The Enigma’s Anomaly

I see his form in the dark lighting and his silhouette is beautiful. I can see the sharpness of Gerard’s jaw and the sparkle of light hitting his eyes. He looks so beautiful when he’s not trying to be. I don’t know how anyone could ever see him as anything other than the gorgeous person he is. I don’t understand how anyone could ever see him as a target.

I want to be closer to him and snuggle into him, but I don’t know how close we are yet. For me he’s the most special guy in the world, but I don’t know who I am to him. I hope he feels even a fraction of what I feel for him because my mind is an endless need to be near him.

I think for a moment before deciding to pretend I’m cold. If Gerard thinks I’m freezing it’ll be an excuse for him to wrap his arm around me. I’m devious, what can I say?

“Are you cold?” he asks. Worked like a charm. I nod slightly and he smiles, before grabbing my arm and tugging me nearer to him. He doesn’t have the strongest grip, but I go willingly so that his body is pressed against mine. Gerard’s heat radiates into me and makes my whole body feel tingly. I allow him to put his arm around my waist and I lean the side of my body into his chest. This feels so perfect I can’t even describe it.

It’s so dark in here that I can barely see anything other than the television screen, but the color refracts against the glass surface of a cup on the coffee table.

I don’t even remember when I put my head under his chin, and I’m not sure if I fell asleep or not, but when I wake up, I see the credits rolling down the screen and think that I must have. It feels kind of groggy or unreal so I try to move my arm only to realize that Gerard is still wrapped around me. He probably can’t move because of me so I lift my head and try to pull away from him a little bit.

He doesn’t tell me to stop, but he grabs my shoulder so I come to a stop anyway. It’s a silent signal for me to stop moving, so I look at him. The screen allows me to see him pretty well in the dark and I suspect he muted the credits because it’s silent of everything except my long breathing. Gerard’s breath is hard to make out, but I don’t care.

I’m not really sure what to do now because we’re both just kind of sitting here and looking at each other so I bring my arm up to place it on the side of his neck. I actually feel him shiver when I do this, and I can’t believe it’s just because I touched him. My hand isn’t cold so maybe my hand gives him the same electricity that his gives me.

“Frankie,” Gerard whispers to me.

I bite my lip at the nickname and he looks deeply at me. I feel like he’s trying to read my mind. He might be surprised to learn that the only thing on my mind is how fucking gorgeous he is.

I open my mouth to say something, though I’m not sure what I’m about to say, but he stops me by pulling me closer until my lips are pressed against his. I really hope my breath isn’t bad, but I forget to care after a few seconds.

On instinct my eyes had closed and I can’t help, but focus on the fact that this is Gerard. Not too long ago I was trying to kill him. Right now I’m in his apartment without a gun, and I’m... retired? This stupid idiot with red hair made me retire from my job just because of the way that he gets to me. I feel like a good person with him, and a bad person without him. It doesn’t make sense because he makes me realize how awful the things of my past are, and yet I’m still soothed by his presence.

I glide my hand upwards so that it’s on his cheek, and I can pull him closer to me without much effort. His face is pretty smooth with a few traces of stubble here and there, but I like it.

His hand is still on my waist from when he put it there who knows how long ago. I feel the hand try to move, but the absence of the warmth there makes my side freeze so I grab it and put it back in its spot. I don’t care where or when, but Gerard’s hands belong on me.

I’m not sure I’ve ever been in love, but I think I might be. I think the butterflies I get in my stomach whenever Gerard looks at me are a sign of the love I feel for him. They’re beginning to grow every time I see him and they now engulf my entire body. I feel like my heart warms up whenever I hear his voice. I feel like my hairs stand on end whenever he touches me, and I forget everything in the world when he kisses me.

I am lost in this kiss, and I have no map to guide me. I can’t even comprehend this emotion. It seems unreal. It’s not possible for someone to be this happy or content as I am right now. His nose nudges against mine when I tilt my head a little to deepen the kiss.

