‹ Prequel: The Maroon Beret
A New Life
Twenty Seven
-Sean-
How do you begin to explain what I’m feeling right now?
A week ago, my wife died on the emergency room table in the middle of a cesarian section, delivering our twin girls. They were both under four pounds, and one’s lungs couldn’t function properly on their own. There was a high chance that only one of the three most important girls in my life would survive.
And now? Now, both of my baby girls are expected to live. One may have breathing problems when she gets older, but she’s going to be alive. And my wife? My wife is still in a coma. But fuck, she squeezed my hand! In direct response to my question. Which means she’s waking up.
If this day isn’t the greatest, I don’t know what is.
I tell Charlie to take a nap and stay there, holding her hand for a couple more minutes. I’m sure she’s fallen back asleep by now, so I grab my phone and compose a text. I send it to my teammates, my coaches, my general manager, my parents, and Drew.
She’s waking up.
My hands are shaking at this point. I’m not sure if it’s nervousness or excitement. Probably a little bit of both?
I mainly ignore the flood of responses, but answer my mother’s immediate call.
“She squeezed my hand, mom.” I say.
“Oh, baby.” She says, and I can tell she’s smiling. “Really?”
“Yeah, mom. Twice. The second time was a direct response to me asking her to.”
She sniffles.
“Oh, that’s fantastic. Do you want me to come over there with you?”
“If you want. I told her to take a nap if she has to, and she didn’t respond after that. The new doctor said it can take a while for someone to wake up, even after they’ve started showing signs of it.”
“I’ll make some lunch for you and your father and Drew. I’ll bring it over.”
“Okay. I think I’m going to get Maddy and bring her up here in a little bit.”
We hang up and I look back over at my wife. I have no idea what else to think, but oh my God am I ready for this.
About half an hour later, I head down to get Maddy and bring her back up to Charlie’s room. Since the first time I brought her up here, she’s been settling in more comfortably with me. I sit next to Charlie’s bed and wrap Maddy in a blanket, holding her close to my body.
“Okay, my little Maddy. I’m going to tell you all about my beautiful wife. Your mother.”
I go on to tell Maddy all about how I met Charlie. How we fell in love. How she changed my life forever. I tell her all about what it was like having Charlie gone on deployment. What it was like only getting to talk to her every once in a while.
I don’t tell her about the accident. I figure both girls will learn the story when they’re old enough to understand. Of course they’ll always know their mother has a prosthetic leg. They’ll be able to see that for themselves. But we’ll ease our way into that conversation when the time is right.
I love thinking this way again. “We’ll” do things together. Charlie and me. Together.
I’m finishing up telling Maddy all about finding out we were expecting twin girls when the door opens and my mom walks through. She smiles at the sight of me holding my baby.
“That’s a beautiful sight.” She says.
“Get used to it, mom.” I laugh. “I’m a father now. I’ve got two little girls. And as soon as I’m able to hold my second one, I have a feeling my arms will never be empty.”
“It’s so wonderful to hear you being positive.”
“I’ve got reason to be happy again.” I admit.
She sets a tupperware container down on the table and takes her jacket off.
“Do you want me to hold her while you have your lunch?” She asks.
“Is that your subtle way of asking to hold her?” I chuckle.
“I also want to be here while you eat.”
I sigh.
“Mom, I’m going to eat it all. I know I made a huge mistake. I’m working on fixing the damage. And I’m not going to mess it up again.”
“I know honey. But I want to be able to make sure. You’re a parent now, you should understand. If one of your girls had an eating disorder, you’d want to make sure they’re okay too.”
“Mom, I didn’t have an eating disorder.”
“Maybe not seriously. But you did have something. And it impacted the way you were eating.”
“Okay, mom.” I sigh, realizing it’s probably easiest to just give in.
I hand my baby over to her and open the container of lasagna. Somehow she’s managed to keep it warm on the way over here, despite the almost freezing temperatures outside.
It’s delicious, and I tell my mother as much. She smiles and watches me inhale the entire thing, nodding approvingly when it’s all gone. I take my baby back and play with her fingers as she sleeps peacefully. It’s been about two hours now since Charlie started showing signs of waking up.
“So what exactly did Dr. Roberts say?” My mom asks.
“It wasn’t Dr. Roberts. She isn’t here today, she’s at her clinic. But it’s this woman, Dr. Rosenberg. She said that it’s normal for coma patients to begin showing signs of waking up before they actually do. It can be a slow process, unlike what’s shown in the movies.”
“Good. Any time table on when Charlie will wake up?” “Not really. Obviously it must be a good thing that she responded to me.”
“It’s a fantastic thing.”
I grin, thinking about the feeling of Charlie’s fingers gripping mine. They were timid and weak, but they did it. They moved. Around mine.
The timer goes off and I realize the time has flown by. I’ve had Maddy up here an entire hour already. I have to take her back down to the NICU now.
I frown, not wanting to let her go. But I stand reluctantly. I tell my mom I’ll be right back and make my way downstairs. I spend a couple minutes with Bella, stroking her face and holding her hand. Before I leave, I kiss both girls on the forehead and promise them I’ll be back soon.
