Stay Awake.

English class was stressful, to say the very least. The whole hour, Alex kept looking back to Oli and I, with this unreadable expression on his face. Luckily, Oli didn't seem to notice, but the whole hour he kept kissing my neck, or putting his hand on my thigh. I had attempted to explain to him multiple times that I didn't want Vic to feel awkward. But, that little shit ruined my plan, and told Oli he was perfectly fine, and that he's used to seeing people in love.

But we aren't in love. We're out of love. He loves me, but I don't love him. It almost felt as though my stomach was about to concave. That just meant that Oli could place his hands all over me. It's not like Alex would do anything either. He doesn't say anything to me while class is going on, so anxiety doesn't rise in me.

"I love you," Oli murmurs into my ear, pressing his lips to my neck shortly after. Sure, I wasn't used to affection like this, and it felt lovely, but I didn't want it. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. It seems as though all I ever wanted was love, and now that I may actually have it, it wasn't enough. Was I too needy? Did no one have enough to offer for me? No, surely that could not be the case. I'd accept anything and everything I could get out of something. Even if all they had to offer me was their heart, I would accept it with a strong passion and admiration. Although, the feeling in my chest told me that this was in fact love, and I just wasn't used to it. So I bit my lip, and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I love you, too." I found the words tumbling out of my mouth before I could stop them. I didn't mind, they were going to come out at some point. Vic must have heard, because I noticed his body tense up out of the corner of my eye. And I ignored it because I was in love.

Not too long after, the bell had rung. Oli told me he had somewhere to be, and he bolted out the door, his friends following behind him. I looked over to Vic, the inside of my lip pressed in between my teeth.

"So, I'll see you next hour, okay?" I mumble, noting the way he ignores my words, and leaves the classroom without a glance. Guilt floods my veins, and I try to push it out to no success. I was the last one in the classroom now.

I took a deep breath and walked up to Alex's desk, watching as he closed the classroom door.

"Okay, first off," He says, spinning on his heel to face me. "What the fuck was that?"

"What was what?" I ask, attempting to be innocent. Unfortunately, that never worked on Alex. He could read me like a book, ever since the first day I'd walked into this hellhole of a school.

"You and Oliver? Just now? About to begin foreplay in the back of my classroom?"

"Hey, it wasn't my fault, okay?" I say under my breath, my cheeks heating up in embarrassment. "I can't say no to him."

Alex's eyes soften as he walks over to me. He rests his arm across my shoulders, and pulls me into him. His shirt smells like Jack's cologne and I seem to feel my dull heart melting in my chest. "Kel, you can't keep living in fear of him. He's changed now. You can speak up for yourself."

"But has he really changed?" I ask quietly. I close my eyes and focus on the steady beat of my teacher's heart, hoping it could lull me into some sort of comfort. Unfortunately, it didn't. "He could always snap again, y'know."

Alex sighs, running a hand loosely through his dark hair. "I know...but you have to take a risk."

I knew Alex was right; he always was. But the voice in the back of my mind kept saying, screaming, begging for me not to listen. My head was conflicted, searching for the correct path when both of them seemed so possible and the answer could be crystal clear. I decided that I wasn't going to risk my life for a second time this year, and that I was going to remain my position as Oliver's puppet. I kept telling myself that I could learn to love him, and eventually, I could need him as much as he needs me.

"He almost killed me, Alex." I remind him. I take a deep breath, looking up to him with watery eyes. "What am I supposed to do if he actually does next time? He'll end up in jail for the rest of his life."

"He'll end up in jail? That's honestly what you're worried about right now, Kellin?" Alex's bushy eyebrows are raised as he gives me an incredulous look.

"Look, I don't know what I've done to make him love me, and I don't know why I don't know how to love him back, but I will, okay?" I gingerly pull myself out of my best friend's grasp, and bite my lip. "We belong together."

Alex sighs, his tattooed forearm dropping down back to his side. "Are you sure that this is what you want? There's that new kid, Vic, y'know."

I raise my eyebrows this time. "What about Vic?"

"Well, he was staring at you the entire hour."

"No he wasn't." I answer abruptly, with a shake of my head. "Where's Jack?" I ask, changing the subject. Luckily, Alex got the point that I no longer wanted to talk about Vic, and he responded with a sigh.

"He should've been here by now," Alex mutters, looking up at the clock. "He's never late. And I mean, never."

Sadly, Alex was right. When Jack said he was going to do something, he did it with an exact precision and grace. And if he didn't, well, it didn't take a genius to look down at his body and figure out what he does to himself. Jack is one of the millions of people who suffer with obsessive compulsive disorder. When I first met him, he wouldn't stop staring at me. Later, I had found out that he couldn't stop staring at me. There was an eyelash on my cheek, and it was bothering him to the point where he had began to scratch at his skin, the anxiety had gotten to him so badly. Jack, can't step on cracks in the sidewalk, nor eat dinner without arranging it by color first.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the sound of the classroom door swinging open. I looked over to find a very flustered Jack. His twig-like legs stumbled over to Alex, throwing his arms around him. Alex stared down at him with a monumental amount of concern and awe. Jack didn't get flustered. Jack didn't throw himself into anyone's arms. Jack didn't cry either. As Jack's body shook with sobs, Alex carefully took Jack's hands into his own, leading him to sit down in his desk chair.

"Jack, what's wrong, sweetheart?" Alex's voice had softened significantly since Jack had arrived, and Jack took a shaky breath before replying.

"I-I fell and sc-scraped my arm on the s-sidewalk really b-bad." The words stumble out of his mouth, and the brunette immediately closes his eyes after his sentence. He pulls the sleeves of his black crew neck down so they cover his hands.

"So? Babe, it's okay. I promise. Can I see it?"

"A-Are you gonna c-clean it?" Jack asks carefully, looking up at Alex, his eyes rimmed in guilt. "B-Because you know th-that I already cleaned it."

I took a moment to sit back and appreciate all of Alex's adoration for the younger boy. How his eyes lit up every time Jack uttered a word. Or the way Alex held him so gently, and lovingly, as though he thought Jack might break. I longed to be loved like that.

"I know it's clean, Jack." Alex gives a light chuckle. His face goes serious again very quickly, though. "Why is this such a big deal?"

"I only landed on one arm." Jack whispers, his eyes resting on his shoes.

Alex looked as though he was about to faint as he pulled up Jack's sleeves without warning.