I Remember
Chapter 3
I woke up and knew the kids were at school and that Bam had taken care of everything for me. These last 10 years Bam was almost like a father to my kids. At first after Ville’s death he kept far away from me and the kids. April was there for me for the first year or so. But bam was my knight in shinning armor. He has always been there, taking care of us. There was never a thought in his head that we wouldn’t live with him. He wanted us around, not only because we were great friends but also he wanted Ville’s kids around. They are the best memory of him that we have. Bam had even taken us to Finland to meet Ville’s parents about 3 years ago. Ville’s parents loved the kids and didn’t want us to leave. But our home was here at Castle Bam. I still kept in tough with the Band members, mostly Linde and Mige. They called about twice a month and were planning on visiting soon. To see the kids and to sit and reminisce about Ville and the ‘good old days’ as they called them. I couldn’t wait for their visit. I needed to see some old friends. I heard the Hummer pull up and I knew Bam was home. I really didn’t want to talk so I decided to take a shower.
After my shower I got dressed in a pair of Ville’s pants (my favorite ones) and an Element t shirt. I went to my closet and pulled down a box marked ‘Ville’s Stuff’. It had been a few years since I went through it and I knew I needed to. After yesterday I needed to. I placed the box on the bed and opened it up. On top of everything sat his ‘Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell’ Jacket. I picked it up slowly and hugged it taking in the scent that still lingered on it. Ohh how I missed his scent, I was so worried I was going to forget it or even forget him. That is why I kept these things, to remind me of him and to never forget him. I put down the jacket and continued to look through the box. There were many papers with lyrics on it and many drawings of me. I found a pack of his smokes, the pack he left here when he went to LA. In the box at the bottom I found something I didn’t remember being in there. It was a letter for me, from Ville when he was in LA. It was unopened. I didn’t remember ever getting it, but then again I was so upset after his death I might have just thrown it in and never saw it again. Either way I decided that it was time to open it. As I opened it I slowly started to read the scribbled writing.
My Angel,
I know by the time you get this I will be home with you and our baby’s, but I wanted to write you this to tell you something’s. I wanted you to know you are my world and that without you I would die. You are my everything and I know that my love for you is so much stronger than anything I have ever known. When I fall asleep at night you are on my mind. You are the first thought in my head every morning. You are my haven and my savior. If it wasn’t for you I would be going no where and I would not have my beautiful son and a child on the way. I guess I just wanted to tell you that you have given me everything and anything I could have ever asked for and I hope you know that I love you forever and always. You will always be my beautiful Angel, I love you!
Your loving husband,
Ville xxxx
After I read it I ended up breaking down and falling to my knees on the floor. I started to bang my fists against the floor and screamed “why did you have to leave”. I soon felt arms wrapped around me. I could hear Bam trying to calm me down but at this point all I wanted was my husband. All I wanted was for Ville to place his arms around me and hold me tight. Bam picked me up and carried me to my bed, placing the covers around me. He sat on the bed next to me.
“Angel why do you torture yourself with this stuff? It’s not good for you.” Bam said as I finally looked at him.
“I don’t want to forget him Bam. I’m afraid if I don’t remind myself of him everyday that I’m going to lose him more than I already have.” I said as the tears poured down my face.
“As long as he is in your heart you will never forget him, you know that.” he said smiling down at me.
“But I don’t want to admit he is gone.” I said just above a whisper.
“I know you don’t Angel, I don’t want to admit it either but he is. You have to be strong for you and your children.”
“You know just as well as I do that if Ville was sitting here and I was dead he would be acting the same way.” I said looking into Bam’s eyes.
“Yeah I know he would.”
“Bam can you leave me alone for a bit? I have to gather myself before I go to pick up the kids.”
“Sure Angel.” He said as he closed the door behind him.
I had to get myself together, if not for me but for my children. They were everything to me. They were the legacy that Ville left behind.
After my shower I got dressed in a pair of Ville’s pants (my favorite ones) and an Element t shirt. I went to my closet and pulled down a box marked ‘Ville’s Stuff’. It had been a few years since I went through it and I knew I needed to. After yesterday I needed to. I placed the box on the bed and opened it up. On top of everything sat his ‘Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell’ Jacket. I picked it up slowly and hugged it taking in the scent that still lingered on it. Ohh how I missed his scent, I was so worried I was going to forget it or even forget him. That is why I kept these things, to remind me of him and to never forget him. I put down the jacket and continued to look through the box. There were many papers with lyrics on it and many drawings of me. I found a pack of his smokes, the pack he left here when he went to LA. In the box at the bottom I found something I didn’t remember being in there. It was a letter for me, from Ville when he was in LA. It was unopened. I didn’t remember ever getting it, but then again I was so upset after his death I might have just thrown it in and never saw it again. Either way I decided that it was time to open it. As I opened it I slowly started to read the scribbled writing.
My Angel,
I know by the time you get this I will be home with you and our baby’s, but I wanted to write you this to tell you something’s. I wanted you to know you are my world and that without you I would die. You are my everything and I know that my love for you is so much stronger than anything I have ever known. When I fall asleep at night you are on my mind. You are the first thought in my head every morning. You are my haven and my savior. If it wasn’t for you I would be going no where and I would not have my beautiful son and a child on the way. I guess I just wanted to tell you that you have given me everything and anything I could have ever asked for and I hope you know that I love you forever and always. You will always be my beautiful Angel, I love you!
Your loving husband,
Ville xxxx
After I read it I ended up breaking down and falling to my knees on the floor. I started to bang my fists against the floor and screamed “why did you have to leave”. I soon felt arms wrapped around me. I could hear Bam trying to calm me down but at this point all I wanted was my husband. All I wanted was for Ville to place his arms around me and hold me tight. Bam picked me up and carried me to my bed, placing the covers around me. He sat on the bed next to me.
“Angel why do you torture yourself with this stuff? It’s not good for you.” Bam said as I finally looked at him.
“I don’t want to forget him Bam. I’m afraid if I don’t remind myself of him everyday that I’m going to lose him more than I already have.” I said as the tears poured down my face.
“As long as he is in your heart you will never forget him, you know that.” he said smiling down at me.
“But I don’t want to admit he is gone.” I said just above a whisper.
“I know you don’t Angel, I don’t want to admit it either but he is. You have to be strong for you and your children.”
“You know just as well as I do that if Ville was sitting here and I was dead he would be acting the same way.” I said looking into Bam’s eyes.
“Yeah I know he would.”
“Bam can you leave me alone for a bit? I have to gather myself before I go to pick up the kids.”
“Sure Angel.” He said as he closed the door behind him.
I had to get myself together, if not for me but for my children. They were everything to me. They were the legacy that Ville left behind.