The Impossible Children

There was a knock at the door. Who the hell could that be? Surely the girls knew they could not have company with Kurt around. Kurt practically ran to his curtained off “bedroom”.

“Kurt!” Santana called after him, but quickly gave up. She rolled her eyes and dismissively waved a hand. “Oh, fuck it.” She answered the door. “Adam Crawford,” she said, and Kurt's heart dropped into his guts. Surely he had heard her wrong. “Just the man I wanted to see,” she continued, and there was almost a wicked delight in her voice.

This was the cruelest thing Santana had ever done to him, and he swore he would never forgive her. It only got worse when she called for him again. “Kurt, someone here to see you!”

He wanted to scream “fuck you, Santana” but that would mean blowing his cover. For a naïve moment he dared to hope that if he remained silent he could remain hidden. He realized quickly that Santana was not going to let him try that.

“Kurt, c'mon, we both know you're in the loft. It's not like you leave it anymore,” Santana said.

Adam was not sure what she meant by that, and it made him even more uneasy. As did the fact that Kurt was apparently hiding from him. Whatever was wrong did not seem like something he could help with or like something Kurt wanted his help with. “Maybe I should go,” he said, “I don't think I'm helping anything.”

“Oh, no,” Santana said, “You're staying.”

“Santana, we can't hold Adam hostage,” Rachel said, “...but maybe you can stay for tea?” She looked at Adam with eyes that had a certain desperation to them.

Adam really did not want to stay, not like this. Still, he did not want to be rude. “I suppose I could, yeah.” He looked around the loft warily.

“Great,” Santana said with a fake smile that could only mean she was scheming. “You guys get that going, and I'll go talk to Kurt.”

Adam and Rachel exchanged looks, each of them clearly wondering whether it was a good idea to let Santana go talk with Kurt.

“How could you?” Kurt seethed. “How could you... invite him over? Do you even know how fucking hard this has been for me? What part of 'I don't wanna involve Adam' don't you fucking get?”

“Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, Lady Hummel,” Santana said.

“Don't fucking call me that,” Kurt snarled.

Santana held up her hands. “My bad. Sorry. Old habits, you know. Anyway, yes, I know how hard this has been on you. Believe it or not, I am capable of understanding and even sometimes feeling a broad range of human emotion.”

“Then, why— ?”

“Why bring Adam into things? Simple. You're losing your damn mind, and missing Adam is a huge part of that. Rach and I were worried, and also we'd rather not have a total basket case for a roommate. Adam can help make this all a little less shitty, so let him.”

Kurt was shocked, momentarily almost forgetting his rage. “I never knew you thought so much of Adam.”

Santana rolled her eyes and retorted, perhaps a little too defensively, “I don't, but you clearly do, and besides given your track record, I mean, he's the best guy you've ever dated, even if that's not saying much.” Santana paused and watched Kurt for a moment. Her tone softened. “Look, Kurt, I care about you, okay. Rachel does, too, and so does Adam even though you've honestly treated him like shit.”

Kurt sighed. “You think I don't know that? Knowing I was hurting him, even if it was for his own good, has been killing me.”

“So, go fix it then,” Santana shot back.

“Santana— ” Kurt started to protest.

“What are you so afraid of?” She questioned.

“Rejection, humiliation, there's a list. It's quite big. I could go on,” Kurt replied.

“So, what? You're just gonna hide from your problems in here? In the most obvious and embarrassing hiding place ever?” Santana said, “See? Shame? Humiliation? Already covered.” She gestured toward his face that was turning intensely red. “Now, as for rejection, and I presume heartache. Well, you've already been all heartbroken and mopey for weeks, and you haven't even really been rejected. Why don't you at least give him the chance to say yes or no?”

A voice on the other side of the curtain interrupted them. “Kurt?” Adam said tentatively, “Um, sorry, if I'm interrupting or intruding, but Rachel wanted me to tell you that we made tea, if you want some.”

“Oh, she's good,” Santana said, after they heard Adam retreat, “I don't give Berry enough credit. She is good.”

The way Adam had said his name, so obviously unsure of where they stood now, of Kurt's feelings toward him. It hurt so much; Kurt couldn't breathe.

He already missed that voice so much it hurt, and now it sounded so heartbroken. Kurt couldn't handle it. What the hell was he going to do? “Fuck,” he whispered, tears stinging in his eyes. He almost found himself pulling back the curtain and rushing out, but the impulse to stay hidden was even stronger.

“What am I gonna do?” he asked, “What am I gonna tell him?”

“Well...” Santana looked him up and down. “The truth.”

“I don't want him to see me like this,” Kurt confessed. He looked down at his slightly enlarged stomach. The idea of Adam gazing upon this deformity was a living nightmare as was the thought of trying to explain the whole situation to him.

