Hold My Heart

After talking to Jesse at the game, I tried to find Vic since I thought that he would be waiting for me, but he wasn't at our spot on the bleachers. I saw the food that he had obviously just bought for us, but he was nowhere in sight. I texted him but got no response, and when I looked for his car in the lot, it was gone.

I ended up walking home in a fit of rage, confused as to why Vic had suddenly disappeared without any explanation. I wanted to go to his house and confront him, but decided against it. Maybe something serious happened and he had to leave to be with his family. I wanted to give him some time to calm down from whatever was going on, so I would ask him about the game tomorrow.

I had told Billie that I would be out until nine, so I still had about an hour before I had to be home. I decided to go to a nearby park and calm myself down before I got back. I was still angry at Vic for leaving without me, and I didn't want Billie to pick up on anything. I had never officially told him that Vic and I were together, but I think it might've been kind of obvious with how much I had been seeing him. But if he didn't know, then I didn't want to have to explain everything that happened tonight when I wasn't even sure what was going on myself.

Once I reached the small park, it was way past dark outside and the air was so cold and crisp that it burned my nose when I inhaled, but I didn't care. I wanted to stay out here for a while. I sat down in one of the swings and started slowly swinging myself back and forth, not wanting to pick up a fast pace. I shivered as a gust of April wind blew threw the air and made my breath form a puff of white. I closed my eyes and became enveloped in the quiet night, admiring the silence. It had been a while since I had been this calm, just content with where I was. It was a great feeling.

I don't know how long I had been sitting there before I heard a pair of feet trodding through the grass. I opened my eyes and saw a boy that looked to be about my age with brown hair sweeping across his forehead. His hands were shoved into his pockets and he was slightly slumped over as he walked towards the swing next to me and sat down. I didn't know whether I should acknowledge his presence or not. Maybe he came here to escape from something too. The silence was now a bit uncomfortable, and I was about to turn and speak to him, but he beat me to it.

"Um, hi," he said awkwardly. I smiled at his apparent nerves, glad that I wasn't the only one that was socially awkward.

"Hey," I replied.

"What's your name?" he asked. He stared at me with beautiful golden brown eyes. This boy was very attractive, but I wouldn't let myself think like that. I did have Vic after all. Or did I? I was still confused about everything that happened this afternoon. I quickly returned my focus to the conversation and answered his question.

"Kellin," I replied.

"Well Kellin, what are you doing all alone at a park at this time of night?" he asked in a lighthearted tone. I shrugged and stared ahead of me.

"I don't know. Just clearing my head, I guess," I replied.

"How come?" he asked. I wasn't sure why, but I felt like I could trust this stranger. He didn't seem like he had any malicious intentions, and for some odd reason, it looked like he really cared. I didn't recognize him from school, so I thought that it would be safe to tell him the whole story.

"Well . . . I've been dating this guy for almost a month, and everything was going great until tonight. We went to a basketball game together, and someone pulled me away to talk, then when I got back he was gone. I looked everywhere for him, and then noticed that his car was gone. He just abandoned me for no reason. I don't know what's going on with him and . . . I don't know, I'm just stressed I guess. Not to mention the fact that our relationship was already kind of stressful because neither of us have come out yet. I just really needed a breather tonight," I ranted. The boy just nodded and held a sympathetic expression as I finished talking. He sighed and faced forward.

"Boys suck sometimes, don't they?" he asked rhetorically. I scoffed.

"Yeah." I frowned as a thought dawned upon me.

"Wait, are you gay?" I asked. The boy still didn't look at me as he nodded his head. I decided to direct the attention away from me now and ask questions about him since I had already spilled my guts to him.

"So . . . why are you here?" I asked. He simply shrugged and turned to face me again. His expression looked pained.

"Same as you, I guess. Just clearing my head," he replied, and I decided not to press him further on the subject because he seemed like he didn't want to talk about it. The boy stood up from the swing and stretched.

"Well, I'm gonna get going Kellin. Hope everything works out for you," he said sincerely. I smiled.

"Thank you for listening," I said. He smiled back at me.

"No problem," he replied. He was about to turn and walk away from the park when I stopped him.

