The Libra Fell in Love With the Virgo

"What's on your mind?" Cali asked softly while I pulled the leaf apart in my hands. A lump of sadness had formed in my stomach and wasn't really sure where my mind was at so when I opened my mouth to reply my response caught me off guard.

"I leave to go back home in two days and I'm afraid. I'm lost and confused and beyond angry." I could feel my eyes widen horror. "I mean I guess now that I have all this new information I don't know what to do with it. Everything I thought I knew before turned out to be false, so now I don't know what to think or believe." Cali removed the crumpled ruins from my hands and threw it in the trash can. I looked out over the college campus, the view from Cali's dorm was amazing. Her hands slid into mine carefully as if she was second guessing herself. "What do we do now?" I asked barely loud enough for myself to hear.

"I don't know babe." I looked at her as her eyes dropped to my hands. "This is crazy." Whe said lifting our hands in the air and my stomach dropped. "When we are together it's perfect but I don't know how to do this if you aren't here. I'm not wired for distance and you're going to be far away." My head started spinning as I began to frantically thing of different plans and options to take. I didn't want to leave or go back to the darkness of what I call home. Numbers started spinning in my head, living costs, bank statements and names of towns and people that could help. My eyes fixed on her jawline as I crunched numbers. "We can't." Hesitation thick in her voice and in the air. "I don't want this to change. Like where we are is where I want us to be but we can't change. We can't be more than this." She held my hands tighter and I pulled away as tears formed in my eyes, I jumped off her bed trying to find something to keep myself busy and avoid crying. Pacing and counting my steps. I began thinking faster. I didn't want this, I didn't want to meet this girl and feel this way but I did and I do. "What are you thinking about? Please tell me." Cali's voice snapped me out of my state of mind.

"I have an idea," I pulled my phone out and sent Alex a rapid message, ranting. I wasn't sure if I had made any sense but I sent it anyways. "I have an idea." I said again before trying to slow my heart rate down. I crunched numbers in my head again. I could do it. "What time do you have class today?" I asked calmly even though my chest felt like it was about to explode.

"In an hour." She said glancing at her watch. "Why?"

"Can you take me back to the hotel before class?" She nodded and started to get ready. My body hurt like hell still so when she stepped into the bathroom I pulled a bottle of vodka out of my bag and took two huge pulls before replacing it in it's respected pocket. Cali was staring at her reflection in the mirror for a moment before realizing I was watching her. "What's on your mind Cali?" I asked softly as I slipped my hands around her waist. She pressed into my body as she exhaled.

"You.. Really do care about me. I can see it. I can feel it. I just wish things could be different. I wish I had met you at a different time, in a different place." I rested my chin on her shoulder as the tears started to swell in my eyes. "I love you." Her eyes locked on mine in the mirror, a few seconds passed before she dropped her head and I spun her around.

"I love you," My left hand found her cheek as the first of many tears began to fall. I kissed her lips carefully. When I pulled back I saw that Cali was crying also. I kissed her again, harder this time in an attempt to make it stop hurting. The hollow feeling in my chest began as I clutched her into an embrace I never wanted to end. Shaking out of some pure fear I'd never felt before. "Please don't cry. Don't forget me. Please that's what I'm afraid of most." She pulled back and smiled sadly.

"I won't, I could never forget you." She wiped the tears from my eyes, I kissed the ones on her face. "I'm just a couple chapters in your story Jasey, but that's okay. When you go back and read them please, smile. Write a happy ending. Don't make it sad." Her voice echoed in my aching chest cavity. "Promise me." I looked away in an effort not to cry again. She forced my face towards her's and I looked in her sad eyes, really seeing her for the first time. I nodded slowly. "Let's go." She hugged me and grabbed the keys off her nightstand. We walked to the car in silence. She pulled out of the parking area and down towards the hotel. "Will I get to see you tonight?" I nodded and smiled.