To be perfectly honest it’s been forever since I kissed anyone for this long. I bet we’ve been like this for a few minutes, but it doesn’t feel long enough. Eventually though the need to breathe reaches a critical level so I push my forehead against his to inhale. His nose really is pressed against mine now and I open my eyes to see him looking at me.

I feel jittery when I see the way he looks at me. He looks so warm. I don’t know how else to describe it. He just looks like a hearth of welcoming. Those hazel eyes are dilated, and I know mine are too. It’s dark in the room so it’s a natural reaction, but I can’t help but to think that both of our pupils are larger because of attraction. I know mine probably are at least.

I want him to put his hands all over me, or run them through my hair madly. I can’t think of anything that could make him more perfect.

His eyelids fall down slightly, like he’s looking down and then move back up to hold my gaze again. Gerard’s breath tangles with mine and the soft current of air feels like a blanket against my chin.

His hand on my side is rubbing circles into my shirt and I can feel the fabric being pulled up slightly by the process, but I assume it’s unintentional. The article hitches up to the point however that his finger makes contact with my bare skin.

My eyes close delicately at the feeling and his nose nudges against mine again until I feel his lips on mine. I try to kiss back, but he has other plans because he trails down my jaw slightly and doesn’t stop until his lips are at my neck. My neck is overly sensitive which makes the way his mouth moves along it especially carnal. It also makes me hyperaware of his touch. I can’t concentrate on anything and I’m pretty sure my head falls back a little bit exposing Gerard to more of my neckline.

His tongue darts into the crease of my collarbone and my breath hitches. There’s no way a person can legally be that skilled with their tongue.

I’ve decided that his hand on my middle cannot be there by accident, and the way he’s nudging his fingers under the hem of my shirt makes my skin crawl excitedly. I help him out a little and pull the fabric up my body further until his hand is on my torso.

The warm air on my neck combines with the feeling of suction to make me believe that I’m going to have at least a few hickeys tomorrow, but I’m more than okay with that.

Fingers start to trail up my body and under my shirt so I reposition myself to be in front of him the best that I can. I put a finger under his jaw and pull him up to kiss me again, missing the feeling of allowing his tongue to roam around my mouth. I’m trying to pretend that I’m not becoming turned on, and to do that I have to awkwardly angle my hips away from him.

I’m not aware of having taken the sides of his face in my hands, but one of my hands is pulled away by his and it guides me to get a grip on his hip which is dangerously close to another part of him.

It hadn’t occurred to me that I’m the one being prudish until Gerard not-so-subtly grabs my ass. I don’t know why I had thought a minute ago that I was imagining the heat between us, but he makes me rethink our situation with that move.

I don’t know what part of me is in charge of this particular synapse in my brain, but it dawns on me that Gerard’s definitely not looking for just a make out session. Maybe I’ve been alone too long, but it never occurred to me that someone, Gerard especially, would actually want to be with me. I’m nothing special, and it’s unexpected, but I’m not one to protest. I think he’s sorely mistaken on the value of my personality, but I’m gaga for him.

Now I’ve had enough sex in my life to know that the feeling in my stomach cannot just be a result of our situation. I’ve never had that feeling before. It’s new. It’s a feeling like I want to be made love to and not just fucked. That must be Gerard’s effect on me.

I don’t know where to put my hands now. There doesn’t seem to be a neutral place to put them. I could be way too direct and weird him out or I could be sparing and there doesn’t seem to be an in between.

I pull my mouth away long enough to evaluate my situation. My eyes have adjusted to the dark enough that I can clearly make out Gerard. I’m sitting on the couch, but I don’t like the way that this makes me further from him.

I’m not a girl so this move is probably a hell of a lot weirder than it would be otherwise, but I go for it, and swing one leg around Gerard’s torso until I’m practically sitting on his lap while facing him. He looks fucking majestic.

I have a bit of a ‘holy shit’ moment when I also feel a very distinguishable erection in his pants. Did I do that? Must have.

Oh god am I taking advantage of him? I don’t know what that would even mean for me. I’m not exactly sure what Gerard is to me anymore. I do know that I’m falling in love with him. I hope it’s not cruel of me to like him, but it feels so natural. I mean he’s my boyfriend though?

