Logan, Logan, You Make Me Gay

I've always had the desire to have a relationship with a "straight" guy. Perhaps for the simple fact that a masculine guy and coveted by all the girls seem like a good sex symbol. I like commitment, fidelity, wedding, romance and those little details of being in love. But I recently discovered that falling madly in love with a prince and be eternally happy is not what I really want. Even though I want to, but when I have it I just don’t want it. I am very complicated, constantly changing mood, I tend to be insecure (but I never show it to anyone) nevertheless always have in mind the idea of a beautiful relationship. I think some sex enough not to fall into these bonding. I hate bonding; they create codependency and even custom. I do not consider myself capable of having a serious and faithful relationship. Because I’m jealous, I don’t trust guys, I don’t like feelings and I won’t let anyone break my heart again. BUT… Ethan Iker was about to change that.

Officially I’m Logan Kaleb and this is my story of how a good sex symbol and also a friend turns into something more. Not always we get what we exactly want. But sometimes is better than what we expected to be. I’m finally out of High School and the first thing to come in mind is college. GOD! I’m so excited. I like studying and all of that stuff. I was accepted in the University of Texas. This is a really good choice for me.

We are not talking about this anymore. My mom said after asking her about my lodging in college.

Mom why not? It’s important. I need to have all the documents for next week. Please do not mess with my future, I said to her and then she gives me a sad poppy look. I have never expected my mom to look at me like that. She really cares about me. Even though she almost kill me when I decided to come out.

Logan… it’s not about letting you go to college and stay in college. She sat on the couch and took a big breath…

I sat down too. I have never seen my mom like this. I thought for myself this is going to be interesting. Then… what is this all about? I said.

It’s about not protecting you from the world. From all those closed minds and those who they only purpose in life it’s to bully everyone who’s different.

I look at her really confuse.

Do not give me that look, Logan; I know it is hard to believe that I’m talking to you like this. I don’t have a problem with you being Gay. I just… It’s hard sometimes. You know when I first took you in my hands all I can think about was what kind of girls you would like, what sport will be your favorite or even if you will give me grandchildren’s one day. Now I have to think what color of nails polish you would like or how thigh does your jeans have to be and even when the new Mac collection is coming. You know that the role of being a mother does not come with instructions?

I laugh a lot. Mom really knows me. I’m so girly and fancy. Mom… I love you. I said to her looking directly into her eyes. A thing I have never before done in my life.

My mom started to cry and smile and the same time. This was the most intimately moment in our life as mom and son. She cleans her cheeks and said: Sometimes I used to think that you hated me but after this all I can see is that you reserve your feelings. Let me tell you, sometimes I need to hear them even if they are bad or they hurt me.

I look down the floor and I said; Mom I will never hurt you. I just want to know what about my lodging?

OMG! Logan… she laugh it’s impossible to get closer to you.

It’s not mom. I roll my eyes all over the living room.

I will think about it. She stands up and goes straight to the kitchen.

YAAAAY! I scream all over the house.

Right now I’m at my room thinking about that little conversation that I just had with my mom. She was so supportive at that moment. Completely different looking at the past from when I came out. Freshmen year, I remember. From that moment I started to let my hair grow, used make up and even girl’s clothes. I’m not a transgender guy. I just feel really comfortable in girls clothe I also like boys looks when it is required o when I feel like it. I like to compare myself with MilesJai one of my favorite youtubers. I guess the drastic change was a little bit of a shock to mom. But know she is working through it and it makes me happy. As I said I change from moods a lot. I forget to mention that I also change from personality a lot and by this I mean looks and others things relative to the outside. When it comes to who I am? I’m always the same guy.

That’s one of the reasons why I don’t frequently have a boyfriend or even a date. My feminine look or my weirdo side scares guys. But at the same time “straight” guys comes around with all the curiosity of the world. (I think is fun but warning you’ll with these kinds of guys) I cannot wait to be in the lodging of the college and meet my roommate. I hope he is gay so it will be easier to coexist in the same room. All I know is that his name is Ethan Iker McCartney. The university has this program where they give you details of your roommate so on the first day it’s not awkward and you get to know each other. So they send me a letter with his name, details and even some common interests. Also his email is in the letter but I’m kind of afraid to write him an email. The university believes that this program creates good harmony in each room of the campus and it’s less the problems with new students. I hope they’re right on that.

Logan… Mom screams from the kitchen, dinner it’s ready.

I do like my family and having dinner with my mom, my brother and my grandmother is one of the things I don’t like to miss.