Who Are You?

Vic

“Vic, you’re glaring,” Jaime said, pulling me from my thoughts. “What? No, I’m not,” I denied and looked over at him slowly. “Yes you are. You’re jealous because Kellin is in Alex’s lap, and you know that Alex likes boys, despite the fact that him and Jack are practically dating. You like him, even though you won’t admit it, and you’re jealous,”
I shot him an angry glare and viciously bit into my sandwich. How did Kellin even know Alex, let alone end up in his lap? And what about me; he didn’t even look at me. “Seriously, Vic, you just met the kid, you should try and calm the protectiveness,” Tony said. I just pressed my lips and continued to eat, trying not to look over at Kellin, and focus on our conversation; I failed miserably.
What if he found out about me and never wanted to talk to me again? Or even worse, what if he was afraid of me?
“Vic,” Tony said clapped his hands in front of my face. “S-sorry,” I mumbled and smiled at him. “I’ll stop.”
I didn’t contribute much as we ate lunch, and left as soon as we were allowed to.
I walked along the hallway, headed towards my room, when someone caught my arm. “Vic, wait,” Kellin said and pulled me to a stop in the middle of the hallway. “What Kellin?” I asked, a bit sharper than I had intended. He flinched, taking a moment to remember whatever he wanted. “I—Are you mad at me?” he asked softly, staring at the floor. He looked so ashamed, and he really didn’t need to be. “Because, I didn’t mean to upset you, and I don’t even know what I did wrong, but—I’m sorry,” he said, finally looking up. “You have to tell me. I’m just sorry,” I pressed my lips, groaning internally.
“Ah Kellin,” He made a little face and then turned and walked away, apparently thinking I was still mad at him. “Kellin,” I said, but he didn’t turn around. He just continued to walk off down the hallway until he reached the second door. I curiously watched him knock, and then go inside, without so much as a glance at me…. The second room on the right side belonged to Alex. I grit my teeth and stalked off to my room, mad at myself for being so jealous. I’ve known him for less than two days. I shouldn’t be this jealous. But part of me was. Kellin was supposed to be my friend and I had managed to fuck it up already.
I sighed and fell back on my bed. Maybe I should apologize. I was the one who had flipped out at him…. ~

Kellin ~
“Alex?” he looked up and smiled, sitting up on his bed to make room for me. “Hiya. Did Vic apologize?” I rolled my eyes at him and sat down, having already explained to him why Vic was mad. “I told you—I upset him. He doesn’t have to apologize, and besides, I already did. Although I don’t know if he cared. He still seemed kind of mad.”
Alex sighed. “He’s just scared Kellin, don’t worry about it.” But I couldn’t just not worry about it; I was too nosey. “But why is he scared?” I whined and fell backwards onto the mattress.
“I can’t tell you. I wish I could, cause maybe then you’d shut up—,” I swatted at him, my mouth open. “Shut up,”
He grinned and leaned back against the wall.
“So what’s with you and Jack?” I asked, trying to change the subject for him. “What do you mean? Are we dating?” I nodded, very curious about their laid-back relationship. “Um…we’re not official or anything…but we’re also not dating anyone else. I don’t know, we’re kind of just like affectionate best friends. It’s weird.” I laughed and nodded.
“You two are strange. But you’re cute together, so it’s okay.” Alex grinned at that. “I love him. I just don’t know if I’m in love with him, you know?” I nodded, understanding what he meant. Love was tricky. “Hey Alex?” I asked suddenly, and idea forming. “Hm?”
“Does Vic like me?” I wondered. “I mean, what if that’s why he doesn’t want me to know?” Alex blinked and then nodded slowly. “That could be it. He hasn’t dated anyone in a long time. And you’re cute, so why not?” I blushed from his words, not used to being called cute. “I like him,” I blurted and slapped my hands over my mouth as soon as the words left my mouth. “You didn’t hear that,” I said, regretting that I had let it slip. Alex was so easy to talk to; I just let it out by accident. “Do you really like him though? ‘Cause you guys would be hella cute together.”
I thought that over, actually letting the idea of dating Vic process. “Yeah, he’s…gorgeous and nice…but also confusing as hell. I just don’t get him, and I think it makes me like him more.” Alex sighed, rolling his eyes at me. “You’re hopeless,” ~

