The Lunacy Fringe

Felix had taken his mom's car to the dance, and he'd parked close to Quinn. So when we got there, I had him find me a piece of paper and a pen to write Billie a note. I just wrote, "If my dad calls, I'm with you, okay? –Ruby." Then folded it, wrote her name on top, and stuck it in the passenger side windshield wiper of Quinn's car. Then Felix and I drove home.

Technically, I was only next door. But I didn't know where the night would lead, and I wanted to cover my bases.

"Where's your mom?" I asked when he led me in through the front door. The house appeared dark and empty except for the dogs barking furiously.

"She's visiting some friends in the mountains," he explained. "I have something for you." He took my hand and pulled me down the hall to his room. I set my sweater and purse aside while he went to the dresser to look for something. "You look beautiful in that dress," he told me. I blushed.

"Thank you."

"You're not wearing a necklace, though." I reached up to touch the bare skin of my throat. He was clearly getting at something. He held out a small box. "I bought this for you last summer. I've been waiting to give it to you for a long time."

My heart was overflowing already, but then I lifted the lid, and it just burst. It was a silver necklace with a charm shaped like two penguins. They had their heads together like they were kissing. Their bodies made the shape of a heart.

He took it before I could say anything. Then he moved behind me so that he could wrap it around my neck. My body shivered when he pulled my hair out from under the chain.

"I hope penguins are still your favorite," he said once it was secure. I turned around to face him.

"They are. I love it. Thank you."

He leaned down to kiss me again, and I gripped his shirt like all the months of silence and anger suddenly didn't matter anymore. But they did. And I was still afraid. And he must have sensed that because he pulled away.

"I really am sorry," he told me, touching his forehead to mine just to hold me close. "I really screwed up, and I know I can't make it up to you. But I just—I really hope that you'll give me another chance."

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"And somehow, I don't think I deserve it."

"I just—I want to understand what went wrong."

"Nothing. It was perfect. You were perfect. And I just—I started to get scared. But—when you were around, I couldn't stay away from you. So when we went to LA for the summer—I thought maybe it was a sign. Something was telling me to break it off. You weren't around anymore. We could end it before it got serious. But it didn't really work out the way I expected."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I was miserable without you. And I was still crazy about you. But—you were so angry with me, and I couldn't seem to do anything right. I couldn't get over you. I couldn't move on. I know that I can't fix what I did and can't prove that I won't do it again. But if you're willing to give me another chance…." I kissed him quickly on the lips.

"I am," I promised. "I'm here. I want you."

He kissed me harder, and then I took a step back toward his bed. He followed along as if he barely noticed that I'd moved. But we broke apart when I bumped into the edge of his bed. I sat down and gripped the front of his shirt to pull him down with me. He laid me on my back and kissed me again. His lips moved to my neck, and I gripped his back. Then I slid my shoes off of my feet. He didn't seem to notice them thud to the floor.

"Felix?" I whispered.

"Yes?"

"Did you—did you ever have sex with her?" He cupped my face in his hand to look into my eyes.

"No, never," he said. "We only ever kissed."

"You promise?"

"On my life." I nodded, and he kissed me again. Then he pulled away quickly. "You didn't—with him, did you?" I shook my head.

"No, of course not."

Then it was more kissing. And more. Until I moved my hands down the front of him and pulled off his jacket. He sat up to pull the entire thing off.

"What took you so long?" I asked him, breathing hard.

"I thought you hated me," he explained. "And I thought you were happy with him."

"You couldn't tell that I wasn't?"

"Not at first, no. Not until your birthday party. When you cried. That's when I knew for sure."

"Why did you go out with her?"

"I wanted you to be jealous. I was hurt that you were going out with Jake. I know it's stupid. It obviously didn't work."

"She thought you were in love with her. She thought that's why you weren't trying to get her into bed." He smiled and leaned on his elbows. I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Where did you hear that?" he asked.

"I overheard her talking about it in the girl's bathroom."

"That's not even close to being true. I just—I wanted you, Ruby." I ran my thumb over the swollen and bruised part of his lip. It wasn't cut, but it must still hurt. He didn't seem too bothered by it when he was kissing me.