“You'll get over it,” Santana said, “C'mon.” She grabbed his wrist and pulled him toward the curtain.

At first, he resisted, but after a moment or two, he suddenly found himself going along. It still wasn't easy, of course. His heart pounded frantically, and practically every nerve in his body screamed at him to run and hide, but Santana was right. Kurt Hummel did not run and hide, that would be totally undignified, and this condition had already robbed him of enough of his dignity.

And suddenly, there he was, out in the open, in front of everyone, exposed. He felt like he was on fire, and he really wished he could just sink into the floor he was staring at. He dared a glance upward at Adam. “Hey,” he greeted sheepishly.

“Hello,” Adam returned just as awkwardly. “Would you like some tea?” He added, trying to ease their weird tension.

Kurt didn't respond right away, but he forced himself to move into the kitchen and closer to Adam. He busied himself preparing his cup of tea and only dared to glance at Adam again when he no longer felt the other man's eyes on him.

Adam was dying to ask what was going on. Why had Santana invited him? What was so seriously wrong with Kurt? Why was Kurt avoiding him so much? Why wouldn't he talk to him or even much look at him now?

Still, Adam knew Kurt. He knew Kurt was hiding something, that he was avoiding talking for a very specific reason. He studied Kurt and looked him up and down. Something was wrong with Kurt, and Kurt did not want to talk about it. It was probably related to his bizarre physical condition that became more apparent the longer Adam silently observed Kurt. There was the elephant in the room.

The tense silence was killing Adam, but he had already intruded so much that he did not dare break it. He would have to respect Kurt's boundaries on this, even if doing so drove him mad.

Finally, Kurt spoke, “S-so, how have you been?”

Hurt by Kurt's sudden and inexplicable rejection. Missing Kurt. Tired of being the nice guy that people date for a while and throw away. Still worried sick that something bad had happened to Kurt. There were many things Adam could say to answer that question honestly, but he said none of them. “Fine, I suppose.” When that answer did not sit well with him, he added, “You know, besides being worried about you... and, um, us.” There he had sort of said it. “And you?” he asked.

Kurt gave a quiet, humorless laugh. “It's complicated.”

Adam was not sure if he could stand it any longer. He was normally a very patient man, but right now he wished more than anything that Kurt would just explain everything. Still, he waited, assuming the other man would continue.

“And I'm sorry,” Kurt said, “I'm really, really sorry about avoiding you for weeks.” Clearly, he meant it very sincerely. There was pain in his voice that told Adam this had hurt Kurt, too. “I-I had good reason...or at least I thought I did.”

“Well,” Adam said finally, “I'd like to hear it, if you don't mind.”

Kurt sighed. Explaining this to Adam was already way worse than explaining it to the girls or even his dad. “There's, um, there's— something's happened to me, and there's a lot going on, and I thought it was better if you weren't involved.”

Kurt didn't want Adam in his life anymore. It was like a knife in Adam's heart. Still, he held out for the rest of what Kurt had to say.

Kurt must have sensed the hurt that Adam was trying not to show. “For your own good! I didn't want you involved because I thought it was better for you. Not for me. God, no. I never wanted— ” He stopped himself. “I didn't want to end things. I didn't ever want to hurt you, at least not any more than I had to, and I really didn't want to lose you.”

What could be going on that Kurt felt he had to protect Adam from? Relief that Kurt still cared for him mixed with confusion. Adam watched Kurt and waited intently for him to continue.

When Kurt did not, Santana interjected, “Oh for fuck's sake, just tell him already, Hummel.” Whatever small reserve of patience she possessed was clearly running out. She sounded utterly done with the both of them.

Kurt glared at Santana and then back at the floor. It was not that easy. It was hard enough letting Adam see him. Now to try to put the whole situation into words was an entirely different, more excruciating task. It was never easy, and having to do it now, with a man he had fallen for as his audience...

First and foremost, it was humiliating. Then, secondly, it was literally unbelievable, an impossibility that was somehow happening anyway, that he could not even begin to properly explain. What if Adam didn't believe him? “Well,” he noted silently, “you do now have some physical evidence.” And this thought brought him right back to his primary concern once more. His face burned, and he was pretty certain that he had never wanted or needed to disappear more in his entire life.

This was all too weird and embarrassing for him. How could he expect it not to be too weird for Adam as well? Kurt tried to prepare himself for the inevitable rejection as he just knew Adam would realize Kurt had been right to try to keep him from getting involved in this weird, freakish mess.

Sensing Santana's claws were out full-time and about to take another swipe at Kurt, who was clearly struggling, Adam gently urged him, “Kurt?”

