Dreaming a Dream

The meeting was done in approx 4 hours and we retured home. Normally i couldn’t wait to come home but now , i’d be lucky if I get a glance from Kari.
I have been sleeping outside the guest bedroom door where she’s been sleeping in since it happened just hoping that she’d see me and forgive me.
Yeah , I dream of the impossible I know.
It was 10 pm when we returned , and I knew that either Kari was with Tanya who haven’t spoken to me at all , or she was sleeping.
Troy was extremely pissed at me and hit me 3 times in the face but later on said he was forgiving me since I had enough problems.
He also added that he got a text message saying that he might get deported again so I was really hoping that by the time he was deported that Kari would’ve forgiven me. I needed to take care of her then.
I walked to the thrid floor and knocked on the room she was sleeping in.
“Kari? I’m back. I uhh , are you in here? I’m sorry baby. I really am. I love you Kar , good night”
“Kari is sleeping already” I heard Tanya saying from behind me.
I nodded casting my eyes down. “Thanks Tanya”
“Listen Matt” she said and stepped closer to me , she sigh when she saw the bags under my eyes and my puffy red eyes.
My facial features was so bad that the head boss of the mob , Jose Martinez , even asked me what’s wrong.
“She was angry – extremely angry , but then she just turned sad and now.. well now’s she’s just ashamed. She’s really on the verge of forgiving you. Just hold on”
“I’m getting tired of talking to her door” I laughed bitterly.
“I know Matty.” She winked at me , “things will get better. I told her that you’ve been sleeping outside the room.”
“What did she say?’
“She was worried that you won’t get much sleep in , and that you’d get a cold.”
I laughed , “always worrying. God Tans. I love her so much and it feels like I’m losing her and ... I was drunk , I was mad and I know it’s not an excuse and I know I really fucked up but I love Kari. I was an idiot , I still am and I always have been but Kari makes me be a better person. I don’t want her to leave , she’s the only solid thing in my life and it feels like I’m losing that. I don’t want to – I can’t lose her. She’s my best friend , my soulmate and .. I know she deserves better even though she’s told me countless times that she doesn’t , but now.. I might have just pushed her out of my arms and into another guy’s that will turn up. I fucked up the best thing that has ever happened to me , I’m a fucking douche”
“I know Matt. God I wish she’d forgive you. She’s just as miserable as you are and I know your guilt is killing you but I really do believe that she will forgive you soon”
“I hope so. I really fucking do. Well I’m going to shower.”
“Matt?” Tanya stopped me , “you know the guys are going out tonight?”
I nodded , “yeah but I’m just gonna stay here. I mean what if she wants to talk and finds me at a club? I’ll be more in the dog box than now”
“Alright.”
“I think I first need to go to the gym.”
“enjoy Matt. Things will be better I promise”
I nodded , even though I did not believe it and then walked away. I walked into the gym and immediately started pounding on the boxing bag trying to get my frustrations out.