I'm Just a Puppet and She's Holding the Strings

"I'm sorry, crazy girl says what now?!" Pierre exclaimed with widened eyes.

"I'm going to tell Sebastien I love him," I repeated about to head out of the door.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa," He dived forward, grabbed my arm and pulled me back inside, slamming the door in the process, "Whoa!"

I frowned at him, "What?"

"What the hell do you mean 'what'?!" He spoke, completely flabbergasted, "Are you totally insane?!"

"No I am not! I'm going to get closure!" I replied.

"Closure? Rachel, the only closure you're gonna get is the door closed in your face!"

My eyebrow rose, "You really think so? Because you've been telling me for the past few weeks that Sebastien likes me and if he did like me he wouldn't shut the door in my face!"

I knew I'd caught him with that because it took him a second to respond.

"I said that he likes you, yeah, but I never said anything about him loving you!" He shot back after a pause, "And since when do you love him?!"

"Since I realised I never stopped," I replied going to leave again.

He slammed the door once again, almost catching my fingers in it.

"Fucking hell Pierre, watch it!!" I spat.

"Since when have you EVER loved him?!"

"Since I found that I can't think of anything worse than not having him in my life!"

"He's already in your life Rachel!"

"Yeah, well, it's not enough! I'm only going to find out how he feels, I'm not going to ask him to leave Beth and marry me! Chill out, I just want some straight talking for once instead of all these games,"

"You want straight talking? I'll give you straight talking- If you go over there and tell him that you 'love' him, you're going to get torn to shreds," I especially liked the way he put air quotes around the love part.

"Some friend you are," I spat viciously, "You basically laugh in my face when I tell you that I'm in love. I thought that you were supportive,"

"I'd be supportive if you weren't thinking crazy!" He retorted, "I'm saying this for your own good! I wouldn't do it if I didn't think it was the right thing to do!"

"Well, I'll tell you what; if the orange juice thing really was fate then I'll be back in a short while to tell you that I never told him, okay?" I shrugged, heading for the door.

"Rachel, please! Think about what you're doing!"

"I've done nothing but think about it! Stay here and I'll be back soon,"

"Rachel, come on!" I shut the car door and waved at him, watching as he ran his hands over his face and hair in frustration.

I pulled out of the driveway and headed for Sebastien's house.

And soon enough I was outside the door. I bit my lip nervously and knocked on the door.

I took a deep breath to try and calm myself down as I heard footsteps in the hallway.

My stomach was knotting as I heard the lock click and the door swung open.

Beth.

Damn it.

"Hey Rach!" She grinned, "How are you honey?"

I smiled, "I'm fine, how are you?"

"I'm fantastic thank you," She ushered me inside, "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

"Um... I was actually looking for Sebastien," I admitted, trying not to look suspicious though she had nothing to be suspicious of, it's not as if she knew the real reason I was here.

"He's not in right now, he's gone out, I think he said he was going to Jeff's... Or something, I don't know, I was watching the TV so I wasn't listening," She shrugged.

I laughed, "Oh well never mind,"

"Was it important?" She smiled.

I scratched my head and then shook it, "No," I sighed, "No it wasn't,"

"Well, he shouldn't be long if you want to wait for him,"

"Oh no, it's alright, it's nothing major,"

"I think he said something about dropping something off so he really won't even be ten minutes,"

"It's okay," I smiled politely.

"No, come on, I'll make you a cup of tea while you wait. We can have a nice chat," She grinned before walking off into the kitchen.

I sighed and rolled my eyes before following her. Apparently she wasn't taking no for an answer.

"So how's everything going then, Rach?" She beamed at me.

Was this girl constantly happy?

"It's going good, everything with you?"

"The same," She grinned, "I can't believe I'm getting married in thirteen days,"

"I know, crazy huh?"

"It's mad, I can't believe it,"

"Are you scared?"

"I'm nervous yeah," She nodded as she handed me my tea, "But I'm really excited, I'm counting down the days and everything,"

I chuckled slightly, "Yeah I noticed," So am I...

"I'm really looking forward to it. I just..." She sighed joyously, "I just can't wait to be married to Sebastien. I've been looking forward to it for so long, just knowing that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him makes me look forward to the future,"

I felt like the part of my brain in control of guilt had just gone into overdrive and slapped me across the face.

I smiled at her, awkwardly but not noticeably, thinking about how if I'd thought of this any earlier there's a possibility I would've destroyed her relationship.

Gulping down some of my tea, I hid my expression so she could continue.

"I love him so much. You know the kind of feeling you get when you realise that you don't ever want anyone else, no matter who they are, you just want that person and you want to give everything you have to them, even your life, if it makes them happy?"

"Yeah," I nodded briefly, "Yeah I do,"

"I suppose you feel a bit like that with Pierre," She smiled slightly.