He looks so nervous sitting there and looking up at me like that. Almost like he’s scared of being rejected. I couldn’t do that to him, not again. I run my hands through his silky hair and his eyes fall shut for a fraction of a second, but long enough for me to notice the effect on him.

I kiss him again, hungrily, looking for some way, any way to get him to understand how much I like him.

He mumbles something into my mouth, but I don’t hear it.

He tries again, pulling at the bottom of my shirt and I decipher, “get this off.”

I break apart long enough for Gerard to get the shirt over my head. I try to go back and kiss him again, but he pushes me back lightly, to a point where I’m verging on falling, and he looks at me.

I realize that he’s never seen a lot of my tattoos before and the way his eyes scan my torso makes me wonder what he’s thinking.

“You’re like a piece of artwork, Frankie,” He whispers. “So beautiful.”

I feel a little embarrassed at the way he looks at me and when his eyes go back up to catch mine he smiles gently.

I don’t know how he’s able to form sentences right now, because I’m barely coherent when I say, “shirt... off. Now.”

I’m so glad he complies or that would have sounded so weird. His skin is a lot paler than I’d have ever thought. He practically glows with how colorless he is. His alabaster skin is soft to the touch and I can’t help, but fall a bit more in love after seeing him.

“Gerard you’re so pretty.”

“Shut up,” he says and grabs my neck to kiss me again.

“Make me,” I answer.

The look in his eyes is devilish. I was not aware of how strong Gerard is, but as it turns out, he is quite a bit stronger than he looks. He grabs me and pushes me back to my left and then splays me across the couch. Gerard climbs on top of me and clamps his knees around my waist. I look up at him and feel my heart flutter against my chest.

I can’t form a sentence if I tried, but I don’t need to because he kisses me eagerly. He doesn’t allow as much of a build up until the kiss becomes heated, but I’m fine with that. I can’t take my hands off him and neither can he. He’s just so warm. He’s the kind of warm that should be uncomfortable, but just ends up being cozy.

“Gerard?” I ask quietly.

He mumbles something when he starts kissing my neck and I forget what it is I was going to ask for a few seconds.

I recover the best I can and ask, “you okay with this?”

What can I say? I like to be sure, and I don’t ever want to hurt him.

“Definitely,” he replies.

“Okay, good. Then help me with my pants,” I say, and he snickers. How on earth did I just convince him to agree to be with me? Me! He’s hng and I’m more hag. He’s so amazing though that I don’t get too caught up on it.

I get the zipper down, but I can’t really take them off just yet with Gerard right there. I can feel him through his jeans and the fact that his jeans are there at all bothers me.

He tenses up when my hand gravitates downward and I realize something. The way he looks so nervous, the way he seems so unaccustomed to this, and the other less obvious signs. I don’t think Gerard’s ever done this before.

“Shit. Gerard are you... a virgin?”

He nods nervously. That is really surprising. How can a guy in his late twenties who’s this attractive still be a virgin? He’s way too good looking. And sweet.

If he allows me to, I will take care of that for him. I will take care of it several times for him just to be sure. I just really want to make sure it’s corrected.

I figure that I might as well just ask him if he’s cool with that.

“Do you want me to fix that for you?”

He looks like he’s trying not to laugh, but nods. Woohoo!

I don’t how I feel about taking away someone virginity. I’ve only ever done that once in my life and it was a mutual experience back in high school. Though I don’t know if you count hand jobs on the couch before his mom got home as losing your virginity.

Well whatever the situation I’m in right now, I don’t have any control over Gerard because he’s on top of me. I can fix that too.

Before I get a chance to though he takes his mouth away from mine and says, “bedroom.”

I get his message even though it’s just one word and he stands up. He then grabs my arm to pull me quickly off the couch and we run quickly into his room. As soon as the door closes behind me, I push Gerard onto his bed so that his legs fall off the side and I climb over him. Pants come off though I’m not sure whose are first.

