You're My Way Home, You're My Backbone.

It had been Spencer’s idea to go out for the day, figuring that Brendon had been stuck in his own house for long enough. When Spencer suggested it over breakfast - once Ryan finally dragged himself out the guest room he crashed in the night before - Jon was fist to jump to his feet and claimed that he wanted to go to the mall.

So that’s where they went.

Brendon didn’t really want to go to shopping. He wanted something simple and quiet; even if that meant going to a park so he wasn’t stuck in a crowd of people. He didn’t tell the guys that because Jon had come all the way to visit him, so it was only fair he tagged along to what Jon wanted to do.
He wasn’t also looking forward to the amount of walking he would end up doing going from shop to shop. Since the end of the tour he had hardly been doing much that didn’t involve sitting around, so he was unsure how his leg was going to hold up, how much it was going to be aching by the end of the day.

Once they were at the shopping centre it took a long time for Ryan to find a parking spot close to any of the doors and ended up driving around in circles. Eventually someone pulled out and Ryan managed to snag it before anyone else could. Brendon slowly slid out of the car, careful in his movements.

Fixing his sunglasses so they were sitting on his face nicely, Brendon shuffled towards the building doors behind Ryan, trying his best not to limp noticeably. It wasn’t easy as it looked, but it worked. For the time being, anyway.

Spencer and Jon were already inside, waiting for them while looking at some small trinket stall just inside the door. Apart from being at the doctors again going to the cafe for lunch with Ryan, this was the first time Brendon had been out in public since the end of the tour. Walking like this, he felt awkward and out of place, if not a little shy. What would people think? Normally he didn’t care all too much, was used to people judging him for every move and thing he said, but normally he didn’t have a lump larger that a golf ball in his leg.

Brendon didn’t know how he could explain that away if someone was to recognise him, hence the sunglasses.

Jon smiled at him as he and Ryan walked up to the stall, and nudged Brendon playfully with his hip.

“So, Spencer and I were thinking that sometime today that we could head up to the cinemas, maybe before lunch. Sounds good?” Jon asked, sounding like a hopeful kid, all but bouncing on his toes.

“If there is something good to watch, that would be awesome.” Brendon smiled. “Popcorn for lunch!”

Jon laughed and turned on his heel, heading up the row of shops. Like sheep the others followed.

Brendon was moving a little slow and Spencer hung back with him, taking his time to stroll along. The pace didn’t seem to bother Spencer which made Brendon feel better.

Up ahead Ryan spotted some clothing shop and grabbed Jon’s arm dragging him in that direction.

*

Brendon didn’t know exactly how it happened, but one minute he was standing with everyone in the music shop, then next minute they were gone. He didn’t even think they were in the same shop anymore because when he stood up on his tip toes, holding the shelving for balance, he couldn’t see the top of their heads. The shelves where a little shorter than him so he could see everyone but them.

After a moment of looking, Brendon shrugged to himself and dropped back to his heels before moving over to the row of CDs he was looking at when he realised he was now alone. Starting with the brightest album cover he saw, he started searching through them for anything he liked but didn’t have. The guys will eventually find him, so until then he may as well look around for a bit.

He had possible gone through at least a hundred or more albums when he heard footsteps behind him. They didn’t stop, so he didn’t bother to look up as he pulled out an album that looked interesting. It was a band called ‘The Maine’. He had heard of them but hasn’t heard much of their music, so he made a mental note to check them out sometime.

Brendon loved finding new music. If he could, he would spend all day in just this music store.

“Excuse me?”

Surprised, Brendon looked to his side from the rack to see two ladies, not all that much younger than himself. The taller girl with brown wavy hair, he noted, looked down shyly as the other girl with brown eyes smiled sheepishly. Brendon smiled back.

“This might sound like a stupid question, but would you happen to be Brendon Urie?” The shorter girl asked tilting her head to the side.

Brendon smiled a little wider and nodded. There was no point in lying and he hated lying to people even if they were fans. Besides outright they didn’t seem be to the type to jump all over him, if they were they wouldn’t have asked. He loved meeting fans but some do get too carried away, a little too scary.

The amount to times Zack had saved the band from scary moments was uncountable.

“I am, and no it’s not a stupid questing.” Brendon smiled reassuring.

“It would have been if it wasn’t you.” The girl pointed out with a laugh.

“It’s nice to meet you.” The taller girl added with a soft smiled, before introducing themselves.

“It’s nice to meet you both as well. Having a nice day out shopping?” He asked, stealthy shifting so he could lean against the shelving to take weight off his leg.

