Love

Five weeks and six days earlier ○ Five weeks pregnant
Lola is surprised at her own strength, she never expected herself to handle this break up as well as she’s been handling it so far. She’s been able to keep the crying to a minimum and even told her family without shedding many more tears.

“I’m staying strong for you, bub.” Lola mumbles to herself as she carefully rubs her right hand over her, currently still flat, belly. “I’ll tell your daddy someday, I promise. Before you arrive.”

Lola gets up from her bed and pulls her hair into a messy bun before grabbing a hold of her laptop and making her way downstairs. Once there a note is resting on the large kitchen table.



Lola’s stomach is usually rumbling around this time, but her appetite has left along with the relationship status she shared with Louis. Something tells her to take care of her body, to care for the life that’s growing inside of her – but right now that’s clouded by the idea of Louis and how badly she wants to forget about all of it, for now.

Lola is convinced that the only reason she hasn’t burst into tears yet is because she’s kept herself busy ever since she came back home from meeting with Louis. Which is exactly what Lola is planning on doing all day, until she has the time to crash at night when she’s alone again.

Lola sets her laptop down on the living room table to put on some music before she walks into the kitchen. She pulls open the cabinet under the sink to find all the cleaning supplies she’ll need. She takes the time to carefully analyse all the different bottles and what exactly they’re for.



As Lola is mopping the kitchen floor her iTunes playlist switches to the next song, the fast but dark intro to ‘Twenty Four Hours’ by Joy Division starts playing earning a loud sigh from Lola. “No… I really can’t have this right now!” She complains to herself as she looks around the room to find the quickest way to find her way to her laptop without making a mess of what she just cleaned.

By the time Lola has made it to her laptop the song is already twenty seconds into its intro at which point Lola rests her hands next to her laptop. She sighs deeply, remembering all the times her and Louis talked about Joy Division and this song in particular. As soon as Ian’s first words enter her ears, her lip starts trembling as tears start to blur her vision. Lola sighs deeply as she reaches into her pocket for her mobile, quickly opening her and Louis’ conversation. Twenty Four Hours just started playing, Lou… I’m sorry, I just wanted to let you know, like I always did before.

By the time she’s shoved her mobile back into her pocket the last part of the song starts, to which Lola slowly sings along. “I never realised the lengths I’d have to go… all the darkest corners of a sense I didn’t know. Just for one moment, I heard somebody call – looked beyond the day in hand, there’s nothing there at all…”

A deep sigh falls from Lola’s lips when she looks around the living room to see everything she has yet to clean. She no longer feels like distracting herself from the truth, at this point she feels like wallowing in self-pity and eating a pint of ice cream on her own. This must be the hormones, though, Lola is usually never this emotional. She’s always managed to keep a safe emotional distance from people, due to the fear that they’d leave at some given point in time.

With the promise to herself that she’ll finish cleaning the living room later on, she quickly grabs her laptop and takes a seat on the couch. When she opens her Facebook newsfeed, an alert of a new message is waiting for her. ’Sup. Do you have work later on? If not, wanna hang?

A smile tugs on Lola’s lips as she reads Jason’s message. Jason is a tall brunette, one of Louis’ friends that she met while they were at Leeds festival last year. Sounds good! She types the short reply quickly and as soon as she hit ‘send’ she finds herself wondering if he knows. Lola doesn’t have a clue who already knows about her and Louis, she doesn’t plan on taking down any of their pictures together from her different social media nor does she expect him to make an actual announcement about it – but still she finds herself wondering if he’s broken the news to his friends yet.

How about lunch at Nando’s? Or Subway? After reading Jason’s reply, Lola immediately starts craving all kinds of greasy food . She’s convinced there’s no way in hell that she’s actually making a decision on what to eat, because at this point she just wants all of it. “You’re going to make me fat…” Lola mumbles as she carefully rests one of her hands on her belly. A smile tugs on her lips as she notices how attached she’s gotten to the idea of a life growing inside of her.

Can’t pick… I just want enough greasy food to bury my face in! Let’s just meet up at Leicester Square in an hour?

