When Does the Pretending End?

Cristiano’s Pov

“What do you mean?” I ask. “The summer after Lacey died I went to visit Dad for two weeks. I was so happy to get away from London and Mum. When I came back Mum had invited her new boyfriend to stay. His name was Michael. He actually lived between New York and London and was friends with both my parents. They married when I was twelve” she says.

“Did he do something to you?” I ask getting worried. “No nothing like that” she says and I let out the breath I was holding. “I nearly wish he had done what ever you were thinking” she says. “Wait what did he do?” I ask. “He died when I was seventeen. He got a brain tumour. He said he wanted to speak to me one night. He was really sick. He told me he was sorry. I asked him why was he sorry. And he told me he was sorry for killing Lacey” she says. “What the fuck?” I say.

“Yeah that’s what I always think. I thought it was the drugs he was on. But he kept telling me how sorry he was and not to blame my Dad. I never blamed Dad. I just thought someone randomly shot into the house. I never thought it had anything to do with Dad’s job. I guess I was too young to understand why Mum blamed him” she says. “What does he have to do with Michael?” I ask. “He told me that Mum and he had apparently began seeing each other a year before Lacey died. Mum wanted a divorce but her attorney told her that she wouldn’t get full custody of us me and Lacey. You see Dad gave Mum full custody of me because he felt guilty and sad after Lacey died” Lucy says.

“I get that he probably thought it was best for you” I say. “Ya well Mum and Michael came up with a plan that if something happened to Dad or if we weren’t safe then she would be able to leave the country with us and start a new life with Michael” she says.

“If something happened” I whisper. “It wasn’t anyone trying to scare Dad about his work. It was Michael who shot through the window that night. He was the one who shot my big sister in the heart. Mum was the one who came up with the plan. Mum was the one was ruined my family. Mum is the one at fault” she says angry as tears start to roll down her face. “Oh Lucy” I say wrapping my arms around her a tight as I could. What she has been through I think.

“What did you do after you found out the truth” I ask when her crying subsides. “He died a couple of days later. Mum was so upset. She kept saying how she lost the love of her life. And how he was always there for her” Lucy says. “Being there for someone means helping them move house not kill for them” I say angry. How could someone shoot into a house knowing there were children in there I think.

“I snapped at her after she said that. I said oh ya he was always there for you. Especially when you wanted him to shoot into our house. She froze as soon as the words were out of my mouth. She actually denied it” Lucy says. “No way” I say shocked. “Ya she told me Michael didn’t know what he was saying the last few days of his life. Told me to forget. I just yelled and yelled at her. Threw everything and anything that I could grab a hold off and just flung them across the room at her” she finishes. “Do you hit her?” I ask. “No I missed” she says. “Your aim has gotten a lot better since then” I say remembering the times when she threw the pillows at me and a small smile appears on her face.

“I didn’t go to his funeral. I couldn’t believe she could go to his funeral and cry over him. But she left. She left her last living daughter alone to go bury the man who killed her eldest daughter” she says.

“Did you tell your Dad?” I ask. “I phoned him and begged him to come to London. I couldn’t tell him over the person” she says. “Did he know something was wrong?” I ask. “I think he did deep down. He knew something was wrong when I arrived at his hotel room with my bags packed. As soon as Mum left for the funeral I packed my clothes and left. I didn’t even tell her I was going” she says.

“I don’t know how you managed to get through that conversation with your Dad” I say. “I’ll never forget his face. The pain that appeared when I told him. He refused to believe me. He couldn’t believe that Mum would do something like that. But I managed to make him believe me. The hatred towards her. Oh you have seen his face. I thought he was going to kill her” Lucy says and sighs.
“What happened?” I ask. “They fought. And I mean fought. I didn’t stay in the room too long. I left them too it” she says. “It’s hard to watch your parents fight” I say ignoring the memories of Máe and Papí. “Exactly I left and went to see Tina” she says.

“How did you meet Tina?” I ask. “Her father and my mother are friends. I met Tina and Josh when I was around twelve. Tina and I were friends so quickly. She was great. Josh and Tina knew about Lacey dying and have always being really good to me around her anniversary she says. “You must really be missing her right now” I say. “Yeah I just wish she would talk to me” she says.

“Do you want me to phone Josh?” I ask. “Why would I want him” she asks raising her head off my chest to look at me. I shrug. “Just thought you might want him” I say. She smiles. “Josh is the last person I’d talk to about Lacey” she says. “Really” I say a little too happy. “I don’t usually like to take about her. Even with my Dad” she says quietly. “Explains why you are telling me so. You have so much anger and sadness built up inside you” I say and she just nods before laying her head back down on my chest and I gently rub her waist. “Your more the keep everything to yourself even when people want to help you kind” I say. “I guess” she mutters. “Join the club” I say and hold her tightly.

“It’s late. You should try and get some sleep” I say and she raises her head once more. “Thanks Cris” she says before surprising the hell out of me by kissing my lips. “For what” I ask. “For listening to me” she says. “Anytime. I don’t know what to say. Sorry seems stupid to say for something so bad as what you went through” I say. “You don’t have to say anything I’m just glad you are here” she says. “Me too” I say and kiss her forehead. “Noite” she whispers and snuggles against me.