Black & Blue

"Fucking wake up bitch!" Oli shouted, and left, slamming the door like usual. I opened my eyes. Was it really worth getting up? ... ... No.

I closed my eyes and allowed the darkness to take me in again. I felt a stinging on my cheek and I jolted up. "I said wake up!" He yelled. I stared at him, then laid back down again, and closed my eyes, cuddling the duvet.

"Thomas if you don't wake up I'll-" "You'll what Oli? Beat me senseless? Yell at me? Do your worst, I don't give a fuck." I mumbled, and kept my eyes closed. "The fuck is wrong with you?" He asked like I was stupid. "Oh I don't know Oli. Maybe yesterday had to do with it. Or the person that said they'd always be here won't even talk to me without thinking I'm a disgusting freak." I spat. He stayed quiet.

"Or maybe it's because I love my brother and he's disgusted with me. He can't see that I can't help it, it's not my decision whether I love him or not. Or maybe he won't talk to me, while every single thought in my brain is yelling at me to kill myself. Or maybe it's all the bullying. Maybe it's Harvey. Maybe it's sucking his fucking dick and getting r*ped every day. Maybe it's the bruising. Maybe it's my limp. Maybe it's not enough fucking sleep. But please, leave me the hell alone if you're going to be a shit brother that wouldn't even fucking put me on the couch when I decided to give up." I growled angrily.

"R*pe?" He asked, sounding horrified. "Yeah. No consent with sexual advances yet they still do it." I spat. "I know what it fucking means! Who's r*ping you?!?" He asked. "Harvey! He fucks my mouth then he fucks my ass! And I TRIED to tell you about it but 'Thomas Jordan Sykes if you don't move I'm gonna punch you so fucking hard you're gonna wish you moved!'" I screamed at him. He suddenly hugged me tight, and I broke down.

I started sobbing in his neck, gripping his shirt tight. "I'm sorry baby brother, I'm so so sorry." He whispered in my ear, rubbing my back softly. I just sobbed harder.

He laid down on my bed and pulled me close, and covered us with the duvet. "We're not going to school today. Monday I'm kicking his ass." He growled. I nodded in his chest, and just kept sobbing, letting out all the times I wanted to cry into this one moment.

I eventually stopped, and Oli went to get up. I gripped onto his shirt tight, keeping it balled into my fists. "Tommy, I'm just going to get the iPod so we can listen to music. I'll be right back." He whispered. I nodded, and let go of his shirt.

He walked across my room and grabbed my iPod without the earphones, and came back over to me. Turning it on shuffle, he rested it on the bedside table, then laid down next to me again. I immediately curled back into his chest, cuddling really close and gripping his shirt again. "It's alright Tommy, I'll never leave you again." He whispered, wrapping an arm around my waist and the other stroking down my hair.

Hell if I believed him. Everyone leaves at one point or another, and he's going to grow up and get married and then I'll never see him again and I'll probably end up blowing my brains out.

But it's nice to pretend.

I just gripped his shirt tighter, and buried my face into his chest, inhaling his scent. He kept playing with my hair, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it.

"I'm tired Olober." I mumbled into his chest. "Oh yes that makes perfect sense." He said sarcastically. I pulled my face from his chest a little, "I'm tired." I said, then buried my face in it again. "Then sleep baby brother. I'll be right here, or downstairs cooking for my fat ass." He said. I laughed a little in his chest and relaxed.

It's nice to pretend.