My thumbs nudge under the hem of his boxers and I suddenly become more nervous than I think I’ve ever been before. This is Gerard. I’m absolutely crazy for him. What if I mess this up? What if I’m no good? Oh god, what if he hates it? Or the foulest thing imaginable, what if I hurt him?

“Frank?”

“Sorry, I’m just nervous.”

“You’re nervous?” he looks at me with shock. He probably thinks I’m lying or something, but I just don’t want to mess this up or worse.

He notices me hesitate so he does it himself and then he’s naked. Never thought I’d actually be here, but wow. I’m a little dumbstruck by the fact that this isn’t a fantasy or something. I’ve literally dreamed about being this close to Gerard and I don’t think I ever anticipated that it would ever happen.

“Come here Frankie,” he says and he brings me back to kiss him. I put my hands on his side, because I honestly feel so clueless right now. I feel like I’m the virgin here, but I would rather him not know to what extent I’m worrying.

I guess I’ll go with confident since it doesn’t seem like I have many other options right now.

“So seeing as you’re a virgin, I’m assuming that you’ve never had anyone suck you off before have you?”

Gerard turns the color of his hair which is quite gratifying for me because he’s been doing that to me since we met.

“Well I guess you’re lucky than because I’m pretty good,” I say with a wink. Like I said, I’m not new to this, and I really want to impress Gerard. I’m not sure if impress is really the right word. I want to hear him. I really want to hear him moaning, and I want to know that I’m the one making him do it. I’ve never really cared about that before now, and to be perfectly honest I’ve always been self-conscious about making noise myself, but this is Gerard and I came to the conclusion long ago that nothing I know about the world applies when he’s with me.

Not going to lie, I like sucking cock. Lots of people don’t and not so many people do, but I can guarantee you that all guys like being on the receiving end. There’s really nothing to say about it besides, I enjoy it. It’s satisfying to know what you’re making someone feel and there are other reasons too, but that’s my favorite part. I guess girls don’t really have as much of an understanding and that’s why they aren’t as keen about it, but a guy knows precisely what it feels like so he knows just how horny he’s making the other person.

As soon as I put my mouth around Gerard he takes a sharp breath and I try to remember what it’s like being a virgin. It was a while ago now so I don’t entirely understand what it must be like, but I’m sure it’s quite nice to have your first blow job. A little weird maybe?

Whatever the case I could stay here until he’s done, but I don’t want him to finish so soon. Being a virgin and all, he’s not got as much stamina as myself, but I can make this last for a little while longer and that’s the only reason why I stop and pull off of him a minute later.

“Why’d you stop?” he asks and I giggle at the expression on his face.

“There’s more fun to be had,” I answer. He nods and I can tell he’s extremely nervous.

Boys are always taught the horror stories of gay sex and that’s probably what he’s dwelling on right now. I don’t know what to tell him. It’s worth it? I mean it is, but he doesn’t know that yet. I’m going to show him, but I do understand how scary it can be.

I decide to play dumb because Gerard doesn’t need to know that I looked through his stuff so I ask, “Do you have any-“

“Yeah, hold on,” He says and he reaches under the bed. I pretend not to know what’s under there and he comes up with a bottle. I don’t know if I should be nervous though. I mean, he’s not exactly inexperienced if the contents of that shoebox was anything to go by, but it’s a lot different when you’re with another person. It’s a little more nerve-racking because there’s someone else there. That’s one more person to look after, or to disappoint if things go wrong.

It has been a while since I last got laid though. I inadvertently became abstinent when I met Gerard and before that it had been a few months so I’m a bit out of practice, but he hopefully won’t be able to tell.

Self-confidence is a bitch because I’m way more nervous than I should be to undress. Like, yeah I could look worse, but no one really likes the way they look do they? Gerard’s really pale, more so than I gave him credit for, but I guess I can accredit some of that to the fact that he’s been hauled up indoors for a few weeks. He doesn’t have anything to worry about in the looks department. If he doesn’t see that then I don’t know how to tell him that he’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen up close.

“Gerard are you... I mean, you sure?” I ask. I’m probably starting to sound annoying, but I am so mortally terrified of hurting him. It’s the last thing I would ever want to do. Odd because I tried to kill him.