Both girls smiled as they nodded, telling him about how they had a free day and decided to go shopping to get out of the house. Brendon laughed thinking of the conversation around his kitchen table this morning. As they talked, he removed his sunglasses letting them hang from the collar of his shirt and took a quick glance around the shop behind them. They guys were still nowhere to be seen, but that was alright because he didn’t have to leave so quickly. These two ladies were nice to talk to and Brendon didn’t get the opportunity to have a proper conversation with fans very often.

“I was wondering,” The taller lady said softly. “If you could sign the album I just brought?” She asked pulling out ‘Vices and Virtues’ from the shopping bag that hanged from her wrist.

Brendon beamed and quickly nodded, holding his hand out for it. He looked at it for a long second then pulled a marker out of his back pocket. It was habit to carry pens of any kind around now no matter where he went and in times like this he was glad for it.

The album still had the plastic wrap on it, so he tore it off. Using his mouth, he pulled the lip off the marker, thinking of what message he could write. He liked doing that for people, make it personalised if he had the time. It was something nicer than just his signature.

“She had to buy a new copy because her rabbit scratched the last one.” The shorted girl laughed nudging her friend.

“Really?” Brendon asked surprised, eyebrows raised.

He’s heard of some things like that before, but it was dogs or cats, not a rabbit. He laughed.

“Never heard of that happening before. I like your rabbit!” He chuckled. “Sounds like she has a good taste in music then.”

Both girls laughed with him. Brendon looked down at the album in his hand and turned it over to the back smiling as he wrote a quick message and signed it. He attempted to draw a little rabbit on it but it didn’t turn out all that well. Still, it looked like one so that was alright in his books.

“Thank you!” The taller girl grinned as he handed it back.

“You’re welcome.” He smiled opening his arms for a hug.

Each girl hugged him gently; he would not tell Zack about this is fear of a shoe print imbedded on his skin, which made him smile brighter. He had thought about it a lot and tried plenty of time to put it into words how much the fans meant to him, meant to his music. It was hard of a thing to express and hoped that moment like this showed how important that was.

“Can I ask you something?” The shorter girl asked when she stepped back from her hug.

“Sure, shoot.” Brendon nodded leaning back against the shelving.

“There have been a lot of rumours going around the net lately about your leg. People have been saying you hurt yourself on tour? Is that true?”

Brendon blinked taken back, but not by the question exactly because Ryan had told him about some of the things circling the net currently – but the worried look in both of the girls eyes. They were both generally worried about him. The look in their eyes matched the one he has been seeing in his friends eyes over the last couple of days, and there girls were total strangers.

For a second he didn’t know how to answer.

“Um. Yeah, I did hurt my leg,” He said clearing his throat. “I just pulled something and being on tour I couldn’t rest it. It’s nothing that a little rest won’t fix.” He half forced a smile.

“That’s good. I hope it will get better soon.” The wavy haired girl smiled.

“Thanks. I hope so too.”

Bother girls smiled looking relieved. Brendon grabbed his sunglasses from his shirt to have something to fiddle with.

“We better get going; we don’t want to hold you up too long.” The tall lady said looking at her friend, who nodded.

“You’re not,” Brendon insisted shaking his head. “I’m actually waiting for my friends to get back. It was nice meeting you both though.”

“It was nice meeting you too.”

“Maybe one day I’ll run into you both again.” He grinned.

Both girl smiled back and said their goodbyes, giving him another hug each before wondering out of the shop. As they got to the entrance, they turned to wave before walking away. Brendon waved back smiling before he lost sight of them.

Turning back to face the row of CDs he put his sunglasses back on. He thought back over meeting those ladies and just couldn’t get over how worried they had looked. How worried they were for him.
Brendon wondered how they would have took if he had told them the truth about his leg. He flinched at the image and shook his head quickly to clear it. He really did not want to think of that. Reaching out he started shuffling through the albums again for a distraction.

“There you are!” Ryan all but yelled across the shop causing Brendon to jump, startled.

He spun around to see he the guys walking towards him quickly. Spencer was frowning, almost pouting at something and Jon looked relieved as did Ryan. Brendon opened his mouth to ask ‘what’s wrong’ but was cut off before he could make a sound.

“We thought we lost you there for a while,” Jon said stopping in front of him.

“You guys left without saying anything. I looked up and you were gone, so I’ve been looking at CDs and talking to fans.” Brendon shrugged with a little smile.

Ryan smiled softly and nudged Brendon’s shoulder with his own and handed him a piece of paper. It was the cinema’s movie times and a list of movies currently playing.

“We’re thinking of heading up to watch something now.” Jon said starting to walk out of the shop.”Dunno what yet, we’ll pick on the way.”

