A New Life

-Sean-
I’m an idiot. I know that. My wife is pregnant with my twins and I treated her like shit. In my defense, I was originally trying to do the right thing. I was trying to do what was best for Charlie. She looked like hell. I just wanted her to be okay.

But when she got defensive, I continued to push. And then I left without kissing her, which I know was not okay. And to top it all off, I was so pissed at myself that I went out and got drunk after the game. I don’t even remember coming home.

We both were wrong in our own ways, but I know I was even more wrong. As soon as I wake up this morning, I immediately check the door to our room. It’s open, which gives me some hope. But I quickly realize she isn’t home at all. She snuck out at some point and hasn’t come back yet.

I call her, hoping she will answer but she doesn’t. So I leave a message basically pleading her to come home so we can talk and jump in the shower to get rid of the disgust I still feel from last night.

I take a little bit longer in the shower, wallowing in self-deprecation for a while. I completely hate myself for how I reacted. By the time I’m ready to get out, my skin is like a prune. I wrap myself in a towel and make my way out to our bedroom. I instantly stop when I see Charlie sitting on our bed.

“Baby.” I whisper.
She looks at me and I can see the pain on her face.
“Get dressed. I can’t have a serious conversation if the only thing you’re wearing is a towel.” She says.

I smile a little, knowing not all is lost if she’s still flustered by the thought of me naked. I grab her favorite boxer briefs from my drawr and drop my towel, feeling her eyes on me. I pull them on and grab a pair of workout shorts and a US Air Force t-shirt. When I’m dressed, I turn back to Charlie and sit nervously on the bed in front of her.

I feel like a little kid waiting to get punished by their mother. She has all the reason in the world to completely rip me a new one right now.

“I’m sorry.” She says, surprising me. “You were looking out for me and the girls, and I was too stubborn to listen to you. I’ve been so set on proving that I can still do what everyone else can that I’ve been ignoring the signs my body has been giving me. Doctor Roberts specifically told me to take it easy, and I haven’t been. I took my insecurities out on you, and that’s not okay.”

I grab her hand, rubbing it with mine.

“No, Charlie. It’s completely okay.” I say. “If anyone should be sorry, it’s me. I’m a horrible husband. I yelled at you and picked a fight and then I left without kissing you. I played like shit and then got so mad at myself that I went out and got drunk. That’s not okay, Charlie. I want you to know how incredibly sorry I am for that. I don’t even remember driving home, and I’m sure I was a complete dick when I did. I don’t blame you for locking the door, and it was probably actually for the best.”

At this point, I have tears running down my cheeks. I feel horrible. I sob, my heart breaking at how poorly I treated my wife. I feel her thumbs on my cheeks, wiping away the falling tears.

“I’m so sorry, Charlie.” I sob, resting my head on her shoulder. My body shakes as I cry. “I’m so sorry.”

Her fingers run through my hair, calming me. I hate the feeling of vulnerability, but I’m okay with letting it show right now.

“Promise me you will never do anything like this again.” She says, her voice shaky. “Promise to me, Sean, that for the rest of our lives you will do your best to never leave without solving an argument. At the very least, you will never leave without kissing me and your daughters. And no matter how poorly you play, you will not ever go out after a game and get that drunk. I can’t handle you saying those kinds of things to me. I’m not going to tell you what you said because I don’t want you hating yourself. But just know that it was beyond inappropriate. And so help me Sean if you ever come home like that after the girls are born, I will leave your ass so quickly you won’t even realize it. I will not have my daughters around a man like that.”

I nod throughout her entire speech, agreeing with everything she’s saying. I will never be that man again. No way. I’m not that kind of guy. I’m known around the league for being a bit of a softie when it comes to Charlie, and I’m proud of that. I’m proud of the special on the NHL Network about my relationship with her, and what it was like being away from her when she was deployed. Charlie is my entire world. I could lose everything tomorrow, but as long as I still have her and our two little girls I’ll be happy with my life.

“I promise you, Charlie. I promise you I will never do that again. I love you, baby. And I love our girls. And I’ll always be here for you and them.”
“I love you too, Sean.” She says. “And I know you won’t.”

I sit back against the headboard and pull her into my chest, holding her tight.

“Chief called earlier. Optional practice is no longer optional after the shit storm that was last night. I have to be there at three.” I say, rubbing her back.
“I figured. You guys all played horribly.” She says.
“I played the worst.” I admit.
“Stop.” She says, pressing her forehead against mine. “Stop, Sean. Yesterday was yesterday. The entire team played horribly. Everyone, not just you. You need to let it go and move on from it. Take your punishment at practice today and then focus on going to New York and beating the Islanders.”

I nod my head and press my lips to hers. As always, she’s right.

“How are you so smart?” I ask.
“I’m not that smart. I just know you, Sean. I know you’re beating yourself up.”
“You’re the perfect wife.”
She chuckles.
“You’re the perfect husband.”
“No I’m not.” I shake my head. “I was a horrible husband last night. The worst.”
“Sean. Please stop thinking about the past. We’ve worked this out. As long as you never do it again, I forgive you. I love you.”

My head drops and a stray tear rolls down my face. I lift her shirt carefully and move to press my lips against her stomach. I rest my forehead lightly on her growing bump, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. I press another kiss to her skin and lay back against the headboard again.

“I love you, Charlie. And I love our girls too.”
“The three of us love you, baby. You can’t feel it, but they get so excited when you’re around. They move around when they hear your voice and are just generally happier. I am too. They know their daddy.”

My heart swells when I hear that. My girls get excited when they hear my voice. Her words resonate in my head. “They know their daddy”. I’m their daddy, and they know my voice. They love me.

They love me.