He rolls his eyes, “yes, I’m sure.”

I guess there’s no noticeable fear in his eyes, so maybe I making that part up myself. Why am I so fucking scared? He should be scared, not me.

I nod and take the bottle of lube from him. I’m not sure how I’m going to do this. Gerard’s biting his lip and I notice that we’ve moved ourselves to a more convenient spot on the bed so that his head is on the pillow and I’m looking down at him.

I tease his legs apart and then I sort of lie down next to him, on my side to look at him. It’s a little dark in here with only the light from the lamp on his bedside, but I like it better this way. I don’t feel overly exposed or anything in this lighting, and he looks pretty magnificent. He always does, but this lighting is particularly good for his complexion.

He gives me a silent okay with a nod of his head so I take three fingers and coat them generously. I’ve never been one for stinginess. He buries his head into my shoulder which is soothing and this way I don’t worry as much about him seeing how uneasy I am.

It’s not that I don’t want to do this, I do, it’s just that I don’t want him to regret it. It’s a really big amount of pressure to trust someone with your virginity and he’s trusting me. No one’s ever trusted me that much before.

Gerard bites my shoulder when I prod one finger inside of him so I stop immediately to wait for his say so. I’m not overly bossy so I do need his input here almost as much as I need my own.

“Okay,” he says quietly, and I start to move my finger carefully. He’s definitely not completely new to this which is comforting, but that doesn’t mean he’s totally unfazed. It’s a lot different doing it yourself then when another person does it. One finger becomes two and I feel a little better about it because he adjusts quicker.

Gerard grabs a hold of my member after that and I rasp before allowing myself to moan a little into his hair. He still smells like shampoo, and it keeps me grounded during the process.

My final finger joins the other two and he’s still pretty calm which amazes me. Maybe I was just an unusually petrified adolescent, but he’s about a million times less awkward then I had been. We’re not going to get into specifics, but I’m starting to wish that I had maybe done a little more practicing beforehand as Gerard clearly has.

There’s no real reason to prolong it now so I ask Gerard with a raise of my eyebrow and he nods. I sit up slightly and position myself between his legs, pulling his thighs around my waist. I’m not sure whose breathing is heavier at this point.

I make sure to be as gentle as I can, and position my cock at his entrance. Cautiously, I push in.

“Oh god,” he says and his eyes close. I can barely think either because everything about this scenario is amazing. Gerard’s face, to the sweaty skin glistening on his forehead, and just the heat of Gerard around me. I can’t believe this is him and me. This is Gerard. I feel elated at that fact.

His body protests to me at first, but I push further into him until I can’t move any more. He looks uncomfortable, but there’s really not that much I can do about it right now. I just have to wait for him to tell me to either stop or go. Red light or green light.

I get a green light in the form of a nod so I obey. Gerard groans, but he doesn’t tell me to stop so I take things slowly.

“Faster,” Gerard whispers. I’m not sure about that so I keep my speed at relatively the same as before until he repeats his word.

Right now it’s just important to find that spot. As soon as I find it he’ll be much better off, and it’ll be better for the both of us. I’m stuck worrying about it so that I can hardly focus on how good my body feels right now.

“Fuck! Th-there,” he says and I let out a little breath of relief. At least I’m not totally bad at this because as soon as I get that response it’s easier to find his prostate again. I wasn’t wrong when I guessed that he would sound beautiful because his answering moan gives a fairy its wings. I bite back a moan myself until I can’t anymore.

After a moment of glee at the fact that I made him whine like that I recover myself and push back in a little harder which receives a welcoming response.

“Harder,” he says followed by, “more.”

I would have trouble challenging his order on any given day but there’s no way that I can right now. The look on his face is enough to make me want to give him anything he asks for. It’s euphoric, and it’s contagious.

“Frank, oh god,” he says frantically, and I’m pretty sure he’s almost there. I grab ahold of his cock and it doesn’t take long until he’s cumming beneath me. He held longer than I would’ve and I bite my lip hard at the sight of pleasure on his face.

