Late Goodbye

I felt the wave of panic creeping up on me. Was I alone? Had he called Matt? The questions just kept running through my mind and I couldn’t ease any of them. But what if I truly was alone? Would it be that bad? I had coped (kind of) with my past, at least I thought so, maybe this was the perfect way to find out if I truly was okay with everything.

„Brian?” I opened the door to the hallway and felt something magnificent in the air. Toast, baked eggs and coffee. I made a small run down the stairs and in the spacious kitchen to see Matt standing by the oven. I let out a relieved sigh. Not today.

„Morning,” He showed me his dimpled smile as I walked deeper in the room, seeing him putting the dish on two plates.

„Good morning,” I took a seat by the island. The ash tray was gone. So did this mean I could go outside? My face lit up, Brian really trusted me.

„Sorry, the eggs may be overcooked, but at least the toast looks decent.”

„I believe it’s perfect.” He placed the meal in front of me, himself taking a seat beside. The guys of Avenged made me breakfast every morning, it was just a question of who’s turn was to babysit me. I didn’t know what Brian bribed them, but it did the trick.

„How did you sleep? You look good.” He braced his elbow on the counter, between his plate and mine. The food looked magnificent and I was starving. I wasn’t that good of a cook to be quite frank. I haven’t touched the spatula for years, I wasn’t even sure if I had a frying pan back at home. When I decided it’s time to put something in my growling stomach, I went out. Usually picking up something unhealthy at Johnny’s, before turning to my drinking habit.

„I’ve started eating.” And smiling. Which was truly something.

„That’s good.” He took a big chunk of the toast, „So when are you returning?”

„Huh?”

„The studio.” Matt explained,

„Oh,” I got off the stool, to go to the fridge and take out the salad I had made yesterday. Cutting some tomato and cucumber was the only thing I was capable to do in the kitchen. That was if anyone trusted me with a knife. „I don’t think I am.”

„How come?”

„Old habits die hard.” I smiled, putting three spoons of the salad next to the baked eggs. „Besides, you all are doing very well without me.”

„Bullshit!” He exclaimed with his mouth being full, he made me chuckle, „Gate’s already messing up all the solo’s and Short-shit doesn’t even know which strings to pull. You should show them how real rockstars play the instrument.”

„Oh no, Matt...” I poured myself some coffee, „I can’t play.” I showed him my hand.

„Yeah, Gates mentioned that. Is it really that bad?” A wrinkle formed between his eyebrows.

„I’ve lost all my senses in this finger,” I pointed out to the pinky, „And it hurts like hell, when I bend my fingers.”

„Have you tried some surgery?”

„Yeah,” I sighed, „Thank’s to it, it’s gotten this far. At first I just had this pulling feeling and minor cramps, which I thought a little micro surgery would ease, I was very much wrong.” Remembering the disappointment after waking up from the surgery and not being able to do a single thing with my left hand left a trail with hot tears on my cheeks. I had lived on some very expensive painkillers for a long time.

„How did it happen exactly?”

„Haven’t Brian told you?”

„He avoids the subject.” I made a weak smile. Brian knew the story, at least most of it and I was glad he hadn’t told it to anyone. I had to fight my own demons, I couldn’t let anyone take part in my battles.

„I don’t want to talk about it at the moment.” Matt nodded his head in understanding.

„Just remember, you can talk to me. About everything.” He put the last piece of his toast in mouth, before continuing, „Even if Gate’s playing a hardass on you. He can be quite an asshole at times.”

„Thank you,”

„So you’re up for a movie?” He stood up from his seat and placed his plate in the dishwasher. A movie? I hadn’t seen a movie in ages.

„What kind of movie?” I couldn’t control the spark in my eyes. This just seemed to be a good day. I used to like movies, but that was a long time ago. Matt headed in the living room.

„Don’t know,” He shrugged, „We can watch one of those girly movies, if you like...”

„You mean the ones about lipsticks, nail polishes and love?” He chuckled, nodding his head in approval. „You could as well pour some sugar on me...” I quickly rinsed the dish and placed it in the dishwasher before joining Matt.

„You know your Def Leppard...” He looked surprised. I knew a lot of things, nobody just put up with me for as long to find out anything else, besides the obvious.

„I grew up listening to Leppard,” I shrugged as I tightened the bath robe, walking towards the cold couch in the middle of living room.

„Would’ve never told,” I looked at him as he flunked himself down on the coffee table, his back turned on me, while he was picking out some movie from Brian’s collection. I really doubted Brian would have something girly stocked in his secret selection rather than the full volume of Sasha Grey’s porn. „What else are you into?” He was holding a dvd in each hand. His eyes were sliding over the annotation of each one.

„Fairly recently? I’ve been avoiding rock music,”And everyone knew that, „But when I was younger I enjoyed Guns ‘n’ Roses, Slash was a big idol of mine; then there were Motley Crue, Nirvana, The Police, Pantera, Aerosmith... basicly everything that wasn’t Britney Spears. I even fancied Cher, if I’m correct. She has a powerful voice.”

„You seemed like one hell of a diehard...” He turned over still holding the two dvd packages.

„Of rock? I was very passionate about my music,” Until I screwed everything up, but I believe he already knows the reason why I am the way I am.

„Okay, so we have some Batman shit and... van Helsing,” He frowned looking over the dvd’s he was holding, „These were the most romantic of them all, of course there was something else, but I don’t know if you would count it as romantic...”

„I’m actually afraid to ask...” I took one of the white cushions and hugged it, pulling my feet up on the couch, feeling too excited. „I guess I’ll go with Van Helsing.”

