Say You'll Never Change

OLIVER'S POV:

Everything inside of my body felt weird and unreal. Because it was only on the inside I could feel anything. I tried moving my hand but I'm not sure that I was even connected to it anymore because I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel anything but I knew that I was there. Maybe I was dead? But if I was dead I would not be able to think, right?
I tried moving the other hand. Nothing.
It was like I was trap inside of myself but I couldn't be dead. I heard mumbling in the distance but it could've been very close too, I wasn't sure. I wasn't quite there yet.
I decided that I must be alive. I decided that if I just found the strenght enough to open my eyes I would be back into my life. But was that really what I wanted? Josh had cheated on me. My brother left me. Mom and dad hated me. I had nothing left. If I just go back to sleep and let go would I then just die? Maybe that's what I should do? There is nothing left in this life for me.

--

TOM'S POV:

I didn't know what to do with myself.
I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I just sat there and stared at Oliver while he laid pale as a ghost in the hospital bed.
Josh went home after a couple of hours. He said he didn't want Oliver to see him the first thing he did when he woke up. He had told me to call him when he does though.
I felt bad for him. He was raped by one of his friends and the guy that he obviously love thought he was cheating and attempted suicide. It must be rough.
I also feel bad for Oliver. He thought Josh was cheating and tried to kill himself. If he hadn't texted me he would've been dead. Maybe there was something in him that still wanted to live after all? He could've left a note but he texted and knew I would get it straight away. Maybe he wanted to be saved. Or maybe he just didn't want the note to be ruined in all the blood. I felt sick just thinking of it. That was the worst experience I have ever had. Picking up my unconsious brother from his own pool of blood and shaking him, trying to get him to open my eyes.
I never should've left him. I should've stayed. It must've been shit for him with me just leaving like that. After he had told me something like that.
I can't say that I'm not a little mad because I am. He should've told me. But I couldn't blame him. I knew that he was scared of what could've happened if he did. And just that happened.

--

I sat there until it had gotten dark and it was then he began moving. I wasn't sure if I had seen it the first time but when his other hand began to move slightly I was sure that my eyes wasn't just playing tricks on me.
I leaned forward and took his hand in mine.
"Oli?" I whispered.
Nothing.
"Please wake up"
Nothing happened after that except for about fifteen minutes later when his eyes suddenly opened. It was late at night so it was dark in the room and outside so it was easy for his eyes to adjust to the light.
His eyes, first turned to the window on the left side of his bed, wandered across the room until they met mine.
He didn't say anything and neither did I.
I didn't know what the right thing was to say at this moment 'cause I didn't know what he was feeling. His facial expression didn't give it away either. He just stared at me blankly for a while before sighing and turning his head away, looking straight forward instead.
"Oli I'm sorry I left, I-" I quietly began but he cut me off
"I don't wanna talk about this right now" he mumbled and I nodded even though he wasn't looking at me.
"Where's Josh?" he then asked, catching me by surprise a bit. I thought he wouldn't even want to mention him.
"He's at home but he was here for a few hours earlier" I said
Oli nodded but didn't say anything. Even though he didn't spoke a world I could tell that he was slightly upset about Josh not being there but I didn't say anything 'cause I wasn't sure about what would be the right thing to say. After all Oli thinks Josh cheated on him when that really wasn't the case but I chose not to say anything about that. I had to leave that for Josh to do. It would be unfair to him if I told Oli without his permission.

--

JOSH'S POV:

I went back to the hospital the next day. This time when I walked through the door Oliver was actually awake. He turned his head towards me only to realise that it was me and turn his head away again. Great. It did hurt a lot that he would not even look at me but this was my fault. I deserved this. I should've told him what happened before all of this happened. Tom was still sitting by a chair next to the bed holding his brothers hand which by the way wasn't as pale as yesterday. He had looked up when I had walked in and we had nodded an hello to each other.
"Hey Oliver" I quietly said as I sat down on the empty chair next to Tom. He didn't respond.
"I'll let you get some privacy" Tom said before standing up and making his way out of the room. He gave me a fast look before he closed the door behind him. This was it then. I had to tell him.
I couldn't say that I was just a little nervous because I was freaking out on the inside. I moved to the chair Tom had sat on so I could be closer.
"There is something I need to tell you" I said, trying to think about what to say in my head before the words left my tongue.
"I don't wanna hear it" He said.
I gulped nervously before taking a deep breath.
"Max confessed to liking me when we were sitting on his bed in his room. I told him that I had a boyfriend and he said that I shouldn't be with anyone but him and then he started kissing me. I tried to get him off of me but he punched me in the face until I passed out. And he took my clothes of and yeah..."
Can I please stop having to repeat that? I would rather just forget about it.
I waited a few seconds for Oliver to say something but he didn't and it freaked me out. What if he didn't believe me? What if he think I deserve it? He probably did not believe me, did he? He probably thinks even worse of me now 'cause he thinks I would make up a rape story like this.
When I had finally found the courage to away from my hands I looked up and met Olivers sad eyes.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked softly and I could feel the anxiety and guilt burning inside of me.
I just shrugged and looked down at my hands again, trying to stop tears from welling up in my eyes. This was all my fault.
"You should've told me" Oliver said and I nodded.
"I know" I said, my voice breaking slightly.
Please don't cry.
Please don't cry.
I could then feel Oliver grabbing my arm and trying to get me to move in closer and I really couldn't help myself from leaning in and letting him wrap his arms around me. Then I cried.
I held onto him as if he was the only thing that kept me on this ground as he let me cry these past days out into the side of his neck.
Everything just came back to me. What Max did. The hickeys. Finding Oliver's blood in the bathroom. Sitting next to his unconsious body in a hospital.
"It's ok" he whispered and stroked my back, trying to calm me down.
It only made me cry harder though. I was the one who was supposed to be comforting him, not the other way around. He was the one who was laying in this hospital bed after a suicide attempt, not me. It should've been me.

I'm not sure about how long we was in that position but we eventually had ot pull away when the door opened and a female nurse suddenly walked in.
"I'm sorry for disturbing, I just wanted to check on you again"
I wiped my eyes in shame and the nurse checked on all the things he was hooked to. When I looked at him I could see that he had been crying as well. I felt bad. This was all my fault.