I'm Not Insane (Heaven Help Me)

Mikey’s eyes shot up at her face from the table. Ray’s fro swished as he turned his head towards her. Bob sucked his lip into his mouth and twisted it as if the question was about to make him cry. Gerard stared at her for the second time. She looked at them with dead, cold eyes. “Answer the question…” Mikey was the first to break the stunned silence. “ That is a really hard fucking question… we just…like you…” Savanna was struck…they just liked her…he couldn’t even think of a reason? They just liked her? She looked at the floor. “I have /never/ had /anyone/ like me…why are you any different? Why should you like me? You don’t have answers to /any/ of these things… and neither do I…” Sav looked at them one last time before fleeing and running to her room. The nurse saw her and smiled. Savanna did not smile back and the nurse looked a bit worried. She was about to say something when Sav cut her off. “Can you open the room please… and call me when I need to see the doctor…” The nurse nodded and opened the padlocked door just as Savanna charged toward it. She flopped down on the bed and buried her face into the blankets. Her memories were only those of herself alone… she had no want to remember her parents and she did not want to remember her aunt… her sister was gone and her friends had no reason to be her friends… she didn’t want to feel like this but she did. A hand grabbed her but she didn’t scream. Savanna had gotten used to it by now and she thought, “They can do what they want with me… I don’t care anymore.” The voice that followed seemed to agree with her. “You have to remember us…it is our memory that tortures you…” Sav opened her eyes and stared at the vague shape. She flicked it off and said, “Then torture me…” with a sneer. They could never take away her free will no matter what. “You can’t do anything to me… I wish you would, but you can’t.” “You forget, child, that I am a figment of your imagination… I speak the truth and if I say that it’s your fault that is your own subconscious telling you it’s your fault… All that I say is true and you know it.” The voice barked. Sav winced at the reply, “I know…” She collapsed into a puddle of what was left of her will. “So I really am insane,” she thought. She felt someone slap her across the face and her anger bubbled up inside her. She growled at the empty room and shook with rage, “Fuck off! I don't need you! I never wanted this! Just leave me alone!” It took every ounce of strength in her body to stop herself from getting up and tearing the room apart. “No!” she thought. “I have control! Control…control…control…” she repeated the word over and over in her mind until she fell apart once more and melted against the bed. She slept a dreamless sleep of pure exhaustion. Mikey burst into the room and looked swiftly about. He ran over to Sav and checked if she was breathing. He slumped down by the bed and whispered, “Thank fucking Jesus Christ!” followed by a slightly annoyed, “Sav wake the fuck up!” She shot out a hand at his throat before she jumped up. She did not look at him… next thing he knew he was backed up against the wall. Her fingernails dug into his throat and she growled, “I said get the fuck away from me and don’t come back.” She released him and turned slowly and dangerously and headed back to her bed. He gasped as the stolen air returned to his lungs and slumped down by the wall. “Sav it’s me…” he finally managed to gasp. Sav turned quickly with frightened eyes and looked him straight in the face for the first time since he had entered the room before running over to him and helping him up. She hugged him tight around the waist and said, “Shit! I’m so sorry! I thought you were… someone else!” Mikey looked down at her in shock and pain but his shock was nothing compared to the marks that she had left on his neck. He hugged her protectively and wondered who she thought he was and whether or not he could kill them for messing with his friend. Savanna blushed a little as they parted from each other but her eyes were wide and her voice was low and pitiful. “Fuck, I’m so sorry! I…I…I know…” Mikey looked at her with eyes that were still slightly frightened and said, “ I’ve dealt with this before… It’s going to be okay.” Those words were the wrong things to say. Savanna’s cheeks went from pink to pasty white, her embarrassed smile twisted into a grimace and eyes stared at him. “Don’t ever say those words to me.” Her voice was quiet but assertive. Her tone would have burnt into Mikey’s heart if it could. Sav turned from him and began to stalk towards the door when a firm hand gripped her arm. “I think he deserves an explanation… don’t you?”