Damaged Goods

***Vic's P.O.V.***

I'd been in my room for 3 days straight. Only coming out to get more bottles of beer. What Mike said really got to me. He was right, I did miss Kellin, but Kellin didn’t want me anymore. I couldn’t handle that thought. I truly believed that’d he be the person who wanted me forever, no matter what.

I hadn’t answered my phone at all. It was somewhere in my room because I could hear it ringing, but I couldn’t find the strength to talk to anybody at the moment. It was like I could still feel him. Like sometimes I'd get sad for no reason, and start worrying about little things that he used to and I believe it's because a part of him is still with me.

I picked up my bottle of beer and gulped down the last of it. It was my last one because Mike had hidden the rest. I threw the bottle to the ground and groaned at the lack of beer.. I was probably going to die from alcohol poisoning or some shit but I didn't give a fuck.

I was interrupted from my thoughts by yelling coming from downstairs. I carefully got out of bed, swaying a little, before making my way to the stairs. Once I stumbled my way down the stairs was greeted with yelling coming from Mike and Dylan.

"Just let me see him!" Dylan screamed at Mike.

"No. You're no good for him." Mike countered.

"Can you guys keep it down?" I slurred, not in the mood for this bullshit.

Both of their heads snapped in my direction.

"Vic." Dylan breathed, running over to me, "Baby what's going on? Did I do something wrong?"

I guess he was referring to me not contacting him over the last few days. He'd become a little attached to me I guess. Before I could respond, Mike interrupted me.

"Just fucking leave." Mike yelled.

I could tell that Dylan was doing everything in his power not to turn around and punch Mike in his face. I did nothing but sway from side to side, the alcohol in my system was making my balance unstable.

"Are you drunk?" Dylan asked, looking into my eyes.

"That's none of your business." Mike said.

"Yes. I am very fucking drunk." I slurred, tipping over a bit.

"Mike what's going on with him?" Dylan said, glaring at him. "You're supposed to be looking out for him."

"I am."

“Well you’re doing a shitty job.” Dylan replied.

Then a bunch of yelling and cursing erupted from both of them.

“Both of you just shut up.” I said.

I tried to make my way up the stairs one step at a time. I was almost at the top when I missed a step and came tumbling back down. After that, everything went black.
_

I woke up a couple hours later in my room with Dylan in sitting in the chair at my desk and Mike sitting next to me on my bed.

“What happened?” I groaned, sitting up.

“You were drunk and you fell down the stairs.” Mike replied quietly.

I didn’t say anything, I just nodded. I had to admit that my drinking was getting out of control and it was kind of scary. But I needed that escape. Drinking helped me cope with life.

“Vic we need to talk about your drinking habits.” Mike said cautiously. “Since Kellin left it’s been getting worse. I know you don’t want to talk about it but it’s getting really bad. I think y-”

“Mike.” I said, interrupting him. “We can talk about this later.”

“No. Let’s talk about it now. I-”

“I seriously can’t handle this right now.” I said, covering my face with my hands.

I was close to tears now and I didn’t know how much more I could take of this. I missed Kellin like hell. There was no doubt about it, and it was driving me insane. It at the point to where I hated everything that had to do with him. I was drinking to stop myself from cutting to be honest.

“Can we just chill for right now?” Dylan interjected.

Mike looked to Dylan and rolled his eyes. It was kind of annoying but at least they weren't yelling at each other anymore. He looked back at me and I just gave him a pleading stare. He sighed and left the room without saying anything else.

“Are you okay?” Dylan whispered.

I nodded, not looking up at him, just staring at nothing and wishing I could disappear.

“Why are you doing this?”

I shrugged my shoulders in response.

“I want to help you but you’re shutting me out.” He said, trying to look me in the eyes. “Why are you acting like this? Getting drunk, locking yourself in your room for days, not answering my calls and texts. This is not the Vic I know. Just tell me why.” He said, moving over to the bed and sitting across from me.