I walked towards my room, kind of afraid that Vic might be there, and of course he was. It was his room too, why wouldn’t he be there? It was after curfew anyways, so he had to be there. I had skipped dinner, and had been hiding away in Alex’s room, his roommate, Oli, not really minding that I was there, and tried to stay as long as I could to avoid Vic. What if he was still mad at me?
All of my worry disappeared when I opened the door though, Vic’s head snapping up, frantic eyes meeting mine. There were little tear stains on his cheeks, his left hand clutching a paper towel, the right; a red-stained razor.
“W-what are you doing?” I asked, even though it was painfully obvious. He didn’t answer, instead letting fresh, silent tears drip down his face. “Vic,”
I walked over, kneeling down in front of him, and took his right hand in mine, Vic letting the blade slip through his fingers.
Taking a deep breath, I assessed the damage, losing that breath when I saw. There were thin, angry red lines all along his inner arms, and up the tops of his thighs, almost all of them bleeding, and overlapping hundreds of older ones. “God, Vic,” I choked, horrified that he had down that to himself.
He wasn’t looking at me, instead letting his head hang, hair creating a curtain around his face, and hiding it from me. Little, broken sobs escaped his lips as stared helplessly at all of the bleeding cuts on his body.
“Don’t cry,” I said and stood up, headed towards the bathroom.

Vic ~

Kellin left me alone, although he took my razor with him. That was fine; I had more, and he wasn’t going to find them.
I cried to myself, sad and angry, and hating that I was such a mess. Why couldn’t I just be normal?
I was surprised when Kellin came back, a brown bottle and a towel in his hands. No.
He knelt down on the floor again, setting the stuff down, and tried to take my hand, frowning when I yanked it away from him. “N-no,” my voice quavered. I didn’t want him to fix it for me. I deserved every single one of them. “Vic, let me clean them. You don’t want them to get infected,” he said and reached for me again. I let him take my hand this time, turning my arm over to clean the cuts covering it.
He poured some of the peroxide onto the towel and then mercilessly pressing it against my skin. I hissed in pain, trying to pull my arm from his grasp. “It hurts,” I whined, hoping that he would stop.
“Well that’s ironic, considering you did this,” he snapped, surprising me. Usually people would be afraid to get mad at someone who self-harms, but of course he wouldn’t.
It was true too; I had done this to myself. It wasn’t his fault if it hurt when he tried to clean it up for me.
I continued to wince as he cleaned all of them, gently dabbing at them. “Okay,” he breathed, switching to the dry part of the towel, and started patting the thick ones that were still bleeding.
When they finally stopped, he threw the towel away, and then knelt down in front of me for the third time, confusing me. “What are you doing?” I asked, and rubbed the drying tears off of my cheeks. He didn’t answer, instead dipping his head and pressing his lips to the inside of my wrist. I blushed, never having expected that, and waited for him to look at me. “You’re so beautiful Vic,” he whispered and continued to brush his lips against my skin. He kissed all down the lengths of my arms, and then pressed his lips to the lowest cut on my thigh, making me blush again. “So beautiful,” he breathed and kissed higher, up to the edge of my boxers, before looking up at me. “Please don’t hurt yourself,” he pleaded softly, his cold hands resting on the outsides of my legs. I shook my head, refusing to make a promise I knew I would never keep. “Please Vic. Please, for me, don’t do this anymore,” I pressed my lips together and gave him a little shake of my head. “Why? Why do you do it?” he asked. Because I did something horrible that I’m too selfish to tell you about. “I don’t know,” I whispered instead, and pulled my arms around myself. “Where do you keep them?”
My eyebrows drew together in confusion, “What do you mean?” Where do I keep—“You’re razors Vic. You have hundreds of cuts; I know you have more than one,” I frowned, afraid to tell him. “Vic, please. I’m not just going to let you do this to yourself,” Kellin said and glared. I pointed to our dresser, Kellin immediately getting up and going over to it. “The bottom one,” I whispered. He bent over and opened it, shuffling around in the drawer until he found the small, wooden box that I kept them in. He straightened up, opening the box, and frowned when he saw how many there were. I knew the exact number; 17. I had one for every year of my life, and I’ve used every one of them.
He slid the box into his back pocket, and then walked back to me, pulling me into his arms. “Stay with me tonight,” I pleaded, and let Kellin lay down with me, so that he was spooning me. “Go to sleep Vic,” he whispered, holding onto me tightly. And for once I listened; I let him take care of me. ~

