Aren't We All Just Prisoners?

Days had passed and Alan was still having dreams about Austin, and no matter how much he tried he couldn’t look at Austin without wanting to do.. something.

He’d prayed so many times over the past few days that he could barely count, and Alan was starting to get desperate. There was something wrong with him. He knew it. How could he be feeling things like this? What was wrong with him! No matter how many times he prayed god hadn’t made it stop, and Alan didn’t know what to do.

Thoughts of Austin continuously plagued his mind, and his dreams were only getting dirtier and dirtier.

He could barely look at Austin without thinking dirty things.. horrible things. He’d talked to his pastor about it and went to confession too, but the only advice he got was to stay focused on god. And Alan was trying, god he was really trying. He wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take.

He couldn’t help it. He really couldn’t help what he felt; the urges he was feeling. It was almost like he didn’t have a choice.

Alan was a virgin, and the truth was, the thought of having sex with anyone had never even crossed his mind.. before he met Austin. And he absolutely hated it. It was so wrong in so many ways, not to mention Austin being a man. Alan didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to stop this and he was so ashamed of himself.

What made it even worse was that Alan had to see him again today.

Alan thought that god might be testing him, and if that was so Alan needed to be strong. He needed to ignore these unnatural urges and continue to try and help Austin, because even though he wouldn’t dare admit it, Alan couldn’t bear not to go see Austin.

Forcing himself to leave the house, his whole body ached with dread. The ride was all too short for Alan’s liking, and before he knew it he was already at the gates of the prison, walking inside.

As he walked in, he spotted a few of the others in his ministry group standing around. He simply waved at them, not having the energy to actually go up and have a conversation.

He forced himself to walk down the hallway until he got to a familiar door, taking a deep breath before opening it to see Austin.

When he finally walked inside and laid his eyes on the man, he sucked in a shallow breath. Austin shot him his signature smile, but this time Alan didn’t see it as a horrible thing. He thought it was beautiful actually.

Grimacing at his own thoughts, Alan tried to keep it together before sitting down.

“Hey, babe.” Austin smiled. Alan would have been lying if he said his heart hadn’t fluttered a little bit at that.

“I’m not your babe.” Alan flinched, trying to keep his unnatural emotions under control. It was proving to be extremely hard when all he wanted to do was taste Austin lips. But it was wrong.

“Not yet.” Austin laughed. Alan hadn’t realized how much he really loved that laugh… Stop it Alan!

“Why did you sign up for this program if you’re not interested in religion at all?” Alan snapped, but he really was interested in the answer. He watched as Austin’s playful turn into a more thoughtful grimace.

“What do you think we do in prison?’ Austin asked, looking Alan straight in the eyes. He hadn’t really thought about that…

“Well, um… work?’ Alan guessed, thinking he remembered hearing something about jobs for prisoners in some article. Austin snickered.

“Most of us stay in our cells for up to twenty-two hours a day, Alan. Sitting here with you three times a week is sure as hell a lot better.” Alan gaped at him. He knew prisoners had a lot of free time, but all day every day? That seemed like torture.

“Oh.. I’m sorry..” Alan whispered, truly meaning what he said. He lifted his head to see Austin looking at him strangely.

“You’re adorable you know that?” Austin chuckled, looking at Alan with a gleam in his eye. This time Alan didn’t even bother to control the giddy feeling in his stomach.

Realizing that he was letting his emotions go too far, Alan got up to leave, but was stopped by Austin blocking the door. He looked sad.

“Please don’t leave, Alan. You always leave.” Austin said in a melancholy tone, causing Alan’s heart to almost break in two. Alan simply nodded.

They stood there for a few seconds before Alan was acutely aware of what position they were in, Austin’s body was so close to touching Alan’s that he could barely breathe. He felt completely consumed by the other man, but he wanted - no, needed, more.

Throwing all his morals out the window, Alan’s eyes met the larger man’s, and before he knew it their bodies were pressed all the way together and his lips just slightly ghosting over austin’s.

They stood there for a second and Alan could tell how confused Austin was, simply standing there waiting to see what Alan would do.

Before he could let himself start to actually think, Alan pressed their lips together in a rush. Austin immediately started to kiss back and Alan realized that this felt so much better than he ever could have imagined.

Before he knew it Austin had him pressed up against the wall, his tongue poking at the side of Alan’s mouth. Alan complied, letting out a low moan as the man’s tongue slipped into his mouth. He felt Austin hand’s slide down to grab his backside, causing Alan to moan even more.

He couldn’t believe this feeling. it just felt so… right. Alan knew he was going to hate himself for this later but he simply couldn’t bring himself to care at this moment. Because in this moment everything was perfect.

After several minutes Austin pulled away, looking at Alan with a mixture of curiosity and shock.

“Assault with a deadly weapon, along with solicitation of drugs.”

"W-What?" Alan stuttered, confused.

"I told you if you gave me a kiss I'd tell you what I was in here for." Austin smirked.

"Oh."