I don’t stop, and I thrust harder looking for my own climax and he writhes under me looking ravenous. I’m better at holding on which isn’t exactly idea right now, but I don’t rest.

It takes me a little less than a minute to feel the prickly sensation on the back of my neck, and as soon as I do feel it I know what’s about to happen. I orgasm a moment later inside of him and my whole body fills with ecstasy. I lose myself for few seconds, but when I find my body again it’s still leaves a buzzing sensation. I look down at Gerard looking content with his eyes closed and his mouth open.

I look down at him for a few seconds before pulling out because I’ve become oversensitive. I decide to lie down next to him and rest the side of my head against his. I pull the blanket over us to cuddle into him and he hums softly without opening his eyes.

I’m no expert, but I’d say that was nearly perfect. I guess I’m just surprised that he was so good and accepting for a virgin.

It would be so generic to tell him I love him now, and it wouldn’t feel as sincere. The first ‘I love you’ can’t be right after sex because that would be horribly impersonal. I need to wait for a better time than now, when he knows I love him for other reasons besides the physical.

I am fairly certain though that I do love him. I don’t know what else this feeling could be. I understand that I’m still burning off the feeling of climax, but I knew before that that’s what this was.

I’ve never said I love you before but I’ve never had a person to say it to. I’m not at all dejected with the idea that I’ll be giving that first to Gerard. He deserves it more than he knows.

I feel languid and happy just snuggling next to him, and he opens his pretty hazel eyes to look at me brightly. It’s like he has miniature stars living in his eyes because of the warmth they bring to my body.

I don’t feel as tired as I thought I would because I’m so full of adrenaline from what just happened. It was pretty amazing though. It’s about five minutes later when I decide to talk so I ask the first thing that’s on my mind.

“So virginity, why’d it take so long to lose?” I ask.

Gerard shrugs, “it never felt like the right time. Never the right person.”

“Does that make me the right person?”

He nods and I feel like I’m filled with rainbows. That may be the most amazing thing anyone’s ever told me before. Why on earth does he like me? I guess I should be glad that it’s mutual, but it just doesn’t make sense.

His cell phone starts to ring a second later, but it’s in the living room so it’s very faint. I feel way too relaxed to go get it and Gerard apparently feels the same.

“Ugh, I’m way too lazy to get that,” He says, “if it’s important enough they’ll call the landline.”

Evidently it is important enough because the phone on his bedside rings a minute after the other one stopped. I’m closer to it so I grab the phone and hand it to him.

He takes it from me and presses the answer button. The speaker is loud enough so that I can hear the person on the other end pretty clearly.

“I’m looking for a Gerard Way?”

“Speaking,” Gerard answers.

“This is the NYPD, we have some good news and some bad news.”

Gerard frowns, “okay? I’ll take the good news first then.”

“We’ve caught the person hiring assassins to kill you,” the man answers. Gerard smiles and he looks at me happily. I feel pretty damn amazing after hearing that. I literally feel my heart stop hurting with instant relief. They found him. They found him! This is amazing. I would be lying if I said that this isn’t the greatest news I’ve heard in years.

I don’t even know if it’s possible to be happier. I just slept with Gerard which was fantastic, and now Gerard’s attempted killer has been caught. Now Gerard and I can be together without worrying. We can just be together. Nothing stopping us. I wonder faintly who it was that was trying to kill him, but it doesn’t matter so long as Gerard’s safe.

After a month of searching for this guy, and even longer knowing Gerard, he’s finally safe. It feels so good to know he’s safe. I can’t even believe it. The weight is gone, and I feel free. If I feel this good then there’s no telling how good Gerard must feel.

“Wait, what’s the bad news then?” Gerard asks and he pulls me out of my mental celebration. I forgot momentarily that there’s bad news as well.

“You’re not going to like this,” the guy says.

“Well I’ll be the judge of that, tell me what the bad news is. Who was trying to kill me?”

The man clears his throat and says, “The person who hired the assassins, who we’ve just brought into custody is Mikey Way.”