Letters

"Positive"

The next day, we dressed up to go to the party, but we were already tired. I could barely sit without wincing. And you were so proud of yourself. You had a huge smile on your face, and you would kiss me every now and then. Honestly I found you so cute.

Three weeks after, the re-release was out. And you went touring right after.

In the middle a July, I could manage to get a week with you. You had a new guitar tech, since Justin was playing bass. He was nice, he just... Well I just didn't like the way he was looking at me, sometimes. But I wasn't going to complain, he was with you all, and you needed a guitar tech. He wasn't mean, he just stared too much at my breasts, or checking me up, every time I was walking around in one of your shirt. He was the reason I started wearing shorts, underneath. You were all laughing at me, because you were used to see me without.

During this week I also had a very long discussion with Austin, about a lot of things. He admitted there was this girl he was talking from time to time with, and she was amazing. He told me I didn't know her, but she seemed so cute. But he didn't wanted any serious things. He wasn't ready for it. And she had a boyfriend. He described her more like a dream girl, someone who is perfect, but that you know you would never be with. Not because she was too much or anything, just because life happens, and not always like you want it to. We also talked a lot about our sicknesses. You almost never talked about that. I think it's because you know I hate talking about that. I hate lying to you. As I hated lying to Austin, but he always knew it was more serious than what I was saying. Maybe he knew because he had one too, and could see it. Maybe you never saw I was lying because you never wanted to see it. You never wanted to think I was sick, and could die. Anyway, we talked a lot.

Then I went back home, and it was like usual: I missed you, and worked a lot.

You all went back home in the middle of July, a month later.

We all partied at home some days after you got back.

And when I woke up, after a big party, I walked straight to the kitchen, to make myself coffee, to found a sleeping Justin on the couch, and a barely awake Austin sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hello" I whispered. He only rose his hand as a hello sign. He was holding his head. "Want aspirin?" I asked. He rose his head, with hope-filled eyes. I laughed a bit, and walked to the bathroom, taking the whole box of medicine. I walked back in the kitchen, and gave two to Austin, and took only one for myself. I poured myself a cup of coffee, and sat in front of him.

"Too much alcohol?" I asked him.

He only shrugged. I heard the door that lead to the two bedrooms opening, but didn't turned around.

"Hello." I heard a small voice saying behind me. I turned around, to see a really small girl, like really small, I was taller than her. Not a lot, but still enough to see it when we weren't next to each other. She had very short blonde hair, and was wearing a huge shirt, which was probably Austin's, with big sweat pants underneath. Even with those baggy clothes, she still seemed so thin. She had warm brown eyes, and somehow her hair made her look masculine. I would probably have wondered some second if she was a boy or a girl, if I hadn't heard her small and sweet voice. It was also in her attitude, that it was obvious that she was a girl.

"Hey." I said.

"Can I... Can I have coffee?" She whispered. I frowned and pointed it to her. It was weird, she was really shy. And really really young. Was she even 18? I gave a 'What in hell did you do?' look at Austin, who only rose an eyebrow, confused.

"I'm Elizabeth." She whispered, as she sat next to Austin.

"Zoey." Austin wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and she blushed. She didn't looked like someone to have night stand. And she didn't even looked to have the fucking age. "Can I know what you're doing here?"

"She slept there." Austin stated, as if it was obvious.

"I know. But did you two..." Austin's eyes went wide, and the girl frowned, not understanding. Austin then, started to laugh hard.

"What, Austin?" I asked. The girl send him a confused look.

"Eli, Zoey right there thinks we had sex, last night." The girl's eyes went wide, and she covered her mouth with her hand, blushing hard.

I rose an eyebrow. "Is it that shocking?"

"Eli's my cousin."

"Oh." I was dumbfounded. I felt really really stupid. "How come I didn't met you last night?" I asked.

"You were too drunk, and occupied with someone else to care." Austin said.

I blushed hard. "Sorry."

She smiled. "Don't be."

The door opened, and you walked in. You crashed on the chair next to me, and rested your head on the table.

"Want one?" I said, pulling the box of aspirin before your eyes.

"Two."

I smiled, and did so. I handed you a glass of water, and two pills. You took the pills, and drank the whole glass.

"I wanna die." You said, resting your head back on the table.

"I can help if you want." I smirked, but kissed your forehead.

You smiled. "Don't lie, you wouldn't kill me."

"I wouldn't." I said, passing my hand through your hair. You closed your eyes, your mouth open. I smiled.

After some silent minutes, you rose your head, staring at the girl, then at Austin. Then back at the girl.

"We didn't fuck." Austin said, barely looking at you, as the girl blushed.

"But she's wearing your shirt."

"She's my cousin."

"She's hot."

She was already really red, but your remark made her hid her head down.

"Alan!" I roared, and kicked the back of your head.

"What? You're hot too." You told me.

"It's not that, just be nice with her."

"Okay okay..."

We heard groans coming from the living room, and we heard Justin waking up.

"You seem so young..." You said staring at Elizabeth.

"I'm just 18."

"You're cute." You said.

"Hey guys" Justin said as he walked there.

He turned to the counter to get a coffee.

I saw Elizabeth's eyes rising to Justin, and she smiled.

As he turned back to us, her eyes dropped, and she blushed hard.

I turned to look at Justin, as he sat down on a chair. I saw him throwing a look at Elizabeth. Then at Austin.

"We didn't fucking fuck!" Austin shouted annoyed.

"No need to scream, man" Justin said, holding his head. "If you didn't fuck him, who are you?"

"She's my cousin, dumbass. You met her yesterday."

