Everything Is Alright

I listened while the phone rang, waiting for the other end to pick up. Not that I actually wanted to talk to him. I ran my fingers across the countertop. Nicole watched me pace.

“Hello?” a voice came from the other end.

“Hi,” I said, barely above a whisper. I played with that stupid ring around my finger.

“Liz. What’s up?” Keith asked. He sounded concerned.

“I…” I stopped, glancing nervously around the kitchen.

“Yeah?” he asked, sensing my nervousness.

“Promise me you won’t flip out,” I said, closing my eyes. “Until after I’m done.”

“Okay,” he said, worried.

“Okay.” I sighed. “I…I messed up.” I told him about sleeping with Justin.

“Why would you do that?” he asked hollowly.

“I don’t know,” I said miserably. “I was drunk and stupid. And I was mad because we argued.” He stayed silent. I felt a few tears escape my eyes. “And I don’t blame you if you want to break up.” I wiped them away.

“I…can’t trust you anymore,” he said finally. “So I don’t think we can be together,” he said slowly.

“Okay,” I said. I had been expecting this. “Bye,” I said, hanging up. Nicole came over to hug me as my eyes filled again.

“Now what do I do?” I asked, as more tears rolled down my cheeks.

“We’ll figure it out,” she said, still hugging me.

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Justin’s POV

I stared blankly at the television screen. I was actually lost in my thoughts. I was at Josh’s place, I knew that much. I had been here for a couple days. Everything else had kind of been a blur. I sneezed. I was getting sick, probably from being out late without a coat on New Year’s. I was wrecked. I was overblown. And also fed up with the common cold.

I remembered waking up with Betty. Which she said was an accident. She had a boyfriend, I should have known better. But no. I had the stupid idea that she would magically fall in love with me afterwards. What would I do now? I couldn’t go back home yet. That’s where Betty was. And she was refusing to speak for now. Not that I made much effort. I couldn’t really go anywhere else, either. Josh wasn’t letting me drive because of my comatose-like state, and especially not after the way I was drifting asleep at the wheel on the way to rehearsal yesterday.

I felt used, tired, hungry, and totally useless as I sat at the table in Josh’s kitchen.

What was wrong with me that I crashed and burned and took everyone else down with me? It was my fault I never told Betty how I felt and the only times I did I happened to be hammered. And I completely destroyed her relationship with Keith. It was all me.

But I knew I shouldn’t waste my time wishing I’d been better designed.

What was the point?

“Dude, it’s better off this way,” Josh was saying, as he went through the cabinets. “You’re better off as friends. You can’t be with her like that; you’re too similar.” I still hadn’t said anything. I knew that he was just trying his best to keep me from relapsing yet again. “You’ll find someone else.” Didn’t he understand that I didn’t want someone else? But who was I kidding? I didn’t even know what I wanted. I ran a hand through my messy hair. “Still, you should go talk to her.”

“You think?” I asked vacantly. He turned around to face me, leaning on the counter.

“Yeah. I do.” I nodded. Maybe I would when I was feeling more up to it.