When I get back up to Charlie’s room, I find my mother sitting on her bed. I hear her talking before I realize what’s happening.
Charlie’s eyes are open. She’s smiling. She’s holding my mother’s hand.
My breath rushes out of my lungs.
“Charlie.” I whisper.
Her eyes move to me and her smile grows.
“It’s too hard for her to talk, hun.” My mom warns.
“I don’t care.” I shake my head, making my way over to the bed. “I don’t care how long it takes for her to be able to talk.”
“I’ll go get the doctor.” My mom says, grinning madly.
She leaves the room and I sit on the bed next to Charlie’s body. Her head is slumped back against the bed and her eye lids are drooping. But they’re open.
I run my hand along her cheek, pushing her hair back behind her ear.
“You’re so beautiful.” I say.
Her gaze drops and her cheeks blush. I can’t help but chuckle at my wife’s modesty.
“You are, Charlie. You’re gorgeous. God, I’m so happy to see your beautiful eyes again. I’m so happy right now.”
Her lips move and I can tell she’s fighting to say something. She stops and closes her eyes, taking a deep breath before trying again.
“Love.” She mouths.
Tears spring in my eyes.
“I love you too, Charlie. I always will.”
She sighs, smiling.
I pick up her hand and rest it over my heart. I intertwine my fingers through hers and let her feel my heart beating slightly fast.
“Baby, I can’t wait for you to meet our little girls.” I say. Her eyes light up. “They’re so beautiful. Tomorrow, love. Tomorrow, I’ll bring Maddy up to you. She was up here earlier. And tomorrow they’re going to start taking Bella off the breathing machine slowly. It’s so amazing, baby. She’s finally starting to progress the way she’s supposed to. And they’re both getting bigger. They’re both starting to look healthy again. It’s amazing, seeing the difference that a week has made.”
I take a breath and look up at Charlie’s face. She’s crying, but it doesn’t look like happy tears. My heart breaks immediately. My hand flies up to her cheek, wiping the tears away.
“Baby, don’t cry. Why are you crying?” I ask. “Please don’t cry.”
She shakes her head slowly, still crying.
“Charlie.” My voice is soft.
And then I realize why she’s crying.
“Oh, Charlie. Don’t feel bad about this. Please don’t feel bad about not being awake. Please, baby. It’s not your fault. It’s not at all. The important thing right now is that you’re awake. And the girls are going to be okay. And we can finally be a family.”
She takes a deep breath in and her tears slow down. Almost stop. I breathe out.
“We’re a family now, Charlie.”
How do you begin to explain what I’m feeling right now?
A week ago, my wife died on the emergency room table in the middle of a cesarian section, delivering our twin girls. They were both under four pounds, and one’s lungs couldn’t function properly on their own. There was a high chance that only one of the three most important girls in my life would survive.
And now? Now, both of my baby girls are expected to live. One may have breathing problems when she gets older, but she’s going to be alive. And my wife? My wife is still in a coma. But fuck, she squeezed my hand! In direct response to my question. Which means she’s waking up.
If this day isn’t the greatest, I don’t know what is.
I tell Charlie to take a nap and stay there, holding her hand for a couple more minutes. I’m sure she’s fallen back asleep by now, so I grab my phone and compose a text. I send it to my teammates, my coaches, my general manager, my parents, and Drew.
She’s waking up.
My hands are shaking at this point. I’m not sure if it’s nervousness or excitement. Probably a little bit of both?
I mainly ignore the flood of responses, but answer my mother’s immediate call.
“She squeezed my hand, mom.” I say.
“Oh, baby.” She says, and I can tell she’s smiling. “Really?”
“Yeah, mom. Twice. The second time was a direct response to me asking her to.”
She sniffles.
“Oh, that’s fantastic. Do you want me to come over there with you?”
“If you want. I told her to take a nap if she has to, and she didn’t respond after that. The new doctor said it can take a while for someone to wake up, even after they’ve started showing signs of it.”
“I’ll make some lunch for you and your father and Drew. I’ll bring it over.”
“Okay. I think I’m going to get Maddy and bring her up here in a little bit.”
We hang up and I look back over at my wife. I have no idea what else to think, but oh my God am I ready for this.
About half an hour later, I head down to get Maddy and bring her back up to Charlie’s room. Since the first time I brought her up here, she’s been settling in more comfortably with me. I sit next to Charlie’s bed and wrap Maddy in a blanket, holding her close to my body.
“Okay, my little Maddy. I’m going to tell you all about my beautiful wife. Your mother.”
I go on to tell Maddy all about how I met Charlie. How we fell in love. How she changed my life forever. I tell her all about what it was like having Charlie gone on deployment. What it was like only getting to talk to her every once in a while.
I don’t tell her about the accident. I figure both girls will learn the story when they’re old enough to understand. Of course they’ll always know their mother has a prosthetic leg. They’ll be able to see that for themselves. But we’ll ease our way into that conversation when the time is right.
I love thinking this way again. “We’ll” do things together. Charlie and me. Together.
