Hold My Heart

TRIGGER WARNING. And also . . . *cough cough smut cough cough*

I promised myself that I wouldn't do it again. I told myself that I would never cut again, for Vic's sake and mine. But what was I doing now? Contradicting myself, that's what. It was the first time that I had relapsed since Vic found out a week and a half ago. I couldn't help it. It was a full blown addiction now, and I couldn't just stop out of the blue. I knew that this was going to take time, but I wanted to try my hardest to stop. However, for now I couldn't resist dragging the cool metal across my thighs.

I was sitting in my bathroom in only my boxers, home alone, or so I thought. There was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Kellin? Are you in there?" Vic called. I started panicking. I couldn't let Vic know that I had relapsed. He would be so disappointed.

"Yeah, it's me," I replied, silently cursing myself when my voice wavered.

"Are you alright?" he asked. I swallowed.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute," I called out to him. I stood on shaky legs, I gripped the counter for support, accidentally putting my hand on top of the blade and cutting myself slightly in the process. I whimpered in pain, and instantly regretted it when I realized that Vic would hear.

"Kellin? What happened?" he asked anxiously. I didn't reply, but just sat back down on top of the closed toilet seat. My mind was racing. I just hoped that he wouldn't come in.

"I'm coming in," Vic said. Shit.

Vic cracked the door open and peeked inside. When he saw my legs he quickly came in and knelt down in front of me.

"Kellin . . . " he trailed off.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. Vic looked up at me with sad eyes.

"Where did you even get another blade? You told me that you took all of them to my house that day," he said.

"I accidentally left one. I'm trying to stop, Vic, but I can't," I said.

"Yes you can. I promise. Relapsing is normal. But the next time you want to do it, call me, okay?" Vic requested. I nodded, but I knew that I wouldn't. I didn't want to put my burden on him any more than I already had. I was surprised that he hadn't left me already.

"Okay. Let's get you cleaned up."

Vic found a dark washcloth underneath the sink and pressed it to my wounds. It stung a little, but I ignored the pain. Vic had positioned himself in-between my legs, and if I wasn't in such an emotional state, I would probably find it really hot. Okay, I still did. Vic placed his hand on my thigh awfully close to a certain area in my lower region, and my breathing hitched for a second. Vic noticed and a discreet smirk formed on his lips. When the bleeding stopped, he threw the washcloth in the sink and washed his hands.

"I'm really sorry you had to see that," I said quietly after several minutes of silence.

"Don't be," Vic replied. Vic came back over to me and held out his hand for me to take. I accepted, and we walked next door to my bedroom together. After turning on my iPod and putting it on shuffle, we laid down together on the bed, facing each other.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he played with a strand of my hair. I gave a slight smile and nodded. I was feeling better, but I wasn't really sure if I was okay. I hadn't been okay in a while, except for when I was with Vic.

"I'm alright now," I said softly, but I could tell that Vic didn't believe me.

"What made you relapse?" he asked. I bit my lip and closed my eyes for a second before answering.

"Today is my parents' anniversary," I whispered. Vic's expression changed from confused to one of understanding.

"Oh," was all he said. We lay there for a few more minutes before Vic pulled me closer to him and kissed my nose. I giggled which caused Vic to do it again repeatedly. I grinned and turned my face away from him, but Vic just started kissing my cheek. I was definitely starting to feel better now. It was as if I could feel Vic lift away my sadness with a wave of his hand, like it was a puff of smoke that could just be blown away. I knew that that wasn't true, but I couldn't ignore the feeling of safety and complete and utter happiness that he gave me.

I turned back to him and kissed him on the lips. I never quite understood why Vic wanted me. I was a total mess, and he knew it. But I definitely wasn't going to deny his affection, especially when I needed it so much lately. Vic ran his tongue along my bottom lip, and I opened my mouth so that he could deepen the kiss. I put both of my hands on his chest, and he brought one up to caress my face and had the other one on my ass. The kiss was starting to get more intense, and Vic quickly pushed me onto my back and straddled me. He removed his shirt and threw it across the room, then leant down and pressed his bare chest to mine. I had completely forgotten that I was still wearing nothing more than my boxers. Vic put his lips right next to my ear.

