If I Stay
Seven.
"Do you want something to drink?" Harry asked once he closed the front door behind us. I was shocked to see that the house was clean. The only other times I'd been here, it was full of people and red cups.
"Tea, please." It was the only thing I knew would calm my nerves. I walked to the couch, putting my stuff down and tucking myself into the corner. I pulled my knees up to my chest, resting my head on them as I stared at the wall. I still hadn't fully processed what I'd seen, and I still didn't know what I was going to do. I knew what my options were, and they were all horrible.
"Here you go." Harry sat down a few feet away, handing me a mug with steam coming from the top.
"Thank you," I mumbled, blowing on the hot liquid. We sat in silence for a long moment, Harry rubbing his jeans nervously.
"Are you okay?" His question was startling, and I almost spilled my tea, but my equilibrium recovered before I burned myself.
"I don't know," I mumbled honestly. How are you supposed to feel when you catch one of your parents in the act of infidelity? A part of me wanted to laugh and scream to the high heavens because it just proved that as much as parents pretended to be perfect, they weren't. But at the same time, I wanted to cry because I felt like I had the responsibility of either ruining a 30 year marriage or letting the information eat me alive.
"Are you going to tell your mum?"
"I don't know," I said again, staring blankly into my cup. I didn't have a close knit relationship with my mother, or either of my parents for that matter.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I didn't get why he was so nervous. Someone would think he was the one that busted his dad.
"No."
"Well do you want-" I cut him off before he could say anything else.
"I want you to be quiet," I snapped, closing my eyes for a second. I was exhausted, and all I wanted was silence. I sipped at my tea, scoffing and smiling, "This is actually kind of perfect." I wasn't sure how Harry knew how I liked my tea, but I was grateful.
"I watched you the other day," he shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, and maybe it wasn't, but I didn't recall someone ever paying so much attention to me.
"I'm sorry for snapping at you," I apologized quietly, taking another sip from my mug.
"You don't have to apologize. I know what it's like to be in that situation. It's not fun." He was staring off in to space, like he was remembering something he had no interest in. I raised my eyebrows, tempted to ask the question I now wanted to know the answer to, but I kept my mouth shut. I leaned against the cushions.
"Thank you for getting me out of there. I don't know what would have happened if I had been with anybody else." I knew the situation would have ended a lot differently. I'd probably still be standing in the same spot watching as my father crushed my mother's heart without her even knowing it.
"You looked like you were going to break down." It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but I doubted that Harry was one to spare anyone's feelings.
"I still fee like I might. My parents played these perfect parts for so long. They had the perfect jobs, the perfect marriage. I would say the perfect family, but my brother is the exact opposite of what my parents raised us to be, so I was the perfect daughter. It just kind of throws a knife in everything, you know? It shattered the image I had of them. They're so clean cut. They act like they can do no wrong. Part of me wants to laugh, and part of me wants to break down because everything I've ever known just.....I feel like it was lie. I mean, who knows what else has gone on that I don't know about?" My eyebrows furrowed as I really started to think about everything. How long had my dad been cheating on my mom? Was she really clueless, or were they keeping up appearances? There really was no way to tell unless I said something.
"If you.....if you want to cry, you can. I'm not really good with the emotional stuff, but I promise not to be a prick." The look in his eyes was sincere, and for reasons unknown to me, I started to laugh. It wasn't a normal laugh either. I was hysterical, and I knew when tears started leaking out of my eyes that I was done for. With snot running out of my nose and hot tears rolling down my face, Harry pulled me into his arms again, running his fingers up and down my back.
"It fucking sucks, you know? Because now I have to sit here and pretend that nothing is wrong to preserve this perfect picture that my parents have painted. It's unfair." I knew if I said anything to my dad, he would tell me to keep my mouth shut for the 'good of the family'.
"I'm sorry," he said again, pressing his lips to the top of my head. I sniffed, wiping my nose with my sweater.
"I don't care if I'm getting ready to pass out because I'm crying so much. The no kissing rule still applies." I sniffed again, adjusting my glasses. Figuring I should just take them off, I slid them from my face and set them on the coffee table. Harry laughed, the sound rumbling in his chest. I relaxed against him, tears still rolling from my eyes.
"You know, this is the nicest you've been to me since I met you," he said, running his fingers through the long strands of my hair.
"Maybe I'd be nice more often if you weren't so annoying," I retorted, making myself comfortable. I put my arm over his waist, but when I realized what I was doing, I tensed up.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked, noticing the difference in my body language.
"This is the closest I've been to someone." I pushed myself away from him, moving to the other end up the couch. I didn't understand why, despite the fact that he got on my nerves, he was the person I felt most comfortable with. I was barely okay with Zayn giving me a hug, and I'd known him for most of my life, yet I barely knew Harry, and I was bawling in his arms.
"Physically? Or emotionally?" He was curious, but I could tell that he was offended that I'd pulled away. I didn't have time to coddle his feelings though.
"Both."
"Look, I know I'm not the greatest person in the world, but I meant it when I said I wanted to be your friend. If you need anything, I'm here." The words sounded foreign coming from his mouth, and I knew he'd never said them to anyone else. I could tell by the nervous look in his eyes and the fact that his knee was bouncing uncontrollably.