„Okay,” He mumbled, bending in front of the dvd player to put the cd in, „I just hope this is not some hidden stash of his porn.” He chuckled. It was way too easy with Matt, I know he was trying to keep my thoughts away from the bottle and what not, and I had to say, he was really good at what he was doing even if he had no fucking clue of what that was. He just acted around me like I was perfectly fine. Like I was a friend.

„I don’t think he hides his porn, he wouldn’t possibly remember where he’d put his favorite... movie if you prefer.”

Even tho I had seen the movie, a long time ago, I still enjoyed it. I hadn’t done these little, every day life things for so long, I didn’t even remember how or why were they done. A step out of the ordinary, at least for me. Suddenly I wanted to make a list of things I’d like to do. I wanted to live again, remembering every little detail of my life. My phone ringed on the dark coffee table.

Hey baby girl, I’m in town for a bit, would want to meet you, if you’re not too busy. Call me, your super awesome aunt Athena.

My aunt was in Huntington Beach? And willing to meet me... I had to check the message twice, I hadn’t heard from any of my relatives for so long I could’ve sworn they had already forgotten about me. I placed the phone back on the table.

The front door opened and closed with a thud. Brian came in the living room, the movie was not even half. I looked at my phone to see it was too early for Brian to be back.

„Me and the guys are going to the beach, you’re up for it?” He looked over me and Matt, and than over his tv. He frowned noticing we were watching Van Helsing, nevertheless he brushed it off. Matt looked down at me as if waiting for some kind of approval.

„I think I’m going to lay low, but Matt, I think you should go...”

„You sure?”

„Yeah, yeah, besides my aunt is in town, I guess I’ll catch up with her and talk out some music or what not.” My aunt was the only person out of my family, who talked to me and didn’t blame me for anything that had happened, mostly because she had her own shit up and above.

„Who’s your aunt?” Brian asked while texting someone, it didn’t seem like he was that interested in my answer and I felt him being somewhat distant. What happened?

„Athena Kottak,” I answered, standing up from the couch. Brian’s eyes landed on me with a wrinkle between his eyebrows.

„Kottak?” Matt managed to ask before Brian.

„Yeah,” I sighed, „The same ex wife of James Kottak.”

„Well, no wonder why you know your rock and roll.” Matt was smiling softly, while Brian was still frowning deeply. Now he was looking from me to Matt and back again, being somewhat displeased. What the hell was up with him? Did something happen in the studio? If so, he had to tell me, I was his goddamn producer.

„What?” I retorted seeing his eyes scanning me.

„Nothing...” He shook his head, I heard the front door open once again. A long tanned legs walked in. Michelle. She was wearing a red, sort of floral pattern summer dress and the biggest sunglasses the mankind had ever seen, reminding me a bit of a fly on drugs. „It’s just... Didn’t Athena use to be a big partier?” Did you mean, is Athena still up for a bottle of Patron?

„Bri, honey, what’s taking you so long?” She came closer, wrapping her arm around Brian’s. I had the major urge to roll my eyes on them. „Oh, hi Matt.” What no greeting for me? Fine.

„Hey, Chelle...” He said almost unwillingly. I looked over Michelle, seeing those over bleeched blond hair, perfectly curled. That left me thinking. Weren’t they going to the beach? You know, where’s water and stuff that makes your hair perfectly wet? Or was Beach this new place in downtown?

„Jill?” Brian kept looking rather sternly at me.

„She’s five months sober, so I guess I’ll be okay with her.” I rolled my eyes and turned around to get upstairs and get changed. I couldn’t stand being with the happy couple, I just kind of didn’t like that Michelle girl. She seemed too fake for me and I didn’t bare fakeness.

„Excuse me,” I heard Brian say, as he ran up stairs just to catch me opening the door to my bedroom. „You know you have to call me if it gets too rough for you.”

„Like you said it yourself, I’ll be fine. Go and have fun with your friends.”

„I wanted for you to come.” What? For me to come? I was not very sociable to say the least and Brian was darn well aware of it. My physiognomy took on this skeptical look as I let out a confused laugh.

„What?” Me in the circle of friendship? That was kind of unbelievable, and funny. I brushed it off, still laughing on the thought as I stepped inside the room, or at least tried to. Brian’s fingers snaked around my palm, pulling me back.

„You didn’t mention your aunt comming to Huntington Beach.”

„Well you didn’t mention going to the beach,” What the hell was he so worked up about? I sighed, not willing to be disrespectul towards the only person who decided to reach out and help a drowning person like myself, „I didn’t know until this morning. I got a text from her. She wanted to catch up.”

„Okay,” He nodded, his features becoming softer, he even cracked a small smile, but that didn’t ease my mind from thinking what the hell was up with him today, „If you finish the catching up soon, you can join us. Just... call me if something happens.”

„I’m not going to drink my ass off, you don’t need to worry about that.” I yanked my arm out of his grip.

„Don’t get me the wrong way, I just know who Athena is.”

„She’s my aunt and that’s final.” I opened the closet to pick out some jeans and t-shirt. Brian leaned against the door isle, crossing his heavily tattoed arms over his chest. „If you’re trying to give me a hard time for meeting up with the only relative who talks to me, because she has a shitty past...” The same as mine, pretty much, „Save it, cause we both know I’m not listening to you.”

„Brian, we’re going!” Michelle’s shrill voice shouted from downstairs.

„You’re lady calls,” I made a disgusted face as I knelt down beside my bed to reach for the boots.

„Just don’t do anything stupid,” I got rather angry with him and just waved him off. Did he honestly think I would take up a bottle of any type of beverage as soon as I walked out the door of this lovely prison? If so, he knew me a lot better than I knew myself.