The Mixtape of Hatred

Jack felt really bad, he really did, honest.

The guy's on tour for fuck's sake, and they had to extend their stay for a whole day just because Jack's still hanging out in Alex's room.

The nightmares has not yet appeared, which is good, since he totally did not want to even see Verity after noticing how Alex's eyes twinkle under the lights and how they were the perfect shade of burnt umber.

He enjoyed hanging out with him and talking to him, makes him wonder why he didn't let him finish his sentense when he was gonna ask him to prom.

Maybe if he did, and said yes, they'd be here. Together, cuddled up under the blankets, and he'd hear the other boy sing, with his velvet voice, with a smile on his face because he was in a world where he was trusted and loved.

So, instead of fixing the apparent problem laid out in his hads, he cursed himself.

He cursed himself for being stupid, he cursed himself for being a whore, he cursed himself for not realizing it sooner.

"Jack?"

Jack froze.

"How're you feeling?"

In all honesty, Jack felt like shit, "Fine, I guess. I should probably head on home, thanks for the, um, y'know."

Alex shrugged, "It was no biggie, you're my best friend, I'd do anything for you."

Jack smiled a full on, 3000 gigawatt smile, and did the unthinkable.

"I'll see you soon, okay?"

He planted a short kiss on the other's lips, short in a way that if you'd blink, you'd miss it, but long enough to make him realize that he'd made a big mistake.

And then he passed out in the middle of the hotel lobby.



Jack found himself staring at a smug faced Verity tapping her foot onto the white, concrete floor.

"You're in love with him."

"I am not!" Jack argued, "Just because I kissed him, doesn't mean I'm in love with him!"

Verity shrugged, "Well, you did just suddenly kiss him, and I dunno, doesn't he have a really nice boyfriend who actually liked him as much as, maybe even more than, he liked him?"

Jack frowned, "Fuck off, Verity. I'm not in love with him."

Verity shrugged once more, signalling that, well, Jack did finally give the other boy what he's always wanted, but it was a little overdue, wasn't it?

Jack was having doubts.

Verity chuckled, "Plus, I was going to shatter your happiness, should I?"

Jack's eyes widened as the girl laughed even harder, "I'm joking, jeez."

And then, all of a sudden, he felt a breeze on his skin.



It was absurd how he literally forgot most of his high school days, it's not like it sucks, well, he did end up with a dead end job in a coffee shop while his group of friends decided to go forward with their music and become succesful.

He didn't remember ever playing in a bar, probably because he was too drunk to care. There was him, Alex, Rian and Zack, and they were magical.

Jack saw his younger self smile to the crowd, his fingers repositioning itself to a certain chord that he barely even remembers now, "Alex and I, we wrote this song in our basement, and we literally did not know that we'll be playing this in front of like, a whole whooping 200 people. I would seriously love to thank our music teacher right now, for being the best band coach of all time. But hey, enough chit chat," Jack smiled, "This song is called Walls, and this is the last song on our set tonight!"

He was honestly surprised that he didn't leave the micstand and started singing, oh how he fucking wished that it was Alex instead. Alex would be better to look at than himself, it was embarrassing, mainly not because his voice was horrible; it was actually pretty good, but because he's not as cute as Alex back then, and it just embarrasses him.

But then, he realized that he wrote the song with Alex, so that means-

"I'm gonna break down these walls, I've built around myself. I wanna feel so in love with you and no one else." his younger self sung, eyes locked with Alex's.

He knew this memory!

They were partners in music before the incident, so they still had to perform their song, and they'd managed to get to the live audience part of the assignment, just because they wrote their own music.

And this performance was after the incident.

Dear god, he wanted to cry. He wanted to high five his younger self and pat the kid in the back for pretty much saying that 'Hey, Alex, I actually do love you back, but you didn't let me finish my sentense.'

But all Alex did was shrug it off.



"Alex?" Young Jack said after their set, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Alex nodded, before giving Rian the 'One Minute' sign.

"Um, look, I'm really sorry about, y'know, and I-"

"I have a boyfriend, Jack."

"But-wait, what?" His younger self's eyes widened, mouth agape in shock. "But-"

"I can't just stay hung up on a straight person, and Tanner actually likes me, so I know this can go on for the long run, probably, who knows? Maybe we'll break up, maybe we'll get married," Alex calmly stated, "Funny though, you had three months to work up the nerve to probably just talk to me about it, how apparently you return my feelings."

"How did you k-know?"

Alex smiled, "Well, you did just tell me, I could tell by your reaction to me having a boyfriend," he explained, "But hey, you've been dating girls all your life, I don't wanna be an experiment, or a pity fuck. I know I'm worth more than that, and I don't even know if your feelings are genuine, you could just be saying that you like me romantically just to save our friendship. But you of all people know that it's pretty much impossible to save it."



Jack jolted awake this time, shaking his head furiously when he noticed that he was in the hospital, Alex sitting beside him with a worried look on his face, and a doctor with a raised eyebrow on the edge of his bed.

"Ah, you're awake. We almost thought that you were dead," the doctor smiled, "Hi, I'm dr. Cameron, do you remember the last thing you did?"

"I, um," Jack cleared his throat, "I was about to leave a hotel somewhere."

"Can you tell me your name?"

"Jack Barakat."

"Okay, do you remember the man sitting right beside you?"

"Yeah, he's Alex," Jack answered, "Why are you-"

"Mandatory, Mr. Barakat," he cut him off, before ponting a flashlight at his eye, "You still have your contact lenses in, let me take that out for you."

The doctor took both of his contacts out, making him not be able to see, "Can you see?"

"No."

"Okay, well since you're probably going to be out in a few hours, we won't perscribe you with glasses. You apparently did not have a concussion, but you were out for almost two days, and because you did not have a concussion, I'm letting you out after Mr. Gaskarth here fills out all your forms."

"Thanks, doctor," Jack mumbled.

He was gonna muder Verity for doing this.

"Don't worry, okay, I filled it out already while the doctor was talking," Alex smiled, or he thinks he did, all he looked like is a blob of creme and chocolate. "Thank god you brought your ID."

Jack smiled back, "Are you okay with driving me home? Plus, I'm really sorry for delaying your tour."

"It's okay, you passed out twice, man," he laughed, "I think the fans will understand