“It's— ugh, I don't even know how to explain. I don't even know where to begin. This is gonna sound crazy, and it is crazy, but not in a made-up, delusional way, in a how is this even happening kind of way. And it's probably gonna sound like a bad joke, but it's not, so if you're gonna laugh at me just wait 'til I'm not around to hear it— ”

Santana cleared her throat impatiently. Adam eyed her with annoyance and quickly returned his gaze to Kurt. For a brief moment, their eyes actually met. “I won't laugh at you,” he told Kurt seriously, “I promise. I would never.”

“And it's okay if you don't believe me. I wouldn't believe me either,” Kurt added.

“You've never lied to me before,” Adam replied, “And I've never known you to be of unsound mind.”

“Well, you might change your mind about that— ” Kurt responded.

“If you don't tell him what's going on, then I will,” Santana interjected.

“Just shut up, Satan,” Kurt said, “I'm getting to it.” He heaved a frustrated sigh. “There's something really weird going on with me. I don't even begin to understand it myself. My doctor says aliens did it, and as scary as that sounds, he's the only one giving me any answers or helping me at all, so aliens aside, I'm more or less trusting his judgement. It's— okay, it's, um, well, we only can go on what it looks like, but...” This was the hard part. He didn't want to say it.

“He's having an alien baby,” Santana said.

Kurt was going to kill her. The only thing that could convince him not to kill her at that moment was that he knew Rachel Berry would be the worst at helping him hide the body and keeping the secret. “God damn it, Santana!”

She held up her hands. “Just trying to help.”

“Just stop,” Kurt said, “Stop helping. You're not helping.”

Adam looked back and forth between the two of them, feeling both hopelessly confused and caught in the crossfire. He wondered if he should, or even could, de-escalate the situation. “Um— ”

Neither of them seemed to even notice Adam's attempted input. “Just stay out of this,” Kurt hissed at Santana, “let me handle it. You've done enough.”

“Whatever,” Santana said, “I'll go bother Berry, I guess.” With that, she left them alone.

After allowing him several seconds to fume silently, Adam prompted Kurt. “Kurt?”

Kurt took a deep breath. It took him a moment to find any words at all. Finally, he said, “You know, the most messed up part of all this is that her explanation was basically accurate, and she knew I could never word it that bluntly.” He paused, and his eyes had a distant look to them. “There's-there's something inside me, growing and— they can't get rid of it— and I don't know how or why or what's gonna happen...see? I told you it was crazy.” He paused again. “I mean, I guess you could tell by looking at me now that I'm not making it up.” He briefly uncrossed his arms, just for a moment not trying to hide. It was not long before they were crossed again, closing him off once more.

Kurt was clearly insecure in a way that made Adam ache for him.

Adam looked him over, but only briefly since Kurt was very evidently uncomfortable. The account he had just heard sounded absolutely mad, but he could not deny several factors did make it believable. For one thing, as Kurt had just indicated, Kurt did look like he had a small, but noticeable pregnancy belly. For another, it was clear that— however confused or skeptical Kurt was on certain details— Kurt believed this was really happening, and even Santana (and, Adam assumed, Rachel, too) seemed to believe it. It all really did seem crazy, but it also really did seem real.

Still, Adam had one question that had never been answered, “So, why did you think I'd be better off out of the picture?”

His question gave Kurt hope, but he approached with caution. “Don't you wanna be?”

“No,” Adam said, more quickly than either of them expected, “No, not at all. Why would I?”

“Because this is really, really weird,” Kurt replied, “Like uncomfortably, awkwardly, freak-show-level weird, and-and as much as I try not to even think about this, it's probably only gonna get worse. Like way worse.”

“That doesn't bother me,” Adam said, “Well, it does, but only because of how it affects you.”

“Adam,” Kurt said, “I don't— ” He paused. This was also awkward and hard to say. “I don't want you to feel any obligation to me. I- I know what this is going to do to me, what it's already doing, and I know that I'm not— I'm, um, I'm not going to be attractive to you anymore, and I don't want you to feel like you have to stay with me if you don't really want to, or like you have to pretend to have feelings for me that you no longer have.”

“Kurt, I care about you,” Adam said, “I care an awful lot about you, and I hardly think that's going to change. In fact, I'm rather certain it would take more than something like this to change those feelings.”

“I think you underestimate how big this something is gonna get,” Kurt responded.

“And I think you're underestimating just how much you mean to me,” Adam countered.

Kurt couldn't argue with that, and he definitely didn't want to. He was certain that his mouth was agape with shock, but it was rapidly formed a smile as he realized what this meant. “So, you're not gonna leave me then?” He was positively ecstatic; he had not felt joy like this since this whole mess began.

“Of course not.” Adam smiled, too. He moved a bit closer to Kurt.

Kurt closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around the taller man. He didn't have to lose Adam after all. He did not have to do this alone.

Maybe, just maybe, he could find it in his heart to forgive Santana for this after all.