"Wait! What's your name?" I asked.

"Alex."

-----------

It was now Monday morning, and I was riding the bus to school because Vic never showed up to give me a ride. I had tried to text him at least ten times on Saturday, but I never got a response. He never texted back on Sunday either. I was starting to wonder what was going on with him. Surely he didn't know about my conversation with Jesse. Or the kiss. Oh God, what if he did? I just wish I knew what was going on in his head.

I was sitting in the first seat of the bus right behind the driver. I turned in my seat to look at Jesse, who was three rows behind me on the opposite side. I couldn't get over the fact that he had kissed me. As he shifted his head to meet my gaze, I quickly faced forward again, acting as if I hadn't been staring at him. For the rest of the bus ride, I just kept quiet and indulged in my own anxiety inducing thoughts.

When the bus pulled up next to the school, I was the first one to jump up from my seat and race off into the school. I needed to find Vic. After what happened this weekend, I needed to talk to him. A tall boy with dark hair bumped into my shoulder as I scurried down the hall.

"Faggot," he muttered. I frowned at the comment, but brushed it off. One person's opinion didn't matter. I could handle that. I passed that asshole Jeremy and his group, but I didn't pay much attention to them. They hadn't bothered me since they beat me up a few weeks ago. Jeremy spotted me and whispered something to the rest of his idiotic posse. They all responded by snickering and turning to me.

"Hey, cock sucker!" one of the boys taunted. Some kids standing around the hallway all glanced at me and joined in with the laughter, others just glared. I was confused. Why was everyone looking at me like this? No one had so much as given me a dirty look in weeks. I decided to shrug it off and continued walking down the hallway in search of Vic. That's when I ran into someone with a very distinctive mop of red hair.

"Hey, Kellin. Seems like you're the talk of the school this morning," Jesse said with a cocky grin. I frowned.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, after you so rudely rejected me and left on Friday, I thought I might just . . . let slip what happened that night. With a slight twist of course," he said with a taunting edge to his voice. I was mortified.

"You did what?" I exclaimed. No, people couldn't know that I was gay! I wasn't ready to come out yet!

"Well Kellin, I told you that I would tell everyone, but I couldn't have people knowing that I kissed you. No, instead I told them that you forced the kiss on me and tried to get me to have sex with you, which I obviously denied. Don't want anyone suspecting that I'm gay, now do we Kells? You know, I've actually gotta get to class, but I'll catch up with you later. Have a good day!" Jesse explained in a mocking tone as he back away and sauntered down the hall.

My jaw was practically on the floor. This guy obviously had some issues if he says that he has a crush on someone then basically tries to ruin their life when he gets rejected. I felt like I was about to break down, but I pulled myself together and walked to first period on shaky legs. People just kept gawking at me as I walked my normal route to class, and at that point I really wished there were a gigantic hole in the ground that I could just curl up and die in.

I sat down in my usual seat in math class, waiting for Vic to arrive. I hoped to God that he hadn't heard the rumors. Maybe that's why he hadn't talked to me all weekend.

Five minutes after the bell rang, Vic sauntered into class, obviously not caring a bit that he was late. He didn't bother to glance my way as he sat down next to me, and my stomach dropped. Something was very wrong. Every morning we would come in together and laugh and joke around, but now he didn't even acknowledge me. I waited for Mr. Cress to get too lost in his lecture to notice before I turned to Vic.

"Vic," I whispered. He kept his eyes on the board, pretending that he didn't hear me.

"Vic, please. I need to talk to you," I whispered just a little louder. This time he looked straight at me, glaring daggers into my eyes.

"Yeah, well I don't want to talk to you. I know what you did Kellin," he hissed.

"No, Vic, I didn't do that, I promise. It was just a rumor. Talk to me after class, okay?" I pleaded.

"No Kellin, I know for a fact that it wasn't just a rumor. I saw you two at the game on Friday. You really thought that you could get away with doing that when we were supposed to be there together? Well, I'm done, so don't just stay away from me from now on," he whispered angrily.

"Fuentes, Quinn, am I going to have to separate you two?" Mr. Cress called from the front of the classroom. No, that wasn't necessary. It had already happened.