“Awesome, we can get popcorn and all the good junk food right?” Brendon asked with hopeful eyes.
“Sure.” Ryan chuckled.

They slowly headed out of the music shop, mostly keeping to Brendon’s pace as they headed to the far end of the shopping centre where the cinema was on the second floor above the food court. As they walked, Brendon looked over at Spencer who was still frowning, eyes locked onto the ground.

“What’s wrong, Spence?

“We wouldn’t let him go to the shoe shop.” Jon laughed taking a quick couple of steps forward.
Spencer smiled a little, but then sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“A little, not that I was going to buy anything,” Spencer shrugged looking up. “Don’t go disappearing on us again, ok? When we actually noticed that you were nowhere to be found, we got pretty worried.

Brendon bit down on his lip and looked down at his feet, watching his careful steps. He nodded not sure how else to answer that.

*

“I think I’m going to be sick...”

Snapping his gaze up from the magazine he was reading, Ryan looked at Brendon, who was seated next to him, alarmed. He sat forward trying to get a better look at Brendon’s face but Brendon was sitting to hunched up to see.

Brendon actually did feel sick; his stomach was churning, nausea weighting it down like a stone in water. He felt really sick but not enough to throw up. He wasn’t sure what was making him feel so off, the pain killers he took that morning or the number of near panic attacks since he go to the hospital? It was probably a mixture of both.

“Do you want a drink?” Ryan asked.

Brendon nodded, not trusting his voice. Ryan placed the magazine on the table in front of them and stood, heading over to the vending machine in the far corner of the room. Letting out a long breath, Brendon sunk down in his chair accidently making his head hit the back of Spencer’s neck.

Spencer cut off from what he was saying to Jon and spun around in his seat. He smiled and patted Brendon on the head lightly before turning back around to continue his conversation. Truth be told Brendon wasn’t listening to Jon and Spencer at all, or any of the chatter in the waiting room. All he could hear was the thump, thump, thump of his heart in his ears.

Brendon startled when suddenly a water bottle was dangling in front of his face and once over the surprise, took it from Ryan. The bottle was cold, if not colder than what his hands were and just as damp. He looked at the bottle for a long moment before turning his gaze besides him at Ryan. Ryan was already looking at him with soft eyes.

“Thanks.” He moved his gaze back to the bottle as a dew drop ran down the side.

“No problem,” Ryan said lightly, picking up the magazine again. “You’ll be alright, just try to keep calm until you have to go in.” He spoke softly placing his hand on Brendon’s arm.

Brendon took a long shaky breath and slowly twisted the lid off the bottle open. Taking a small sip, he coughed, and then took a bigger drink. The coolness of the water going down his throat settled his stomach, but only a little. Placing the lib back on, he let the bottle sit in his lap as he started picking at the label with shirt bitten-down nails.

Jon turned around in his seat that was behind Ryan and placed his chin by Brendon’s head as he said something. Spencer laughed and Ryan chuckled shaking his head. Brendon didn’t even blink. He wasn’t listening.

He was meant to have been called over fifteen minutes ago to see the doctor. Was there something wrong? How much longer what this going to take?

Brendon knew the doctor’s office was empty, he saw the last patient walk out and no one got called in after her. He had to be next...or did they forget about him? Why were they taking so long?

“Earth to Brendon,” Spencer called tapping him on the shoulder.

Brendon blinked and twisted his head up as little meeting three pairs of very worried eyes. His stomach twisted dangerously and for a split second he actually thought he was going to be sick. Their eyes showed more worried emotions than the girls at the shopping centre did the other day, and see that was hard enough.

“You alright?” Spencer asked, frowning. “You look very pale, a little too pale.”

“I’m f-fine. Just nervous.” Brendon muttered biting down on his lip sharply.

And scared.

“We’re right here and not going anywhere.” Jon smiled, reaching out to ruffle his hair.

Brendon ducked his head down and tried to swat Jon’s arm away, only to almost hit Spencer in the face instead. Ryan laughed and moved out of harm’s way and almost hit Jon in the head in the small space. Brendon cracked a small smile.

“Brendon Urie?”

The four of them froze, eyes going wide, before looking up to see Dr Carol standing at the entrance of the hallway that leads down the row of various doctors’ offices. Swallowing hard Brendon stood shakily to his feet.

He took a couple of steps towards her. She smiled and gestured for him to follow.

Brendon looked back at his friends. He wanted so badly to ask for one of come with him, but it felt like his mouth was full of cotton balls and couldn’t say anything. Spencer, Ryan and Jon all gave him encouraging smiles.

“We’ll be right here when you get out.” Spencer promised.

Brendon turned and followed the doctor down the hallway.

His heart was sinking already.