Ache With Me

“Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?” Max’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel.

“Max, we’re pulling into the parking lot of the doctor’s office, I would hope I’m sure.” I reached over to put my hand on his knee. “I’m sure I want to do this.”

“Okay.” I knew he still wasn’t happy about this whole thing, but I was going through with it. I’d been having tests done on me for the last two weeks to make sure I didn’t have any diseases or medical issues that would make it difficult for me to carry the baby to term. Medically, I had the green light. I’d also been signing enough legal forms to make your head spin, most of which guaranteed that I wouldn’t try to keep the child after I gave birth.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” I leaned across the console to give him a kiss. “Now come on, let’s go get an egg turkey-basted into me.”

“That’s soo sexy.” He rolled his eyes.

“Will you stay with me?”

“They couldn’t drag me away.” He kept his arm wrapped tight around us as we headed into the building. Avery and James were already sitting in the waiting room when we walked in. They looked more nervous than I felt, which was saying something. I just didn’t want to break Avery’s heart if it didn’t work. They stood up to hug us. Max seemed oddly stiff; he’d met Avery and James earlier this month when this whole thing started but he didn’t seem to want to socialize with them at all.

“Thank you for doing this.” James whispered in my ear when he hugged me.

“You’re welcome.” I said. Max clung tight to my side, basically ignoring my sister and her husband. I couldn’t really blame him for being upset; he was worried about me and my health. But he was here. That was all that mattered.

It seemed to take an eternity before the doctor called us into the examination room. He made Avery, James, and Max wait outside while I got changed into one of those stupid backless gowns. I was shivering on the examination bed when he finally let Max into the room with me.

“Still okay?” He asked, taking my hand.

“Still okay, just cold as hell.” I managed a tight smile for him.

“I know you’re scared.” He brushed a lock of hair away from my face. “I know you’re putting on a brave face for Avery, but you don’t have to do it for me.”

“I am scared.” That was the first time I’d admitted that to him. “I don’t want to disappoint them and I don’t know how this is going to affect me yet and-”

“Are you still sure you want this? We can still back out.”

“I’m scared, but determined.”

“All right.” He kissed my forehead. A nurse came in to hook me up to an IV and a pulse monitor. The IV was apparently full of something to put me out for the procedure, because within minutes I was fading out on the bed. The last thing I saw was Max’s worried face.

I woke up on a bed in a dim room, covered by a thin hospital blanket. Max, who’d been sitting right next to me, noticed I’d woken up first.

“Hey, how do you feel?” He asked, squeezing my hand.

“Groggy.” The words came out garbled because my tongue was dry and stuck to the inside of my mouth.

“Can you ask a nurse if she can have water?” Max asked James, who ducked out of the room to find a nurse.

“Thank you so much Lily.” Avery moved to kneel next to the bed, nearly jostling Max out of the way.

“Don’t thank me yet.” I was still struggling to focus my eyes when James came back with a nurse and a cup of water. I did my best to not guzzle it down. I still wasn’t sure exactly why they put me out, although I guess if they were shoving something up there it was better to do it with a patient who couldn’t wiggle.

The nurse took my vitals and had me stay for another half an hour to make sure everything was all right before letting Max take me home. Even in my disoriented state, I could tell that Avery and James were trying to not get their hopes up. It occurred to me then that I was harboring something precious to them. I could only hope it worked out in the end.



“How much longer?”

“Thirty seconds less than when you last asked, Lily.” Max sighed, nudging my knee with his. “Just relax.” We were sitting on my bathroom floor, waiting for the three pregnancy tests Avery brought over to develop. She and James were sitting on the couch on the other side of the wall, playing with Cheshire and biting their nails. I would have been biting mine too if they weren’t already worn down to nubs.

The timer went off and I jumped slightly. Max got up to check the pregnancy tests and with each one he looked at, his face got graver.

“It didn’t implant.” I couldn’t keep the disappointment out of my voice. How was I supposed to go out there and tell Avery? Then Max handed me the tests.

One, two, three positive tests.

“Oh.” I breathed. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” He managed a smile for me, even though I knew he wasn’t thrilled. “Come on, let’s go tell them.”

“Just a second.” I put the tests down on the counter. “This isn’t going to change anything with us, right?”

“I promised you it wouldn’t.” He gave me a quick peck on the lips before we headed out into the living room. James and Avery looked up at us expectantly, hope blooming on their faces.

“Congratulations, it’s a baby.” I handed them the tests. Avery promptly burst into tears and collapsed into James, who looked a little watery himself. Max’s hand slipped from my back to rest on my hip, his thumb rubbing against the exposed skin there.

When Avery finally managed to stop crying, her face turned serious. “James and I were discussing your living situation and we’ve decided it’s for the best if you move in with us.”

“Ave, you guys live forty five minutes away from here it would be a bitch to do the commute.” I especially couldn’t imagine how they expected me to get to work. I wasn’t about to make Max pick me up and neither of them worked in this direction.

“You don’t have to work during this time, we can support you.” Avery didn’t look like she was going to take no for answer.

“I’m not gonna quit my job, that’s ridiculous.” I could see this rapidly descending into a fight. “I don’t see what’s so bad about living here.”

“You’re all alone in this place and you take the bus to work, it’s just not safe.”

“How is it not safe? I’ve never had a problem with this place before and I don’t think taking the bus is going to endanger the baby.”

“You don’t know that.”

“It’s an overreaction to make me quit my job and move in with you because of something that would never happen.”

“How can you be sure?”

“If something happens, we’ll talk about it again, but I am staying here in my home.”

“You are carrying our baby!”

“And I’m carrying it in my body! I’m staying here Avery, that’s it.”

“You can’t live here alone, that’s crazy.”

“Who says she’ll be alone?” Max piped up. “We’ve been talking about moving in together for a while before this whole fucking fiasco started, I’ll move in.”

“You smoke.” James always had a way of pointing out minor details other people missed. It was probably why he was such a good lawyer.

“I’ll quit.” Max pulled me closer to him. “Lily is a person, not some incubator you stuffed your baby into. If she wants to stay, she’ll stay here. And if she wants me to move in, I will.”

“I do want you to move in.” I turned back to my sister. “Ave, I love you, but you aren’t gonna win this fight. I’m staying here, I’m going to work. If there are other changes, like my diet or vitamins or something, we can discuss that later. But I am staying here.”

I think at that point it became clear to Avery that we weren’t going to budge on the matter. “I guess we should start planning your move in date then, Max.”

“I guess we should.” Max’s opinion of Avery seemed to have steadily gone down since she got here today.

“Y’all can discuss it, I’m gonna make some tea. And before anyone says anything, it’s herbal.” And so began my time as a pregnant woman. I could already tell it was going to be great.