Kellin ~
I held Vic until he fell asleep, and then went to the bathroom, taking his blades with me. I flushed every single one of them down the toilet, praying that Vic wouldn’t find another way to abuse himself. There had been so many scars marring his skin, the layers of overlapping cuts getting fresher and fresher as he continued to hurt himself.
It made me sick to my stomach, seeing how much pain he was in. I didn’t want him to hurt.
I was finally finished, and snuck back to our bedroom, glad to see him still sound asleep. I hoped that he wouldn’t mind if I stayed with him; all I wanted was to cuddle up against him and go to sleep.
He mumbled something, shifting on the bed as I crawled in next to him, resting and arm over his skinny waist. “Goodnight Vic,” I whispered into his hair, and lay my head on the pillow. ~

I woke up the next morning with warm breath on the back of my neck, sending little chills down my spine. It took me a minute to realize where I was and who was with me, and was extremely comforted when I did. I wriggled around in Vic’s arms to look at him. He was still sleeping, looking adorable and so peaceful as he slept. I brushed a few stray curls out of his eyes, blushing when they fluttered open.
“You’re hands are cold,” he mumbled sleepily, his voice thick. I smiled, knowing that my hands were always cold. “You’re cute when you’re asleep,” I whispered back to him, earning a little smile. “You stayed,” I nodded and scooted closer to him, snuggling up to him. “You’re warm,” I said happily, cuddling into his warm chest. “You’re pretty,” he said so quietly I almost missed it. “So are you. I like you,” I admitted and waited for him to say something, my heart racing nervously.
“I like you too,” Vic breathed. “Really?”
Vic laughed and nodded. “You sound so surprised,” he said, and to be honest; I was. “No one has ever liked me before,” I said, blushing and hiding my face in his chest. “Don’t be embarrassed Kellin. You’re only sixteen, it’s not like you’re twenty-five and have never dated.”
That did make me feel better; he was right. I was only sixteen. “What time is it?” I asked to distract the attention from me. “Um…8:28,” he said. We had to go to breakfast in about a half hour. “Did you want to shower before breakfast?” he asked, stretching underneath me. “I had one yesterday,” I said, and moved to let him up.
We didn’t mention last night as we got dressed for breakfast, and he made sure to wear long sleeves with his jeans. “Ready?” he asked and opened the door, waiting there for me. I nodded and followed him down the hallway and to the dining room. Alex grinned at me as I sat down in my chair, two down from Vic, and across from Alex’s roommate, Oliver. He gave me a friendly smile, mouthing a ‘Hiya Kellin’.
I smiled back, waving a little. He was kind of cute, with messy brown hair, matching eyes, and soft British accent. His lean body was covered in tattoos, all of the skin I could see decorated in intricate artwork.
I glanced at Vic who was mouthing things at Jaime, whose lips I couldn’t see to read.
Ms. Harper suddenly walked into the room with her trusty cart. Apparently we were having bacon and eggs; two eggs and four slices of bacon each. The silence hung heavily in the air as she dished out breakfast to everyone, and then sat down for prayer. We all joined hands and respectfully, I closed my eyes, despite my not being religious. I didn’t really listen to what she said, instead letting my thoughts wander to Vic and smiled at the fact he liked me. He even thought that I was cute.
I was pulled from my thoughts when the kids on either side of me let go of my hands, and opened my eyes. Jaime was grinning at me as we started eating, making me self-conscious.
We ate in silence, Ms. Harper dismissing us immediately after we had finished. I was going to ask Jaime what I had done to make him so happy, but saw him with Vic, and decided to wait. I left the home, heading out to Vic’s tree and climbed up to the same branch we had sat on last time. It was peaceful out here, so quiet and secluded; I hoped Vic wouldn’t mind me being up here again. ~