"Thank you."
"Tea, please." It was the only thing I knew would calm my nerves. I walked to the couch, putting my stuff down and tucking myself into the corner. I pulled my knees up to my chest, resting my head on them as I stared at the wall. I still hadn't fully processed what I'd seen, and I still didn't know what I was going to do. I knew what my options were, and they were all horrible.
"Here you go." Harry sat down a few feet away, handing me a mug with steam coming from the top.
"Thank you," I mumbled, blowing on the hot liquid. We sat in silence for a long moment, Harry rubbing his jeans nervously.
"Are you okay?" His question was startling, and I almost spilled my tea, but my equilibrium recovered before I burned myself.
"I don't know," I mumbled honestly. How are you supposed to feel when you catch one of your parents in the act of infidelity? A part of me wanted to laugh and scream to the high heavens because it just proved that as much as parents pretended to be perfect, they weren't. But at the same time, I wanted to cry because I felt like I had the responsibility of either ruining a 30 year marriage or letting the information eat me alive.
"Are you going to tell your mum?"
"I don't know," I said again, staring blankly into my cup. I didn't have a close knit relationship with my mother, or either of my parents for that matter.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I didn't get why he was so nervous. Someone would think he was the one that busted his dad.
"No."
"Well do you want-" I cut him off before he could say anything else.
"I want you to be quiet," I snapped, closing my eyes for a second. I was exhausted, and all I wanted was silence. I sipped at my tea, scoffing and smiling, "This is actually kind of perfect." I wasn't sure how Harry knew how I liked my tea, but I was grateful.
"I watched you the other day," he shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, and maybe it wasn't, but I didn't recall someone ever paying so much attention to me.
"I'm sorry for snapping at you," I apologized quietly, taking another sip from my mug.
"You don't have to apologize. I know what it's like to be in that situation. It's not fun." He was staring off in to space, like he was remembering something he had no interest in. I raised my eyebrows, tempted to ask the question I now wanted to know the answer to, but I kept my mouth shut. I leaned against the cushions.
"Thank you for getting me out of there. I don't know what would have happened if I had been with anybody else." I knew the situation would have ended a lot differently. I'd probably still be standing in the same spot watching as my father crushed my mother's heart without her even knowing it.
"You looked like you were going to break down." It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but I doubted that Harry was one to spare anyone's feelings.
"I still fee like I might. My parents played these perfect parts for so long. They had the perfect jobs, the perfect marriage. I would say the perfect family, but my brother is the exact opposite of what my parents raised us to be, so I was the perfect daughter. It just kind of throws a knife in everything, you know? It shattered the image I had of them. They're so clean cut. They act like they can do no wrong. Part of me wants to laugh, and part of me wants to break down because everything I've ever known just.....I feel like it was lie. I mean, who knows what else has gone on that I don't know about?" My eyebrows furrowed as I really started to think about everything. How long had my dad been cheating on my mom? Was she really clueless, or were they keeping up appearances? There really was no way to tell unless I said something.
"If you.....if you want to cry, you can. I'm not really good with the emotional stuff, but I promise not to be a prick." The look in his eyes was sincere, and for reasons unknown to me, I started to laugh. It wasn't a normal laugh either. I was hysterical, and I knew when tears started leaking out of my eyes that I was done for. With snot running out of my nose and hot tears rolling down my face, Harry pulled me into his arms again, running his fingers up and down my back.
"It fucking sucks, you know? Because now I have to sit here and pretend that nothing is wrong to preserve this perfect picture that my parents have painted. It's unfair." I knew if I said anything to my dad, he would tell me to keep my mouth shut for the 'good of the family'.
"I'm sorry," he said again, pressing his lips to the top of my head. I sniffed, wiping my nose with my sweater.
"I don't care if I'm getting ready to pass out because I'm crying so much. The no kissing rule still applies." I sniffed again, adjusting my glasses. Figuring I should just take them off, I slid them from my face and set them on the coffee table. Harry laughed, the sound rumbling in his chest. I relaxed against him, tears still rolling from my eyes.
"You know, this is the nicest you've been to me since I met you," he said, running his fingers through the long strands of my hair.
"Maybe I'd be nice more often if you weren't so annoying," I retorted, making myself comfortable. I put my arm over his waist, but when I realized what I was doing, I tensed up.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked, noticing the difference in my body language.
"This is the closest I've been to someone." I pushed myself away from him, moving to the other end up the couch. I didn't understand why, despite the fact that he got on my nerves, he was the person I felt most comfortable with. I was barely okay with Zayn giving me a hug, and I'd known him for most of my life, yet I barely knew Harry, and I was bawling in his arms.
"Physically? Or emotionally?" He was curious, but I could tell that he was offended that I'd pulled away. I didn't have time to coddle his feelings though.
"Both."
"Look, I know I'm not the greatest person in the world, but I meant it when I said I wanted to be your friend. If you need anything, I'm here." The words sounded foreign coming from his mouth, and I knew he'd never said them to anyone else. I could tell by the nervous look in his eyes and the fact that his knee was bouncing uncontrollably.
"Thank you."