I’m finishing up telling Maddy all about finding out we were expecting twin girls when the door opens and my mom walks through. She smiles at the sight of me holding my baby.
“That’s a beautiful sight.” She says.
“Get used to it, mom.” I laugh. “I’m a father now. I’ve got two little girls. And as soon as I’m able to hold my second one, I have a feeling my arms will never be empty.”
“It’s so wonderful to hear you being positive.”
“I’ve got reason to be happy again.” I admit.
She sets a tupperware container down on the table and takes her jacket off.
“Do you want me to hold her while you have your lunch?” She asks.
“Is that your subtle way of asking to hold her?” I chuckle.
“I also want to be here while you eat.”
I sigh.
“Mom, I’m going to eat it all. I know I made a huge mistake. I’m working on fixing the damage. And I’m not going to mess it up again.”
“I know honey. But I want to be able to make sure. You’re a parent now, you should understand. If one of your girls had an eating disorder, you’d want to make sure they’re okay too.”
“Mom, I didn’t have an eating disorder.”
“Maybe not seriously. But you did have something. And it impacted the way you were eating.”
“Okay, mom.” I sigh, realizing it’s probably easiest to just give in.
I hand my baby over to her and open the container of lasagna. Somehow she’s managed to keep it warm on the way over here, despite the almost freezing temperatures outside.
It’s delicious, and I tell my mother as much. She smiles and watches me inhale the entire thing, nodding approvingly when it’s all gone. I take my baby back and play with her fingers as she sleeps peacefully. It’s been about two hours now since Charlie started showing signs of waking up.
“So what exactly did Dr. Roberts say?” My mom asks.
“It wasn’t Dr. Roberts. She isn’t here today, she’s at her clinic. But it’s this woman, Dr. Rosenberg. She said that it’s normal for coma patients to begin showing signs of waking up before they actually do. It can be a slow process, unlike what’s shown in the movies.”
“Good. Any time table on when Charlie will wake up?” “Not really. Obviously it must be a good thing that she responded to me.”
“It’s a fantastic thing.”
I grin, thinking about the feeling of Charlie’s fingers gripping mine. They were timid and weak, but they did it. They moved. Around mine.
The timer goes off and I realize the time has flown by. I’ve had Maddy up here an entire hour already. I have to take her back down to the NICU now.
I frown, not wanting to let her go. But I stand reluctantly. I tell my mom I’ll be right back and make my way downstairs. I spend a couple minutes with Bella, stroking her face and holding her hand. Before I leave, I kiss both girls on the forehead and promise them I’ll be back soon.
When I get back up to Charlie’s room, I find my mother sitting on her bed. I hear her talking before I realize what’s happening.
Charlie’s eyes are open. She’s smiling. She’s holding my mother’s hand.
My breath rushes out of my lungs.
“Charlie.” I whisper.
Her eyes move to me and her smile grows.
“It’s too hard for her to talk, hun.” My mom warns.
“I don’t care.” I shake my head, making my way over to the bed. “I don’t care how long it takes for her to be able to talk.”
“I’ll go get the doctor.” My mom says, grinning madly.
She leaves the room and I sit on the bed next to Charlie’s body. Her head is slumped back against the bed and her eye lids are drooping. But they’re open.
I run my hand along her cheek, pushing her hair back behind her ear.
“You’re so beautiful.” I say.
Her gaze drops and her cheeks blush. I can’t help but chuckle at my wife’s modesty.
“You are, Charlie. You’re gorgeous. God, I’m so happy to see your beautiful eyes again. I’m so happy right now.”
Her lips move and I can tell she’s fighting to say something. She stops and closes her eyes, taking a deep breath before trying again.
“Love.” She mouths.
Tears spring in my eyes.
“I love you too, Charlie. I always will.”
She sighs, smiling.
I pick up her hand and rest it over my heart. I intertwine my fingers through hers and let her feel my heart beating slightly fast.
“Baby, I can’t wait for you to meet our little girls.” I say. Her eyes light up. “They’re so beautiful. Tomorrow, love. Tomorrow, I’ll bring Maddy up to you. She was up here earlier. And tomorrow they’re going to start taking Bella off the breathing machine slowly. It’s so amazing, baby. She’s finally starting to progress the way she’s supposed to. And they’re both getting bigger. They’re both starting to look healthy again. It’s amazing, seeing the difference that a week has made.”
I take a breath and look up at Charlie’s face. She’s crying, but it doesn’t look like happy tears. My heart breaks immediately. My hand flies up to her cheek, wiping the tears away.
“Baby, don’t cry. Why are you crying?” I ask. “Please don’t cry.”
She shakes her head slowly, still crying.
“Charlie.” My voice is soft.
And then I realize why she’s crying.
“Oh, Charlie. Don’t feel bad about this. Please don’t feel bad about not being awake. Please, baby. It’s not your fault. It’s not at all. The important thing right now is that you’re awake. And the girls are going to be okay. And we can finally be a family.”
She takes a deep breath in and her tears slow down. Almost stop. I breathe out.
“We’re a family now, Charlie.”
♠ ♠ ♠
:)