Hell Above

Alex must have dozed off, body curled in on itself at an awkward and uncomfortable angle against the back of the armchair. He stirs at a sound from the outside hallway, eyes peeling open as he blinks to clear the blurry edge surrounding his vision. Normally Alex isn't a light sleeper, but he guesses by how easily he woke that he hadn't been that deep under for too long. His mind is fuzzy, limbs heavy as he shifts to a proper sitting position in the armchair just as the door opens.

There’s a brief moment where their eyes lock before Jack is rushing forward, pulling Alex up and into him in one fluid motion before they both drop to the floor, Jack pressing into him until Alex’s back meets the base of armchair. Alex’s mind is whirling, unfocused and too fogged by his still half-sleep state to really concentrate. Jack is on top of him, holding him, leaning into him all at once, and Alex is so relieved and so anxious too, he wasn't expecting this sort of reaction and isn't fully prepared to react to it properly. His thighs are flat against the hardwood, legs spread out as Jack shifts on top of him, moving to straddle the elder.

Alex blinks, looking over Jack’s face mere inches in front of him. There are dark circles lining the younger’s under eyes, remnants of the small amounts of uneasy sleep he’d been getting for weeks. Alex can tell Jack has been crying, dark eyes outlined in red and wet, cheeks still tinted and Alex isn't sure if the color is from his emotions or the cold.

“Jesus – fuck, Alex.” And then Jack is pressing forward, tilting his head and their mouths meet. Alex doesn't react, brain still slow and uncoordinated in his movements. But after Jack pulls away a few fractions of an inch, Alex blinks again before pressing their mouths back together. It’s graceless and rushed, but both can sense the undertone of relief in the press of their lips again, and then again and again until they have to pull apart to breathe.

Jack hands are under Alex’s sweatshirt, fingers curled along the curve of the elder’s ribs, Alex’s own hands resting against Jack’s chest, palms flat against his collarbone over his crewneck. Jack pulls back a bit more, looking him up and down with this half palliated, half distraught look to his features. Alex presses his fingertips down against Jack’s chest, a giant buildup of questions and apologies and reassurances shifting inside his mind, but when he goes to speak the only thing he seems to be able to voice is a quiet string of I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.

Jack kisses him again, hard and urgent, and Alex takes it as a signal to shut up, so he does. He’s much more alert now, the sensation and feeling back to his extremities and he can feel Jack’s chest rising a bit too erratically for it to be normal under his fingertips. Jack sits back against Alex’s thighs, looking at him again with that look, and shit Alex is so fucking glad he has Jack.

“Don’t – you don’t have to be sorry.”

But the blonde is quick to protest. “Of course I do.”

Jack just shakes his head, thumb rubbing slow circles into the bare skin over Alex’s ribs on his right side, his sweatshirt hitched up at an awkward angle.

“I shouldn't have blown up on you like that.” Jack says, slipping his left hand out from under Alex’s sweatshirt and resting it against his bare hip instead.

Alex just shrugs, a lazy, effortless gesture because he’s far too relieved and relaxed under Jack’s touch and heat to really care. He knows they need to discuss this though. “You had every right to though.”

The younger sighs, his other hand coming down to rest against Alex’s right hip as he agrees with a quiet and guilty sounding, “I know.”

“I deserved it.” Alex comments, throwing in another shrug for good measure. “I've been an ass.”

The corners of Jack’s lips twitch up, just marginally, but it’s enough to reassure Alex that they’re going to be okay again, everything is going to be fine. “Yeah, you really have.”

Alex lets out a sleepy chuckle, chest hitching with the sound. Jack’s lips curl up into a real smile at the sound before the younger drops his head down, pushing his face against the fabric of Alex’s sweatshirt.

“I was so fucking scared.” His voice is muffled by Alex’s shirt, but the elder understands him. Jack brings his head up, tucking his nose into the crook between Alex’s neck and shoulder, letting his forehead press against the armchair behind Alex as he turns his head to continue speaking against the elder’s throat. “I looked everywhere for you. I guess it would've been smarter to stay here, but I wasn't really thinking, just wanted to find you.”

And then, almost as an afterthought he asks, “Why didn't you answer my calls?”

“My phone died. I shoulda called when I got back.” Alex responds, pulling his arms out from between their chests to curl around the younger’s waist, fingers pressing into the small of Jack’s back.

Jack hums against his throat. “Please don’t ever run off like that again.”

“I won’t.” His voice is strained and he has to swallow thickly to get the words out.

Jack notices, pulling back to look at Alex’s face, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth as he says, “Promise you’ll stop trying to put distance between us.”

Alex nods, ignoring the tightening in his chest as he says, “I promise.”

“Talk to me.” Jack says, leaning in to press his mouth to Alex’s, smiling despite his words when Alex kisses back.

Alex shifts beneath him, remaining silent for a few minutes before breathing “I’m scared.” nerves obvious in the tightening of his words.

“I know.” Jack says quietly, pressing his nose along the elder’s cheek, lips curving along the underside of Alex’s jaw as he speaks again, “Tell me why.”

Alex’s fingers press harder against Jack’s spine, considering his options silently as Jack waits.
He could lie, or outright refuse to tell the younger what’s been running through his mind for the past month, what Alex has been working hard to push to the very recess of his conscious. That wouldn't solve anything though, and he knows continuing to deny his feelings and keep things from Jack isn't going to end well.

“Um,” His eyebrows furrow, how is he supposed to tell Jack this?

Jack’s fingers are tracing over his hip bones, calloused fingers rough along the nearly smooth surface of Alex’s skin, yet comforting all the same.

Alex sighs, drops his gaze to a fixed point on the younger’s chest as he says, “I may have maybe, kinda, sorta, accidentallygottenfeelingsforyou.”

He can feel the heat spread across his cheeks as Jack’s thumbs still against his hips.
He meets Jack’s eyes, one of the younger’s eyebrows raised in a silent question, and there’s the tiniest hint of a smirk etched onto Jack’s lips.

Alex bites his lip, not dropping Jack’s gaze and then blurts, “I like you.” There’s an excruciatingly silent pause before he tacks on, “A lot.”

Jack doesn't say anything for a few moments, and the only thing Alex can concentrate on is the suddenly way too bright lights above them, allowing Jack to see every single detail as he studies Alex’s face carefully.

“You avoided me for nearly a month because you realized you had stronger feelings for me?”

Alex meets Jack’s eyes, and they’re so wide and familiar and all Alex can say is “It sounds kind of stupid when you say it like that.”

Jack laughs lightly, picking back up the steady rhythm against the sharp angles of Alex’s hips with his fingertips before agreeing, “Really stupid.” Alex can hear the amusement in Jack’s voice as he adds on, “You’re an idiot.”

He opens his mouth to reply, but before he can get the words out, Jack is cutting him off. “I like you too, you fool.”

It takes Alex a moment to process the words, dissect them in his head and then piece them back together, and the only thing he can think for a moment is why? His gaze flicks up again to meet Jack’s and Jack laughs at how wide the elder’s eyes are.

Jack kisses him again, smiling against Alex’s mouth as Alex presses into him, Jack pulling away just enough to tack on “A lot.” before their lips meet again. Alex can’t help but think he’s never felt more at home than he does right now, and then he’s pressing against Jack more, pulling the younger further into him as they continue to kiss, completely content enveloped in each other on Jack’s living room floor.