You Can't Push It Underground

Normally Frank would be here in this bar anyway on a Saturday night, but it just feels so weird. He literally had a lineup already planned in his head, and this was not a part of it. Here he is though, alone on a Saturday night with Brendon who’s purposefully buying all the drink upcharges he can. He’s pretty sure Brendon can’t actually hold that much alcohol, but his perspective is skewed. Frank is short, and thus, there is very little place for the alcohol to go. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t get drunk, but it does mean that Frank is a lightweight if there ever was one.

He’s fine with it though. Frank is just about finished with scouting out his eventual company for tonight when he sees someone else.

“Holy shit!” Frank says, putting a hand over his face.

“What?” Brendon says, looking at Frank who he still isn’t sure isn’t insane.

“It’s, ugh... Brendon!” Frank says with a hiss like he’s upset at how Brendon is acting rather than himself.

“Dude, you’ve totally lost me,” Brendon says.

“It’s... god, you’re fucking useless. Six o’clock!” Frank says.

“No, it’s like nine,” Brendon says, worrying even more about Frank’s mental stability.

“Fuck! You are such an idiot. I mean, six o’clock as in look who is standing over there, behind us, at four five six o’clock.”

Brendon nods and then looks behind Frank to see who the hell he’s talking about. It takes less than a few seconds for him to realize who Frank is referring to. It’s the bright red hair that gives it away.

“Oh. Ohhhh,” Brendon states and makes a small cringing face, “my bad.”

“You fucking think?” Frank asks, “You just had to choose to set me up on the worst date that has ever been experienced by anyone with a guy who goes to our bar?”

“I didn’t realize that I had to choose someone from North Dakota or fucking Timbuktu to set you up with,” Brendon states, “what do you want from me? I’m sorry?”

“Yeah, well sorry doesn’t change the fact that he’s right there, and could look over at any time!”

“So what if he does! You’re not twelve years old, you can put up with the guy. It’s not like he tried to murder you.”

“Yes he did, he tried to murder me with his awkwardness!”

“Frank, darling, you’re being a drama queen.”

Frank groans, “Fuck you, I am not.”

“You’re hiding from a guy you barely know because of one failed date!”

“Fine, what do you propose we do? Do you wanna just invite him over for drinks and tell him that I’m not as big a douchebag as he thinks I am?”

“Well no, because then I’d be lying to the guy. I am not going to underplay your douchebagginess, but he’s a big boy, he’ll get over it,” Brendon says.

“Stop patronizing me,” Frank replies, “I don’t want to see him. You have no idea how low an opinion he had of me.”

“Well no offense, but I’m a little surprised you haven’t experienced that before, bro. Like seriously, I cannot believe that more people haven’t turned you down. It’s a little ridiculous what you ask for. If you told me that all you wanted was a one-night stand, I’d probably throw my drink in your face,” Brendon admits.

“Well usually when I ask guys, they’re not very smart. I didn’t prepare for asking someone who’s got the outlook that sex is between two people who love each other. It is the twenty first century, and that is a medieval mentality.”

“You’re so conditioned to believe that he’s the weird one for saying no. Actually Frank, you’re the anomaly there. Most people will decline, but they’re here at a bar, looking to meet a nice guy, but then you come along and you’ve got this no strings attached motto that makes people go ‘why not.’ It’s not like it’s a common thing to meet someone like you.”

“Are you accusing me of brainwashing people into sleeping with me?” Frank asks, both flattered and offended.

“I’m accusing you of offering up an escape from reality, which an ordinarily banal person might find tempting. I think there’s a form of trickery in there, but I also believe that it is mutually consensual on both ends,” Brendon says.

“You disapprove,” Frank states.

“You know I’m not for it. I think it’s likely that you might hurt someone mentally. I think it’s possible that you’ve bedded a guy who thought he was alright with the one-night stand scene, but later realized he was uncomfortable with the path he took which was aided by you.”

“I am who I am, Brendon. You can’t change me,” Frank defends.

“I wasn’t going to try. I just think that you do need to look at what you’ve done in the past, because it’s not all as carefree and sunshine as you think it is. I won’t change you, because you’re a fucking mule, but consider your actions.”

“What does this have to do with Gerard then?”

