Infamous

Sitting down on Chris and I's bed, I was staring at the ground. Blankly. Not thinking of anything in particular. I didn't want to think of anything in particular. Because if I did, then I would start thinking of him. I would start thinking of the pain that came with it. I would start to feel the pain that came with thinking about him. Even though I knew I was gonna have to face it sooner or later. I didn't want to. I wanted him back. I wanted him to be with us again. I didn't want to go to a fucking funeral. I didn't want to have to listen to the tears and sounds of heartache around me. I didn't want to watch my best friend being lowered into the abyss in a marble box. I didn't want Angelo to be dead. I didn't want to face the fact that he's gone.

But he is gone

I spent so many days, thinking of what I could have done, of what anyone could have done. I kept replaying it in my head. Over and over and over. Every possibility. I was blaming myself. I was wishing it was me going in the ground and not Angelo. He deserves to live much more than I do. If I could go back, if I could do anything to make this different. To make things right, I would in a heart beat.

Killing Tobias wasn't enough. It wasn't near enough because it still hurts. Not seeing Angelo everyday hurts. Not seeing his smile or hearing his laugh. Seeing him wear the same slipknot tank top everyday. It all hurt. Knowing that I would never see him again fucking hurt so much. I guess when he died, I died inside with him. I loved Angelo so much. We all loved Angelo with everything inside us.

My thoughts were interrupted as I heard footsteps coming down at the hallway towards where I was. I looked up just as Chris rounded the corner. He was dressed in an all black suit with sunglasses covering his eyes. Probably to hide the puffiness.

"Its time" He said quietly and I nodded slowly before standing up. He reached for me and I took his hand the second I was near him. Chris laced our fingers together and squeezed tightly. If this was hard for me, then this is killing him. He knew Angelo much longer than I did. Chris created Angelo. I kissed his hand and he offered me a very small smile.

Together we walked down the hallway, to the stairs and down them as well where our clan waited in silence. The air was so heavy I felt as if I was suffocating. Everyone was dressed in all black to mark this day of pain and heart break. Without a single word, we all walked outside to Chris's van. Chris opened my door and helped me in before closing it. Behind me I could hear the guys all piling in just as Chris got in his self. He put the key in the ignition and the van purred to life.

Austin had said that he and his guys would meet us at the cemetery along with Jayy Von and Dahvie. The closer we became, the more real everything was. No body said a word because there was nothing to be said. I couldn't think of anything to say. All I wanted to do was cry. Cry because Angelo is dead. Cry because it could have been Alan or Austin. It could have been Chris. If it was Chris...then I would have been going with him. Its killing me slowly knowing that Angelo is gone. But if it was Chris, then I would take a stake and shove it through my heart myself. I can't handle anything without him. Chris has been my rock through everything in the past year. He saved me from myself. He saved me from the inevitable breakdown that would have resulted in me ending my own life. He's saved me from everything and I'm eternally grateful for it.

The entire car ride was silent. Even when we arrived to the cemetery, we were silent as we got out and joined together by the gate that led into the cemetery. Once there, I took Chris's hand and we began to walk to wear Andy and Alastair would be. They offered to set everything up and to give us time to prepare. Those two were so helpful and understanding.

After a few minutes of walking, we saw the guys standing around around a black marble coffin with a bouquet of black roses resting on top. Angelo really loved the color black so it was gonna be a day of darkness anyway. We approached them and were met with sad faces and very small smiles. Austin was just staring at the coffin. I couldn't imagine the thoughts going through his head right now. Because that could have been him in the coffin. Or in another one next to Angelo. If anyone is traumatized, its him. He was close to certain death and was barely saved in time.

Chris and I stood next to Alan who was holding Austin's hand. We stood in silence. Just letting everything soak in. Letting reality take its place and do what it does best. Makes you open your eyes to pain and makes you feel it. No matter how hard you fight it. No matter how hard you try to block it out. Pain will always find its way back to you. It will always find a way in because its not something you can run from and hide from. Its something you have to face. Defeat it before it defeats you.

Chris let go of my hand and walked slowly around the coffin, not daring to look at it. He went to stand by Angelo's headstone that said Angelo Joel Parente in elegant cursive. He stared at the ground for a minute before looking up.

"I met Angelo in 1901. He had just been attacked by a group of criminals and had been left there to die. I followed his scent and found him lying on the pavement, bathing his own blood. Originally I was gonna walk away. But I looked at his face and saw something I had never seen before in my years. Innocence. Angelo had the face of innocence. A face that captures you in and won't let you go. We live in a world of impurity and disillusioned love. Lacking of compassion and acceptance. Lacking of anything remotely human. Amongst humans and creatures" I listened closely at his words as I held Alan's hand and Ricky's hand. Who held Ryan's hand. Who held Devin's hand. We all held hands to give each other strength. "He had something that very few people had. And I thought to myself....Why should I let something so beautiful...so rare die out? I don't know what exactly compelled me to save him. But I did anyway. Though Angelo died with my blood in his veins. And he woke up to a brand new life. Right then, when he looked at me with those eyes of innocence, I knew he would impact me in a way I never thought possible. Throughout the years Angelo was a vampire, he lit up the world with his light. His smile could bring anyone up, his laugh could make you laugh. His dedication. His love. His loyalty. Everything Angelo was inside, was something we all needed. Something we wanted even if we didn't see it ourselves or didn't know it. Anyone who has met Angelo, has fell in love with his soul" I could see tears falling down Chris's cheeks and he did nothing to stop them. No body did anything to stop their tears because we didn't have it in us to do so. I gripped Ricky and Alan's hands tighter as I screwed my eyes shut. The pain was becoming too much for me to bare.

"Unfortunately, Angelo's life was ended so suddenly. So unfairly. I could go as far as to say I would take his place in a heart beat. But the more I think about it..the more I realize I wouldn't. Angelo wouldn't want me to. I know you all thought the same as me. And Angelo would kill you for it. He wouldn't want us to keep beating ourselves up. He wouldn't want us to sit in our rooms wallowing away. No matter how appealing it sounds. Angelo would want us to pick ourselves up and be here for each other. Don't let each other fall apart. And that's exactly what I'm going to do. Pick each and everyone one of you up and hold you there. Never to let you fall. Although Angelo may be gone. The beauty in his eyes, when they lay lost in all the City Lights will live on. Your light lives on brother" Chris kissed the tips of his fingertips and placed them on the coffin as a last goodbye.

Soon the coffin began to lower but Chris didn't move his hand an inch. We watched in hopeless and heartbreaking silence as our friend, our brother was taken away from us. The further the coffin when, the heavier the tears fell until I could hardly see anymore. I let out of Rick and Alan's hands to wipe them away. But only more fell.

No sound could be heard other than the whimpers and soft cries. Chris looked away from the burial site before making his way back over to me. He took me in his arms and I buried my face in his chest. His hand rested on my hand and there other was rubbing my back. I couldn't think of none other than what Chris said.

Angelo's light lives on. His light lives on in each of our hearts. Never to die out