I caught her eyes, "Yeah, something like that,"

"Have you ever been in love Rach?" She asked with genuine intrigue.

I nodded once again, "Once,"

"With who?"

"An old boyfriend,"

Sebastien's P.O.V

I came back from Jeff's, confused to see Rachel's car parked outside after the mayhem this afternoon.

I quietly put my key in the lock and closed the door silently behind me as I heard voices from the kitchen.

"You know the kind of feeling you get when you realise that you don't ever want anyone else, no matter who they are, you just want that person and you want to give everything you have to them, even your life, if it makes them happy?" I heard Beth's voice.

"Yeah," Rachel replied, "Yeah I do,"

"I suppose you feel a bit like that with Pierre," Beth's statement made me frown.

"Yeah... Something like that," I felt as though someone had just punched me in the stomach.

"Have you even been in love, Rachel?" Beth asked.

There was a slight pause, "Once," Rachel answered.

"Who with?"

"Just some guy," She spoke secretively.

"Who?"

"It was just some guy I met on holiday,"

"Aww, was it a little romantic fling?"

"Yeah but we met up a few years later and I had all these feelings for him again, then I ended up falling in love with him,"

I swear to God I felt like my heart was going to pounce out of my chest.

"What was his name?"

"Ryan," Rachel responded but I could tell from the tone of her voice that she was lying because I knew she was talking about me.

Rachel's P.O.V

"Ryan," I lied. I used my old boyfriend's name but Beth seemed to buy it so that was good enough for me.

She still didn't know that I'd known Sebastien before we re-met; she thought we'd met by chance earlier in the year.

"What happened between you?" She asked.

I shrugged, "It wasn't me he loved anymore, he had a wife and a whole future ahead of him. I couldn't compare to that,"

She frowned sympathetically, "Aw honey," Her hand rested on mine in comfort.

She wouldn't be doing this if she knew the truth.

I felt awful lying to her, but at this point the truth wasn't good for anyone; especially not Beth.

Smiling slightly, I took another gulp of my tea.

Then I almost spat it out in fright as Sebastien walked into the room.

"Holy crap!" I jumped, placing the cup back on the table.

"Christ Seb!" Beth laughed, "You scared us, we didn't hear you come in,"

"When did you get home?" I asked quite nervously. He may have just heard me.

"Just now," He replied.

"Like you've just walked in right now or a few minutes ago?" I questioned.

His eyebrow rose quizzically, "Like I've just walked in right now,"

"Oh," I mouthed, staring down into the cup.

"What're you doing here anyway?" He retorted.

I shot him a condescending glance due to his tone and pushed some of my hair behind my ear.

"Sebastien!" Beth hissed at him also noticing the attitude.

"I actually came here to speak to you but it doesn't matter now," I shrugged, getting up from the table, "Thanks for the tea and everything Beth, I'll see you soon,"

"It wasn't a problem," She smiled uneasily, sensing the tension between Sebastien and me.

I placed my cup by the sink and headed past Sebastien shooting him an irritated 'bye' as I did so.

I walked to the front door and closed it harder than needed but not violently.

Swinging my keys out of my pocket, I shoved them in the car door and pulled it open, jumping slightly when a hand closed it again.

What the hell is it with people closing the door on me today?

I huffed and turned around, "What?" I snapped.

"Why did you come back? You seemed like you were finished for good with anything to do with me this afternoon,"

"What does it matter?"

"It matters to me," He replied, staring into my eyes, "So what was it?"

"I came to tell you-" I stopped myself as I thought about what I was about to say, "That I'm sorry,"

He frowned, "That you're sorry?"

"Yeah," I nodded, folding my arms.

"I'm sorry too," He admitted, "I know that I need to sort out my own problems but I was just so scared that I was going to mess up what I have because there's so many things that women expect us to know that I don't. It makes me paranoid that I'm going to say or do the wrong thing. But even so, I shouldn't be throwing my problems on you expecting you to sort them out for me when you have your own. So I'm sorry Rach, I really didn't mean to do that to you,"

"Thank you," I smiled, "I don't mind you coming to me with your problems but sometimes you blow stuff way out of proportion, and I know that you don't know whether or not they're big, but you just need to calm down and think about it, don't just automatically come running to me. One day you could have a problem and I might have moved to Sweden or something and you wouldn't be able to get in touch with me, but if you learn how to sort it all out on your own now then you won't have to rely on me so much," I explained.

"You're moving to Sweden?" His eyebrows rose.

I laughed, "No, it was just an example,"

"It better had be! I don't want you moving away on me,"

"I won't, trust me," I nodded, "And I'm sorry for going all bitchy at you before, there was no need for it. I was just in a bad mood and I took it out on you,"

"It's okay, I never expected you to apologise. The man should apologise, right?"

"Ah," I smiled, "You're learning,"

He chuckled at me.