“I guess you should just try to apologize to him about your presumptuousness.”

“What? Why should I apologize? He was Mr. judgmental, I think he has every reason to apologize to me,” Frank says.

“Do you wanna go over there and tell him that?” Brendon asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Not particularly no. I think I’ll just ignore him and pretend it never happened,” Frank says.

“I don’t think that’s going to be an option,” Brendon replies, and Frank gives him a strange look.

“Frank?” A voice asks, and Frank is absolutely positive that Satan has it out for him. He turns around slowly in his chair and sees that, yes, Gerard is standing right behind him.

“Hello,” Frank says in a squeaky voice. He then feels Brendon kick him in the shin under the table, and takes a deep breath to calm his nerves.

“Hi, um,” he says, and it becomes obvious that Gerard did not come over here preemptively. He just impulsively came over here and now neither of them knows what to say.

“Why don’t you join us?” Brendon says and it’s Frank’s turn to kick him.

“He doesn’t have to,” Frank says, then looks to Gerard and says, “You don’t have to.”

“You should! It’ll be fun. Frank is buying!” Brendon says.

“I am not, what? I’m buying for you, Brendon,” Frank says, looking at his friend warningly. “I can’t really afford any more than that.”

“You owe me like six favors,” Brendon says, “c’mon.”

“No it’s fine, I’m-”

“See he doesn’t want to join us,” Frank interrupts.

“He’s just uncomfortable because you and I are bickering. Gerard, it’ll be fun, Frank is just being stubborn.”

Gerard shakes his head, “no I’m fine, really. I have a date.”

“See! He has a-” Frank stops midsentence than turns to look at Gerard, “you have a date?”

Frank feels a rush of inexplicable jealousy. He’s actually insulted. The guy has a date! A date on the same goddamn day that he’d gone out with Frank. That’s just low. It’s downright wretched.

“I... sorta,” he says, and that’s when the tension gets really uncomfortable.

“Well good for you then,” Frank says, but his voice is laced with venom. “There’s no hypocrisy in that at all.”

Brendon’s posture just slacks as his whole brain is sounding the alert that shots have been fired. He doesn’t know how to stop Frank now that he’s made his mind up about Gerard.

“Excuse me?” Gerard asks with the vague hope in his voice still thinking that maybe he didn’t hear what he thinks he heard.

“No nothing. It’s just that, you know, I’m filth for sleeping around and what not, but it’s perfectly okay for you to have two dates in one day. Sounds like you’re a tease, but who am I to judge?” Frank says, not looking at Gerard.

“I don’t think that’s necessarily the same thing,” Gerard answers.

“Well no, you wouldn’t think that. It’s alright for you to go on a bunch of dates and all that, but it’s wrong for me if I do the same thing. It’s just that I’m the one at fault because I score when you can’t.”

“Can’t?” he says, feeling victimized.

“Well yeah. You’re a hypocrite, in a different sense. Just because the date doesn’t ultimately lead to sex does not mean that you are any better than me. You’re all one for condemning me for having a bunch of sex, and then you go out on a date the very same day as one with me, and you think I’m not going to have something to say about that?”

Gerard scoffs, “Well I think you’re blowing things a little out of proportion.”

“Hm, really? You know what I think is that you’re just feeling guilty because you know I’m right so you’re trying to deflect whatever I say.”

“I don’t think,” he starts and stumbles, making Frank raise an eyebrow arrogantly as if to say, ‘I told you so.’

“Frank’s just a little on edge because his neighbors were bothering him today,” Brendon says, trying to cool down the situation.

“No, he’s being an asshole,” Gerard says, and Frank grins at the remark, feeling happy with himself for some reason.

“I’m an asshole for being right?” Frank asks. “Don’t mind us, get back to your date.”

“Is the offer still up to join you then?” Gerard asks, and Frank is a little surprised, because he has no idea what game Gerard’s playing.

Brendon starts, “Sure, but I don’t think Frank’s gonna-”

“That’s fine,” Gerard says, “I don’t want his charity.”

“Then yeah,” Brendon says, and he vocalizes his ‘ow’ this time when Frank kicks him.

“Be right back,” Gerard says, turning on his heels.

“You are so dead, Brendon,” Frank says.