"Of cours'e, call or text me after class and we'll plan something. She pulled in front of the hotel and stopped. "Cali, you know this isn't the end right? Everything happens for a reason." She nodded slowly, unsure if she agreed or not. I got out and before closing the door I leaned in and kissed her cheek. "See you soon." I closed the door and watched her drive away before slowly and painfully making my way back to my room.
----------------------------
"Alex, thank you for coming to get me." I slid in next to him holding an envelope in my lap. Sadness written on his face as he watched me maneuver painfully. "Stop looking at me like I'm so damn fragile. Seriously." I inhaled deeply to steady my anger.

"Down to business then." He nodded before pulling into the street and accelerating to the proper speed. "What type of vehicle do you want?" I thought for a moment and shrugged. "Let's try this one place I know of. Cheap but reliable vehicles, no questions asked. My buddy and his dad own the place."

"Okay, thank you for this." He nodded in response. Alex had always been the strong silent type, unless it came to Ashley.

"So, why do you want to do this so bad. What are you going to find here?" His question caught me off balance and I wasn't prepared for an answer so I sat in silence for a moment.

"Remember that thing that Ashley used to say about souls? I used to tell her it was bullshit and that she needed to stop investing her time in stupid shit like love and soulmates?" He nodded again, eyes fixed on the road. "She told me that a soul is split in two at the beginning of time. In each life your soul is drawn to people for different reasons but in the end there's only one other half. She told me once that sometimes you meet that other half in a lifetime but because of the circumstances or the place your soul is living in you can't be together so you part ways until you meet again in another life." I paused.

"I remember that night. We were camping. Small group of friends out by the Miller Family property." I nodded remembering the night clearly. "We were there to detox you, that was about five days in. You were so sick and she was holding you by the fire."

"Yes, exactly. She told me that you can't tell why you are drawn towards a specific person but you are." I paused.

"Cali." He read my mind. I nodded again. "Ashley would give anything to be sitting here with us talking about you actually believing all of this stuff. You know your sister isn't crazy. She was that person for me." He cleared his throat. "But like she said sometimes you meet and it isn't the right place or circumstances." I didn't know what to say so I looked out the window. "Ash would be so proud of you. You wouldn't be here in this moment if she was still here. You wouldn't be clean, possibly alive or struggling with believing in you and Cali. So don't you dare let your sister's death be in vain. It's okay to be afraid but don't fuck this up Jasey, don't lose this girl." Tears assaulted my eyes as we pulled into the dealership. "Let's do this. We can do this, I'll be right next to you the whole way." Alex smiled his all knowing smile and got out of the truck. We spent the next couple hours debating and negotiating cars and prices. Alex tossed me a set of keys and laughed.

"What's this?" I asked looked at the keys.

"Your jeep keys." I raised an eye brow suspiciously. "I worked out a deal with the owner, as long as I work here on the weekends doing repairs on some of the vehicles it's your's. If you want a job he said you have one here anytime. Just come in and you got it." I was speechless. I walked to the black jeep sitting at the front of the lot and slid in. Still really sore from the day before. Alex told me to go sign the paperwork and follow him to his apartment. We drove there and I walked through the door, all his belongings in boxes.

"This isn't all Maria's is it?" He shook his head and explained that he had just signed papers for a lease on a house closer to campus and was getting ready to move. "Need a roommate?" I asked jokingly. He laughed while while caring some boxes and dropping them on the other side of the living room.

"Actually, yeah I do." He said, I searched for any trace of a joke written on his face. I laughed again. He kind of glared at me. "I don't need one, I'm actually doing pretty well on my own. But I have an extra room. And there's a break almost here, so we could drive home and get your things. Make an adventure out of it."

"Seriously?" He nodded slowly just as my phone rang. "Give me awhile to think about it." He nodded as I pulled out my phone. "Hey, we need to celebrate tonight." Cali rambled on about something before I told her to have the whole gang get together at Rikki's Bar. Alex and I discussed options and ideas about me staying with him.

"You have a car, a job and a home. Why not?" Fear gripped my stomach. "Do it for Ashley. Do it for Cali. Do it for you. Or even me. Let me keep the promise I made to your sister." I agreed even though my body was radiating fear and confusion. "Split second decisions pay off more than not."

"Let's not tell anyone until we get back from the trip." He agreed quickly and we drove off quickly to the bar in his car. The windows down all I could hear was the wind and stranger's laughs.