pulled back.

"One more thing...I'm not going to stop drinking."