At this point I’ve started crying. I didn’t want to be the depressed drunk that I was years ago. It seemed that all the progress I made at the asylum was slowly unraveling as time went on with Kellin and I separated.

“I’m hurting.” I said, barely above a whisper.

With that he engulfed me in a hug. I began to sob uncontrollably. I needed to do this, I needed to let all of the crying out because I had been holding it in for a long time. I needed someone other than Mike that I felt comfortable enough around to cry to.

“You’re going to be okay." He reassured me, rubbing my back. “You know, I blame myself for this. I fucked you up.” Dylan said, with watery eyes.

“No. You didn’t d-” I tried.

“But I did. When I met you, you were a young, happy kid with so much love to give. And I turned you into someone that I didn’t even recognize.” He said, his voice shaking. “I’m an asshole and I took advantage of you. You were 14, I was 17. I shouldn’t have done what I did. You didn't deserve that. I know I apologized a thousand times but I am so so sorry for everything I’ve done to you. Sometimes I literally can’t stand to be in my own skin because I remember all of the shit I put you through.” He said, tears finally falling.

He usually never cries, so this was a big deal. I took my thumb and ran it across his cheek, wiping away a tear.

“You have to stop blaming yourself. This happened 3 years ago. It was kind of my fault for dating an older guy. I should have known I was getting into a lot of shit.”

“Vic, absolutely nothing was your fault and I never wanna hear you say that again. This was all my fault. I know that what I’ve done cannot be taken back or erased, but I promise that I will spend the rest of forever trying to make it up to you.” He said, looking me right in the eye.

I leaned in slowly and gave him a light kiss on the lips. We sat in silence for almost an hour. I eventually calmed down and my tears turned into quiet whimpers. I was so grateful for Dyan right now. Everyone only knew the harsher side of him. The part where he beat the shit out of me and made me cry. But they didn’t get to see this side, the loving side. This was the side of him that made it so hard for me to leave him. I used to tell Kellin that besides from the beatings that Dylan was a great boyfriend. He didn't understand how someone who lays a hand on their lover could be a great boyfriend so I didn't bother to keep explaining. I’m just happy that he’s changed and that we’re both in a better mental state.

Dylan asked me if I wanted to go on a pizza date with him and of course I accepted because I could never deny pizza. I changed out of my 3-day-old pajamas, took a shower and, put on some fresh clothes and we walked hand in hand to the local pizzeria that was incredibly good. We sat down and placed our orders.

“So you’re 18th birthday is coming up in a month.” He said with a smile. “What do you wanna do to celebrate?”

Yea, I was 17 and Dylan was 20 so the thing we had going on (not a relationship) was technically illegal. I didn’t really mind our age difference though because we looked the same age. I guess I was just mature for my age, it was probably because I’d been through a lot.

“I dunno.” I shrugged, a smile pulling at the corners of my lips.

“There’s this huge music festival around that time every year. Maybe we could go to that together.” he suggested.

“That sounds like a lot of fun.” I answered, grabbing his hand that was placed on the table.

He nodded and grinned a bit. There was an awkward silence between us and I guess that he had something to say.

“You know, you can say what’s on your mind.” I said.

“Okay.” He said, taking a deep breath. “Well the other night when I said ‘I love you’...” he said, awkwardly trailing off.

“You didn’t really mean it. Yeah I understand.” I said, making the assumption.

“No, I did.” He said quickly.

“Oh.” I said quietly.

“I know that the word makes you feel uncomfortable so I’m not going to say it much, but I needed to tell you because I couldn’t keep it bottled up inside. Don’t feel pressured to say it back.” He finished. with a shy smile.

I chuckled at how shy and adorable he was being at the moment.

“You’re so amazing.” I said. “I don’t know how I feel right now, because my emotions are all over the place, but you’re definitely someone I’d see myself loving.”

He smiled at my words and at the moment I couldn't decide if it was a good thing to say or not.