"I wanted you too," I admitted. "I still do."

I pulled him back to me, and he kissed me again. Then his lips trailed down my neck, making me shiver and grip him tighter.

"I love it when you do that," he whispered against my skin.

I moved my hands between us, trembling as I released every button of his shirt. He breathed out sharply when I moved my fingers over his chest. Then he sat back to pull the shirt off and toss it onto the floor. I wrapped my legs tight around him. Our lips couldn't seem to stay separated for long. But it didn't feel like the kind of kissing I did with Jake. Not the boring, just something to do, or even the desperate plea to feel something kind of kissing.

I felt everything. Hopeful. Eager. Lust too. But mostly just relief. This is where I wanted to be. Where I needed to be. And he either felt the same way or was very good at pretending he did. So when his hand moved up my dress and between my legs, I didn't ask him to stop.

We'd done this before. Not often. But enough that it didn't necessarily mean this night would lead to sex.

Except that—I was kind of hoping it would.

I trailed my hands around his front and began working off his belt buckle. He said nothing but pulled his hand out from between my legs and slid it beneath my back. The zipper of my dress slid down, and then he was inching my dress up over my hips. I sat up to pull it off, and he reached down to pull his shoes off.

My heart was pounding, and I breathed loudly in the quiet bedroom. But I knew what I was doing. I knew I was ready. And he didn't say anything at all until both of us were down to our underwear. He kissed me again, sliding his hand up and down my thigh before his fingers moved back into place between them. His lips found my neck, and I dug my fingernails into his back.

"Is this what you really want, Ruby?" he whispered against my neck. I nodded quickly.

"Yes."

"Are you sure you're ready?"

"Positive."

His hand slid back up and beneath me. My bra loosened, and he tossed it aside. Then he was inching my underwear down, and I was desperately trying to keep my breathing even and calm. I wasn't afraid. I didn't know what I was, just that it wasn't fear. He sat back and slid them down my legs, and I suddenly felt very self-conscious. I'd never really been naked in front of anyone before.

But he didn't look like he thought there was anything wrong with me. He was looking at me like he wanted me. Green eyes heavy, skin hot, underwear uncomfortably tight. And when I sat up to pull them down, he looked right into my eyes like he thought I was beautiful.

When he got his underwear off, he moved to sit at the edge of his bed. I climbed under his covers while he dug around in his nightstand. I didn't have to guess what he was doing. I stared up at the posters on his ceiling and tried to focus on my breathing. I was ready for this. I wanted this. I wanted it to be him.

He finished and then turned so he could climb in beside me. But he stopped at the sight of me trembling beneath the covers.

"Are you okay?" he asked. I nodded quickly.

"I'm perfect," I assured him.

"We don't have to do this. I wasn't expecting this to happen so soon. We can wait until you're ready." I sat up and set my hand on his thigh.

"I want you," I promised. "I want you now. Tonight." His eyes dropped to my lips, so I kissed him. But I pulled away so that I could be the one to kiss his neck. He dropped his head to my shoulder, and his breathing went shallow.

After a moment, he moved the covers aside, exposing me to him again. But this time, he didn't hesitate. He nudged me back onto the bed. I lay down, and he climbed in to take his place on top of me. I wrapped my legs around him, and his fingers moved to my hair to pull the ponytail free. He kissed my cheek.

"I'm in love with you," he whispered. "I think I have been for a long time."

My heart jumped, and I gripped him tight. He didn't seem to be waiting for an answer. But I gave him one anyway.

"I'm in love with you, too," I breathed out when his lips found my neck again. I pinched my eyes shut. "I think I have been all along."

His lips swallowed the rest of my words, and then we didn't speak again for a long time. Not until later. When he pulled away and lay down on his side next to me. I turned to face him, burying my face in his damp chest while he plucked a crumpled white flower from my hair. We were breathing hard, and my heart was still pounding from the adrenaline rush.

"I meant what I said," he told me, speaking quietly even though we were alone. I sighed deeply and shut my eyes. He began to twist his fingers in my hair.

"I know," I said. "So did I."