"You're so perfect, Kellin," he whispered. I blushed as he began to kiss and nip at my neck. He started to bite down harder, probably leaving a hickey, and I gasped. Vic smirked and ran his tongue over the bite marks to soothe them, then began kissing down my chest. He reached my stomach, and stopped just above my boxers. I huffed in frustration. I suddenly felt desperate for him. It was probably just teenage hormones, but I really wanted to take this further than just making out. Vic moved down and started biting at my hips. His hands moved up and down my thighs, but he avoided that one place that I wanted him to touch so badly. I propped myself up on my elbows so I could see him.

"Please," I moaned. Vic looked up at me and smiled.

"Patience," he said arrogantly. I rolled my eyes and laid back down. Vic soon obeyed my vague wishes, though, when he started palming me through my boxers. I whimpered and bucked my hips up into his hand. Vic removed his hand and leant down to kiss the growing bulge.

"Fuck, take your pants off," I begged. Vic happily obliged, and when he was also stripped down to his boxers, he made his way back up my body and kissed me hard on the mouth. He grinded himself against me, and I felt that he was semi-hard. After a minute of passionate kissing, Vic reached down and slipped his hand into my underwear. He groped and stroked my member, and I moaned loudly into his mouth.

I was nervous because it was my first time doing anything like this, but I trusted Vic. After he found everything out, I felt like I could tell or show him anything, and if I was going to do this with anyone, I definitely wanted it to be him.

My breathing was becoming laboured, and Vic knew what that meant, so he let go of me and kissed all the way down my body. When he reached my waist, he hooked his fingers under my boxers and pulled them off, letting my erection spring free. Vic kissed the insides of my thighs, brushing his lips over the cuts. He took hold of me and licked his lips before leaning down and running his tongue along my slit. I moaned and twitched in his hand, desperate for more.

"What do you want me to do to you, Kellin?" Vic asked in a low voice. So he wanted dirty talk, huh? I guess I could do that.

"I want you to suck me. Please, Vic, I need it," I whimpered.

"How bad do you need it?" he asked.

"So bad. Please, Vic, just blow me," I begged.

Vic smirked and gave in to my wishes by licking me from base to tip. I grabbed two fistfuls of his hair as he took me fully into his mouth and I felt my hard cock sliding down his throat. He bobbed his head up and down slowly; too slowly for my liking. I thrusted upwards into his mouth. He made a gagging noise so I pulled back, but he got the message and started sucking me faster. As he worked his mouth around my member, I was in a fit of moans beneath him. I started feeling a familiar sensation rising in the pit of my stomach. It was my first time receiving a blow job, and I definitely wasn't going to last long.

"F-fuck! Ugh, Vic I'm gonna cum," I warned. Vic just started moving faster, and what he couldn't fit in his mouth, he stroked with his hand. I heard another noise in the room, and when I looked down, I saw that Vic was quickly tugging at his own dick. The sight of him doing that to himself tipped me over the edge and I came into his mouth.

When Vic was sure that I was finished, he pulled off of me with a pop and let go of his own member. He crawled back up my body and kissed me deeply. I could taste myself on his tongue, and even though I usually would've thought of that as weird, it was kind of a turn on. As we kissed, I placed my hand on his dick and started pumping it at the same pace as he had before. He moaned into my mouth, then broke the kiss and moved his head to the side. I found myself stroking him faster and faster as I listened to his heavy breathing.

"Ugh, fuck! Faster, Kellin," he groaned. I obeyed and sped up my pace, and he responded by arching his back in pleasure. Before long, he was moaning loudly and coming onto my stomach. He rolled over and collapsed next to me on the bed. I let him take a moment to come down from his high before turning to him with a smile on my face. He looked back at me and returned the smile before taking my hand and intertwining our fingers.

"That was perfect," he said.

"Yeah, it was," I replied. I was on cloud nine. Absolutely nothing could bring me down right now. Vic looked down at the mess on my stomach.

"Let's go get cleaned up," he suggested. I nodded and got up. We walked to the bathroom hand in hand. As we cleaned ourselves, we didn't lose contact for a second. When we finished, we walked back to my bedroom and fell asleep with our arms around each other, savoring every moment that we had together.