After Jason agreed to meet up with her in an hour, Lola realised she had to get going. As Lola reaches over to grab her shirt she can’t help but look at herself in the mirror, she then turns around to see herself sideways. Her lips are pursed together into a thin smile when she notices a slight bump in her belly. Although her mother told her she most likely won’t show until she’s at least twelve to fourteen weeks along, Lola is convinced that the small bump is the beginning of her growing baby. “You’re already loved dearly, little nugget.” She then says while facing her belly, rubbing over the tiny bump.

Even though she’s not yet showing, Lola decides to dress in baggy clothes, to sort of prepare anyone who might spot her for the clothes she’ll be wearing until she tells Louis about her pregnancy. She has it all planned out, everything except for how exactly she’s going to tell him because going out shopping for baby clothes without him finding out will be an impossible task – that’s one thing she’s sure of.

Lola is dressed in a black with grey speckled sleeves bomber jacket and a baggy tank top, with a pair of light blue skinny jeans underneath. Her jeans are rolled up to show off her ankles in her pair of torn up black Vans. And her hair is pulled up in a small but messy bun that sits at the back of her head. She puts on her signature bright red lipstick before she grabs her tote bag and heads out the door, towards her tiny black Peugeot 206.

Lola dropped her car off at the first parking spot she found available somewhere in the city centre and decided it would be best to make her way to Leicester Square by train. Just as she gets off the train at her stop, two young girls come up to her with big smiles on their faces. “You’re Louis Tomlinson’s girlfriend, right?” They ask, both with bright smiles on their faces, clueless to the fact that their question makes Lola feel as if a dagger has been slowly carved its way through her ribs and into her heart.

Lola gives the girls a small smile as she tries her best to hide her teary eyes from them before she nods slowly, a small and forced smile pressed on her lips. “I really have to get going though, sorry girls!” She says as she throws them a quick wave before squeezing her way through the see of people towards the exit.

Lola carefully wipes under her eyes to keep the tears from falling. She bites her lip when she feels the terrible need to smoke a cigarette, which is what she usually does when she’s upset, but Lola knows she can’t do that because she has other priorities now. “Lola!” A voice calls out as soon as she exits the station, when Lola turns around she’s met with the tall brunette known as Jason, his actual name is Jace but he thought that to be a bit ‘odd’ as he liked to put it and decided he wanted to be called Jason instead.

“What’s up, mate?” Lola says, a smile playing on her lips as steps into Jason’s open arms for a friendly hug. “How you been? It’s been so long!” She laughs as Jason’s nods excitedly before he starts looking around for places for they can eat.

“I’ve been great, babe… How have you been? How about we just go get some Maccy D’s?” Lola nods in agreement before the two start heading toward the green McDonald’s building.

“I’ve been good.” Lola replies shortly as they enter the fast-food restaurant. Jason and Lola get in line to put in their order before taking a seat at the first available table in sight. “How’s school treating ye? Passed all yer exams, I assume? Good little student, ye are.”

Lola chuckles lightly as she pulls up her shoulders to his question. “So far, so good. But I still have some assignment to finish… two more years, hopefully!” Lola smiles, she earns a small laugh from Jason in return.

“It’s better then working yer ass off and be broke at the end of the month.” Jason shrugs before smiling up at the young woman who rudely shoves their food-filled plates in front of their noses. “Thanks.” He chuckles.

Lola looks down at her Big Mac menu, sighing to herself since she lost all her appetite at the girls’ question earlier. “So, anyway, how have you and Louis been?” Jason asks as he throws a fry into his mouth, he then grabs a hold of his burger and shoves it into his mouth.

Lola looks up at Jason as she cocks one eyebrow up. She’s slowly coming to the realisation that Jason has no clue that they broke up yesterday. The thought of that brings a small smile to her face as she carefully grabs a fry to put into her mouth. “Oh… we’ve been… fine.” Lola lies, afraid to break the news. If Louis hasn’t told most of his friends that may mean there’s still hope for them. And Lola doesn’t want to give Louis the idea that she’s given up by telling their friends.