"But I really should apologise too because I did do something wrong,"

"We're cool now though, right?" He questioned.

I nodded, "Yeah,"

He shot me a gorgeous grin and hugged me tight. I squeezed him and let go.

"I'll see you soon then," I greeted.

"If I'm lucky enough," He winked.

I could never get bored of that sentence.

Sebastien's P.O.V

I backed away from Rachel's car and waved her off, sighing as I stepped inside the house.

The one thing I failed to mention to Rachel was the thing that probably would've changed the whole situation around.

The truth.

The only reason I came to her with my problems was only very partially because I needed her help. The main reason was the fact that I just wanted to see her, to get her sympathy, to hear her laugh at the ridiculousness of my situation and maybe even get a hug.

This is the epitome of desperate.

Rachel's P.O.V

I arrived back at my house very quickly, rolling my eyes as I stepped inside to see Pierre with his arms folded, waiting for me with an expectant look.

"What?" I frowned.

"What happened?"

"You were right," I forced out, "Fate apparently doesn't want Sebastien to know I love him,"

He held out his arms with sympathetic eyes and I fell into them in frustration.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No," I replied shortly.

November 22nd 2008

How fast does the time go?

Seriously. It's insane.

It's one week until the wedding and it's Beth's hen night tonight.

I couldn't get the night off so I couldn't go but I bet she's having a bloody fantastic time getting off her face, thinking about how amazing her life is gonna be when she's married to the guy of her dreams.

Trouble for me is that he's the guy of my dreams too... And this isn't one of those dreams that people share.

It was around 7.30pm and I'd been in work (at the Golden Eagle, because it was a Saturday) for around two and a half hours now.

It wasn't busy yet but it was only around 8pm that it started to crowd a bit more.

Lucy (Sapphire) and I were serving at the bar at the moment but mainly chatting because there was no-one to serve.

"I hate Saturdays," Lucy complained.

"I know, so you tell me every Saturday," I joked.

"Well I do, it's the worst night of the week to work in a place like this,"

"I know Luce, I work here too,"

"Is it me or do the other girls get extremely bitchy on a Saturday?"

"They get extremely bitchy," I answered, "It's because there's more customers, it's a fight for tips. Me and you are the only two girls who don't turn on each other every week and then go back to being two-faced whores on a daily basis," I replied.

"That's because we're working here because we need the money, not because we want to,"

"True," I shrugged.

Just like me, Lucy needed the money while she was saving up to move away. I needed it to live on but either way we weren't doing this because we liked it.

"I can't be dealing with this tonight," Lucy grumbled, "Paul's getting really fed up of me doing this," Paul being her husband.

"Well it's not like you can help it, you want the money,"

"Yeah I know, but I think I might try to find somewhere else to work,"

"Lucy, love, you can't leave me! I'll go insane and then these girls will devour me in seconds, and I'll let them because of my mental state!"

She laughed, "Get another job with me,"

"Do you realise how hard it is for one person to get a job? Never mind both of us,"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head, "I won't be able to stand this place for much longer. I kept convincing myself that I'd get used to it but it just hasn't happened,"

"To be honest, I don't think we'll ever be able to get used to it," I responded as I went over to serve a customer, grimacing inwardly as I saw him ogling me and not caring to hide it.

I ran my hands through my hair and turned to face Lucy.

"It's time to get ready girls," Shaun clapped his hands.

My stomach groaned. I loathed this moment.

Sebastien's P.O.V

"Guys this is ridiculous, why don't you just tell me where we're going?" I sighed at the blackness covering my eyes.

They'd blindfolded me and they were driving me some place.

"Because it's a surprise," Jeff replied.

"This is stupid! Can you at least tell me what this is for?"

"It's for your stag night you idiot," David insulted.

"What time is it?" I questioned.

"Almost half eight," Pierre replied as we turned a corner and soon parked up.

I heard the engine stop, "Will you take this thing off now?"

"Nope, not until we're there," Chuck denied.

I frowned and allowed myself to be led out of the car to wherever we were.

My ears were suddenly subjected to loud music and I winced slightly.

I was then stopped by someone's hand on my shoulder.

Unexpectedly, my blindfold was whipped off and I scrunched up my eyes as they adjusted to the light.

"Holy shit," I heard Pierre curse in shock.

I frowned and opened my eyes.

Then my jaw dropped.

As I saw a very skimpy dressed, familiarly beautiful girl standing on the table, staring at us in horror, I heard Jeff whisper, "Fucking hell,"

The stunning blonde held a hand over her mouth in shock and I choked out, "Rachel?"

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I can see it in your eyes, you're scared
All these things they force you to do aren't fair
I'm here to chase away these tears
And baby we can chase away these fears
Because sometimes, baby, you fall on your back
And girl you're three times a lady I'll ever have
And you know, you know it's true
This is a fight a refuse to lose

The Cab- I'll Run

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