Delirium

I’d heard what Joni said about his past. His father being a homophobic asshole and when I heard that, I wanted to so badly to just hold him tight. It wasn’t fair that he had to go through that.
It was a little more forward than I was used to but I wanted to make him feel good. When I looked at him my whole body tingled with pleasure. I wanted to be on top of him, hearing him moan for me over and over again.

When he told me that he was a virgin, though I knew that this had to be special and that I had to take it slow with him because I didn’t want to hurt him, I wouldn’t forgive myself if I did.
I smiled at him as we drove to his house, which I was anxious to see. I wanted to see and know everything there was to know about him.

He unlocked the door and ushered me inside, I gaped at how everything was in it’s perfect place with labels and containers to keep everything organized. His spices cabinet was even alphabetized.
“I know it’s a little much, but I kind of have OCD.” He said shyly as he carefully took of his jacket and hung it neatly on the hook.

“No, no. It’s perfect. I think that if I brought you to my apartment you would have a fucking heart attack.” I chuckled.

“Oh come on, it can’t be that bad.” He smirked.

“I have golf clubs on my kitchen table.”

He laughed heartily. “Why the hell do you have golf clubs on your kitchen table?”

“It’s my current hobby. I’m always jumping from hobby to hobby. Last year it was boxing, the year before that it was cooking, that was probably the only hobby that actually did me any good despite all the weight that I gained that year.”

“Oh so you cook?”

“Yeah, I mean I don’t wanna toot my own horn but, toot fucking toot.” I smiled, with a wink.

“Maybe you could cook me something, I can do the basics but even that sucks.”

I rummaged carefully through his spicing cabinets, grabbing anything that jumped out at me. I went through his fridge and pulled out a couple steaks. I chopped some onions and started laying them in the pan to cook.

“Wow, you are really into cooking.” He said as he sat at the island watching me cook.

“It’s a good pastime, and the payoff is delicious.” I smiled.

He retrieved a bottle of wine from one of the lower cabinets and went to pour himself a glass. Instead I took it and poured it over the steak. A puff of steam rose filling the air with the smell of red wine.

Soon the steaks were done and, despite having eaten Wendy’s earlier, we sat at his kitchen table and ate, talking about the case.

“I sent the residue on the bottom of his shoe to the lab. It’s not much of a lead, we have to find a common denominator between all of the victims--”

“It could help us understand why he’s killing and if we know that we have some indication about his past life.”

“All we need is to find his trigger. The key isn’t in the crime scene it’s in the lives of the people that he killed. There’s no way in hell there could be that much rage behind random kills.” I said taking an exhausted sigh.

“This job really takes its toll on you doesn’t it?”

“I’ve lived here my whole life, it’s hard seeing the worst side of the place that I call home.”

He didn’t respond, he leaned across the table and kissed me. It was a simple peck but I felt so much more behind it, he was holding back. I stared at him with a small smile on my face.

“Look I know this is all kind of fast but…I can’t help it.”

“Don’t apologize, things have never been this fast for me either.” I folded my hands and set them on the table. “When you told me you were a virgin, I knew that I had to make this special for you. I know this is all just casual, but…I want…you to feel…ya know special.”

He smiled, a blush biting at his cheeks.

“So while I would like to rip you clothes off, throw you across this table and make you scream my name…I have to restrain myself.”

He thanked me then rose to wash our plates off and put them away. As tempting as it was to curl up with him in his bed, he handed me a blanket and I made myself comfortable on the couch.
“After we take you to therapy, we’ll start digging through those victim’s lives. We’ll talk to their family…whatever we have to do.” I said as he kissed my forehead good night. He went to walk away but I grabbed his arm and pulled him down to my level. I kissed him hard, my tongue invading his mouth. He kissed back, giving the slightest moan as I sucked gently on his bottom lip.

“What was that for?”

I smiled, “It was a goodnight kiss.”

He smiled down on me then gave me one final peck before disappearing into his bedroom for the night. I laid there thinking about just how good being with him would feel. For once I slept without the gruesome images of my past cases haunting me and when I awoke that morning, I felt so refreshed that I made a gourmet breakfast for the two of us.

He emerged in nothing but a pair of lose jeans that hung casually around his hips and bedhead.
We ate quickly so that he wouldn’t be late for his appointment with the therapist. The drive was silent but peaceful as we let the radio fill the air with some soft rock music.

By the time we got to the office I could tell he was visibly nervous about talking to someone. I laid my hand on his shoulder. “I’ll be outside if you need me…”

“Can’t you come with me?”

I wanted to, I would’ve loved being by his side and supporting him through something this difficult, but it wasn’t my place. “I can’t this is something that you have to do on your own.”

He nodded his head and I watched with worry as he disappeared into the room where the doctor waited patiently.