Bleachless

"Happy birthday Vic!" My mom said to me, engulfing me in a hug. Ever since the news, she's been a lot nicer to me. Mike got home from the hospital yesterday, acting unearthly as well. I think they figured out I had some sort of relation with Kellin. But what Kellin was to me was much, much more than a relation.

The party was starting soon, even though I persisted her not to throw one. It'd make things harder.

"Thanks..." I muttered before skipping some stairs and running into my room. I opened my bedside drawer and skimmed past my blades to the note Kellin gave me. I hadn't read it, I just wanted to save it for the right time. But now wasn't the time. No, I knew exactly when I wanted to read this.

Mike and I played some video games, which was fun. He's been sober so far, and I'm proud of him. Maybe he'd be successful after all. He also seems to be interested in the drums, so maybe he'll make a living out of that.

My mom and dad announced they're getting divorced, but my mom got custody. For now, they're sacrificing their bitterness of one another for Mike and I. I mean, today's my birthday and he just got home from the hospital.

Some of our family showed up an hour later, greeting me with small presents and a cake. For once, I felt like this was an actual family gathering. Usually, we don't throw parties. But I knew why they were now. This was out of sympathy, which I hated so much. But it doesn't matter, tonight I won't feel anything at all.

The party was decent, but quite boring as well. The cake my aunt made was delicious, definitely a remembrance for now. I got a lot of money, the usual deal for a guy such as my age. Some people even apologized for not being there for me. It was nice, having some closure. I'd miss everyone a little, even though they couldn't help me. It wasn't their fault.

So with that, I sat down with some paper and a pen and began to write. I couldn't leave without a reasoning, ya know? No matter how much shit they put me through, they needed closure. Any person deserved that much. When I finished writing, I looked up to my clock. It was only four.

With a sigh, I put my stuff away and slipped the note into my jacket pocket. Hopefully it wouldn't fall out. Doubtful, I had it zipped up.

"Hey mom?" I said after I skipped down the stairs, slipping on my jacket on the way down.

"Yeah?" Finally, she responds!

"I think I'm gonna go for a walk..."

"Oh, alright. Don't be out too long."

"Alright," Was all I said before grabbing the door knob, turning it, and slipping outside onto the porch.

It was chilly as usual, but I didn't mind. I started to think again. I kept my promise, I didn't cut this whole time. I kept it for Kellin, no one else. He was the reason I've held on so long.

But now it's time to go.

I walked through the town, heading towards the radio station. There was some people out in front, probably people who heard about the news. But it was congested, so I don't know for sure.

"What's going on?" I asked a lady.

"Just a small ceremony for Kellin, you must be...Vic?"

"Uh...yeah, w-who are you?" I questioned, huddling into my coat again.

"I'm his mother." I could tell she hurt.

"O-oh...I'm sorry for your lose..."

"I could say the same," Was all she said before walking into the group.

I saw a man crying, but I could see right through those tears. They were fake. And I knew who this was, anyone could. This was Kellin's father. The man who started it all. Without thinking it through, I walked up to him and tapped his shoulder. He turned around.

"Who are you?" He asked boldly, no longer "Sad."

"Congratulations Mr. Quinn! You're the reason your son is dead. You just couldn't keep your dick out of him, could you?" I said bitterly. Astonishment was the only expression on his face.

"Who told you?" He whispered hoarsely, dragging me away from the crowd.

"Kellin. Unfortunately, someone actually cared. You're one sick, twisted bastard. You shouldn't be here, he wouldn't want you here. He hated you," I spat at him, venom in every word. I was a lot bolder than usual.

"Don't talk like you knew him. He knew why I did those things."

"Wow. Wow! You think it was okay to rape your son?" I questioned. "It wasn't! And yes, I fucking was in love your son. I would know."

"Kellin and you?" He snickered. "Very fun, Kellin wasn't gay."

"Wanna bet?" I said, unzipping my pocket and pulling out the note. "Kellin wrote a note for me, not for you, for me. I haven't read it, but I know sure as hell he loved me too." His face went red.

"Don't you dare talk to me like this!" He shouted. I then chickened out. This man was frightening.

"Congratulations once again Mr. Quinn. I hope you get STD's," Was the final thing I said before running behind the station and through the emergency door. No one was going to come up here, especially since I locked the doors from the inside. If I had time, I'd applaud myself, but I have better things to manage my time with.

The flight of stairs weren't too bad. Kellin was probably just as exhausted as I was when he arrived here a couple nights ago.

The sun was setting, and it was so much more amazing up here. The wind blew my hood back, but I didn't mind.

So I sat down by a vent and unzipped my pocket again, pulling out Kellin's note. I wanted to read it before I left mine. With a shaky breath, I unfolded the paper, scanning Kellin's message. I started to cry, could you blame me?

Dear Vic,

Thank you. You were the last person to bring out the good in me. You pushed away all my flaws and picked out the good portions and made them recognize your love. I love you so much, I know I'll see you again. I'm writing this on the roof right now, and it's a little breezy. Hopefully when I jump I'll land softly, I don't want too much attention. By the time you read this, you'll probably be on your deathbed as well. I know you too well. Anyways, hopefully my ceremony isn't too big, that'd be a tragedy wouldn't it? I cannot say goodbye to you, I know you'll come join me soon. No matter how much I want to tell you to hold on and stay strong, I know it won't help. So why cramp my hand writing it? I will never know how you're going to do it, but I know you'll think of something. You're smart, smarter than I was for sure. Thank you again and don't be sad that I'm gone. This is the beginning of our eternal life together. I love you Vic, remember that.

The tears fell rapidly, there was no way to hold them back. This was the beggining of our eternal life together. And now, I can join him.

I placed the note back into my pocket and zipped it up. Time was running out. On the ledge, I saw that everyone was leaving, so I let out a sigh of relief. No one has seen me so far. They will though, but it won't be me.

It'll be the body that I hurt.

All the scars, all the bruises and cuts, they will be exposed and everyone will know how dark I was.

Fifteen minutes later, it got darker and everyone had left. Silence filled the air. Tears still streamed down my face. This was harder than it seemed. Did Kellin cry too? I decided when I die, I want to die the way Kellin did. Quick and easy. So with that, I walked to the ledge again and looked down at the final place I would be. Where I was going to land was clear, not much surrounding it. The sidewalk was pretty far away, but still anyone could find you with ease. I sent out a message into the air.

"No matter how shitty you've made my life here, a story was created. One I know no one is going to forget." I whispered as I turned around, facing the roof. Now I just had to let go.

So with a few final thoughts, my mind retraced back to Kellin. A smile spread onto my lips as the tears no longer fell. I couldn't cry now.

"Here I am..." Left my voice, perforating the breeze before my left foot pushed off the metal, my body falling out into the open, black sky.

So here I am Kellin. I'm here for my new chance.