One Night Stand

I sat alone in the house waiting for Ryan to return with takeout. A car door slams shut and I rush to the door. All I saw was the front end of Zayn’s black Jeep. Zayn had came by several times since our heated argument in my bedroom days ago but Ryan always sent him away. I wait for him to knock on the door but he never does. He simply bends over at the steps before walking away. The moment his Jeep disappears I swing open the front door to find several pieces of paper folded up. It was some kind of note. I take it back to my room and sit across the bed as I slowly unfold it.

Adara,

I think you always knew just how fucked up I was. Even when you met me. I just don’t think you know just how deep the problem goes. I’ve made more mistakes than I can count. I probably have more mistakes than I have tattoos and you know that’s a hell of a lot. I’ve been so fucked up for so long I’m starting to think that I can’t be repaired. Believe me, I wish I could be different, better. I actually went to my mom for advice and I haven’t done that in ten years. She told me to sit down and tell you how I feel so that’s what I’m about to do. Hope you’re relaxed because I have a lot of shit mistakes to fill you in on. My problem with dating goes way back actually. Even though I grew up with a heavy female influence I still thought of how my father treated my mom. That was the only relationship I had to emulate. He wasn’t much of a father to earn the title so from now on I’ll refer to him as sperm donor. Okay he didn’t respect her and I hated him for it. He abused her in more ways than one. My mom tried to make it work with him time and time again. I remember watching her sitting on her empty bed bawling her eyes out every other night because he didn’t come home again. He was down at the bar passed out with empty bottles surrounding him. When he was home it wasn’t any better. It was like hell on earth. He would get drunk and lose his fucking mind. He even cut me when I was trying to wrestle the knife away from him after he drank a little too much as always. That’s the scar you saw. Doniya once got her arm pulled from the socket when she was pulling away from him. After all of this shit he put us through my mom still forgave him. She gave him more second chances than she’d care to admit. I started to resent her a bit for that. I wanted him gone, until he actually left that is. One day he packed up his stuff, pushed me out of his way, and I never saw him again. I tried for months and months to better myself hoping that he would walk back through that door and accept me. I acted like him, I dressed like him, and I even had this ugly ass haircut like him. It was a full fucking year later when I realized that he wasn’t coming back. No matter how hard I tried or how much I changed I would never see him again. So I stopped caring. I didn’t care what my sisters thought. I didn’t care that I was hurting my mom with all of my shit. I didn’t care how I treated people, girls especially. I started fooling around with girl after girl just because I could. I didn’t care about any of them. I just wanted that relief. In a sick way me sleeping with girls was an escape. It was the only time that I didn’t think of my sperm donor and how I failed to impress him. After seeing what happened with my parents I didn’t want to settle down with one girl. I thought I was bound to have the same fate they did. I decided to steer clear of all things even remotely close to dating. I was going down a dark path and nothing could stop me. I was drinking, smoking shit I didn’t know the name of, at one point I was actually sleeping with two different girls every single day. My mom didn’t know me and my sisters couldn’t stand me. Even my lousy so called friends stopped hanging around me. I wished that I were someone else so I didn’t even have to be around me. I actually hated who I became. So I got my shit together – sort of. I drank less, the only thing I smoke is a cigarette, and thanks to you I don’t feel that urge to go out and meet some random girl to sleep with every night. I grew up in a few ways. After the fight we had I finally realized that I didn’t respect you. I said some dumb shit in the heat of the moment. It wasn’t fair to you and none of it meant anything because it was all a lie. I say things I don’t mean. Like when I said I never wanted this whole dating thing. Big ass lie. Well when it comes to you. I didn’t want it before but I want it with you now. Or like when I said I only said what I thought I needed to say to sleep with you. I didn’t mean it. I said all of that stuff that night because it was what I was thinking. I didn’t say it hoping it would change anything. It’s been a long time since I said I was sorry to anyone for anything but I am sorry Adara. I hurt you. I meant it when I said that you were the best thing in my life right now. You’re the only thing that’s constant. Everything else in my life changes but you don’t. You’re always there. Always the same. When everything’s shit, you’re there. I never had someone in my life that I felt I could one hundred percent count on until you came along. I also never felt like there was someone that I could give my all to. Since my sperm donor I never had someone that made me want to be better, until you. I don’t know how this dating shit goes when you break up or when someone fucks everything up. I know that when you care about someone you find it in you somewhere to give them a second chance even if they don’t deserve it. I mean I watched my mom do it enough times. So I guess what I’m saying to you now is give me that second chance. If you do care about me the way that I think you care about me, the way that I care about you. I don’t want to be without you. I don’t want just some of you that I get in the middle of the night. I want all of you. Everything that I’m afraid of was right in front of me. I let my own fear chase me away rather than embracing it. I’m ready if you are Adara. I may not know much but I’m willing to learn, for you. If by some chance, you do decide to give me a second chance I think we should meet up where it all began. I’ll wait for you.

Zayn.

I wipe the salty tears from my eyes and refold Zayn’s confessions. I knew he felt the same way. I knew it. I rush to the closet grabbing out something to wear tonight and turn the showerhead on.

‘Where are you headed? I just got the food.’ Ryan slightly frowns holding up the brown paper bags.

‘I am going to get my boyfriend.’ I beam going into the bathroom.

I take the quickest shower of my life and brush through my hair while I brushed my teeth. I slip into the dress and grab a pair of heels from the cluttered closet.

‘Okay, I’m leaving.’ I run through the living room picking up my purse and keys.

‘Are you sure?’ Ryan inquires from the sofa with hesitant eyes.

‘I’ve never been more sure in my life.’ I reply closing the door behind me and jogging off to my car.