Vic ~
“Have you seen Kellin?” I asked Alex, who was apparently very good friends with him already. “No, not since breakfast. I figured he would be with you,” Alex explained. “No, he wasn’t. And he missed lunch and dinner. No one’s seen him,” I said, worried…and then it occurred to me. “Nevermind,” I said to Alex and ran up to our room, grabbing a bottle of water and two power bars from the closet.
I headed out to my tree, not seeing him until I was standing beneath it.
He was up high, his legs dangling on either side of the branch he was perched on. “Kellin?” I called, getting no response. “Kell!” He jumped and then leaned over, his emerald eyes meeting mine. “Hey you, have you been up here this whole time?” I asked, smiling up at him. He nodded, rubbing his eyes a little and stretched. “Sorry, I fell asleep up here. It’s so relaxing,”
I grinned, agreeing with him, and climbed up to sit with him. “I know it is. But you shouldn’t sleep in trees Kellin. You might fall out.” He giggled, and thanked me as I handed him the ‘dinner’ I had brought. “Did I sleep all day?” he asked, looking out at the sunset. “Yeah, sorry. If I knew you were out here, I would’ve come to get you sooner,” Kellin shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t mind. I like it up here,”
He took a bite of the yogurt bar, smiling as he chewed.
“Tell me about you,” I said, wanting to know little things about him. “Like what?” he asked and swallowed. “I don’t know, just…things I’d only know if we were close,”
Kellin smiled and quirked his mouth to the side adorably, thinking of what to tell me. “Um…I don’t know how to swim,” he said. “Really? Have you ever been swimming?” I asked him, pleasantly surprised that he didn’t know how to swim. “No, I’ve always been afraid of water. I don’t even remember why,” he said, giggling to himself. “Your turn,” he said and waited for me to think. “Hm…I…oh, I know how to cook,”
“Cool, where did you learn?” Kellin asked me, and started eating again. “In one of my foster homes; the woman we lived with wanted Mike and I to cook dinner each night while she was at work, so she taught us how.”
We went back and forth that way for hours as it slowly got darker and darker. “We should go inside soon,” Kellin said, kind of sadly, and looked up through the leaves at the stars that were appearing. “Hey Kellin,” I said, an idea forming in my mind. “Hm?” he mumbled, still gazing up. I shifted closer, waiting until he looked down before I spoke again. He blushed when he realized how close I was. “Have you ever been kissed before?” I whispered, my face mere inches from his. His eyes flicked down to my lips and then back up to look at me.
“No,” he breathed. I smirked a tiny bit, wanting very badly to kiss him. I didn’t ask his permission before I pressed my lips against his in a gentle kiss. Kellin's lips were soft and push against mine as we kissed, his mouth parting slightly.
I pulled away from him slowly, opening my eyes and smiling again. Kellin smiled back and leaned forward again, pecking my lips quickly and blushing before he climbed out of the tree. “Kellin,” I said, and quickly followed him back to the house. ~

I peeked at Kellin as were in our room that night, grinning to myself as he touched his lips, smiling happily. He was so cute, and I loved that I was the one to make him smiled that way.
It dawned on me that I was his first kiss; and I really like that too much. ~