Bless Your Beautiful Heart

had i been around the guys, i probably wouldn't have asked her this. nut without anyone to talk to, i felt bad for dragging her into this specific part of my life. i picked up my phone off of my coffee table and dialed her number anyway.
"hey Kellin. whats up?" i smiled as her voice ran through my sick head.

"hey! so uh...ok look. you don't have to do this and you can say no. its ok. i wont be upset or anything."
not true of course. i really did want her to come.

"you name it im there." i smiled and rolled my eyes. i loved how corny she was sometimes.

" ok well, here's the thing, its an appointment... a check up for my uh...stuff. you sure your still there?" i slid further back on my couch, preparing to let out a good cry if i continued to be lonely.

"Kellin quinn, im already on my way." i smiled and jumped up.

"May i have your address please Mr.quinn?" she played off in a fake British accent. i let out a giggle, gave her my address and got ready for her.

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Addilyns car was cute. a simple white Nissan. the cute part was the magnets she has on the front and the back of it that were 'i love dogs' 'save the animals' 'cancer awareness' and other awareness ones that were just too sweet. shes so quirky and i love it. shes making this so much easier for me.

"kellin, hey, don't worry. this is going to be good news, ok?" i looked over to her noticing my legs moving almost the speed of lightning.

"im sorry."

" no no, its ok. your going to be ok."

im scared. my life is at steak. all if this was so unexpected. i worried for me. for my baby girl. i don't want her to go without.

sitting in the waiting room, my thoughts were so scattered. even addilyns presence next me wasn't enough to keep away any thoughts of getting bad news from my doctor. people were coming in and going out of the office so quickly that it obviously wasn't helping.
i suddenly worried for addilyn. i had pulled her into all of my bullshit. possibly even gave her hope for a future that i wasn't sure i was going to be able to hold up my end of the deal. i don't want to have to leave her that way. and yet somehow i felt she was prepared for it. because honestly i don't think she would still be sticking around. im just happy shes in my life though. im happy shesttaking me to see my baby. maybe she'll even give me a reason to take her to meet my mom.

"kellin?" i looked up, my body becoming motionless, my eyes frozen on my doctors and his expression changed form general happiness to ultimate understanding. its only when addilyn stood and put a hand out, giving me her best smile without looking too sad, that i also stood and took it. she kept a firm grip and for the first time, i actually kind of believed i was going to be ok.

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the crappy bed underneath me crinkled with my nervous jitters. addilyn sat next to me on a chair that looked more comfy than the bed. she caught my attention then as she looked through a magazine while we waited for my doctor to come back.
her hair was put up loosely with a big clip, her lashes mascara less and long as ever. she has the cutest little button nose that she had berried in an article. i could see the bottom crescent of her beautiful blue eyes that were more on the gray side. she was nervous too because her leg moved and jittered in time with mine. but the great thing was that she still had her hand hooked with mine, her grip never faltering.
we really hadn't said anything about what we felt for each other but it was very obvious that i may have developed some feeling for her. i mean...after katelyn...it really hasn't been that long. all the more reason i want these results. just so i can know what would be the best thing to do. soon there were three little knocks to warn us of entry and addilyn quickly put the magazine back before my doctor walked in an smiled to the both of us.

"kellin! how are we today?" he said, grabbing a rolling stool and pulling it closer to me.

" to be honest, nervous." addilyn squeezed my hand and i squeezed back. he nodded in understanding and looked up at me with a quizzical expression on his face.

"any headaches?"

"no not since the first time."

"no vomiting or chest pains?"

"no sir"

"and the vision? no burrs?"

"no, none."

"ok lets see here... alright! kellin, i think your going to be happy to hear that its still dormant."
really that didn't change anything. i mean it was still there and could still get inflamed. it wasn't anything i didn't already know.

"but..." he said, his expression going from serene to a happy smirk," it has shrunk significantly. its down to an almost penny size form. this means taking it out will be almost minuscule. "

"oh my god..." addilyn whispered next to me, her hand reaching up to lightly cover the brilliant smile coming from between her pink lips. i smiled also. this was awesome!

"oh my gosh doc that's so great! thank you!"

we shook hands and he gave me orders to take care of myself before we left. as soon as we got to her car she squealed and jumped up on me wrapping her everything around me.

"kellin! Kellin Quinn your free! i told you, you were going to be ok!" i hugged her back and spun her in a circle, laughing myself. one because that was just cute as shit and two because im obviously ecstatic about this.i made my decision then that i would be the best for her that i could be. i put her down and she turned to unlock the doors for us, her mouth moving a thousand miles an hour.

"what do you want to do tonight? dinner? we can go out! ill take you wherever you want. Chinese? Italian? there's this awesome sushi place i know! i just want to celebr-"
i couldn't keep myself from doing it. i grabbed her face and kissed her as deeply as i could for being in a parking lot.

"can i give you a suggestion?"
her eyes still closed, she just nodded her head yes.

"can we just go to your house and rent a movie and order something?"

:yea...yea that sounds good to me..." she said, her eyes finally opening. their crystal blue shade making me gasp for air.

"are you ok?" i asked, trying not to embarrass myself too much.

"yea." she smiled and looked down, her cheeks blushing. i kissed her forehead and walked to the passengers side.

"well come on then!" i chuckled while i watched her compose herself and get in the air.
homeward bound.

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we made it to her house safe and sound. we both agreed that it had been a long day and that we were both in much need of relaxation time. we ordered Chinese and talked about everything and anything while we waited.

"so playing music is your passion huh?" she asked.

"it saved my life actually. to be able to use my voice and just let everything out, it keeps me from being too stressed out." she nodded her head in understanding.

"what about you? what do you do to let off all of that pent up anger? hulk smash?!" i smiled while she giggled.

"actually...i also play music." that was it. i swear im in love.

"what?..." to be honest i was amazed. i really didn't expect it from her. not that i doubted her, its just i pegged her as an artist and a listener.

"yea um...i mean its nothing like you."
she shied away. i put my hand under her chin and gently pulled her face up.

"hey, that is no problem. music is music and its beautiful." i said.

"i play the violin." she whispered

"be proud. say 'im addilyn smith and i play a beautiful violin!' be proud of yourself for being a musician. that your able to spread happiness. "
i stared into her eyes then until there was a knock on the door.
we ate and then watched the movie we rented and as it got later we ended up falling asleep on her couch. her sweet face so soft and childlike when she slept but it was so gorgeous. and don't you know, of course, as soon as i fell asleep, i dreamed of her.
-goodnight.-