She was looking down.

"Oh" He had a disappointed voice. "Sorry." Justin said, staring at her for some second, before shaking his head and drinking his coffee.

"Since nobody's asking, why did you sleep in our home, and in Austin's shirt?"

I couldn't help but smile, as you said 'our' home. I wrapped my arms around your waist. You smiled to me.

"Well, she decided to come see me, and she came late last night, in plane, and since I was a bit wasted, I thought it was easier to stay here than going at mine, it's far, in cab. It cost money." He shrugged. "When she arrived, many were already gone, so we just stayed up with everyone, before going to bed."

"Sorry for bothering you..." She whispered.

"You're not bothering anyone, Elizabeth. You can stay as long as you want here. At our home."

You turned your head to smile at me. "Yeah, our home."

"And why Austin's shirt?" I asked.

"Because she always forget everything." She blushed hard. "She forgot to pack a pyjama."

We laughed as she blushed.

After talking, and then watching cartoons on TV for about one hour, Austin and Elizabeth decided to go. She went to shower and change, while he stayed with us.

"She's really cute." I told him.

"She is. She's almost like my little sister."

"But she's really skinny, isn't she?"

"A bit yeah. It's... Rather complicated." Austin shrugged.

We nodded, not asking more.

Some minutes later, she walked out.

"You can go shower, Aus'." She smiled.

Her outfit was simple, but baggie. She was wearing jeans, that were ripped. She had a huge black T-shirt with a skull drawn on it. She had underneath a white tank top. She had three necklaces: the longer one with a bright blue lightning, the shortest with a moon made of blue gemstones. The one in the middle was a silver flower. It was beautiful. She also had a chain on her wrist.

She pulled her shoes on (some black vans) and sat on the couch.

"It was nice meeting you. I hope we'll see each other again." I smiled to her.

"Yup, you can come back whenever you want!" You smiled.

"Yeah" Justin agreed, not turning his head to her.

She smiled back, and her eyes flew to Justin.

Austin walked in, and she turned to him. Justin turned his head to her, observing her. I smiled. He crossed my look, and shrugged before looking away.

She added a black beanie, a grey scarf, and a dark blue sweater. It was almost like she tried to cover as many part of skin as she could. She waved and send a small smile to Justin before walking away.

*****

We learned later that she was here to go to university, in LA, and so she was going to live there for the whole year, at least. She was really nice, even if she was super shy. And seeing her and Justin interact was magical. She was too shy, and I didn't knew her enough to talk to her about that, but what she felt was obvious. And Justin. He is the kind of person who would talk with everyone. He had everyone's phone number, and hated being alone. The more people next to him there was, the happier he felt. But he never had the gut to ask her number. And since she would never ask, they never talked to each other, other than when we invited them. She also was the only person he didn't talk to. But watching them was still fun as hell. I think we all a agreed on that.

Anyway, the summer went like any other, with parties, tour and work. And so much love.

I also went to one of your shows, without you or anyone knowing, but wearing a shirt where it was written in capital: 'my boyfriend is awesome'. I was into the crowd, and I tapped the shoulder of a guy (who was fucking tall) next to me.

"Wanna help me up?" I asked, motioning toward someone who was crowd surfing.

He looked at my shirt, and rose an eye brow. "Yeah. Nice shirt, for a girl who's alone."

"Don't worry my boyfriend's here. I just want him to see me." He frowned. "You see that ginger on the stage?"

His eyes went wide, and I nodded. "Get me up there?" and he nodded to me.

And so I crowd surfed, but being almost standing before the stage. Your eyes went on me, and a smile curved your lips. You had recognized me.

what I didn't know was that Adam was there too and couldn't help but take a pic, that you and him posted later on internet. Him with 'Nice shirt, @ZoeyC.' as a caption, and you with 'Don't even try to say that my girl isn't the best.'.

I also saw your family more than once that summer. And as you said, after the first awkwardness, me and Sandra became quickly big friends. We kept making fun of you, doing as many pranks as we could.

And then, the fall. We celebrated our anniversary. You were the best, as always. I love you so much. I wish... Let's not talk about that yet. I want to finish this now.

So the fall came and went, as we still loved each other so much.... And Christmas came.

You came back from tour to spend a week with me, before we went a week at your parent's house, with your sister, and her boyfriend. One of these days, all the guys cane too.

During the fall you had found a new bassist, Aaron. He was really really gentle. It was amazing. And his girl, Amanda. She's the sweetest girl ever. Please, tell her. Tell her that I really really love her. I didn't knew her long, but I knew we could have been best friends. And tell Jenna too, tell her she's great, but she's more shy, and I never knew well how to talk with her. But she's so cute with Tino, all the time. And Anouk, please tell her that if I wasn't close with her wasn't at all her fault. She's just so perfect. I always wanted to become someone like her. Really nice with everyone, but someone who still knew what she wanted. Please, tell them. And the guys...

I should go back to the story, right? Sorry for the tear drops, no matter how I dry them, they still pour down on the paper.

Anyway. The story. After those day at yours, I went to see my grandma, for Christmas, but didn't see my parents, since they haven't excused themselves. Well, my mom never did anything, and since I felt guilty for her, I called her more, but never talked with my dad. I didn't missed him much.

And January. January.

You were on tour, and it happened during the second week.

My periods were late. I'm never late, or almost never.

After two days, I brought three pregnancy tests.

I did the first. Yes. I was shaking as I did the second.

Negative.

I pulled the two in front of me. One yes, one no. I took the third.

My heart was racing.

Positive.

I was pregnant.